#restrict
You'd think 4 years would be enough
I longed for control and then I lost it
In this cruel cruel cycle
Binge
1000's of calories
guilt
shame
bloating
I feel control when my stomach hurts
I feel comfort
Restrict
10's of calories
euphoria
shame
grumbling
I feel control when my stomach rumbles
I feel beautiful
This cycle is meant to be a form of control
but here I am
bingeing and restricting
until I can purge this hurt
May 3, 2019
May 3, 2019 at 12:56 PM UTC
I know two siblings; I'm closer to one
The younger is more forgiving
You can't have your cake and eat it too
So I chose the older; seems more loving
She comes by at least three times a day
Sometimes stays for hours or more
I love and admire her, she gives me control
Myself I despise down to the core
People tell me she's not one to call friend
But I thrive on every time she checks in
She urges me to surrender at every turn
I'm fighting a battle I don't want to win
Feb 20, 2019
Feb 20, 2019 at 5:16 PM UTC
Rules are meant to be followed.
Work is meant to be done.
With work and rules and P R O P E R discipline there
W I L L be results.
Jun 6, 2018
Jun 6, 2018 at 2:37 PM UTC
And here I am
Once again
Planning my destruction
Today I stop
I stop the medicine
I stop eating and drinking
I stop sleeping
I stop socializing
I stop lying to myself
And today I start
To cut
To purge
To drink
To lie
To cry
To write
To save
I start saving pills
To stop my chills
Nov 12, 2016
Nov 12, 2016 at 6:49 PM UTC
A second chance,
To change your focus,
To repair the fragments of your mind,
To find a new solution to life,
To redesign your soul,
And restart your heart,
To forget the past,
And erase the scars,
To believe in love,
And trust in friends,
To restrain your hate,
Restrict your pain,
And fill the emptiness behind your eyes,
This is the chance not of one lifetime,
But of two,
Don't waste it.
Jan 8, 2015
Jan 8, 2015 at 10:36 AM UTC
*A gilded cage may look inviting
It still imprisons freedom*
© Amitav (Radiance)
May 15, 2014
May 15, 2014 at 2:43 PM UTC