#sayinggoodbye
Slice me open and cut him out.
Use the sharpest scalpel and most precise
technique to dislodge what I've found.
Pump me full of oxygen
opening a valve for my revitalization.
My lips are blue from holding my breath
waiting for his kiss.
May the surgeon be a master of hands
to ensure every last bit of him is removed.
Not a spec missed.
Check my vitals so I don't asphyxiate on my own
chunks of delusion.
Stitch me up good and tight so that
his essence has no way to infect me.
Pray for a speedy recovery as I mend and heal.
Off to rehab for me as I rediscover who I was meant to be.
No pills or therapy please.
Perhaps one day the healed me will
crash into him and I'll still
be in one piece.
Jul 11, 2025
Jul 11, 2025 at 9:43 AM UTC
Farewell, I just wave
my empty hands a little --
to get rid of it.
Feb 13, 2025
Feb 13, 2025 at 2:57 AM UTC
As 2023 cometh to an end
Thankful am I, to have many a friend
Who have been there for me
Through an emotional rollercoaster of a year
Some of whom, are as dear
As a family member or a cousin
And who ensure that I don't sin!
Truly, this has been a tornado of a year
Many occasions there have been
When I have shed many a tear
Sometimes, the grass has been green
Other times, a mess of overgrown weeds
However, planted have been the seeds
For a new beginning
Though a lot of work is still pending!!
As the countdown for 2024 begins
Hoping am I, for a lot of things
To be cleared, are my dues
To be overcome, are my work blues
To be conquered, are my fears
With the help of my dears
To be fought, are my insecurities
To be handled, all are uncertainties
To be managed, is stress
To be bought, is a new dress
To be controlled, is my intake of sugar
Even if my problems get bigger and bigger
To be developed, is confidence
To be taken, are many a chance
To be less dependent on, are people
Else, get caught I might, in a tangle
And finally, must I be happy as I am
Including not giving a ****
About what the society may or may not think
While I enjoy a drink!
Just like every other year
To 2024, do I look forward
Hopefully, it may bring a reward
For all my sincere efforts
Even if I haven't followed all the dos and don'ts
You may see a new Ashwin
More capable of handling pain
I may even find love
Even if it doesn't seem possible right now
Finally learn, may I, how to say 'No'
Though the process may be slow
However, fear I need not
If I follow Jesus' teachings a lot
Because, he is the most important person
In my entire life
And will always save me when there is strife
To be learned from him, are many a lesson
Finally, to 2023, is it time to say goodbye
And leave all my anxieties high and dry
Dear 2024, do I welcome thee
With arms wide open
Let this be the beginning
Of a new innings
May we all smile more often
Even when not required
May all our pain be buried
And finally, may we all love each other
Including becoming friends across borders
Wish you all a very Happy New Year in advance!
Let us begin the dance!!
Amen!! Hallelujah!!
Dec 23, 2023
Dec 23, 2023 at 7:04 AM UTC
I wish I didn't have to say goodbye.
But I'm glad I got to say "hello"
And "I love you"
And "your my baby"
And "it's ok"
And "You can go now"
And "I'll always, always love you"
And "I miss you"
But I hate that I miss you
I wish I didn't have to miss you at all
But if I had to choose,
To love and lose
or to to never love at all,
I would say goodbye a thousand times more.
Mar 7, 2023
Mar 7, 2023 at 7:37 PM UTC
One. Go to the U-Haul store. They haven't run out of boxes yet. Get a few medium, a few large. Don't forget the tape.
Two. When you begin to pack, start with the largest items first. The blanket you watched the stars with. The letters. The books.
Three. Tape everything down. Don't let anything out. Tape it several times actually. Let him hold the box closed while you tape.
Four. When you can't fit everything in your tiny boxes throw the rest in the car. Pile everything in the trunk. Every photograph, every memory, every good day.
Five. When everything is gone, sweep. Be rid of any crumb, flake, dust, or morsel that remains. Sanitize each surface with antibacterials of course. It must look as if you were never there. We were never there. Now it is empty.
Six. Bring everything to the storage center. Remind him he doesn't need a 10 by 10. Load it in. Lock it shut. Now there are no possessions. Now there is just you.
Seven. Obsess over anything you may have forgotten. Focus on something. Did you get everything? You don't have gloves! You need gloves. Go buy gloves.
