#selfcontrol
I’ve let myself live on almosts and maybes, on quiet alarms I’ve trained myself to ignore; my body knocks soft, then softer, then silence… Till I couldn’t hear hunger knocking anymore.
Survival stitched armor out of my rib cage taught me that needing was something to hide… That emptiness meant I was doing it “right,” so I swallowed the signals that lived deep inside.
It isn’t quite fear and it isn’t just anger, it’s a ghost of a feeling that lingers too long like standing in sunlight, but feeling no warmth… Like knowing the lyrics, but losing the song.
I shrink all my wants into something manageable; filed them away in a drawer marked “later,” but “later” kept stretching to somewhere unreachable. And I became both the jailer and the traitor.
Now hunger feels foreign, like someone else’s language… a word on my tongue, I can’t quite translate. It flickers and fades like a half remembered dream… arriving too quiet or always too late.
And I don’t know what to call this becoming… This careful unraveling dressed up as control… This war with a body that begged me for mercy while I kept mistaking its cries for a role.
But somewhere beneath all the silence, I practice, a pulse still insists I am more than this ache… A rhythm, a drum beat, a soft reclamation: “you’re allowed to be fed, you’re allowed to take.” ♥️
Mar 27
Mar 27, 2026 at 9:35 AM UTC
Replicating thoughts—reptile skins, changing
shadows, down to earth; repping tiles—
:revolving doors, resolving morals through
cutthroat self-worth; like ice-cold Sprite slicing
my throat— lime seeds bite, then lemon trees
from words; what I spit, I plant— pain grows
proof, even when it hurts.
A six-pack that hurts from trading sixpacks,
late nights; uncontrollable forces still, I force
control within— a brown stain on white forces,
forces me to face what shows; at least a piece
of white remains, at least a piece of growth
still grows, even when it feels slow.
Mar 26
Mar 26, 2026 at 4:45 PM UTC
Control is not about
silencing every thought
or pretending the past
never happened.
Control is quieter than that.
It is the moment
you realise
your mind no longer owns you.
The moment you understand
that every feeling
does not need to become a storm.
You can pause.
You can breathe.
You can choose
which thoughts deserve
your attention
and which ones
can pass like clouds
across a wide sky.
This is the kind of power
no one sees—
the quiet mastery
of a mind
that has learned
how to guide itself
toward peace.
Mar 21
Mar 21, 2026 at 7:09 AM UTC
I face the mirror,
Under harsh light,
I see my habits,
In black and white;
I want to change,
Not for the crowd,
Not for the looks,
Not for the loud;
I want to breathe,
Without a fight,
I want my body,
To feel alright;
One step today,
One step again,
A better future,
Built from pain.
Feb 23
Feb 23, 2026 at 9:38 AM UTC
I strip the hours bare,
unclothed of bread, of sweetness,
leaving only the pulse of hunger to keep me company.
The body resists—
it bargains, it pleads—
yet I refuse its theater of need.
What I shed is not only flesh,
but the gravity of years
that pressed me into shapes I did not choose.
Appearance is a fickle mirror,
yet effort—
effort is a blade.
It cuts away the veil,
exposes the raw scaffolding of discipline,
the scaffold on which I rebuild myself.
I do not chase beauty.
I chase silence—
a silence where appetite bends,
where control is sharper than desire.
And when the fast has passed,
I emerge—not lighter only in form,
but steadier in the knowledge
that absence itself
can be a kind of creation.
Aug 28, 2025
Aug 28, 2025 at 4:29 PM UTC
I sobbed a moment,
then controlled myself again --
I can do that too.
Aug 15, 2025
Aug 15, 2025 at 3:30 AM UTC
my dear,
did you happen to know,
the mountains don't stare at the trees,
only the birds do so,
the oceans do not wait for rivers to flow,
before making waves out of ways the wind blows.
Apr 2, 2025
Apr 2, 2025 at 6:20 PM UTC
By the odds of life; tell me what are the odds
you’ll know the rhythm of a bee’s heartbeat –
And as you skip a stone across the water's surface,
would the river’s heart skip a beat?
_know that all of creation are alive too…_
I am alive too, as my skin feels beat; self-discipline
is no easy feat – for the flesh is weak, but has the
strength to torment your mind the entire week.
But we are more than skins; capable of beating
the odds, of giving to our skins.
