#shattering
It’s hard for me to pick up my mess and not add to it
I thought It was better, but
I’m just better at controlling it
I’m picking up the pieces and shattering as I go
The circle I’ve been walking has me blind
I can’t see where I’m going
But I know I’ve been here before
The next few steps will be dark;
I know they will be
The consistency of my frown mocks my ignorance
My eyes are tired
My brain gave up
There are no forks in this path
Nov 15, 2025
Nov 15, 2025 at 11:43 PM UTC
patterned love responses
spiraling outward from
the chest in search
of hearth and
hemlock to
soothe the brittle
bones of a
generation lost
to time.
I remember a feeling
once felt in
the spacious quality
of my life
in its infancy.
a 'coo' to my
mother--her face
beaming through
the unknown
harshness of life
yet to touch me.
father was out
working, adding
more and more
points of stress to
his life to provide
for the seeds
he sewed in the
soil of his youthful
ignorance.
adulthood snuck
up on me too and
now its too late to
go back.
these days
the only coup
that will save me
is the one
I perpetrate
against myself.
the one that
corrodes my beliefs
and illuminates
the extent of their
misconceptions about
the world and
what it means
to be me.
loyal are the lashes
that lick my flesh
serving the blood
that drips and
flows to the
soil of my own
wasted youth.
all I can do now
is look forward
to the unknown
that looms ahead;
terrifying and promising
failure and change
alike.
pray to your altars
and cry to the
invisible mute gods;
they will answer
in kind in the
laughter of children
playing upon
your spent life.
and so it goes--
life eats life
and mother's die
too.
use your voice
while you have
it--speak of clouds
and storms that
broke you, of winter
and the living
silence you've endured.
praise be to the
broken and the
weary of heart, for
in the breaking is
the great gift
of life
and what you
become after each
shattering is nothing
short of your
endless potential.
Feb 28, 2021
Feb 28, 2021 at 11:26 AM UTC
the world is shattering,
with a raven hovering.
the wild creation with big strong wings,
coming closure, spreading darkness, hiding everything.
visibility has gone even with dilated pupil.
humans trying to remember ethics and scruples.
this will end soon, we chanting every prayer,
the old and infant both survive and again we get fresh air.
Jul 31, 2020
Jul 31, 2020 at 3:23 AM UTC
there are songs that cannot be sang no more
strong rhythm that cannot be expressed in a crazy dance like before
there is pain kept hidden within the lyrics of our favorite song
i stopped singing love songs.
it reminds me of the sound your name
every time i hear one,
my heart shatters,
again...
isn't that your favorite sound?
Dec 14, 2019
Dec 14, 2019 at 12:15 AM UTC
i was getting better
i was feeling again
But
Now
its crashing down
in slow motion this time
i desperately try to stop it
but just keep getting attacked
by this thing
this monster that i
cant see
how do i defend myself
against something that
i cannot see
how do i be
not broken
im tired of being broken
my jagged edges keep cutting
people i care about
i was getting better
but now
im shattering
Sep 17, 2019
Sep 17, 2019 at 11:43 PM UTC
Thoughts of you sing softly in my head
Ringing in on silver horse
Crashing in the room around me
Bringing down my marble home
Lashing at the darkness now around me
Screaming in my ear the thought of you
complete regression to who I am
shattering my chest like breaking glass
I shrink down in part of rubble
Instinct to crack crash and burn
Your singing torturing me with every rattle in my skull
The only memory that doesn't ****
Only a voice
Sep 15, 2019
Sep 15, 2019 at 2:04 AM UTC
it’s beautiful, really.
the manner which
wind creates waves
that reshape the earth
beneath the ocean.
the earth is shattering
below our feet
and we’re moving too
quickly to feel it.
stand still.
new land is forming.
Apr 8, 2019
Apr 8, 2019 at 6:05 PM UTC
i'm shattering
breaking
so stressed
to the breaking
point
if something
isn't done soon
there won't be
any of me left
Oct 4, 2018
Oct 4, 2018 at 9:59 PM UTC
I am losing myself
Everything is
crumbling
shattering
snd scattering.
Masks are coming off
Truth is coming to light.
Fake ones start to claim their identity
and people are leaving,
the ones I thought wouldn’t leave.
The light escapes me
and dull colors swift past me.
I have lost my care
I have lost my love
Lost my innocence
And lost my guilt.
Everything that made me, me
Is now gone.
So tell me,
is it me who you’re looking for?
Because that girl is breathing no more.
Aug 22, 2018
Aug 22, 2018 at 3:34 AM UTC
Walking on shoes of glass,
Will I find any hold, or will I find myself breaking down into pieces ?
The phantoms of a night's serenity rage to the nihilism within my questions, as painful wind brushes to the tip of my averted, eyes..
Breaking down into to the pieces of shattered glass, I cannot move,
Our dreams spilled and vanished when you let go of my hand,
Restoring the shattered pieces I can't leave you, I don't want to!
