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#renewed
if you died today, the world would still grow oranges in pairs, but the second one would always go to waste. there would be a sudden, sharp lack of citrus in the air, a bright weight missing from every palm that ever reached for yours. the gold would stay locked behind the skin because no one wants to break open something beautiful if you aren’t there to share the first slice. if you died today, your dad wouldn’t cry. he would stand in the hallway, holding the silence like a heavy, rusted tool he doesn’t know how to use. and he would hear you. he would hear you in every song you used to sing but never would again, the high notes haunting the radio until he has to turn it off. he would hear you in the sharp, sudden slam of the front door when the wind catches it, and he would hear you in the clatter of the kitchen. if you died today, your mother would taste you. she would stand in the kitchen, paralyzed by the flour on her apron, remembering how you used to steal frosting and talk about your day until the sun dipped below the counter. she would taste the salt of a recipe you’ll never finish, the bitterness of a kitchen that has suddenly grown too large, a house that is no longer a home because your laughter was the only thing keeping the walls from leaning in. if you died today, your best friend would simply come apart. she would break like a fever, looking at her hands and realizing they are empty of the scissors she gave you for safekeeping. she would remember how you were always the strong one, the one who carried her struggles, while you were secretly bruising under the weight of your own. she’d look at an orange and see a tragedy— a sphere of gold that no one is brave enough to break open anymore. if you died today, the girl with the heart like an open door would finally find a room she couldn’t fill. she, would realize that even her massive spirit can’t patch the hole where your laughter used to be. she’d still be there, trying to be the fun in the room, but her jokes would taste like pith— dry and white and missing the juice. and if you died today, the boy with sticky fingers would still wake up and swing his feet onto the cold floor, reaching for his phone in the dark out of a habit that could never again be a routine. he’d swallow the salt in his throat and pack his lunch pail, snapping the latches shut with a sound like a period. he’d move through the world with his head down, getting the job done with a ghost in his pocket, holding an orange he no longer has the heart to peel. no one wants to know a world without you in it. not the man who hears the songs, not the woman covered in flour, not the girl with no scissors, not the girl with the big heart, not the boy with the dark screen, not the teachers with the empty seat, not even your worst enemy, who needs your light to know where the shadows are. no one wants to reach out to hand you an orange, the juice already sticky on their palms, only to realize there is no one there to take the sweetness from them. no one wants to read the letters you’ve addressed to them while you’re six feet under the dirt, ink screaming your voice into a room where you can’t hear them scream back. no one wants to remember the girl who cared so much that she checked on everyone else’s heart while her own was breaking, only to find her chair empty at the table. they don't want the "good grades" or the "exceptions"-they want the mess. they want the smudge on your cheek and the trail of citrus oil on the books. so give a chance to the world, and to yourself, and to the people who already save a seat for you by habit. don't make them learn the rhythm of a Tuesday without the sound of your breathing. Stay. because the gold is still running down your wrists, and we are all still waiting for you to take the next bite.
0
Apr 8
Apr 8, 2026 at 9:57 PM UTC
the sour parts of Sticky Fingers: a seat saved by habit (4 & 11)
if you died today, the world would still grow oranges in pairs, but the second one would always go to waste. there would be a sudden, sharp lack of citrus in the air, a bright weight missing from every palm that ever reached for yours. the gold would stay locked behind the skin because no one wants to break open something beautiful if you aren’t there to share the first slice. if you died today, your dad wouldn’t cry. he would stand in the hallway, holding the silence like a heavy, rusted tool he doesn’t know how to use. and he would hear you. he would hear you in every song you used to sing but never would again, the high notes haunting the radio until he has to turn it off. he would hear you in the sharp, sudden slam of the front door when the wind catches it, and he would hear you in the clatter of the kitchen. if you died today, your mother would taste you. she would stand in the kitchen, paralyzed by the flour on her apron, remembering how you used to steal frosting and talk about your day until the sun dipped below the counter. she would taste the salt of a recipe you’ll never finish, the bitterness of a kitchen that has suddenly grown too large, a house that is no longer a home because your laughter was the only thing keeping the walls from leaning in. if you died today, your best friend would simply come apart. she would break like a fever, looking at her hands and realizing they are empty of the scissors she gave you for safekeeping. she would remember how you were always the strong one, the one who carried her struggles, while you were secretly bruising under the weight of your own. she’d look at an orange and see a tragedy— a sphere of gold that no one is brave enough to break open anymore. if you died