Feb 12, 2025
Feb 12, 2025 at 2:24 PM UTC
Your thoughts crash like thunder, a cacophony of pain, swept away
by the tempest waves of your hair; how ironic it is that men gaze
upon women’s ******* as if they were an oasis in a parched desert.
They possess a strength akin to mountains, while the valley of your
tears floods my vision. Within your form lies the purest fulfilment,
resonating through your very bones; how swiftly it transforms into
verses etched with sharp precision.
Our flesh and spirit coexist, yet they remain eternally apart – we
chase satisfaction in the simplest of joys, our spirits yearning for the
heavens, while the flesh craves a taste of heaven through one hell of
a life. With a gentle gaze, your lips ignite a wildfire, taming nothing
but the primal instincts you believe you have tamed.
The thirst for love flutters like a hummingbird, sipping from a nectar
we cannot measure, unaware of how it nourishes us or for how long.
I oscillate between life’s most profound moments – for human
pleasure demands no concentration, only the act of losing oneself
in the moment. Self-control is the very essence of that focus – yet
how swiftly our thoughts become dulled in the enigma of life.
_Everything is just an enigma in the end._
Dec 27, 2024
Dec 27, 2024 at 3:50 PM UTC
Don't knowbody know
you better than yourself,
Your worth, good vibes,
your respect, and your wealth.
You have self-value and
you have self-control,
You take care of yourself,
YES!!,
You're on a Roll!!
You Have GREAT WITS and
You Have SET GOALS,
One Foot in front of the Other,
NOW!!!
GO, GO, GO!!!!
YOU are VERY PROUD,
YOU SHOW IT WITH PRIDE,
KEEP DOING WHAT CHU DOING
AS YOU CONTINUE TO STRIDE.
YOU WANT TO COME ALONG WITH ME,
THEN LETS GO FOR A RIDE!!!
B.R.
Date: 11/2/2024
Nov 2, 2024
Nov 2, 2024 at 4:58 PM UTC
you rose up from the murky depths
breaking the surface of stilled waters
disturbing tranquil oceans and calm seas
at first, a gentle ripple-
rolling roiling reeling
collecting bones of sunken ships
pulling pieces of dredged up memories
along your wake of destruction
you turn yourself inside out
over
and over
and over
into crested waves
crashing into my sandy banks
darling,
wash away all my self control
and resistance built up over pent
disappointments and picketed frustrations
the past engulfs me;
heat of your skin pressed against mine
lips pursed in anticipation
of the last time you said you loved me
love,
flood my lungs
for i think i'm running out of air
to breathe into this mirage.
Sep 19, 2023
Sep 19, 2023 at 6:13 AM UTC
Love and lust;
tell me what's the difference, when both
things give me such a rush,
Swore we wouldn't be any of these things;
but aren't we all so quick to cuss?
I talk too much;
can't bite my tongue on words, unless
if I'm not able to pay for our lunch.
I once took out a girl; hoping for a chance
to cuff. Hoping not to get declined on both
my intentions, and brand new swipe card's bluff.
Being in love sometimes *****
when you're getting blasted for not checking up.
Meeting up; 'I'm a little busy today, but I swear
by tomorrow we'll do some catching up.'
But we're back to the part of going to cuss;
and I've had so many catches, but I'm the one
still catching up.
Let me butter you up;
have you out to spread with open legs,
As I'm tempting myself so close to lust.
Here comes the rush, as the sweetest kisses brim;
overflowing out of my cup.
Our minds are about to erupt;
we both know what's coming up, and what's up.
Seems so hard to stop; but I'm listening to my
spirit, causing things to interrupt.
Looking cute in my eyes of a pup;
every angle looking so plump, before
my head is rushing to pump. Just to dump
my confidence to peers that I'm not a chump.
That I know how exactly to cuff.
But I told myself to stop...
I've been so close in this game between
_love & lust;_
The hungrier flesh; skins wanting what
they want. But as for me; I'm not letting them have
their luck.
I'm not letting up.
Apr 9, 2022
Apr 9, 2022 at 6:45 AM UTC
I’ve taken the monster out of the cage today.
I suppose it was bound to happen at some point.
This is what happens when you tempt a beast in hiding.
Like my father’s sobriety, I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Apr 17, 2021
Apr 17, 2021 at 11:44 PM UTC
there’s this thirst inside of me,
a monster who enrages my insides and tears me apart
once you feed the monster, there’s no stopping me.
I binge.
And after comes the guilt and the shame and there’s no self-control.
the monster inside me was right, so I got up, and flushed almost everything inside me down the rabbit hole.
