#rebuilding
I pointed a sword at the sky
and I cursed you for what went unsaid,
But it wasn't just you who misspoke,
I was your queen of dread–
A push-pull of a fantasy
or a nightmare we disguised,
Dancing around a meadow
seeing love with cloudy eyes,
The rain just kept on pouring
that day we said goodbye,
I stared at the sun almost begging
for sunny days and clearer skies
For awhile it stopped raining,
not even a sprinkle in the night,
The meadow lost all of its color
it turned to sand– it wasn't right
Though I am fond of sandcastles
figured I could reshape the earth,
Poured myself a drink–
Flipped eight cups and got to work,
But while I focused planning
something stopped me in my tracks,
Beneath my dunes of escapism
there was a single tulip growing back.
May 17
May 17, 2026 at 9:40 PM UTC
You thought I would break
slowly, quietly,
the way a life erodes when no one’s watching.
But I didn’t stay down.
I walked out of the wreckage
still breathing,
still becoming.
I carry you—
not as a weight,
but as a small ember
I sometimes feel glowing
in the pocket of my memory.
From what shattered,
I built something steady:
a voice that doesn’t shake,
a love that doesn’t disappear,
a life that holds its shape
even when the wind rises.
You linger in the soft corners of my mind.
I let it ache when it needs to.
Because the truth is this:
you were the force
that taught me how to land
when falling felt like fate.
You were the storm.
I was the field—
flattened, changed,
but seeded with something
that only grows after lightning.
Your imprint stays—
faint, indelible—
a watermark on the man I’ve become.
My heart still stirs
at what you gave,
what you broke,
what you revealed.
Your shadow moves through old dreams.
Your voice echoes
in the quiet between breaths.
But I stand now—
whole, loved, alive—
not despite what we were,
but because I walked through it
and kept going.
Your beauty fades only in time,
never in meaning.
I keep you in the gentlest chamber of my heart—
not as the wound that cut me,
but as the wind
that pushed me forward
into the light
I didn’t know I could claim.
Dec 28, 2025
Dec 28, 2025 at 11:18 AM UTC
To the one who might love me next,
I need you to know me
before you try to hold me.
I am not a clean slate.
I am not untouched stone.
I am a mosaic—
shattered more times than I ever wanted,
pieced back together
with shaking hands
and quiet prayers to be stronger
than the things that tried to end me.
People before you have left marks.
Some small, some deep,
some I still feel in the dark
when the world goes quiet.
I have been cheated on—
made to believe I wasn’t enough
while someone else was handed
the truth I was begging for.
I have been manipulated,
pulled like a string
in someone else’s game.
I have been threatened,
made to fear the walls around me,
made to question the ground beneath me.
And I have been assaulted,
in ways that changed
how I trust my own body,
how I see my own worth,
how I carry myself through this world.
So if you choose to love me,
you must walk with care.
Not pity—just understanding.
Not fear—just gentleness.
Because I am still learning
how to believe in safety,
how to accept softness
without bracing for the blow.
I may flinch at kindness.
I may question your words
even when you mean them.
I may need reassurance
on days when my past feels louder
than your touch.
I may seem cautious,
slow to open,
afraid of being too much
and not enough
all at once.
I am not unlovable—
but I am healing.
And healing is messy,
fragile,
courageous.
So if you are here
to play games,
to test my heart,
to offer affection with one hand
while reaching for someone else with the other—
please leave me untouched.
I’ve survived enough storms
to know when lightning is coming.
But if you are here
to be gentle with a girl
who has walked through fire,
to love someone who has learned
to stand on wounded feet,
then know this:
I may feel broken,
but I am not beyond love.
I am not beyond hope.
I am not beyond being rebuilt
by patience, tenderness,
and hands that do not tremble
with cruelty.
To my future love—
I don’t need saving.
I just need someone
who won’t make the wounds
I’m already carrying
any heavier.