Eight. Write him a note. Rewrite it. Write it again. Try to say everything you'll want to say for the next few years. Repeat every memory from the last six months and write them down. Repeat. Make up the ones you'll never get in your head.
Nine. Drive to the airport but don't go inside. Stand on the curb. Give him a mask. Lysol wipes. Gloves. Suitcase. ID. Note.
Ten. Say goodbye. Hold him with every last bone in your body. Cling to his shirt. Try not to cry. Smile. Hold his hand for the last time. Plant a kiss on his lips. Remember his eyes. Draw them in your head. Run your fingers through that new haircut again. Kiss his ears. Kiss his nose. Hold him again.
It is hard to let someone go when you still love them. It is hard to watch conversations dwindle. It is hard to never hear him call you his star. It is harder to watch little pieces of us say goodbye every day. Because while the whole world is six feet apart he is one thousand one hundred and eighteen point five miles from you.
So take down your photos. Put those in a box too. Put away the letters. Fold up his shirts. Don't go to the places you went to together. They're closed anyways.
11. It is hard to let someone go when you still love them. Try not to love them anymore.
Apr 2, 2020
Apr 2, 2020 at 11:34 PM UTC
there are some people in the world
who we forget to say goodbye to
even if its simply going to school
or to work
to the moment their body lays limp on their deathbed
a simple "bye"
or a "see you later"
would suffice
if you can say hello
you can say goodbye.
Oct 6, 2019
Oct 6, 2019 at 4:27 AM UTC
Can I hold my tongue
In the face of your absence?
Is it wrong to shy away
From the things I want to say?
When I know all I have is borrowed time
Is it wrong to keep you as mine?
Jun 4, 2019
Jun 4, 2019 at 4:09 AM UTC
There are far too many goodbyes for me,
though in its own moment, each has its place.
There’s infinite goodbye variety,
from “see you soon” to gone without a trace.
The polite wave goodbye across a crowd,
the goodbye of one fixed in distant gaze,
hopeless and anguished goodbyes cried aloud,
relieved goodbye a babysitter says.
But two goodbyes rip me apart inside—
no return or return I know not when.
Which is worse I had hoped not to decide,
until I said the worse goodbye again.
Final goodbyes to one gone forever
hurt less than “goodbye, love, till whenever.”
Mar 25, 2019
Mar 25, 2019 at 12:49 PM UTC
Lights dance across my vision
People sing and celebrate
Times moving for everyone
Except me
Ever since the day you left
Nothing has made sense
I try to smile it off
To have a good time
But deep down I know
You'll always be on my mind
Your flowing hair
Your smiling lips
Everything I could ask for
Nothing less
All I have now is a memory
Painful
Breaking in me
My heart aches
My eyes cry
Just like they did
The day we said
Goodbye
Jan 14, 2019
Jan 14, 2019 at 6:31 PM UTC
You inspire me day by day,
My heart flutters; can you feel it, hey?
Your smile makes me feel like a gay,
Happiness that soon will fade away
You’re the man I love to always pray,
But I’m annoying that’s what you say
It saddens me every day,
Maybe it’s time for me to walk away
How hard it is for me to stay,
When you don’t like me and that’s okay,
Let me think of you until today
Oh, I’ll end it now, by the way
Jan 5, 2019
Jan 5, 2019 at 7:55 AM UTC
Heartbreak is an inevitable thing.
I knew this. I knew that throughout the course of my early life, I would experience many heartbreaks.
You know, the ones where it wasn’t meant to be. Life designed to have these strategically planned heartbreaks so that you could grow, you could learn.
A pain so real, it is as though the pain is literally reconfiguring your insides as it moves through you; staying just long enough to shape you, but not long enough to become you.
Our hearts like a key getting resized and fitted for the next lock.
Getting so far into the lock before realizing it’s not a match, our heart, getting shaped and sized per each of these attempts. Shaping up until it finds the right lock; the day when your key fits and you know it’s a match – the feeling people refer to as “when you know, you know”.
Is it possible, however, to find your match- the lock that you are finally meant to open, but while turning the key something goes wrong?
What once was a perfect fit, now sits ajar. The answer: I don’t know.
I loved a man.
A perfect fit.
Our love was trusting, it was giving, it was deep, and strong, and passionate.
