#renewed
if you died today,
the world would still grow oranges in pairs,
but the second one
would always go to waste.
there would be a sudden,
sharp lack of citrus in the air,
a bright weight missing from
every palm that ever reached for yours.
the gold would stay locked
behind the skin because no one
wants to break open something beautiful
if you aren’t there to share the first slice.
if you died today,
your dad wouldn’t cry.
he would stand in the hallway,
holding the silence like a heavy,
rusted tool he doesn’t know how to use.
and he would hear you.
he would hear you in every song
you used to sing
but never would again,
the high notes
haunting the radio until he has to turn it off.
he would hear you in the sharp,
sudden slam of the front door
when the wind catches it,
and he would hear you in the clatter
of the kitchen.
if you died today,
your mother would taste you.
she would stand in the kitchen,
paralyzed by the flour on her apron,
remembering how you used to
steal frosting and talk about your day
until the sun dipped below the counter.
she would taste the salt of a recipe
you’ll never finish,
the bitterness of a kitchen
that has suddenly grown too large,
a house that is no longer a home
because your laughter was the only thing
keeping the walls from leaning in.
if you died today,
your best friend would simply come apart.
she would break like a fever,
looking at her hands and realizing
they are empty of the scissors
she gave you for safekeeping.
she would remember how
you were always the strong one,
the one who carried her struggles,
while you were secretly bruising
under the weight of your own.
she’d look at an orange
and see a tragedy—
a sphere of gold that no one
is brave enough to break open anymore.
if you died today,
the girl with the heart like an open door
would finally find a room she couldn’t fill.
she, would realize that even her massive spirit
can’t patch the hole where your laughter used to be.
she’d still be there, trying to be the fun in the room,
but her jokes would taste like pith—
dry and white and missing the juice.
and if you died today,
the boy with sticky fingers would still wake up
and swing his feet
onto the cold floor,
reaching for his phone in the dark
out of a habit that could never again be a routine.
he’d swallow the salt in his throat
and pack his lunch pail,
snapping the latches shut with a sound like a period.
he’d move through the world with his head down,
getting the job done with a ghost in his pocket,
holding an orange he no longer has the heart to peel.
no one wants to know a world without you in it.
not the man who hears the songs,
not the woman covered in flour,
not the girl with no scissors,
not the girl with the big heart,
not the boy with the dark screen,
not the teachers with the empty seat,
not even your worst enemy,
who needs your light to know where the shadows are.
no one wants to reach out to hand you an orange,
the juice already sticky on their palms,
only to realize there is no one there
to take the sweetness from them.
no one wants to read the letters you’ve addressed to them
while you’re six feet under the dirt,
ink screaming your voice into a room
where you can’t hear them scream back.
no one wants to remember the girl who cared so much
that she checked on everyone else’s heart
while her own was breaking,
only to find her chair empty at the table.
they don't want the "good grades"
or the "exceptions"-they want the mess.
they want the smudge on your cheek
and the trail of citrus oil on the books.
so give a chance to the world,
and to yourself,
and to the people
who already save a seat for you by habit.
don't make them learn the rhythm of a Tuesday
without the sound of your breathing.
Stay.
because the gold is still
running down your wrists,
and we are all still waiting
for you to take the next bite.
Apr 8
Apr 8, 2026 at 9:57 PM UTC
With the sun's rising
comes a renewed sense of hope
in man's troubled world
_____________
Apr 4
Apr 4, 2026 at 7:20 AM UTC
You gave me reason to believe that
life was more than grief.
You taught me happiness was something I could acquire,
not so far from my desire,
almost close enough to admire.
I remember the way you held me when everything was obscure,
when the sky was empty and even the moon was dimming,
the way stars hid that night afraid of what they might find.
But perhaps that very night the planets aligned,
we became intertwined
in the shared space that kept us enshrined.
Maybe it was the time you saw me naked,
raw in a way that left me shaking,
my bones aching,
my soul breaking.
Still you held me,
because at that moment,
that’s all we were.
Just two souls in a world that forgot it was meant to be pure.
So,
from one soul to another,
I love you like no other,
because you showed me that vulnerability wasn’t weak,
being human wasn’t a sin,
it was something beneath my skin.