today, the girl with the heart like an open door would finally find a room she couldn’t fill. she, would realize that even her massive spirit can’t patch the hole where your laughter used to be. she’d still be there, trying to be the fun in the room, but her jokes would taste like pith— dry and white and missing the juice. and if you died today, the boy with sticky fingers would still wake up and swing his feet onto the cold floor, reaching for his phone in the dark out of a habit that could never again be a routine. he’d swallow the salt in his throat and pack his lunch pail, snapping the latches shut with a sound like a period. he’d move through the world with his head down, getting the job done with a ghost in his pocket, holding an orange he no longer has the heart to peel. no one wants to know a world without you in it. not the man who hears the songs, not the woman covered in flour, not the girl with no scissors, not the girl with the big heart, not the boy with the dark screen, not the teachers with the empty seat, not even your worst enemy, who needs your light to know where the shadows are. no one wants to reach out to hand you an orange, the juice already sticky on their palms, only to realize there is no one there to take the sweetness from them. no one wants to read the letters you’ve addressed to them while you’re six feet under the dirt, ink screaming your voice into a room where you can’t hear them scream back. no one wants to remember the girl who cared so much that she checked on everyone else’s heart while her own was breaking, only to find her chair empty at the table. they don't want the "good grades" or the "exceptions"-they want the mess. they want the smudge on your cheek and the trail of citrus oil on the books. so give a chance to the world, and to yourself, and to the people who already save a seat for you by habit. don't make them learn the rhythm of a Tuesday without the sound of your breathing. Stay. because the gold is still running down your wrists, and we are all still waiting for you to take the next bite.
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113
With the sun's rising comes a renewed sense of hope in man's troubled world _____________
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Apr 4
Apr 4, 2026 at 7:20 AM UTC
Haiku / Senryu 28 - Sunrise
You gave me reason to believe that life was more than grief. You taught me happiness was something I could acquire, not so far from my desire, almost close enough to admire. I remember the way you held me when everything was obscure, when the sky was empty and even the moon was dimming, the way stars hid that night afraid of what they might find. But perhaps that very night the planets aligned, we became intertwined in the shared space that kept us enshrined. Maybe it was the time you saw me naked, raw in a way that left me shaking, my bones aching, my soul breaking. Still you held me, because at that moment, that’s all we were. Just two souls in a world that forgot it was meant to be pure. So, from one soul to another, I love you like no other, because you showed me that vulnerability wasn’t weak, being human wasn’t a sin, it was something beneath my skin. So though I am terrified, I will leap—with hope and with pain that paralyzes, one that humanizes and sympathizes, and I will give it to you. To another soul who had long forgotten that life can be good.
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Aug 28, 2025
Aug 28, 2025 at 10:25 PM UTC
When the Stars Hid
Thorns dig in deep, stabs of bitter pain, testing what it will bear, was it ever meant to last? Fragments scattered about, spilling tears and sorrow, the end looming near, basking in darkness and despair. A faint glimmer of hope, like the sun bursting through the clouds, within its renewed embrace, love stands strong and proud. love has broken limbs, yet it stands tall, piercing through sorrows, it breathes free.
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Aug 5, 2023
Aug 5, 2023 at 11:58 PM UTC
LOVE HAS BROKEN LIMBS
I wish I could write something That pierced the wool Pulled over your eyes. Your depression, your nihilism; The things keeping you coupled To the miserable lense of your life. Cause there are so many things, That are just perspective. And everything else, We could work through together. I fear you can't imagine, what It would be like, to improve. Walk the world afresh, renewed. Just so long as you're comfortable, It doesn't matter if you're happy. We could be something wonderful, But you can't see. That's the real tragedy
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Jun 19, 2023
Jun 19, 2023 at 11:18 PM UTC
Could've
Dew Early morning Grace like rain Renewed day by day Tranquility Mark Toney © 2021
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Dec 22, 2021
Dec 22, 2021 at 12:09 AM UTC
Grace Like Rain
I search for him, he who would take my pain and carry it as his own even just for a moment, so I that I could feel what it is to breathe without this weight on my ribcage. They walk through my gates through my garden, and see the ugliness of my pain holding court in the center, and would flee in fear and disgust. And each time I sat next to my pain, holding its hand and letting my tears nourish the earth around its deep roots that wind through, because nothing and no one else dared to go nearer. I sat, the only company my pain has ever known and told it with damp eyes that watch the abandon, that they are beautiful just as they are, and that men that can't see beauty in pain, are simply boys playing. And each time, my heart bleeds a little less. And so I sit in wait with the only real company I've ever known and hope for more, tomorrow.
