#reallife
My brain wakes up every morning
like a raccoon
that somehow gained access
to the control panel of my life.
Apparently today’s priority is
organising the kitchen cupboard.
Not normally organising it.
No.
Alphabetically.
By snacks.
Because obviously
the digestive biscuit situation
has been out of control
for far too long.
Halfway through alphabetising
the crisps
my brain suddenly remembers
FINANCES!
So we open the laptop.
Twenty minutes later
I have:
• seventeen tabs open
• three spreadsheets
• a calculator
• a YouTube video about sharks
• and a deep curiosity
about why pigeons walk
like they’re late
for a business meeting.
During this time
my brain also decides
we must:
clean the kettle,
check the fridge,
move the same spoon
four times
because apparently
spoons have vibes.
Then I walk into another room
and immediately forget
why I went in there.
So I walk back out.
Then back in.
Then back out again.
Like a very confused character
in a video game
waiting for the player
to remember the mission.
At one point
I just stand there
staring at the wall
while the loading wheel
in my head spins
like
please wait… brain buffering…
But here’s the truly ridiculous part.
After all the chaos
the random side quests
and the mental parkour
somehow
the bills get paid.
The house is organised.
The problems get solved.
And I sit there thinking
that was
without question
the most unnecessarily complicated
route to success
in human history
but apparently
this brain
refuses to take the motorway
when it can take
every scenic route
in the country
first.
Anyway…
the cupboard looks amazing
and I have no idea
how the taxes got done
but I’m not questioning it.
Mar 21
Mar 21, 2026 at 7:39 AM UTC
You picked
the wrong house
to try and make an example of.
Our dogs bark
when we’re out —
and suddenly you’re
street patrol,
noise control,
self-appointed council role.
But every night
your doorstep’s a carousel —
trainers on gravel,
hoods pulled low,
hands moving quiet
but not subtle.
Funny how your ears work
selectively.
You can hear a bark
through two walls
but not deals
through your own front door.
Selective outrage
must be convenient.
Because across the road
your front garden
turned fight night —
grown women swinging pride,
rolling in the grass,
dignity spilling faster
than their arguments.
And somehow
my dogs
are the disruption?
Let’s talk disruption.
We don’t shout.
We don’t host traffic.
We don’t turn pavements
into performance art.
We don’t draw drama
to our doorstep
like it’s décor.
We keep to ourselves.
Not because we’re weak —
because we’ve already
survived too much noise.
You see quiet
and think push-over.
You see private
and think prey.
That’s your mistake.
These dogs you moan about?
They stood by us
when stability was temporary
and the streets were colder
than neighbourly smiles.
They bark
because they guard.
They bark
because they care.
They bark
because loyalty
doesn’t come silent.
And you —
with your revolving door evenings
and your garden gladiator episodes —
think we’re the chaos?
No.
We’re the only house
on this street
not broadcasting dysfunction.
You confuse restraint
for fear.
You confuse peace
for weakness.
You confuse our silence
for permission.
We don’t complain
about your nightly kick-offs.
We don’t document your drama.
We don’t threaten letters.
We mind our business.
Maybe try it.
Because we fought
to get off the streets.
We fought
for this roof.
We fought
for this stability.
And we’re not moving
because you need
someone quieter than you
to feel powerful.
If you want order —
start at home.
If you want silence —
check your own volume.
If you want to bully someone —
find someone
who hasn’t already survived
worse than you.
Wrong house.
Wrong people.
Wrong assumption.
Peaceful
does not mean
powerless.
Feb 14
Feb 14, 2026 at 11:52 AM UTC
They stole your youth,
And they stole your words:
The rockers of Kiiminki
And Oulu
Saw your talent,
And they were envious.
I know your style,
And I know who the thieves are.
The audience doesn't know you:
Your old band mates didn't give you
Any credit.
(The audience is yours, really,
Not theirs.)
With this poem,
I want to tell you about Aadi:
He looked like Kid Rock,
And he was an honest and
A gentle man.
He would've been a great husband and
A great dad,
But he ended up with the wrong gang.