So though I am terrified,
I will leap—with hope and with pain that paralyzes,
one that humanizes and sympathizes,
and I will give it to you.
To another soul
who had long forgotten
that life
can be good.
Aug 28, 2025
Aug 28, 2025 at 10:25 PM UTC
Thorns dig in deep,
stabs of bitter pain,
testing what it will bear,
was it ever meant to last?
Fragments scattered about,
spilling tears and sorrow,
the end looming near,
basking in darkness and despair.
A faint glimmer of hope,
like the sun bursting through the clouds,
within its renewed embrace,
love stands strong and proud.
love has broken limbs,
yet it stands tall,
piercing through sorrows,
it breathes free.
Aug 5, 2023
Aug 5, 2023 at 11:58 PM UTC
I wish I could write something
That pierced the wool
Pulled over your eyes.
Your depression, your nihilism;
The things keeping you coupled
To the miserable lense of your life.
Cause there are so many things,
That are just perspective.
And everything else,
We could work through together.
I fear you can't imagine, what
It would be like, to improve.
Walk the world afresh, renewed.
Just so long as you're comfortable,
It doesn't matter if you're happy.
We could be something wonderful,
But you can't see.
That's the real tragedy
Jun 19, 2023
Jun 19, 2023 at 11:18 PM UTC
Dew
Early morning
Grace like rain
Renewed day by day
Tranquility
Mark Toney © 2021
Dec 22, 2021
Dec 22, 2021 at 12:09 AM UTC
I search for him,
he who would take my pain
and carry it as his own
even just for a moment,
so I that I could feel what it is to breathe without this weight on my ribcage.
They walk
through
my gates
through my garden,
and see the ugliness of my pain
holding court in the center,
and would flee in fear
and disgust.
And each time I sat next to
my pain,
holding its hand
and
letting my tears nourish the earth around
its deep roots
that wind through,
because nothing and no one else
dared to go nearer.
I sat, the only company my pain
has ever known
and told it with damp eyes that watch
the abandon,
that they are beautiful
just as they are,
and that men that can't see
beauty
in pain,
are simply boys
playing.
And each time,
my heart bleeds a little less.
And so I sit in wait
with the only real company
I've ever known
and hope for more,
tomorrow.
Apr 13, 2021
Apr 13, 2021 at 2:01 PM UTC
sometimes, I get angry
and
sometimes, I don't know why
it's a pain that's
inherited
and
passed down
the bloodlines.
I think around 6,
I became lonely
but
I think at 8,
I became alone.
When I first learned
that telling
those around me,
would not
fix
the problem
and would
only
make
the heartache
more
unbearable.
So, I started to perfect the art of performance:
good daughter
protective sister
independent
&
worthy
loving friend
sacrificing lover
and
instead of expressing my pain
I took on that of others,
because
that pain
I could
control
or at least
I could try.
-
The veil between
performance
and me
became as
thin
as my frame did,
until one day
it vanished
and I didn't even
notice.
Apr 1, 2021
Apr 1, 2021 at 5:34 PM UTC
I'm sad.
And that's okay.
This heaviness in my heart
is not mine alone,
I carry it for my mother
and my father
and his mother
I carry it for her husband
who quickly became
the demon
sleeping in the
shadows
that then became
a
stain
who's faint edges
still linger.
Deep and bruised
like my heart
after that day
confused and
oh, so green
I was already shedding
my innocence,
but you stole
hers
in one moment.
And for this
she
starves
herself
of nourishment
of unadulterated
joy
her body,
something she feels
shame
about
all because you thought
every
body
was yours
to be played
with.
Mar 19, 2021
Mar 19, 2021 at 8:06 PM UTC
Thrown against the wall
fragility will not find home in my bones
I have picked myself up from the hardwood
more times than you could understand.
the moon has traced my tears
as they fell down the golden, cracked
floral and lace, carefully absorbing them
into its tides. a controlling force in itself —
I became her.
This time, I say hello to you in a different
light. a light that is my own as my strength
shoves through you in waves… a power that
sweeps you off your feet.