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Apr 13, 2021
Apr 13, 2021 at 2:01 PM UTC
The hope
sometimes, I get angry and sometimes,  I don't know why it's a pain that's inherited and passed down the bloodlines. I think around 6, I became lonely but I think at 8, I became alone. When I first learned that telling those around me, would not fix the problem and would only make the heartache more unbearable. So, I started to perfect the art of performance: good daughter protective sister independent & worthy loving friend sacrificing lover and instead of expressing my pain I took on that of others, because that pain I could control or at least I could try. - The veil between performance and me became as thin as my frame did, until one day it vanished and I didn't even notice.
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Apr 1, 2021
Apr 1, 2021 at 5:34 PM UTC
The act
I'm sad. And that's okay. This heaviness in my heart is not mine alone, I carry it for my mother and my father and his mother I carry it for her husband who quickly became the demon sleeping in the shadows that then became a stain who's faint edges still linger. Deep and bruised like my heart after that day confused and oh, so green I was already shedding my innocence, but you stole hers in one moment. And for this she starves herself of nourishment of unadulterated joy her body, something she feels shame about all because you thought every body was yours to be played with.
0
Mar 19, 2021
Mar 19, 2021 at 8:06 PM UTC
The hurt
Thrown against the wall fragility will not find home in my bones I have picked myself up from the hardwood more times than you could understand. the moon has traced my tears as they fell down the golden, cracked floral and lace, carefully absorbing them into its tides. a controlling force in itself — I became her. This time, I say hello to you in a different light. a light that is my own as my strength shoves through you in waves… a power that sweeps you off your feet.
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Apr 15, 2019
Apr 15, 2019 at 7:58 PM UTC
abandoned to the sky to become the moon
straight for a moment winding again aching for atonement a silence of zen can you understand me? if you die in your dreams you die in real life too i never thought I'd be in the morgue free of college loans free of troubled relationships free of daily struggle you could at least take my clothes off as i gorge my body in eternal slumber let my life energy dissolve and slip through the casket cracks my sparkles of matter seek a fresh host most compatible with my reincarnation they flicker in nothingness to suppress the inevitable afraid to begin life renewed my cells linger in shame alone in the void of will free of responsibility free of choices baptised in pure utopia but they know their true purpose unpermitted to resist if a decision cannot be made one will be made for them do they accept the ease allow the decision to be made and alleviate anxieties or do they determine the best host for their misfortune
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Feb 4, 2019
Feb 4, 2019 at 4:18 PM UTC
the energy of death
"What's your birthstone?   I don't know, Oh, I know--it's rock." Black rocks baking in the sun dot this beach Like chocolate chips in the dough They call to us Come climb, Come hop on us Find treasures hidden behind and between All our dark shadows, Lying as still as stone A large rock shape, Oh, it's grayer and duller, and there's sand sprinkled on it, And it's moving! It's Living Rock, The monk seal napping from its morning meal. Yes- we watch others walk right by him caught in their words, Unaware of the living amongst the rocks, Living Rock doesn't care His belly is full Gray sleek shape massaged by the wind with feast in your belly, So mighty tired! You taste your sleep for days, Clouds cover the day's starlight you seek, Your body begs for light, and yet Nobody can wake you from your slumber Not even the high pitched voices of children playing nor the fishing lines in and out of the tide What of your dreams Oh Large Gray Rock Do you dream of the ocean tossing Fish  into your mouth? Or of the warm sun coming to bake your skin? The salt water dances up your nostrils, You lift your head in mild protest Then let it rest on your Ancient bed of coral and shell bones My feet love to dig into your bed No insomnia for you sea creatures, Maybe I should count monk seals Instead of sheep when I want to sleep, Your body clock measures time Not in days or hours But in meals, in hunts In fullness, in emptiness Your sleep is well earned My friend We can learn from you. You bask, dream, Then awaken renewed To taste your ocean again,
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Jan 26, 2019
Jan 26, 2019 at 9:27 PM UTC
Rock