Jan 31
Jan 31, 2026 at 1:31 PM UTC
From afar, it looks surreal
This wan future I think true
But what I claim I know is there
Many others see right through
Such romantic ideation
Makes it easy to stay far
For I know on my approaching
I will see things as they are
While I dream of what I’ve made it
I forget to count the cost
Since in staring at this fiction
I don't see the time I’ve lost
But that scene I thought was waiting
Is in fact a better place
For the distance keeps me lonely
While the closeness brings embrace
Although fantasy is easy
For we men who don’t want near
Choosing truth with imperfection
Will do more to settle fear
When the haze of your own fiction
Dissipates to what is true
You find meaning in the desert
And become more real, too.
Dec 30, 2025
Dec 30, 2025 at 3:44 PM UTC
today, I'm a leaf clinging—
on a morning branch swinging
long stretched evenings
Apr 16, 2025
Apr 16, 2025 at 10:17 PM UTC
The badger was digging all out,
In search of some grubs, no doubt.
With dirt flying high,
He let out a sigh,
And left quite a mess all about!
Aug 19, 2024
Aug 19, 2024 at 11:07 AM UTC
Learned more from this pain than i ever did from a church.
Listening to your gut but make sure you detox it first.
**** be killin me softly, leave me in a Hearse,
Never a good thing when i hear from you first.
Be careful what you see,
even salt look like sugar,
Maturity is not throwing salt when you know you could've,
And not smackin ******* when you know you should've.
People Be like "oh i miss you"
**** i miss me too.
Had to use these teflon tissues to get me thru,
You not alone, **** i wanna be with me too,
Deadass On some days , smiles were too good to be true.
I be business minded when i be minding my business.
And ****** be ******* and ******* be on some ***** ****
Overcame this novocain,
Recasted the impression of depression,
Ring around the rosary,
Never relying on religion.
Im from a home of funny bones
And My elbows been ashy,
I knew It would take more than macaroni art to kraft me,
And i been itching for this platform
If you ask me,
I used to wonder if i was a real person.
I used to wonder like what's my real purpose?
When i was young ,I taught my shadow to stick to my toes,
When lifes a battle, I fought to stick to mottos.
As a poet i never looked at it this way,
I never booked myself for this reading.
I was overbooked.
I bookmarked my favorite moments ,
I been forever overlooked.
And never understood what "more" ment,
I been overcooked.
The preheating of this season left me bleeding.
This farenheit left me heavy breathin
No fear of heights but Excuse me while I fall from
- grace -
me with your presence and
These broken promises,
Never been transparent to this degree,
Had to leave that monster house.
That was my American horror story.
I used to be couped up,
Had to tell double d to get outta my laboratory,
See mfs want my jazz but not my blues,
They Wanna be in my class but aint payed they dues,
Yall be Morally incorrect,
....More or less...
Lately i been Moralless,
Need to get saved no church bells ,
Put me on the zach Morris list,
These rhymes be like my confessions,
Front row seat to my ascension,
Carry out this life to which we've been sentenced,
Delivery me from evil - with even more incentives,
I dream in MLA format.
Double spaced a letter to my younger self,
Just some **** I wish i told the older me
A ***** laundry list of things I thought ought to be owed to me,
My OCD be blowin me,
Need all my ducks in a row,
My prolonged silence been leading this Crescendo,
Im not playing NO GAMES, fuxk you and your Nintendo.
Mar 10, 2021
Mar 10, 2021 at 10:00 PM UTC
You think you deserve something but life slaps you upon the head and throws you down reminding you that after all you've doneyou don't deserve ****
I had a strokeabout a week ago and there as a possibility of me getting to go home today instead of tomorrow but my blood level dropped to an undesirable rate this causing me to have to stay longer missing my oldest sisters funeral. I thought I would get to go buy that's was just life toying with my emotions again. I have a constant thought on"You don't deserve to be happy Ben!You don't deserve happiness. You can't pretend to be a good guy every now and then. it's such a disappoint to know I could've made my love better but now with all these life threatening hospitalizations and not knowinghow long I have left to live it just leaves me with such disappointment. I've always wished I could restart my life over andbe a better man but I know that's impossible just another disappointment that I get to live with I use to lash out in anger but that isn't going to change anything and it's a waste of time
Nov 14, 2020
Nov 14, 2020 at 8:27 AM UTC
600 feet up in the air with you
Battling gravity tooth and nail
"No strings attached” you say
While my soul has already nestled
in your arms
There comes an incoherent yell
Of an old friend from beneath
Her alarm attempts to tickle my ears
Yet I’m held to your heart too close
To care for anything
Other than the melody of your pulse
"No strings attached” you say.