Dec 2, 2025
Dec 2, 2025 at 8:45 PM UTC
The nucleic acid of a train of thought derailed
finding footing only after the ship has sailed
Remembering only the times you have failed
Holding onto hope after all your shipmates bailed
Can you open yourself again
To honest conversation?
Will you let someone be a friend?
Or will you dwell in devastation?
I ask a blank page questions
searching for relief
something tangible to grab - a lesson
to ease an aching grief
Hope is a pain - a longing from the heart
Faith is the scaffolding built
From the knowledge it does impart
Don't become shaken - Don't get filled with filth
You can live in the world - and not drown
In its depravity and shame
You can still earn the gift - a righteous crown
As long as you know His Name.
I am not trying to preach at you
I am NOT the one to condemn who you are
I don't know where you've been - true
But I know that faith's not far
Reaching out to the void - so cold
For a spark only faint to return
Don't fear yourself being bold
Don't fear the cleansing burn -
You can find the hope inside you
To breathe through the next few moments
To rebuild your scaffolding - What will you do?
Throw the tools back - or use the remaining components?
You can rebuild from ashes
from any state of fear
even after life completely crashes
and steals what you hold dear.
You CAN try to do it without faith
I am sure that you have tried
It is harder and you will find more ache
But - you don't have to buy the world - and how it's lied
Oct 29, 2025
Oct 29, 2025 at 1:46 PM UTC
Boxes became my constant companions,
each house a temporary heartbeat.
I built homes with one hand holding a child,
the other gripping resilience.
Jan 11, 2025
Jan 11, 2025 at 4:16 PM UTC
I loved you and you broke my heart
Always, did I think you had a soft heart
However, you proved me wrong
For me, did you feel nothing
To you, was I merely a tool
And you turned me into a lovestruck fool!
I loved you and you broke my heart
So badly was I hurt
That I went into depression for two full months
You made me lose faith
And created self-doubts in my mind
To you, was I too kind
Hence, did I suffer a lot
Trustworthy, you certainly were not!!
I loved you and you broke my heart
My self-esteem fell apart
My mind took over my heart
And insecurities began to tear me apart
However, I was not as weak as you would have thought
Neither was I a crackpot
Loving family and friends, did I have
As well as a strong will to live
I decided to focus completely on work
After all, I did not have time to worry about jerks
Today, have I become far more successful
Than you can ever be, you miserable little devil!!
I loved you and you broke my heart
But I began to rebuild, part by part
Thus, have I grown stronger
And become happier
Thanks to the will of Jesus Christ
Definitely, have I done my best
To recover from the trauma you inflicted on me
However, does the fact remain, that you tried to break me
Someone who genuinely cared for you
Yes, really did I love you
And you broke my heart
Truly, are you nothing but a cheat
However, I CAN forgive you once and for all
But it will take some time
One, because you truly are a ball of slime
Two, because I also need to heal
For now, try to be a good human being for once
Even if the very thought of it makes you wince!!
Jul 11, 2024
Jul 11, 2024 at 2:45 AM UTC
From a place of emptiness
Hopelessness
You filled my heart to brim
Possibility within
The bubble has burst
But as the light catches the scattered mist
Red to indigo
Your easel
So while your palette remains sombrely tinted
Azure shades and golden hues emerge within your brushstroke
Nov 11, 2023
Nov 11, 2023 at 6:37 PM UTC
The deafening overwhelm of nothing
When the credits fade
Or the note hits its final crescendo
The “thank you for watching”
soundwaves enter your eardrums
Your surroundings stare back, begging you to pay attention
The clothes piles
The ***** dishes
Dust on shelves and countertops
Everywhere is clutter
Walking is a landmine
Suddenly it hits:
You can’t tell the difference between now and five days ago
You know that something aches
Maybe the chemical imbalance, maybe the loss of an old friend
It could even be everything
But it’s definitely something
I can feel it every time I wake up and I smother myself back to sleep
sometimes I won't even let myself use the bathroom
But there’s plans in the diary
And an exciting life laying the footpath ahead of me
And yet
The silence blasts in my ears
And sores my eyes
Hollowing me inside
I’ve always been like this
I just don’t know if I have it in me
To roll up my sleeves
And try again.