Apr 15, 2019
Apr 15, 2019 at 7:58 PM UTC
straight for a moment
winding again
aching for atonement
a silence of zen
can you understand me?
if you die in your dreams
you die in real life too
i never thought I'd be in the morgue
free of college loans
free of troubled relationships
free of daily struggle
you could at least take my clothes off
as i gorge my body in eternal slumber
let my life energy dissolve
and slip through the casket cracks
my sparkles of matter
seek a fresh host
most compatible
with my reincarnation
they flicker in nothingness
to suppress the inevitable
afraid to begin life renewed
my cells linger in shame
alone in the void of will
free of responsibility
free of choices
baptised in pure utopia
but they know their true purpose
unpermitted to resist
if a decision cannot be made
one will be made for them
do they accept the ease
allow the decision to be made
and alleviate anxieties
or do they determine the best host
for their misfortune
Feb 4, 2019
Feb 4, 2019 at 4:18 PM UTC
"What's your birthstone?
I don't know, Oh, I know--it's rock."
Black rocks baking in the sun
dot this beach
Like chocolate chips in the dough
They call to us
Come climb,
Come hop on us
Find treasures hidden behind and between
All our dark shadows,
Lying as still as stone
A large rock shape,
Oh, it's grayer
and duller,
and there's sand sprinkled on it,
And it's moving!
It's Living Rock,
The monk seal napping
from its morning meal.
Yes- we watch others walk right by him
caught in their words,
Unaware of the living amongst the rocks,
Living Rock doesn't care
His belly is full
Gray sleek shape
massaged by the wind
with feast in your belly,
So mighty tired!
You taste your sleep for days,
Clouds cover the day's starlight you seek,
Your body begs for light, and yet
Nobody can wake you from your slumber
Not even the high pitched voices
of children playing
nor the fishing lines in and out of the tide
What of your dreams
Oh Large Gray Rock
Do you dream of the ocean tossing
Fish into your mouth?
Or of the warm sun coming
to bake your skin?
The salt water dances up your nostrils,
You lift your head in mild protest
Then let it rest on your
Ancient bed of coral and shell bones
My feet love to dig into your bed
No insomnia for you sea creatures,
Maybe I should count monk seals
Instead of sheep when I want to sleep,
Your body clock measures time
Not in days or hours
But in meals, in hunts
In fullness, in emptiness
Your sleep is well earned
My friend
We can learn from you.
You bask, dream,
Then awaken renewed
To taste your ocean again,
Jan 26, 2019
Jan 26, 2019 at 9:27 PM UTC
You ask why Ted hasn't been good
Ted has been bleeding
But with no physical wounds
Ted is been broken
Yet sustained no fractures
Ted is been lost
Yet still knows precisely where he is
Ted has been crying
Yet he shed not a single tear
Ted is strong now
Ted is wiser now
Ted has given up everything
but not on himself
All is well now
Am learning to live
With a heavy cloud of air around me
Ballast is evidence of my once strong fortress
So many shells
I used to have a heart you know
But I don't know where it is now,
or what became of it
So I decide not to live in regret,
and learned how to live without one
Jan 13, 2019
Jan 13, 2019 at 9:33 AM UTC
"It Comes At Night"
(Desire) First renewed
Under the silver light (of the moon)
"A Quiet Place"
(A) Fatal Attraction
There will be blood (he hopes)
Venom (drips from his tongue)
(as he forces open her) Jaws
******
(the) Heat
"Let Him Have It"
Primal Fear (is all she knows)
"The Usual Suspects"
Goodfellas (they claim)
(making her play) The Game
May 20, 2019
May 20, 2019 at 2:53 AM UTC
Insulted for no just cause
Accused of being to religious
****** for helping the poor
Cursed for taking right action
Arrested for telling the masses
How the incongruous and imprudent
Politician stole and squandered the country’s fund
Beating for knowing and revealing the truth
Burnt his house, for teaching the citizens how to preserve
Murdered his wife and children, for refusing to compromise
Lived a frustrated life
And his reward for fighting against the **** sapiens
Death!
A man who lived only just to die!
May 4, 2018
May 4, 2018 at 7:33 AM UTC
I dream of peace and just assurance.
I have stood for it all my life,
with constitution and vigor.
My hope and that which I have defended,
stood bright and noble in the light of love.