Aye- agreed!
What holds us together is a chain
you must know.
Looping itself around us both
With each twist we take
In your whirlwind of passion
Every tiny particle of space removed
Locking us together- as one
“No strings attached”
You murmur into a deaf ear
Hurling my soul out of your lap
At long last.
600 feet downwards I’m shot
Like a bullet out of a ruthless gun
Landing in wrong hands
and wrong beds on my way
in mid-air,suspended
In dreams spinning
Now I’m fumbling in my heart
for the rusty chain
That held us together
The old friend too yells “No strings attached”
My chest is empty
You must have pulled at my heartstrings..
Oct 13, 2020
Oct 13, 2020 at 5:42 PM UTC
Sometimes, I see them walking
here in the square,
chained to their digital world
scared to be in real life I guess.
Or they just don't care
Years ago, it was different,
a ball rolled here every day.
There was that rotten boy
who always won my marbles,
times just rolled away
But at least I had
something precious to lose
and did not sit all day
staring at a small screen.
We also had less to choose.
I only went back home
for half an hour just to see
The mysteries of scooby-doo
or those **** Duke boys
that were on black and white TV.
Yes, this square used to be fun
liveliness, cohesion and
laughter wide spread.
nowadays it seems more like
an episode of the Walking dead.
Oct 11, 2020
Oct 11, 2020 at 5:44 PM UTC
Hand-written letters are overrated
almost non-existent.
Like love,
as a child, you have longed to experience and even rushed.
You knocked on hearts to know what it felt like but all you had were broken bottles of liquors
that made you dizzy.
Red champagne and Rosé
you learned to immune yourself to
like water and air you breathe in everyday.
Broken dishes on the counter and sink you never washed because you never went home,
because there was nothing to go home to.
Everything seemed to change when I blew the candle on my 25th birthday cake
Jul 18, 2020
Jul 18, 2020 at 2:08 PM UTC
the want to destroy but the need to create
the need to grieve yet the want to celebrate
to build a temple not to worship
but mock a god
to raise a building only to watch it fall
the desire to say no but you can't seem to refuse
the want to love but hatred is all you use
to be angry and scream
but you can't help but smile
the need to live in reality
but be stuck in a lie.
May 10, 2020
May 10, 2020 at 12:29 PM UTC
Speak my name
And I shall materialize
Casting dark shadows
To blind your eyes
And bind you
To misfortuned destiny
Speak my name
And prepare to see
That bad luck has a dearly cost
But comes to you for free
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 25, 2020 at 9:00 AM UTC
Tears tainted by innocence lost,
A deep rift etched by sorrow laid bare,
Primal memory painted in the hidden recess of one's mind,
Time lapses, the past echoes throughout the present.
Happiness is a mere mirror of truth.
beholding a skewered reflection.
While the void grasps and holds you dear,
Like an accursed lover,
Bound by fear.
Feb 14, 2020
Feb 14, 2020 at 7:53 PM UTC
Clearly I see
That my diligent Ego
Ran Me into Me
Mad cop versus Good Cop
Clearly I seek
A real life
Where Me is a fan of Me again
Where I am not my undoing
Instead, I am my best asset
My best friend.
Jan 1, 2020
Jan 1, 2020 at 6:31 PM UTC
Everyone is not meant for Greatness
Why can we not simply live?
Is life not to be enjoyed?
The simple things get overlooked
A simple happiness gets shunned
Why do we have to push?
Push
We push our lives away from comfort
We push our loved ones away in a quest for one moment of light
We compare and contrast our lives
When did we stop being people?
People with sparks behind our eyes
People with a heart in full bloom
People where we all live in the sun of the day instead under the covers of night
We are no longer drops of sunshine, honeypies, and daisies.
We are zombies, vampires, and wraiths.
