#remorse
How should love make one feel?
Does it matter whether it's right or wrong?
If it expires too soon,
can you still believe it was right?
I am still dizzy from the taste of touch.
But what is this foul smell that refuses to leave my body?
It's as if I bathed in mud,
then dried inside a trash bin
while you closed the lid.
Weren't we two children playing in the dirt together?
How did this place become a hell you thought I deserved?
I begged:
"Please, lift the lid.
Set me free before it's too late."
For a long time,
I could hear your breathing,
waiting for me outside.
After a while,
I heard your footsteps fading away.
I pushed off the lid
and left the bin behind.
I showered
again and again
and again,
until my skin hurt
and bore the marks.
After some time, you sent a letter.
The scent was pleasant.
You told me you were thankful
that I had filled you with love.
But what about me, love?
This emptiness still reeks
as I try to wash it from my skin.
Memories turn into remorse,
one by one,
expiring in my mouth
as I answer your letter:
Would you do the same for me,
if I was the one who locked you up
and ran?
3d ago
May 31, 2026 at 2:35 PM UTC
I held hands with the one that was left behind,
Tied ropes with the one I left confined.
Who knew it was that hard to give a shoulder,
When someone is willing to live but can't get any older.
I knew that wont be easy either
leaving someone's legacy,
To live life with ecstacy.
When I saw the world below with no one around
the remorse I had isolated,
turned into anger I once tolerated.
6d ago
May 28, 2026 at 12:30 AM UTC
The tears feel heavy
Laden with guilt
Indifference at first
Why would I care?
Why should I care,
After all, we haven't spoken in so long.
then emotions come crashing
Each tear a liquid embodiment of the grieving process:
Denial
Guilt
Anger
Guilt
Sadness
Guilt
Emptiness
Guilt
Sympathy
Guilt
Anger
Guilt
Bargaining
Guilt
Depression
Guilt
Floating
Guilt
Acceptance
Guilt
The last one hangs like a stalactite
In the cavern that was our friendship.
Multiple paths and routes
Sometimes a light in times of being lost
And others,
collapsed due to disagreements and anger.
Words shared in contempt, not for each other
But for situations and circumstances that unfolded.
Ones that drove you to madness and despair.
But,
What if I answered the calls,
what if I said hello
What if I just said yes
What if I just
What if I
What if.
What if
If
If only
If only I had done to do what I always boldly profess to be an advocate for.
(I should have been)
My brothers keeper.
If only we had shared another fleeting moment of presence
If only...
The thoughts that drag their lifeless feet through my mind the most;
the swamp of utter loneliness and despair
that drove you to this.
The bag of holding
that I couldn't imagine you were trying escape from.
To stare death down and open your arms,
Not gladly I am sure,
But as a last resort to being rejected by the ones you called friends and family.
We can all sit and say
"It wasn't only us"
As a cathartic means to a mortal end.
There were things you needed to sort out for yourself
but only seemed to seek the help you wanted.
Listening to those who told you what you wanted to hear,
not what you may have needed to hear.
Waiting for the magical words
Or a sentence
To fix everything,
But those words would never come.
Of this I had no control
but I still feel sorry I didn't try harder.
That I didn't do more
That I didn't call again
That I
didn't.
Just.
Say.
Hello.
Old friend, how are you?
Simple questions I used to ask you so frivolously
not thinking of how one day,
sooner rather than later,
that simple question's weight
And desire to ask it again,
would mean more than any other I could've ever asked you.
A deep scar in my heart
To simply be able to ask,
Once again;
How.Are.You.
"Out, ****** spot!
Out, I say!"
It plays on my mind
But unlike Macbeth
This isn't a stage
But the world.
And this tinge of blood
Will stain my hands
For the rest of my days.
From the depths of my heart though,
I hope you have found peace
Rest and comfort.
I hope the after world is as you imagined
And filled with symphonies that sooth
So that you can play weightlessly.
I will always miss you
Even though it feels like
I have no right to,
I wish I did more when I could.
I will always listen for you,
Forever in the melodies.
