#revisiting
I stole away, with an
Angel intent on keeping
Me company, for my
Last day on earth
She drew my name in the clouds with
Ink she bought from God,
Broke my bed,
Ripped my blankets, and
Sat me down to
Mock my ignorance
Needing a place to sit,
We built a bench, out of
Broken promises
Each knot in the wood
Melted into a bitter syrup, as I
Recommitted it to memory
We drank coffee behind the
Store that sold my
Innocence to those more
Deserving of the
Luck they’d received.
Their tender was
Myth and merchandise,
Final sale,
No return.
The torn soles, on the shoes I
Wore, slid softly through the
Field of grinning flowers, their
Beauty rivaled only by their
Obvious ignorance
Fingers wrapped my wrist,
Departure was inevitable
Wings spread, we soared over the
Blue and purple of the
Flowers, shaded darkly by the
Sun’s embarrassment
But from miles up, my
Sight, seemingly unchanged by my
Decreasing proximity
Showed me their vigilant smiles
Had she dropped me
Anywhere else, the
Beautiful field of
Terminal foliage
Would sway the same, with
Each windy eve
I woke up, drunk on
Sleep and whiskey, as the
Sobering veracity of my
Failure to keep dreaming
Became achingly apparent.
Apr 24, 2014
Apr 24, 2014 at 12:09 PM UTC
I opened the door and let you in
Vulnerabilities and everything
Chipped and scarred, here I am
Fragile and alone, here I am.
Not quite the image you expected
Unlike the picture you perfected
Compared to your mind, I fall behind.
My heart burst with reality and passion,
Showing my feelings is like a chemical reaction
In shock and horror you deflect,
Leaving me saturated with regret.
Demanding what you think of me
Without the facades, now you see.
Chipped and scarred, here I am
Fragile and alone, here I am
Requesting the person you thought you knew,
Leaving my heart black and blue.
I shade myself with dishonesty
Will this make you love me?
Now my throat is dry
What once was said was left behind,
Walking hand in hand, I'm glad you're mine
Staring at our fingers intertwined.
Fake yet loved, here I stand.
Disappearing with who I really am.
Oct 2, 2014
Oct 2, 2014 at 11:54 PM UTC
how do you stop the sad?
the sad that leaves you crying
on the shower floor,
the sad that makes you angry,
that makes you want to scream and run,
run far, far away.
the sad that hope that,
if you run nobody would come looking
just to prove to yourself that
they don’t care, just as you suspected.
how do you stop the sad
that make food feel like poison,
makes tears feel like needles
dragging down your face,
calling out that you’re weak
for not being able to handle
the emotions running through you
or the anxiety coursing through your veins.
how do you stop the sad
that makes your throbbing head spin
and keeps your tired eyes open
when all you want to do is sleep
for a million years,
because even though sleep
doesn’t stop the sad, it freezes it.
how do you stop the sad
that you thought had gone away,
that you hadn’t felt in months,
that you hadn’t thought about in months,
that crept up like a monster
the moment you set foot in that house.
how do you stop the sad
that doesn’t even feel like an emotion,
that leaves you drained and wondering,
is happy even real?
please, someone tell me -
i’m begging on all fours -
how do you stop the sad
because i’ve never felt quite this bad.
Dec 20, 2019
Dec 20, 2019 at 9:32 PM UTC