Do not shun kindess
Offer a smile and look up at the bright new day
Sep 8, 2019
Sep 8, 2019 at 4:36 PM UTC
I’ve had this feeling deep inside,
That I will get left behind,
I feel I need to run and hide,
But I know I should be kind.
I try to distract my self,
From all the stress and tears,
It may not be good for my health,
But I continue to cover my ears.
I keep telling myself it’ll be okay,
That the voices are not here to stay,
That the demons are here to play,
And that it’ll all go away.
I smile and laugh so no one will know,
All these horrors will come and go,
I will continue to keep it on the low,
And learn to let my emotions flow.
Apr 8, 2019
Apr 8, 2019 at 7:27 AM UTC
This is not a fantasy book.
This is not a story were the girl gets her prince and the boy slays the dragon.
This is not a story with a wicked witch or magic shoes.
This is real life.
The girl paints on a smile and the boy drinks away his fears.
The dragons are our deepest darkest thoughts.
The wicked witch is our crippling depression.
the magic shoes are just shoes we wear to make us seem like we have life handled.
This is real life.
This is not a movie where everyone lives happily ever after.
This is a world were some people don't even live.
This is a place were people are just surviving.
This is real life.
Apr 3, 2019
Apr 3, 2019 at 11:10 AM UTC
Show me...
There are so many thing about you that people don't see
They try to show you their issues
Compared to what some people go through, their "issue" isn't really an issue at all
You want to scream, shout, rant, rave
Anything you can do to make them listen
They don't care
You try to be open
To be honest
...They Shrug it off
I guess what you have to say isn't that important to them
That's it
That's the breaking point
You let it all out
Show me!
Show me how this isn't so bad
Show me a time when you wanted to slit your wrists and make your suffering end
Show me!
Show me a time when you were stripped away from your family
Show me a time when you were placed in the foster system at, not even, two years old
Show me!
Show me a time when you felt unloved......unwanted
Show me a time when you found out two of your closest friends are suicidal
Show me the scars on your wrist from each time you tried something
You can't!
You don't have any
Show me a time when you were ripped apart
Unable to figure out who you really are
Show me a time when your parents tried to kick you out at 16
Show me a time when you felt so lost all you could see was the darkness
Show me!
**** it!
Show me already!
Show me a time when you woke up crying from a nightmare
Where one of the people you love the most was the person who caused your death
Show me a time when you would just sit in your room, alone, and cry until you felt sick
Show me a time when your closest friend stabbed you in the back...multiple times
Show me!
I'm begging you
Show me!
But you can't
You haven't experienced it
Show me you know what this type of pain feels like
Show me you know how it feels to cry yourself to sleep for weeks on end
Show me a time when you almost lost who you were
Show me a time when you almost gave up everything you believed in
You can't
You don't know what I'm talking about
Beneath the surface of my harsh exterior, there is a girl
And she is struggling
She is fighting a war the only way she knows how
She is breaking apart
Trying so hard to put herself back together...only to be broken again
See how she feels through her eyes
See things the way she does
For her
It's dark
Gray
Lonely
Desolate
Hopeless
That's how she feels
She struggles to find a silver lining
But if you don't look past the surface, you will never know
You will never know she's breaking
You will never know she's falling apart
You will never know the battles she fights daily
You won't know unless you look beneath the surface
When you finally do, let me know what you find
Mar 29, 2019
Mar 29, 2019 at 8:36 AM UTC
I'm sorry... is this not "real life"? I must have walked through the wrong door. You see: I walked through the door that had the word "reality" engraved across it's chestnut wood. I walked through the door that had the burning handle so hot it branded me with the truth on my palm when I turned the **** I walked through the door that was jammed shut with the stuffings of lies that I've told myself for the past how ever many centuries. I walked through the same door that you did, seemingly, since that was the only door that I saw. So how, excuse me for asking, is your reality any more "real life" than mine? You tell me that I should be preparing for the "real world" but how is this not real enough for you? If this isn't the real world than how does anyone survive real life. Just because we're kept in an institution that shoves unnecessary knowledge down our already tear-choked throats doesn't mean this isn't real. Just because we don't know how we feel about