Mar 4
Mar 4, 2026 at 3:09 PM UTC
Outspoken crimes
Describe prudence
From your tongues
Nothing delivers fees
While I'm fine
Citation for my mind
You produce crucibles
Martyrs wouldn't find
And in this drags, maps never flagged
Yet I'm certain won't breathe
Enough defected
Before jurists I'm predicted
And calloused hearts beating for benefit grieve
Roasting because your able
Eyes lost in fable
When you began
Tossings and leftovers from begat
Liberated remorse
Five part chorus
Just? Just ignored us
Feb 11
Feb 11, 2026 at 4:58 PM UTC
I still remember that day in the library when she first showed me her house. I can still see the field on the other side her her road. I can still remember all the time we spent together in the art wing. The ceramic room and the photo lab. I can still see her standing these in the front of the school waiting for me to come back from WACTC. As bad and ****** up as it was for me to do, I still see her tears flowing like a river down her face. If I could use a time turn and go back I would. We were just kids when I fell completely in love with you from the first day I saw you all those years ago to now I’ve never stopped loving you. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Breaking your heart was the worst sin I’ve committed. I know we probably can’t try again but I would like to show you I’ve become the man that wants and will completely truly and entirely worship you. I can make all the pain I’ve caused you in the past vanish like a phantom of the opera. All these long years that have drug on I’ve taken care of our white horse. I’m so so sorry my lovelywildflower and I pray we can try again. I’m sorry for everything I put you through Jen I pray you can find it in your heart for us one last time and this time I won’t betray your heart and soul
Jan 12
Jan 12, 2026 at 1:07 AM UTC
I could sit here and say I couldn’t help it but I could I just didn’t want too. I looked her up here again saw a new poem. All I could see was her angelic face and her beautiful smile. Alas I ******* up bad to the point I can’t take it back. Instead I’m haunted by the ghosts of our past and mocked by the red string of fate
P.S. I’m sorry jm
Jan 11
Jan 11, 2026 at 10:51 PM UTC
The water is freezing
But I am burning
An inferno that is extinguished
But that can never be put out
My insides are churning with charcoal
My throat becomes singed as I attempt to choke out the salty ocean I am swallowing
Wait, that's not right
This ocean is swallowing me
The sea is still
Deceptively so
If I were looking from above, I might be inclined to view the cerulean depths as peaceful
Inviting, even
I know from within the depths that this is not true
Though not visible
Waves are devouring me
They crash over my head and pull me under
Bubbles fill my vision
Here and then not
Leaving me a clear view of darkness tinged by the blues of anguish
I cannot float
I cannot sink
I am frozen
And I am on fire
I am guilt
Dec 13, 2025
Dec 13, 2025 at 1:16 AM UTC
a number like a bruise on the underside of memory
a barcode tattooed on the back of a dream
And the echo of a name you forgot to forget
six legs of an insect crawling across the ceiling of thought
five fingers clenched around a stolen cigarette
five again, because repetition is punishment, is ritual, is comfort
three seconds before the door slams shut
two eyes watching from behind the mirror
one is the self, fractured, refracted, renamed
655321
not a number, but a sentence
not a sentence, but a silence
not a silence, but a scream with the volume turned down
the world turns in loops
milk drips from a broken glass
a Beethoven symphony plays in reverse
and somewhere, someone is laughing
but it’s not joy, it’s not mockery
it’s the sound of gears grinding in the machinery of remorse
I am not I
I am 655321
I am the sum of my subtraction
the residue of my rebellion
the ghost in the system
the system in the ghost
and still
the number pulses
like a heartbeat
like a countdown
like a name I never chose
but always answered to.
Sep 23, 2025
Sep 23, 2025 at 6:50 PM UTC
Peace
On the operating table.
I wasn’t very faithful,
But ever since Death’s call—
I fear. for my life.
God save us all.
Adieu, adieu, adieu.
A tremor hits the old room,
Antiques and glasses crash,
Dust folds and my heart.
It's all gone.
Sep 15, 2025
Sep 15, 2025 at 2:28 PM UTC
In silence, I carried a sin
passed down to me—
a curse unbroken,
paid for in full
just to be loved
by someone
who never truly belonged to anyone.
It’s eating me alive,
like a parasite
draining the last light from my bones.
It clings,
slowly killing me
for a mistake
I never made.
I feel like a lost lamb,
wandering the abyss,
blindfolded
by the sharp remorse
that was never mine to carry.