I loved this man with all of my being;
and he loved me back.
This man is dead.
That’s what breaking up with someone feels like, anyways.
It is as if they are dead.
You will no longer talk with them, share with them, kiss them, hug them, touch them, love them.
They will no longer hold you at night while you sleep.
They will no longer embrace you in the morning, kiss you when you wake.
It is as though they do not exist.
Not to you anyway; or you to them.
Aug 20, 2018
Aug 20, 2018 at 9:38 PM UTC
So we finally have reached the end.
Finally, you have pushed me too far
Finally, I am right on the edge.
I'm feeling too uncomfortable now to not jump
It took longer than I had hoped.
I reeled you in, again & again thinking maybe this time,
he will go through with what he says,
darling... you never did.
Only created a bigger mess out of what already was piling over & in the process you butchered me. You butchered how I felt,
the kind softness I had for you,
you finally turned me to stone.
So how do you like me now?
When I am eager to go,
how does it feel to be "given up" on?
Can you imagine how I have felt?
Theres no such thing as letting go when the person pushes you away.
When the person brings others into the equation.
They already weren't giving enough to just you & now
you saying I gotta share?
You had the nerve... to not even ask... but force me to share?
You only want me when you need me, you weak ****
You use people when you down and you dont even take the advice given.
You a goofy mf.
The type to neglect the only one holding you down &
look into other girls eyes saying you love them.
Well, go on and love them then.
Go on ahead and miss them
Go kiss them, rub them, lust after them
like you lusted after me, only,
dont call it love this time.
Don't leave them mistaken too.
It ain't right, making someone feel like this,
it ain't right and thats all I can say.
Can't talk to you no more because I left for good this time.
and it hurts but I've just got to keep writing and depending on the Lord
because those are the only consistent things in my life these days.
Im trying not to think of you
but I keep finding myself staring into space and at blank walls wondering where things all went wrong between us.
Wondering why now just wasn't meant for us.
Wondering why I tried so hard to make it meant for us,
wondering why you watched me try so hard and didn't have the guts to say my struggle was pointless.
I would have moved mountains for you, love... had I never found your dark intentions.
It could have been us against the world.
but it wasn't meant for us.
I keep feeling like I smell you,
but it wasn't meant for us.
Im wondering if the other girls liked your lips as much as I did
I want to rip them off your face for letting them all get a taste of what I thought was mine.
So how could you do me like that...
love..
Why was I not enough?
I know timing was off,
but you didn't have to go and do that.
I know timing was off but we talked about making a family
you told me you'd rub my back every night, no question
That we'd go on morning walks
and talk for hours
Love, that was everything I wanted to hear,
Because it sounded so right with you.
Only, we dont have the future. It is not outs to control. All we have is now.
You ask me is there still a chance we can be together when timing is right?
I tell you I don't think Ill be able to trust you again,
but if its real then it comes back.
You said that wasn't the answer you wanted
I said what did you expect.
I didn't tell you though,
how weak I felt.
How badly I wanted to tell you "yes. Ill wait. Please, get it together and I'll wait."
You've turned me pathetic. I still have the armor on
but beneath it everything has gone soft.
You sensed it in the beginning.
My weak spot for you,
and boy you used it again and again until I finally told you to stop.
& I feel better now,
but I can't help wondering what if.
Will we really just become a "what if?"
Something that never happened,
something too good to be true?
I want to believe God will send you back to me
but we're at such a transitioning stage in our lives
who knows what could happen.
Maybe you'll go back to her after all
maybe you'll find another who looks like me
Maybe we will bump into eachother
While I have my kids and you have yours
and suddenly, we'll remember.
How we talked of living like it would be the easiest thing in the world. Like we could create anything, we always seemed to be in a dream land.
I can't help remembering the beautiful parts of you.
I wish I could because it'd make things a whole lot easier.
Its hard because I want to cry
but for some reason you're the one I want to cry on.
Like I want to just lay with you and put my face in your neck and let you hear what you have brought me to,
as if it would matter.
but you gone now,
ain't no more feeling your skin, now.
ain't no more soft feelings for you, now.
Only in my thoughts do I still bend to you,
If I ever saw you I guarantee I'd be frozen solid.
Because sadness lingers,
but that anger burns.
and I ain't ever been so angry at someone.