the crazy world around us doesn't mean this isn't real. Just because you can't seem to respect us like we respect the rest of you doesn't mean for one second that this isn't real. I sincerely apologize if you've been put under the false pretense that I'm living a fairy-tale because I'm not. I sincerely apologize if, this whole time, you thought that I was writing the perfect dream poem of love for myself, because I wasn't. I sincerely apologize if you saw me and thought that I was some fantastic princess who smiles and sings to birds, because I don't. I don't understand how you don't think this isn't real life because I certainly do. So does the girl who doesn't even want to live anymore, this is real life to her and it hurts her. So does the guy who just killed himself because he can't handle the academic rocks that settle in his stomach when he hears the words "high school" or "homework". I certainly think this is real life, or are the lines on my wrists just plots to another princess story you were told when you were young. Are the scars just the structural integrity for the castle you dreamed of as a little kid with pointed roofs. I certainly think this is real life because tripping into love and falling out again hurts us just as much as it hurts you. I certainly think this is real life because my stress is just as heavy as yours it just goes by a different nickname. Call it academic or peer or life but stress is stress and my threshold has a different line than yours. Don't tell me this isn't real life just because your fire-breathing dragon breathes fire that burns brighter blue than mine. Don't tell me this isn't real life just because your hair has to be longer to let down and to climb up. Don't tell me this isn't real life just because you're prince-charming took longer to rescue you than mine did. Because I am my own dragon. I am my own ladder to climb. I am my own prince-charming and I'll save myself from this life. Because this is real life, and if it isn't, then I'm never going to make it.
Mar 28, 2019
Mar 28, 2019 at 2:54 PM UTC
Stuck
Behind the scenes
Hidden
In the closet
It’s all the same
I’m stuck
No one supports me
The real me
The one I can only show friends
I don’t want to hide it
Not from my family
But I have to
They wouldn’t understand
They’d just say “I’m being selfish”
Or “I don’t understand”
But I’m not dumb
I understand everything perfectly
I know who I am
And who I like
No one can change that
Hopefully people will accept me
For me
Maybe I won’t have to hide
I can finally be true
Unlike most people
It’s relaxing
Finally knowing
Who I am
The mystery is solved
I know me
Who I am was finally
Revealed
Mar 8, 2019
Mar 8, 2019 at 1:17 AM UTC
It is so crazy how much I can invest in someone.
How much love and affection I constantly give.
How much time and effort I hand out whenever they’re upset or in pain.
My question is who is there for me?
Who will give me the same amount of love and affection I constantly hand out for free?
I’m not Oprah.
Who is gonna give me the time and effort I deserve?
I’m not a ….
Feb 23, 2019
Feb 23, 2019 at 2:58 AM UTC
11.22.18 - 2.22.19
This week marks
three months gone
of thousands of months
I plan to live
The day I gave myself
to the comfort of my True Father
instead of to the discomfort
Of a Blade.
I now ignore that sense of lust
for the sight of my own blood
the addiction I found
in spreading lies across my arms
I've given up the sense of calm
I found in watching my skin heal again
Reminding me that I was utterly human
yet somehow invincible
Except I wasn't...
Every time I glided a tool across my arms
or my thighs
or my stomach
I was shoveling myself
into a deeper hole
And while I was at the bottom
Someone was at the top
Filling it in,
not knowing that someone...
That I was inside of it.
As I cried tears of hurt
With the person who cared,
Someone handed me down a ladder.
But I had to choose to climb out
I had to decide if I wanted to stay in darkness
Or release myself to the light...
not the bad light that you see as you die
but the good light you see when you discover
that you are noticed and you are loved
Because isn't that why this whole thing started
Because I felt invisible
Because I was not just one of many
but I was the last of many
Self harm is a trap
That wraps you up in the cold
But you never get fully warmed
Because you're always losing blood.
I'm three months separated
From the act of self-hatred
But I'm always just three steps away
From being right there again.
Strength. Determination. Love. Self Love.
Those are the things that keep me in check.
Mother, Brothers, Friends, Students
Those are the people that keep me safe
And warm... the real warm
Not the fake warm that comes from being wrapped up
In a nice thick blanket.
But the real warm
That could make your heart swell
Even when you're alone.
Feb 17, 2019
Feb 17, 2019 at 10:25 PM UTC