For a moment,
I exist in a world
that never noticed I was here—
like a forget-me-not,
wilted by the road,
meant to symbolize
a love that died
before it was remembered.
And all this guilt...
the pain...
the suffering...
I shall bear it—
until it carves blood from my soul,
and follows me
into the grave’s dark cradle.
Aug 7, 2025
Aug 7, 2025 at 12:51 PM UTC
Shoot the bird in the foot
Let the sin drip down your chin
You've downed your prey
And held them at bay.
Now sink your fangs into flesh and blood
And pierce the veins
With their flowing crimson.
The mess before you
Feathers strewn about
Clean and white and dotted with red.
Doesn't their fear astound you
The beating of a heart in their breast
Dark eye does dart around
And nails scratch for any grip.
Don't you tear into them more
And revel at the meal?
The way their screams part from their lips
Like an innocent bird
What have they done to deserve this?
Mortal bones break
Mortal flesh tears
Mortal blood does weep.
Does the crimson not shine in the light
Like an expensive wine in a fantasy's delight?
It's blue inside
Not red.
It's white
Not red.
The flesh falling away from the bone
With phalanges exposed to the cold night air.
I saw it happen,
When you peeled the skin away
The layer of white like that of a peeled apple
being prepared for a pie.
When you pierced the cheek with your sharp white points.
When your lips graced the curve of the neck and suckled until crimson spilled.
The velvety black inside your mouth,
Corrupted with the scarlet red
of fresh blood from the vein in which it came.
Does it not bother you?
When you dismantle your prey as though you are a bird of the night
And them a sleepy songbird wishing for a roost?
Hunger.
It must burden you so
To blink when a heart beats and roars
And to hold back the tempest inside
Lest you expose your most private secret in front of the crowds.
How I wish it does so.
Forever.
May you never feel the joy of taking the lives of them all at once.
May you cower in the darkness
And hide within the deepest shadows
Not because the sunlight burns,
No, because the men will hunt you and make your kind known as they sharpen their wooden spears.
And none of you will be safe again.
Bleed your bird
Drain your victim
They are perhaps helpless alone
But the cluster of many is the terror you shall know, forevermore.
Aug 5, 2025
Aug 5, 2025 at 2:44 AM UTC
When I look at your photograph I wish to God that you were back
Just you and I as one together
All our memories rush through my mind
I’m wishing and hoping every night
That you'll come back to me forever
Can’t you tell I still love you? That isn’t hard to see
Can’t you tell I still want you? And this is where you should be
In My arms tonight(In my arms tonight)
You belong here by my side
In my arms tonight (In my arms tonight)
For a feeling that’s so right
In my arms tonight (making love to you)
Making love to you all night
In my arms tonight (Love will never die)
No my love will never die in my arms tonight
I feel so frightened and all alone
Always wishing to hear your voice on the phone
Just to tell me that you really care
I want to reach out and take your hand
And guide you to our promised land but I know that’s just my prayer
Can’t you tell I still need you? Is that so hard to see?
Don’t you know that I’m hurting? My God, it’s killing me
In My arms tonight(In my arms tonight)
You belong here by my side
In my arms tonight (In my arms tonight)
For a feeling that’s so right
In my arms tonight (making love to you)
Making love to you all night
In my arms tonight (Love will never die)
No my love will never die in my arms tonight
I can’t sleep at night (Those memories)
I’m crying out my plea (Please hear me)
It cuts like a knife (So deep now)
Come back to me; Yeah
In My arms tonight(In my arms tonight)
You belong here by my side
In my arms tonight (In my arms tonight)
For a feeling that’s so right
In my arms tonight (making love to you)
Making love to you all night
In my arms tonight(Love will never die)
No my love will never die in my arms tonight
May 25, 2025
May 25, 2025 at 1:06 PM UTC
Guilt, guilt, guilt
As far as I can see
Weight, weight, wait!
Its crashing down on me
Shame upon my name
Rehabilitate with blame
Change, change, strange
Things still stay the same
Jun 19, 2025
Jun 19, 2025 at 8:14 PM UTC
Thank the God I don't believe in
Thank the ones I do
Thank the mistakes I've made
And how they beat me blue
Jun 19, 2025
Jun 19, 2025 at 7:45 PM UTC
Oh how the saying makes me sick while excuses, there are not,
Decisions to decisions, word's weaponed from thought.