I ain't ever felt so disrespected, felt like I was nothing.
Like a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe
you stepped on me again and again.
till I was so worn I fell off.
Here I stand, and though I feel limp I know I am about to be at my strongest.
Because theres no way but up once you've been thrown rock bottom.
Without you, I can get back to loving again. I can emerge from this rut I made a home out of for you.
I will love myself again,
since you could not.
I did it before and the Lord will show me I can do it again.
"So this is goodbye..." you said...
& I finally just said "goodbye."
and I think now I'll wait on someone new.
a breath of fresh air who will love me for me and only me.
Better yet, I will find someone who lives in the present.
No more being dragged backwards, thats no way to live.
I'll find someone who loves me the ways you never could.
& sure, he will smell different.
His hands will not be your hands.
His lips will not be your lips.
He will not make me feel the exact ways you made me feel
but his words will be different too, love.
They will be honest and I will breathe heavy, long, thankful sighs of relief.
Finally.
The words will be honest.
Mar 22, 2017
Mar 22, 2017 at 9:48 AM UTC
I won't try to change your mind
if you believe this is the end;
I won't hold you hostage, if this love
is something we can no longer mend.
I cannot bear grudges should you find
that you don't love me anymore.
I promise not to carry any illusions
that you still do, right at your core.
The nature of my love is that
I can let you go if that's what you desire;
I will try to keep myself together
to come to terms with your goodbye.
But don't ask me to say it back; I beg you
You should've known from the very start.
There's no way I can say goodbye to one
I'll always carry around in my heart.
(c)emeraldine087
Aug 17, 2016
Aug 17, 2016 at 4:49 AM UTC
atlantis can see
flames dance
across the milky way
i see fire
and i want you
to remember me
Mar 18, 2016
Mar 18, 2016 at 9:13 AM UTC
I am sitting in my studio
trying to get to you.
Gazing at smoke
drift off this beautiful ember
All
the way up
to the ceiling
slowly
filling the room
Hitting this without you,is just not as exciting
I guess
I
hit
myself
beat
myself
to this high point
to this fluffy cloud
All though
all alone
I am content
slowly drifting
away.
To a place
No one can tell me negative things
if they did
I probably
would not care
My mind
uncontrollably goes
to this wonder place
you know,
that place
where any idea is cool
and everything is,
you know
positive.
But
Lighting my bowl
flashes me back
to that moment
you know,
the reality
that you are not here
simply, cause
you do not want to be.
Quickly
pulling myself back
to a positive thought
I start to tell myself
what you have done is really no big deal,
and how you make me
smile.
I grin.
You know that cloud
I zooted myself to,
the figment
that I created
I fell from it
I fell so hard
I have no idea what I could be feeling
feeling?
Feelings,
As crushing as it has been throughout the years
I have never been ashamed of these feelings I have for you,
that I just simply can not explain,
why?
I understand,
you do not believe
these feelings,
at times
I do not even believe these
things
to be mine,
someone must of put them here,
maybe you did before you left.
Regardless
I can not believe
how consistent they are
how selfless they are
how unchangeable they are
cause
of
how
you
are.
~~~~~~~~
How you were unaffected
by my feelings
I hesitantly
showed you.
There was
no reciprocation
of your feelings cause,
you could not even feel for yourself.
But
without words spoken
I knew
there was feelings there
that you denied
Cause
what was there within us
vibrating back and forth
was so potent
so vibrant
so tangible
it could only have been denied status
but
could not help, but to have been seen.
Aug 6, 2015
Aug 6, 2015 at 10:39 AM UTC
I know I caught you
quite by surprise
when I looked at you
and you knew…
oh man, you knew
by the look in my eyes
that the talk we were
about to have was in fact
THE TALK.
I never meant to blow
your mind in the worst
possible way, and I know
this news is a land mine
seemingly coming from
nowhere. Trust me, I don't
make this decision lightly,
but I simply must take my leave
of you, and do it
right
this
second.
Please,
oh please,
believe me when I say that
I'm trying to show you how
to seize control of your own life,
not trying to wreck it. And
right now I'm going to
lead by example, so I'll have to
say my most sincere apology
and my last goodbye here.
Apr 21, 2014
Apr 21, 2014 at 1:45 PM UTC