But even if I continue walking on these crystal heels, I'll fall once more, won't I? Yet I choose to step on this fragile, frail foot wear,
Though, the real question is, if you will be there to catch me again,
Careful steps, in order to maintain an elegant glance, to not break down again and shatter our hearts with the broken glass of misery,
Swaying back and forth, unsteady and unable to lower my guard,
I stare at the sight of the abyss next to the bridge we are crossing,
If the glass shatters and you are to catch me again we surely will fall,
But even so, verily we would fall down together,
And that is what I find very beautiful.
~ Umi
May 9, 2018
May 9, 2018 at 6:00 PM UTC
A castle built on sand,
Falling appart by the striking wind, storming, raging, rampaging over the land in a furious devotion only a lunatic would be able to know,
No purpose, yet trying to make one, a nihilistic attempt of a deserted hell, forgotten through ages and generations, left to rot, perish alone,
I do not know the meaning of life, but alike you it has to exist,
Trying to put a broken heart back together, is alike trying to find the pieces of a cup which has shattered into a million, tiny, shards,
I cannot imagine each piece to be the same, because they are not,
Left to be never whole again, after my companions who shared the same naive dream I held dear, fell one by one, only their will remains,
The morning glow we dreamt of was more than just the sun rising,
In brilliance, the roaring sky should have embraced in light then shone even brighter, a firestorm of events as if it was an illusion,
The mission I took up, to become angel like became chains which bound, tied and overwhelmed me with their unimaginable strengh,
Even if no one understands me, giving up can never be an option,
If they worry about me, saying my ideas are twisted and silly,
And even if they speak ill of me, saying my dream to be an angel one day is beyond being naive...I will definetly stay positive!
Bearing my wings, I will keep fighting until someday I fall,
Like a simple feather
~ Umi
Apr 25, 2018
Apr 25, 2018 at 6:24 PM UTC
All it took was one crack
On an already fragile glass
To send me shattering
Into a million tiny pieces
Feb 24, 2018
Feb 24, 2018 at 2:53 PM UTC
I want you to choose me
choose me every time.
I want you to love me like I love me
And see me how I want to be seen
I want to stop picking up the pieces
and putting me back together again.
I don't understand why it can't be you this time.
Or why I can't stop shattering
Why I can't just feel until it feels wrong and turn back around.
I want to stop getting ready for flight
I want to stop looking for the green light
saying "run already tiara"
I am tired
the type of tired that sleep wont help.
the type of tired that wants a nap soon after waking
the type of tired that wakes depression
the type of anxiety that gives way to exhaustion.
I want to focus on me without having to constantly hold the pieces together when the sun comes up
just to drown myself in river come night.
I want to stop being scared when I feel happy with him...
like his heart is going to leave
I want to stop being scared of love
because you gave yours to me and that's not something I'd ever want again ...
because it brought me back here
cleaning up this mess again
words running through my head again
almost lovers to let go of
almost truths that I can't hold onto.
all those whispers leaving cracks within something that I built strength into.
I am so tired of shattering.
And trying to stay strong so that no one knows that I want you to hold me.
Aug 16, 2017
Aug 16, 2017 at 9:01 PM UTC
Did i told you ?
"you hurt me"
Yes, you heard me right, you hurt me.
With every action of yours.
Intentional or unintentional,
You should know they were destructive.
Did i told you ?
"I got physically tired, and emotionally drained.
Yes, you heard me right you drained my emotions leaving me empty.
With every word of yours.
Intentional or unintentional,
You should know they were devastating.
Did i told you?
"how much i cried that day"
Yes, you heard me right, you made me cry, getting me on my knees, as i listened to my own voice like a helpless distressed child, the muscles of my cheeks trembled.
With every step of yours.
Intentional or unintentional,
You should know they were terribly crushing.
Did i told you?
"I lost my spirit"
Yes, you heard me right, you theft my spirit, leaving me numb, with thoughts of ending my life for there's nothing left.
With every statement of yours.
Intentional or unintentional,
You should know it was shattering.
Jun 25, 2017
Jun 25, 2017 at 4:25 PM UTC
I wish you would stop looking at me like I'm perfect
So you can feel good about that wall you've built between you and I.
I am not where I want to be
I am not who I want to be
My spirit isn't glowing in tune with my heart
I have been breaking and shattering my whole life.
I have been building and falling all over this place
And no one sees it
No one is here to catch me,
But I am showing you
I am letting down these walls
Trying to show you there are mirrors
Because maybe you aren't meant to stitch yourself together...
Maybe I take your hand
And you take mine...
Maybe my heart wasn't meant to be broken my whole life
Before I knew I had the chance,
The choice,
To share it with someone.
The chance,
The choice,
To choose you.
Jun 13, 2017
Jun 13, 2017 at 9:21 PM UTC
My blood is pulsing
wait.
her blood.
it's pulsing, hot and hard.
she's screaming and only i know why.
i wanted to make her stop, but i can't.
she's hurt, i know that.
i feel her hurt, i feel her hear shattering.
i am her.
but it doesn't feel like it.
it doesn't feel like me.
no matter how hard i close my eyes
im still me.
im still her.
im still here.
