#realme
To love me is to put up with a messiness I inherited from my mother.
The displays of self loathing and self sabotage i work on daily.
The clothes I leave on the floor.
The coffee cups in the sink.
The bed unmade and the too many shoes.
To love me is to deal with an annoying amount of independence I inherited from my father.
The acts of self serving that I work on daily.
The know it all moments when I’m working on something or fixing something.
The confidence in my work ethic, my persona & who I am.
The laughter I have over everything.
To love me is to know the loyalty and respect I’ve inherited from my stepmom.
The empathy I still long for and work to find daily.
The care over details.
The nurture I give when you’re sad or sick.
The standing up for you but also putting you in your place.
To love me is to cope with the stoic coldness and wandering spirit I’ve inherited from my grandma.
The parts of me you’ll never fully know that I work to show you daily.
The look of dismay I sometimes don’t know is on my face.
The inability to stay in one place for too long without going insane.
The moments I want to run away and never look back.
To love me is to cope.
Cope with knowing sometimes I’m mean.
Sometimes I’m sad.
And sometimes I love fiercely and passionately.
To love me is to love all of me.
Everything I’ve inherited and everything I’ve learned and unlearned over time.
To love me is to be loved in return.
Nov 29, 2023
Nov 29, 2023 at 10:02 AM UTC
Do you know me?
Do you actually know me?
Or are you just assuming how I am by my looks?
I don’t know what you think or how you see me
But you don’t seem to know me
I am me
And I never showed you who I am
You just assumed it
Like I’m a rumor
Everything somebody says about me is true.
No
-
That’s a lie.
I don’t know what people tell about me and I actually don’t think I’m anybody’s topic.
I am just me
And if you would ask me
I would show you who I am and how I am
Because I am me
I am just me
And I don’t allow everybody to see me
To see the real me
Because I am the real me
See me how I am or see me how you want to see me
Don’t judge
Ask if you want to know something about me
Don’t assume
Just ask it
Because I am just me and actually not here to judge people by their looks
I am here to find out who some people really are
Because everybody is just a me
And somebody may not know me
May 17, 2020
May 17, 2020 at 2:13 PM UTC
I am someone who doesn’t know himself after all these years.
I am someone who has unknown fears.
I am someone who wants to express without being vocal.
I am someone who wants to share, without being social.
I am someone who doesn’t care but still cares.
I am someone who looks harsh but has emotional layers.
I am someone who enjoys loneliness, the company of his own.
I am someone who connects and stares through the phone.
I am someone who wants to travel roads and miles.
I am someone whose life is entangled in files.
I am someone who dreams like a child.
I am someone who acts weird and wild.
I am a human, a mere human I am.
This is who I am, I have no shame.
Dec 1, 2019
Dec 1, 2019 at 10:16 AM UTC
i get up
from bed
staring blankly
i look at myself
in the mirror
and got myself ready
as i was about
to head out
i see the mask
i sighed and
got it from
my desk
as i put it on
tears escaping
from my eyes
i thought
i could be who i am..
but the real me... already
died
Mar 8, 2020
Mar 8, 2020 at 10:11 AM UTC
When the real me isn’t good enough.
It *****
When I’m honest, I hurt.
When I’m open, people hate me.
When I lose control for one second, people take distance from me.
Loose hope in me, don’t hire me, make dreams beyond me.
Being truly myself is always a huge risk for me
And hurting people is the last thing I want.
A slip is so easily made
In the most important and most intimate moments
It breaks the existing and the possible
The sad thing is, the moments in which I feel good,
When I’m happy, energetic, loved,
Then when I’m most myself,
Those are the moments I mess up.
So what now?
Is there no happiness, freedom and love for me?
Because it creates danger zones for myself and for others?
I don’t know man, I don’t know.
**** like this always happens at a peak,
A peak of love, happiness, freedom,
I think I’m finally there,
The space of being my energetic self,
And then I knock myself down,
Or someone else does it for me.
To the place of not being myself,
To the restricted, humble, polite, considerate form
Of myself
Which I have learned to create over the years.
I am in a sad situation.
I try so hard, so hard, to have the two,
The happiness, freedom and love without hurting others,
But on days like this, my hope tumbles down again,
To the pitch black reality,
Of me.
Feb 5, 2020
Feb 5, 2020 at 2:39 PM UTC
I feel like I became a different person everyday
I wish I could remember who the real me was so that I can be okay.
Every time the sunsets it takes away a part of me.
I keep losing myself each day.
why do I feel like the stars are created by the little pieces that the sun took away from me?
I try day by day to get the missing pieces back but they are just so many I lost count.
Sep 19, 2018
Sep 19, 2018 at 7:45 PM UTC
you "know" me.
but you don't know me.
the me you know,
is a bright, introverted mess.
an artist with a touch of glitter.
a stranger.
i, on the other hand,
am dull on both the inside,
and outside.
my emotion is yet to be determined
even by me.
and negativity is the highlight
of my personality.
you don't know me -
you don't want to know me.