I knew I shouldn't have done that, but it was better to get rid of the guilt physically than let it rot inside my body more than it already was.
Apr 17, 2021
Apr 17, 2021 at 11:39 PM UTC
I could write erotica
Words flushed with heat
And lust
A bare trace of plot
Sliding through the lines
like soft skin on silk sheets.
I could paint pictures
with sultry poses,
long limbs entwined in a battle of flesh,
pictures to bring a tingle,
a shiver dancing across your skin.
I could whisper salacious stories
with my lips just above your ear,
hot breath and a teasing lilt,
testing the boundaries of self-control.
I could pass along this poem,
lay forth my cards,
exposed provocatively on the table,
making my intentions known.
Jan 26, 2021
Jan 26, 2021 at 10:18 PM UTC
Trapped
in an
atmosphere
of
My Own
Making.
Conquer
My Self.
This is
My life.
My Soul.
For the
taking
Jan 10, 2021
Jan 10, 2021 at 9:23 AM UTC
This disease its not mine
I think it is out of control! well at least mine.
It has no fear and has no boundaries causing despair and joy
What can I do it clings to me, I try to get it off I try to get it out
the only problem is it takes me over it makes me shout and my hands
well they just have to vent and air out, they know not what they do
Its the Disease they tell me, it's it still it does it so what is the use.
It loves me and sometimes so do I but most of the time its the
diseases favorite pass time, What is the disease you must be asking
the only problem is it is not just mine it also clings to you and now
you are worrying how do you get it off of you and let it out well
lucky you met me because I am here to guide believe me of this topic
I would not lie, You let it in you scream it out it is all your words
and judgement too and the way you feel and speak the disease is
within you so all you can do the only hope for you is self control
restrain the beast do not doubt its power to spread all over you and
your disease well it is partially up to you get with the program and simply
bolt the mouth and tie the hands this is your bestest conquering plan
then the disease will not stand a chance against you
go on and live your best life by being truly you.
Nov 19, 2020
Nov 19, 2020 at 12:44 PM UTC
At first, they kept it on a down low
Feigning not for anything below
But steadily they went on slow-slow
Two-two like doves they flew-up 'n' flow
Engraved in the sulcus of lust
They strived to sex-drive their lust
She needn't guessed who was calling
Of course she knew about his mailing
Come and know my house darling!
She nagged but murmured- a yes in
It was 8:00PM she came entering
Skillfully drove to his door-steps 'n' in
Indeed she was interested to be rested
Too high their feelings they undressed
She could've said no when started
But tensions were high to 've mattered
Months later, she called his line
He ignored her, there's a deadline
She's fed but infact, he's on airline
Ticketing to meet him failedout of line
Jul 18, 2020
Jul 18, 2020 at 1:29 PM UTC
It’s like everyone around me can’t see my pain, it’s like there is something wrong with my brain.
I’m feeling really drained, I think that I might go insane...how could I restrain?
My chest is really heavy and my head is feeling wavy, I cannot keep steady.
Where is my self control? I’m feeling completely un-hole.
Something has taken over my soul and I have lost all control.
I feel so hopeless, I don’t think that I can cope with this.
May 22, 2020
May 22, 2020 at 5:58 AM UTC
I don't think there is anything more selfish
Than telling someone you love them,
But that you don't want to be with them
Less a matter of self control
More a matter of which self you loved more
Mine or yours
Apr 17, 2020
Apr 17, 2020 at 2:10 PM UTC
Days turn into night,
Nights turn into days,
A lot was on going on,
But there was nothing much to say.
At least I knew I was alive,
For sometimes I doubt my existence,
From going unheard to not caring one bit,
Were people who I envied and listened to the most.
Every day as these memories pass,
I think about who I am,
Hiding myself in disguise,
It seems like I’m trapped in a can.
But is it that hard to have someone by your side?
When I’m in pain,
They just don’t seem to notice it,
And I only want someone to call my name.
These memories I hold are not quite pleasant to hear about,
But I hope someday I would not have to be a ‘Personality in Disguise’ anymore.
For those whom I love,
I wish you could understand me,
And accept me for being myself,
‘Cause someone else can’t be me.
For all these memories that I hold,
I wish I could be myself again,
I hope not to be,
A ‘Personality in Disguise’ tied to a chain.
Mar 22, 2020
Mar 22, 2020 at 10:13 AM UTC