Mar 10, 2017
Mar 10, 2017 at 5:06 PM UTC
I am standing at the front of the line
We all know that it's about that time
You can't say I never tried
And even now it's costing me my life
Will you remember me if I die?
I try so hard
I try and I try
So hard that some would cry
But I'm not that okay
It's just that cloudy day
Showing my life
Is ready to fade
To darkness and no longer gray
Feelings are gone
Numb from too much being over shone
No more please
There's too much going on
Anymore and my lifeline will be gone
I'm shattering
Broken pieces are falling
My soul see's the light, it's calling
The mirrors reflection wants my hand
To lead me from this land
What more could I want
Sweet bliss
An eternity of nothing
Feb 22, 2016
Feb 22, 2016 at 12:36 AM UTC
beside your brother-in-law, they placed you in the ground. they buried you by my great grandparents in an unpopulated town. by early September, the grass was cold; but they made a spot for you, so they wouldn’t be alone. dressed in black, i took a step forward; i grasped some courage, then reached for a rose. there were tears in my eyes; there was hesitancy in my step. they lowered your coffin as i took a deep breath. i swear i tried; i tried to be strong. but i remember you healthy, and now you’re just gone. so here i am; i’m faced with a choice: cry quickly, move on, & live, or socialize and listen, & try to forgive. they’re all here, grandma, your friends and your family; they came. you have no idea how great an impact in these lives that which you have made. i didn’t tell you that i’d been halfway lying, about the mistakes that i’d made. i regret not sharing my poems with you. i’m sorry for the excuses i always made. i’m sorry that i didn’t just sit with you to visit and crochet; i tried too hard to be busy until it was just too late. and i live with that regret everyday. grandma, i miss you. i love you. i know where you are lain. your beautiful soul is flying with angels, but your body’s in this dying grave. unrelenting overthinking causes a heart to stop its beating, and this gut-wrenching under-eating has got to STOP. my stomach’s bleeding from the constant hunger to feel needed. to be heard & to live in peace…once more. because grandma, i went back to your grave on September 7th this year, but i could not find your site. and i started to cry as i wandered aimlessly; to try to lay down the letter to you that i started to write. they told me that you’re better off now, but i’m not so sure i can go on living like my heart didn’t get torn out. my hands shake as i hang my head in shame because i cannot bear the thought of someone looking at me and finally noticing that i am broken..and hurt. frankly, i ache inside because, though i was there when you were buried, i know not where you lie. i forgot to pay too much attention to the site of your grave. maybe it’s because i was afraid to admit that this would turn out to be a familiar place, a desperate space, an earth-shattering, sob-crying, soul-dying, terrifying thing! grandma, i am afraid. because this…this is where you are lain.
© Melissa Carlson 2015
Nov 12, 2015
Nov 12, 2015 at 8:23 PM UTC
Sometimes you find the missing pieces, other times you find new pieces to replace the old ones...
Mar 8, 2015
Mar 8, 2015 at 3:46 PM UTC
Falling,
through the endless dark.
Hiding,
the fears inside my heart.
Feeling,
like I'm all alone.
Staring,
at the endless walls.
I want to feel again.
Get out of this numb state.
I want to heal again.
Get out of the pain.
Shattering,
is my heart of ice.
Letting,
the torture rip me apart.
Alone,
am I in this corner.
Dripping,
are the tears of blood.
I want to feel again.
Get out of this numb state.
I want to heal again.
Get out of the pain.
Breaking,
are the lies.
Melting,
is the shadow on my life.
I want to feel again.
Get out of this numb state.
I want to heal again.
Get out of the pain.
I want to feel again.
Let me feel.
Get me out
of the numbness within
my
soul.
Jan 9, 2015
Jan 9, 2015 at 12:23 PM UTC
I've written a thousand rhymes
to tell you how much you mean
to me.
I've scribbled a hundred pieces
of my weary heart on the pages
of my diary.
I've missed a lot of moments
and chances to fall in love with
reality.
I've often tried to stop and let go,
I didn't know I would feel this
empty.
If this is so wrong for me to say,
I'd even speak more and
clearly.
If loving you would seem to the world the worst nightmare,
I'd do everything to sleep for
a century.
These are all that I'd love to do
if only I hadn't wasted
so much time.
But to hold on to these things,
even as a dream,
would be such a pathetic
crime.
Dec 25, 2014
Dec 25, 2014 at 9:10 AM UTC
Tell me
This not the end
Tell me
You will make amends
And maybe when I come around-
Tell me
That you love me still
Tell me
You won't ever ****
(this feeling in me)
And maybe when I come around
Maybe when I come around
This stale air will breathe life
Maybe if I tell myself
Maybe if I tell myself
I am the reason why
Oct 21, 2014
Oct 21, 2014 at 2:35 PM UTC