- v.m
Aug 25, 2018
Aug 25, 2018 at 11:21 AM UTC
I’ve been drinking last night
I am not proud
It didn’t end up well
But
After such a long time
I felt like I belong
Somewhere
I could talk
And I did
I kissed, I laughed
And today I don’t remeber much
I’ve asked myself many times
Why do I do this?
Drink until I can’t control myself
For such a long time
I haven’t known the answer
But I know it now
Well, it is easy
To lose yourself to alcohol
To forget everything
Especially who you are
To become someone else
And I like it
I like to be that loud girl
Who does what she wants
Who doesn’t care about opinions
Who kisses whoever she likes
I do like that
I LOVE being wild
´Cause that’s the exact opposite of my true self
That’s why I drink
Jul 20, 2018
Jul 20, 2018 at 6:16 AM UTC
Is it bad that change myself to conform with society?
That I’ve changed so much
I’ve forgotten the real me?
Sure, society is changing
But I want to be the REAL me NOW.
Not to sound bratty or whiney,
But it’s been long enough of people hiding behind false smiles
And fake laughter
Of people hiding behind a persona they make for themselves
We want to be who we want now.
When’s it going to happen?
When can I walk into school
Without fear of being bullied for what I wear
When can I walk the streets
Without fear of being *****
When can I walk into a room
Without judging stares
When will any of this happen?
Is it bad I’ve created a false image of myself?
That I fear being judged so much
That I changed everything about myself,
That I can’t remember what the real me looks like
I used to be a sweet, somewhat girly kid.
Now, I dress like a boy
So not to get others attention,
I intimidate the **** out of others
So not to get bullied for being small,
I don’t show feeling,
So not to be judged for being weak.
I just want to be the real me,
Just once in my life without fear
Of what others will say.
Apr 3, 2018
Apr 3, 2018 at 7:23 PM UTC
The real me
what is it
Is it defining a character
or
Is it knowing one's actions
My family and friends think they know me
but
how can that be
when i don't even know
the real
me!
May 1, 2017
May 1, 2017 at 4:21 PM UTC
I have 100% been through hell. I have been through so much my whole life. I've been judged and bullied for 10 years. I've been hurt physically, emotionally, and mentally. I've been threatened over and over again. I've been Abandoned and alone a lot for long amounts of time. I've felt love toward someone for 10 years (almost 11), that person hurt me 3 times and put through heart shattering pain.
Do you know what it feels like to be hurt by someone you love so much that you don't know what to do with yourself? Do you know what it's like to love someone for 10 years, then get rejected and your heart broken by that same person and still love and wanna be with them? Do you know what it's like to hate yourself so much that your too ashamed to go or do anything, because your too fat, too ugly, or you just don't fit in?
Well all of that, It's me. Every last bit. I know I am a crazy mess. I know I am a pathetic, ugly, fat, loser, that has a loving caring family, but a really messed up life. That is the person I am in my eyes. So if you really think I am "all that", a "showoff", someone who's "perfect". Yeah, well, Guess what... There is no such thing as "perfect" and I know that very well.
I do not do or go through all this ******** to get attention.
I do not tell you who I am or "show the real me" because I will scare you away like everyone else.
So.. I guess this is goodbye because I know you'll run like everyone else.
Apr 10, 2017
Apr 10, 2017 at 3:58 AM UTC
The helpless of my heart;
Pleads to remove these burdens.
My mind and I
Are having debatable
Conversations on whether I’m
Fine or not,
But my settings start to
Twist with my plot.
I was here,
Then there.
I’m so caught in my mind,
I didn’t notice the eye stares.
A normal day for me is rare.
Preparing myself for my long
Journey walk.
Only ashes and dust comes out
As I begin to talk.
Black is surrounding me with a splash
Of blood.
The insides of my hands is *****
And my fingernails are full
Of mud;
From where I tried to bury;
My sins.
I try to drink my soul away
Just in case I don’t get in.
I close my eyes to a million
Memories,
Good and bad.
They flash before my eyes,
Like a movie being replayed.
The devil is feasting on me,
From Marci soul I prepared
And accidently made.
I feel homeless in time.
I feel I’ve been gone for
A decade.
Nothing will never change,
And my grin will remain false.
My pearly white teeth I smile
Will remain fault
To what’s hidden beneath.
My warm hugs I give for a greet,
Is only a cold shoulder I give
Because no one knows the
Real me.
-Marci H.
Nov 19, 2015
Nov 19, 2015 at 5:33 PM UTC
Cold to the touch
Rose cheeks
It's gripping slowly and sweetly
But tight and cold
They don't see
My true pain
They don't believe
My mind
Maybe it's better that way
To never speak
To shut up
And sleep forever
Maybe
Nov 28, 2014
Nov 28, 2014 at 10:54 PM UTC