It has been as I have seen him
true,
honest,
quietly brave,
a perfect encapsulation.
The wind has not shaken him in his innocence,
he shall stand beside me in nobility
unscathed.
I will defend this glory.
In innocence and grace,
as a child, you stand and walk.
I will work this day in your honor, with ease.
We will watch you in all you stand for victorious.
Together we are ready and true, within and beside you, our hope.
Innocence tempted,
standing unprotected,
with all hope inside, and promise.
All that is of value, tested, to be refined.
The day has passed and that which was gold is a fooled fool.
Standing in temptation as many a desperate ***** desire,
unquenchable.
We cannot lose hope, this is a test.
I must continue, to put you forth to your destiny.
Leaving the darkness into arms much worse, knowing betrayal.
You will go to glory but I must forsake my own, crippled.
I am destitute, in my flippancy,
I realize that sin is a filth not able to be removed.
But I know the code,
the law of fire and grace,
I can use it to my advantage and forsake the trials,
and continue in love, but what love is this?
A mentor lay in my path.
The show must go on.
It is loss to move on,
it is loss to forsake,
is is loss to do nothing.
No bearing of truth do I have now in this gift of victory
unearned.
Move forward to prove. Fall back to loose again?
Or loose all gained by grace's ennoble gain?
He washed us white as snow.
Works or Love?
Entwine the two...
We will carry you, the broken of my deeds,
from white to grey to white, through blood and fire we go,
as you have shown us oh mighty man,
now wasted.
For this is the way understood.
I see you on the edge, not swiftly turning.
What's that you carry?
The wreck of the mighty's ambition.
For it was not just the faithful
who brought me home,
but the vision of might and of noble in glory.
The glimpse of both from which I strayed in vain curiosity
broken.
Now mending myself and you in mighty ambition.
Noble, faithful, and true we carry on.
Jan 31, 2018
Jan 31, 2018 at 12:39 PM UTC
Say goodbye to groundless worries
Inhibitions whisked away
Torn away by colored filled flurries
I don’t care what others say
An intrepid spirit has flown
From its prisons deep within
Insistent to be known
Never allotting dissuasion again
I will trample any barricade
Every demon I will elude
I am not afraid
I am renewed
Aug 24, 2016
Aug 24, 2016 at 11:36 PM UTC
worn out leather heart
chipped glass lungs
with smoke glazing the crystal
and a death coated tongue
then suddenly a cotton candy gaze
i want to press my scarred hands
into the sinking softness
and overdue my stay
now the glass is thick
and the smoke isn't smoke
but the second hand air i breathe
to fill my veins with ecstasy
and i don't fall on your lips
because you've broken my falls
you simply catch me
so no more am i broken at all
Apr 12, 2016
Apr 12, 2016 at 11:44 AM UTC
I feel like such a disgrace to you
So caught up in my human world
That even the stench of blood doesn't bother me anymore.
I'm transformed, reborn, renewed.
I'm am no longer a vampire.
Mar 20, 2016
Mar 20, 2016 at 1:37 AM UTC
Every time I look in your eyes
I see a thousand fireflies
Like a burning ember before it dies
Every time I look at you
I look through time at how you grew
And know that now you are renewed
Every time I look in your eyes
I see in you a hatred for lies
I see the colour of crystal skys
Feb 4, 2016
Feb 4, 2016 at 12:43 AM UTC
*On this morning the sun rises,
And I leave my new bed.
I get up and go outside and the sun is warm on my head,
Oh the warmth. There are green hills in the distance.
I go to the tree and behold the blueness of the sky
And watch the sun rise as clouds are forming.
All is still and overhead a prairie bird flies.
There is a great field of wheat beyond me.
I lie down and relax staring up into eternity,
And I am already used to this.
I look up smiling and I can really see.
I wind up staying like this for life,
And I’ll never go back,
Back to my way of life before this field of grass I lay on.
It's all a vast encounter with nature.
It teaches me to release my fears and troubles to her.
As the golden sun warms my face, all I see is you.
And as its warmth enters my chest and warms my core,
I feel you in that warmth,
Her summer's beginning.*
Oct 27, 2015
Oct 27, 2015 at 5:43 PM UTC