"What's your birthstone?   I don't know, Oh, I know--it's rock." Black rocks baking in the sun dot this beach Like chocolate chips in the dough They call to us Come climb, Come hop on us Find treasures hidden behind and between All our dark shadows, Lying as still as stone A large rock shape, Oh, it's grayer and duller, and there's sand sprinkled on it, And it's moving! It's Living Rock, The monk seal napping from its morning meal. Yes- we watch others walk right by him caught in their words, Unaware of the living amongst the rocks, Living Rock doesn't care His belly is full Gray sleek shape massaged by the wind with feast in your belly, So mighty tired! You taste your sleep for days, Clouds cover the day's starlight you seek, Your body begs for light, and yet Nobody can wake you from your slumber Not even the high pitched voices of children playing nor the fishing lines in and out of the tide What of your dreams Oh Large Gray Rock Do you dream of the ocean tossing Fish  into your mouth? Or of the warm sun coming to bake your skin? The salt water dances up your nostrils, You lift your head in mild protest Then let it rest on your Ancient bed of coral and shell bones My feet love to dig into your bed No insomnia for you sea creatures, Maybe I should count monk seals Instead of sheep when I want to sleep, Your body clock measures time Not in days or hours But in meals, in hunts In fullness, in emptiness Your sleep is well earned My friend We can learn from you. You bask, dream, Then awaken renewed To taste your ocean again,
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59
You ask why Ted hasn't been good Ted has been bleeding But with no physical wounds Ted is been broken Yet sustained no fractures Ted is been lost Yet still knows precisely where he is Ted has been crying Yet he shed not a single tear Ted is strong now Ted is wiser now Ted has given up everything but not on himself All is well now Am learning to live With a heavy cloud of air around me Ballast is evidence of my once strong fortress So many shells I used to have a heart you know But I don't know where it is now, or what became of it So I decide not to live in regret, and learned how to live without one
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Jan 13, 2019
Jan 13, 2019 at 9:33 AM UTC
Ted is fine
"It Comes At Night" (Desire) First renewed Under the silver light (of the moon) "A Quiet Place" (A) Fatal Attraction There will be blood (he hopes) Venom (drips from his tongue) (as he forces open her) Jaws ****** (the) Heat "Let Him Have It" Primal Fear (is all she knows) "The Usual Suspects" Goodfellas (they claim) (making her play) The Game
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May 20, 2019
May 20, 2019 at 2:53 AM UTC
The Crime
Insulted for no just cause Accused of being to religious ****** for helping the poor Cursed for taking right action Arrested for telling the masses How the incongruous and imprudent Politician stole and squandered the country’s fund Beating for knowing and revealing the truth Burnt his house, for teaching the citizens how to preserve Murdered his wife and children, for refusing to compromise Lived a frustrated life And his reward for fighting against the **** sapiens Death! A man who lived only just to die!
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May 4, 2018
May 4, 2018 at 7:33 AM UTC
THE LAST GOOD MAN
I dream of peace and just assurance. I have stood for it all my life, with constitution and vigor. My hope and that which I have defended, stood bright and noble in the light of love. It has been as I have seen him true, honest, quietly brave, a perfect encapsulation. The wind has not shaken him in his innocence, he shall stand beside me in nobility unscathed. I will defend this glory. In innocence and grace, as a child, you stand and walk. I will work this day in your honor, with ease. We will watch you in all you stand for victorious. Together we are ready and true, within and beside you, our hope. Innocence tempted, standing unprotected, with all hope inside, and promise. All that is of value, tested, to be refined. The day has passed and that which was gold is a fooled fool. Standing in temptation as many a desperate ***** desire, unquenchable. We cannot lose hope, this is a test. I must continue, to put you forth to your destiny. Leaving the darkness into arms much worse, knowing betrayal. You will go to glory but I must forsake my own, crippled. I am destitute, in my flippancy, I realize that sin is a filth not able to be removed. But I know the code, the law of fire and grace, I can use it to my advantage and forsake the trials, and continue in love, but what love is this? A mentor lay in my path. The show must go on. It is loss to move on, it is loss to forsake, is is loss to do nothing. No bearing of truth do I have now in this gift of victory unearned. Move forward to prove. Fall back to loose again? Or loose all gained by grace's ennoble gain? He washed us white as snow. Works or Love? Entwine the two... We will carry you, the broken of my deeds, from white to grey to white, through blood and fire we go, as you have shown us oh mighty man, now wasted. For this is the way understood. I see you on the edge, not swiftly turning. What's that you carry? The wreck of the mighty's ambition. For it was not just the faithful who brought me home, but the vision of might and of noble in glory. The glimpse of both from which I strayed in vain curiosity broken. Now mending myself and you in mighty ambition. Noble, faithful, and true we carry on.