Sep 19, 2023
Sep 19, 2023 at 8:24 PM UTC
Restoration
Rebuilding
Reshaping
Filling in the fissures that have opened up
Between us
Within us
Fissures can become canyons
Sometimes suddenly
With a great roar of sound and cloud of dust
Sometimes gradually
Worn away by a river of neglect and dismissal
Both sides carry these fissures within
Wounds that can fester
How do we close these gaps?
Between us
Within us
First both must see
Acknowledge
Desire to heal
But there are no guarantees
Rebuilding relationships
Righting wrongs
Seeking and offering forgiveness
None of this can be done alone
Without community
In a vacuum
Sometimes the fissures become scars
Calcified and brittle
Painful when poked but otherwise unnoticed
The wound may heal over
But the fissure may never
Completely
Close
Oct 6, 2020
Oct 6, 2020 at 8:16 PM UTC
There is broken stone under my feet,
toppled pillars, their carved surfaces
reduced to dust now filtering through
the stray rays of light.
The windows now wide open
like wounds, like the skies and seas.
This fallen cathedral is a signal,
this is holy ground
you may never tread on.
These ruins are my birthplace,
the dying light, my mother.
These stones are my bones,
the fractured columns witness
my recreation.
I am new,
fresh,
unbroken,
untouched
And as I open my eyes for the first time,
the wind fills my lungs and kisses my lips.
And I am in love once more.
I am in love with the light
breaking through the clouds,
in love with a warmth
that I've never felt before.
In love with the seas beyond my walls
and the ivy beneath my feet.
I am in love with life
and what I am slowly becoming
Fiercely in love with the breaking
and the tearing: the shedding of old skin.
And I am happy
I am wild
I am free
I am home
Jun 18, 2020
Jun 18, 2020 at 6:59 AM UTC
You pierced and devoured me like a delicacy
Silly boy didn't realise you can't digest a soul
I'll be coming back up
And it's inevitable that you're going to get sick
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 3:59 PM UTC
It’s quite the contrary
For the things that nearly broke me
To end up as the very foundation of my rebuilding
The same things that caused my crumble
That left me in wreckage
Buried in debris
Questioning if I could ever again stand on my feet
Became the cornerstone of my very being
That which didn’t **** me, though it nearly
Truly did make me stronger
I once stood with shaky knees and trembling hands
Legs threatening to buckle beneath me
It was the hell of it all
Collapsing into myself
The final straw that caused my longest darkest fall
That forced me to pick up the pieces
And build myself into an indestructible wall
Because it was either build or wallow and die amongst the wreckage
Either craft myself a lifeboat
Or drown in the sea
But I chose to stay afloat
And now all the bad things
They’re what make me, me
Of course I don’t think
I deserved what happened to me
But these were the seeds that were planted
That which nourished my growth
These are the cornerstone
They tried to break me
But all they did was make my structure unwavering
May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 12:43 AM UTC
If the sky should fall
And leave the brittle bones of our living
Shattered
Like teeth in the blackened angry mouth
Of a hag
What then?
Do we weep salt tears
For that which is lost and cannot be found
Raise a fist in anger to a savage God
Who will not hear our cries
As we wander through our ruined lives
Looking for salvation.
Do we bend our backs?
Put stone on stone on stone and build a wall
Make it strong
To foil the ravening wolves
Of fear and cruel self doubt
A solid moat to keep them out
And us within
While we begin
Again!
Apr 16, 2020
Apr 16, 2020 at 12:27 PM UTC
Learn to love
the lies from your mother.
An illusion childhood is better than reality.