So, a new turn of phrase; is born within the dark;
words I whispered to myself, a lone,
A Sky-cyphers Scribble-sailing mark.
For the first and only time,
Not of me but you
These writing's wordings weave a web,
of synthesized virtue.
To be spoken allowed to oneself,
read, written or thought,
Of each word that's now misused- their purposes forgot.
examined, explained, investigated my life
As if speech were the blade, written words are the knife.
all of the meaning and every moral, we tether to our mortal coil
Life and it's significance- of time, distilled in transience .
The concept of fate & of destiny, too
Both insinuate journey, the movement through
How, now, can our destinations insue
We'll come Home, its depths, are dreams of blue.
*between the church hymn
And under haiku
It is,
Ravled in deep bules*
Apr 3, 2025
Apr 3, 2025 at 2:33 AM UTC
I scrub my hands, the color stays,
a crimson thread through all my days.
No river drowns, no fire burns,
the past still twists, the memory turns.
Their voice still lingers in the air,
a fading ghost, a hollow prayer.
I trace the steps I can’t erase,
shadows whisper, time won’t chase.
The mirror sighs, it knows my name,
a hymn of blame beneath its breath.
And though the world still spins the same,
I bear the weight—I wait for death.
Feb 21, 2025
Feb 21, 2025 at 11:11 AM UTC
I am nature.
I am tidal waves.
I am a doe surrounded in a flowered clearing.
I am a pack of vicious, snarling dogs.
I am fear.
I am always reacting with flight.
I am an Arctic freeze.
I am a ***** in heat.
I am thawed.
I am flood.
I am the wood of a madman’s arc.
I am what brought you here.
I am what rots away.
Dec 31, 2024
Dec 31, 2024 at 12:41 PM UTC
We met three times
Over fifteen years.
The disagreement paled
In light of his diagnosis.
He unexpectedly appeared
At my door, then stood in my kitchen.
He had a few serious questions
About brotherly affections,
And after spitting into my sink
(the poor man)
He wondered if I thought less of him
For not sending cards at Christmas and birthdays.
Is that what he came to say?
Next was at our last family wedding.
He was still steady on his feet.
We were five Irish lads.
The sisters said he was the handsome one.
He was.
There are six of us posing in this final shot.
He's wearing a Lucille Ball tie,
Losened around his neck,
Yet covering the gill-like scar
Running from lobe to lobe.
His hands are buried deep
In his pants' pockets.
His smile says Good-bye.
I saw him for the last time
A few weeks later,
Standing, bent and coughing
At the intersedtion of the roadway and Nature Trail.
His rib cage raging from contortions.
He waved off an offered ride.
And then he was gone.
It took us years to get here.
Nov 8, 2024
Nov 8, 2024 at 9:47 AM UTC
The soft murmurs
of deep repose
whisper to me,
a breeze across my shallow heart,
As I slip into blurred lines
between life and eternal rest.
The unruly yet calming
resonance blesses my weary eyes
with a tender kiss.
Above, clouds continue
to grace the sky,
and even then,
I can't seem to muster up
whatever resides within;
This tide of once pure emotion,
I now must learn to resist.
Oct 14, 2024
Oct 14, 2024 at 4:48 PM UTC
For bloodlines are linked only by blood
My emotions come out in a drowning flood
We only share a last name
For all these years I’ve fallen fool to your game
No remorse to the ones with the worse
Only greed and fame, it’ll always be the same
We are linked not by love anymore
The stress laid down is like an aching sore
I’ll no longer be trapped in your thickening mud
For bloodlines are linked only by blood
Sep 23, 2024
Sep 23, 2024 at 9:49 PM UTC
I struggle between the truth and peace
Balancing on this crystal beam—
So fragile, on the edge of breaking
As I try to make myself lighter
To keep it in place.
I keep it in place
And it keeps me in pieces.
I would shrivel to nothing
For this.
I would disappear—
Just say the word.
I’m sorry.
How many more times
Must I say it?
I’m sorry.
You never said that to me.
I know I’m the one in the wrong
But it hurts like white-hot tongs
And I cannot ever sing you this song
So I let go of the pain and move on.
Sep 23, 2024
Sep 23, 2024 at 8:13 PM UTC