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Jan 31, 2018
Jan 31, 2018 at 12:39 PM UTC
The Wreck of the mighy's ambition
I dream of peace and just assurance. I have stood for it all my life, with constitution and vigor. My hope and that which I have defended, stood bright and noble in the light of love. It has been as I have seen him true, honest, quietly brave, a perfect encapsulation. The wind has not shaken him in his innocence, he shall stand beside me in nobility unscathed. I will defend this glory. In innocence and grace, as a child, you stand and walk. I will work this day in your honor, with ease. We will watch you in all you stand for victorious. Together we are ready and true, within and beside you, our hope. Innocence tempted, standing unprotected, with all hope inside, and promise. All that is of value, tested, to be refined. The day has passed and that which was gold is a fooled fool. Standing in temptation as many a desperate ***** desire, unquenchable. We cannot lose hope, this is a test. I must continue, to put you forth to your destiny. Leaving the darkness into arms much worse, knowing betrayal. You will go to glory but I must forsake my own, crippled. I am destitute, in my flippancy, I realize that sin is a filth not able to be removed. But I know the code, the law of fire and grace, I can use it to my advantage and forsake the trials, and continue in love, but what love is this? A mentor lay in my path. The show must go on. It is loss to move on, it is loss to forsake, is is loss to do nothing. No bearing of truth do I have now in this gift of victory unearned. Move forward to prove. Fall back to loose again? Or loose all gained by grace's ennoble gain? He washed us white as snow. Works or Love? Entwine the two... We will carry you, the broken of my deeds, from white to grey to white, through blood and fire we go, as you have shown us oh mighty man, now wasted. For this is the way understood. I see you on the edge, not swiftly turning. What's that you carry? The wreck of the mighty's ambition. For it was not just the faithful who brought me home, but the vision of might and of noble in glory. The glimpse of both from which I strayed in vain curiosity broken. Now mending myself and you in mighty ambition. Noble, faithful, and true we carry on.
Continue reading...
63
Say goodbye to groundless worries Inhibitions whisked away Torn away by colored filled flurries I don’t care what others say An intrepid spirit has flown From its prisons deep within Insistent to be known Never allotting dissuasion again I will trample any barricade Every demon I will elude I am not afraid I am renewed
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Aug 24, 2016
Aug 24, 2016 at 11:36 PM UTC
Fearless
worn out leather heart chipped glass lungs with smoke glazing the crystal and a death coated tongue then suddenly a cotton candy gaze i want to press my scarred hands into the sinking softness and overdue my stay now the glass is thick and the smoke isn't smoke but the second hand air i breathe to fill my veins with ecstasy and i don't fall on your lips because you've broken my falls you simply catch me so no more am i broken at all
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Apr 12, 2016
Apr 12, 2016 at 11:44 AM UTC
- renewed -
I feel like such a disgrace to you So caught up in my human world That even the stench of blood doesn't bother me anymore. I'm transformed, reborn, renewed. I'm am no longer a vampire.
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Mar 20, 2016
Mar 20, 2016 at 1:37 AM UTC
Vampire
Every time I look in your eyes I see a thousand fireflies Like a burning ember before it dies Every time I look at you I look through time at how you grew And know that now you are renewed Every time I look in your eyes I see in you a hatred for lies I see the colour of crystal skys
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Feb 4, 2016
Feb 4, 2016 at 12:43 AM UTC
Crystal Skys
*On this morning the sun rises, And I leave my new bed. I get up and go outside and the sun is warm on my head, Oh the warmth. There are green hills in the distance. I go to the tree and behold the blueness of the sky And watch the sun rise as clouds are forming. All is still and overhead a prairie bird flies. There is a great field of wheat beyond me. I lie down and relax staring up into eternity, And I am already used to this. I look up smiling and I can really see. I wind up staying like this for life, And I’ll never go back, Back to my way of life before this field of grass I lay on. It's all a vast encounter with nature. It teaches me to release my fears and troubles to her. As the golden sun warms my face, all I see is you. And as its warmth enters my chest and warms my core, I feel you in that warmth, Her summer's beginning.*
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Oct 27, 2015
Oct 27, 2015 at 5:43 PM UTC
Her Summer