Learn to love
the distance between you and your father,
irreconcilable differences
do not define a lack in your worth.
Learn to love
that child as your own,
she may live to destroy in the moment,
but that girl will grow.
Learn to love
the house you grew up in.
Walls are just walls
and you will escape the trauma between them.
Learn to love.
It will be better for you,
through thickness and through thin and all that crap.
Learn to love,
yourself and everything you create.
Learn to love.
Mar 16, 2020
Mar 16, 2020 at 2:28 AM UTC
i'm surprising you in 4 days, 21 hours, and 2,938 seconds.
you have 4 days 21 hours, and 2,938 seconds to finally realize i am not who you want
or who you deserve
i have 4 days, 21 hours, and 2,938 seconds to prepare myself
for you to leave
i have 4 days, 21 hours, and 2,938 seconds to stop overthinking
you're gone and i'm done counting
Apr 8, 2020
Apr 8, 2020 at 3:46 AM UTC
Found without a face,
embraced,
entranced by one another through fate,
bound by eternity,
time,
and space,
rebuilt from crumbled dust,
fighting through crumpled trust.
Apr 1, 2020
Apr 1, 2020 at 6:13 PM UTC
I have long since come to accept that you chose a different way.
I can even say it out loud to myself and my tears will stay away.
Sometimes I am convinced that I am well and everything is fine.
Yet still come days of soft shadow, remembering how you were mine.
Mar 6, 2020
Mar 6, 2020 at 11:06 PM UTC
I am undoing myself again
The string once held now yanked from its place
Uprooting more then it’s existence
Unraveling each thing
I thought saved me
The remnants
Not even balled up on the floor
But sprawled across each crevice
The light invasively seeping in with authority
Subtly forcing each fiber into compliancy
But not permanently
Jan 29, 2020
Jan 29, 2020 at 3:40 AM UTC
Twisting turning through life sometimes seen through others eyes
Living in recovery, injuries that can't be seen, but felt so deeply, crushing my soul and deflating my heart.
Forgiving, feeling, thinking clearly, seeing light and its warmth touching every part.
To see you pains me like I was right at the start, thoughts creep in weaken me like fall leaves under a strong breeze.
I tell myself I'm better now far from those days when you had me on my knees begging and pleading like everything's my fault.
That's over now.
Feb 26, 2020
Feb 26, 2020 at 8:44 AM UTC
Twisting turning through life sometimes seen through others eyes
Living in recovery, injuries that can't be seen, but felt so deeply, crushing my soul and deflating my heart.
Forgiving, feeling, thinking clearly, seeing light and its warmth touching every part.
To see you pains me like I was right at the start, thoughts creep in weaken me like fall leaves under a strong breeze.
I tell myself I'm better now far from those days when you had me on my knees begging and pleading like everything's my fault.
That's over now.
Oct 21, 2019
Oct 21, 2019 at 7:35 PM UTC
#
*You have a foundation that you can feel now--
its load-points, bearing directly on top
**of Love's firm bedrock.
Whatever you** want to become on top of that
is whatever you believe your loved core
is worthy of being built in to (becoming).*
#
Oct 4, 2019
Oct 4, 2019 at 10:32 PM UTC
It's like a stupid, ******* game of Jenga or building blocks.
A proud child will spend all their time building, constructing, carefully, and tediously placing one block atop the other.
A big beautiful tower.
Glowing, the child basks in the glory and contentment of having created such a beautiful thing from such hard work.
But alas, the tower crashes and falls.
Blocks spilling everywhere and in all directions.
Complete annihilation.
The child is devastated.
It must begin from scratch.
Picking up and also having to find where the pieces may have landed.
Tears in her eyes, she recuperates and she grudgingly must begin anew.
An entire new tower from the debris.
I am the tower.
I am the child.
I must begin again.
Apr 1, 2019
Apr 1, 2019 at 1:05 PM UTC