#realizing
and it hits me
that you could love
someone else
you could love
someone else
and it hits me
that I'll only be
your first
why does it hurt?
Feb 26
Feb 26, 2026 at 3:32 AM UTC
*"Maybe that’s enlightenment enough: to know that there is no final resting place of the mind; no moment of smug clarity. Perhaps wisdom...is realizing how small I am, and unwise,
and how far I have yet to go.”*
– Anthony Bourdain,
No Reservations
~~~~
and how far I have yet to go
slowly (ha!) the new day’s embrace,
familiar yet heavenly scented fresh,
brings with a smile of
realization ~
this voyage of exploration,
of the waters that liquefying my
heart, my body, my consciousness,
their sweet, their salty, their brackish
intermingling, intertwining.
absystem of flows,
will never succumb to my
successful interloping interpolation
of my
and how far I have yet to go!
is this wisdom?
is this surrender?
is
the task too great, or
perhaps, forever never
constant changing,
water coursing
eroding, swathing,
cutting, drawing,
new paths, new river bends,
completion a day too far?
Bourdain’s admission,
even confession, of how small we are,
his smug clarity, a typicalsimple human foolishness,
and how the task’s enormity to even
consider how
one could think that one could bridge the grand canyons,
cut open by forebears lives inherited,
the thought processes in my genes,
successors to a thousand predecessors
who each custom crafted their ganglia’s additions,
tiny impressions that meld and mold,
who I am,
never asking who, who
do I want to be,
and how to make aeself renew,
different, yet adding to the revolutions of evolution,
that crafted the who and the whom
the child, this old man,
their straining cries and lies
to justify the
who was I
and
how far I traveled
how far I have yet to travel,
how small, how great,
how I grew wiser,
wise enough to know
to see clear
the geography of yourself,
is a planet’s surface,
erupting
redrawing, and
I, traveler
mapper,
of unexplored territories,
wisely admitted to my unwisdom,
this journey never ends,
and though we craft, draft
different conclusionaries,
we are not the one who will
write the correct one…
2:10pm Thu. Dec.11
2025
nyc
<nml>
'''''''
Dec 11, 2025
Dec 11, 2025 at 2:16 PM UTC
Maturing means realizing we expect too much, In relationships, seeking perfection as such. But let's embrace imperfections with care, And cherish the love that we both share.
Being physically far, yet close mentally, Our connection transcends distance, you see. Accepting your troubled past, I will do, For love is about understanding and being true.
Forever isn't just for memories, my friend, It's for people too, a love that won't end. Communication may be a challenge we face, But our love speaks volumes, in its own grace.
So let's embrace the imperfections we find, And build a love that's one of a kind. In this journey together, let's always be, Connected, accepting, and forever free.
@nolongerumano
Feb 4, 2025
Feb 4, 2025 at 12:24 PM UTC
I have lived many dreams,
The first few, I didn’t realize, I was,
Until they were over, they lived their time,
Dreams do not stay, in our life forever,
We must join the ride, when they pass by,
Most only appear one time, in this life,
Follow your dreams, or always wonder why,
Tom Maxwell©
4/1/20Ad
2:40 PM
Jan 25, 2021
Jan 25, 2021 at 2:46 PM UTC
Who build this wall between us
Without us realizing
It's growing day by day
I couldn't find the way to break it.
Maybe I am the one who is trying.
Can't you extend your hand little?
Apr 9, 2019
Apr 9, 2019 at 12:39 AM UTC
it scares me to love you,
because everything you love,
always gets old to you,
everything will someday lose its color to you.
like that day when we were outside,
strolling the park side-by-side,
admiring the glories of the cloudy day,
but it began to pour,
and you told me you loved the rain days prior.
you didn't embrace it,
you hurriedly ran the way back home,
dragging me along helplessly.
i arched a brow,
and blew the question out of my lips,
"i thought you loved the rain?"
you let out a raspy chuckle,
shrugging your shoulders as you bent down.
"it got old, the rain's full of bacteria,"
you responded like it was no big ordeal,
heaving as you ran your fingers through your pocket,
in search for your keys.
it hit me then,
falling in love with you,
would just be like loving the rain to you,
it'll get old and it'll be filled with bacteria.
and i thought you loved the rain,
but running from it isn't love,
and i thought i loved you, too,
but this isn't love, is it?
Feb 5, 2019
Feb 5, 2019 at 10:56 AM UTC
Taking a breath
A short one
Just inhaling a little bit
Of this world
Taking a step
A small one
Just to see
where it would take me
In this world
Taking a look
A quick one
Just to see
the important things
In this world
Taking a BREAK
Just to realize
How grateful I am
For this world
Oct 4, 2018
Oct 4, 2018 at 1:59 PM UTC
call me a fool cause i played it cool
to your ways one would consider cruel
assuming i had no clue you were using me like a tool
newsflash my dude, i knew of my use
wasnt hard to tell i meant nothing to you
nothing to the man you wished to become, seeking a light of success
in eyes of the chick that birthed your first heart
i played it cool, perceiving myself to be a fool
acting like i had no, choosing to be your tool
well aware i was diving deep
into a hole that would forever sink
darkness that only grew more in depth
you warned me many time
but your soul showed there was more sincere way inside
so i remained , allowing you to take lead
knowing my place, giving you space
allowing my trust to be placed
hopes in rebuilding the self-confidence you highly lacked
all to a tough past
you felt had some shame
having troubles to embrace
it helped you become the man you are today
something great
you stay fighting to succeed in eyes of your
lover
mother
daughter
brother
father
sister
you played a person you were not
whenever there was an awaken depth within our encounter
forcing yourself to be cruel
i continued to be cool
be perceived as a fool
for our souls intertwined, wanted all to remain cool
for i did not fight, or take flight
seeking revenge wasn't an option
i chose to dive into the everlasting depth of a hole
allowing you so much control
losing my own ways to life
forgetting my own reasons to live
like a fool you became too cruel
not pacing your use of using me as a tool
making things so uncool
you had too much authority and used it all so soon
awakened my eyes
allowing me some sight
see where i could escape free
from the leash
had worked it to such short length
there be no fight
in releasing me
to become better then i once was
i soar far away
keeping you in my heart
but never allowing
capture to be an option
swuuuooooaaa-
Jul 11, 2018
Jul 11, 2018 at 10:11 AM UTC
I had a bad day
You know when you get those days when you get hit with the truth
When you found out the person you were in love with was in love too
Getting so happy, heaven gave you what you wanted, then you found out he was not in love with you
When you probe deeper than what the two of you have
And see the type of love that they have
How you guys were a secret fling, how you felt butterflies and no one knew a thing
How you would both look at each other and smile
But no one really knew why
Then you look at them and see
His willing to show everyone how much he loves the
Feeling of holding her in his arms as if his wishes came true
And now you're left with a broken heart, forced to see the red become blue
I had a bad day
You know one of those days when you found out its gone
When you're other half as told you the news that you guys shall part
Smiles are now adorning their face
Only this time, it because they're leaving you babe
The friend you have becomes the friend you once had
And the sorrow of before comes back to haunt you once more
That time when you've found someone who gets you
Someone who understands why getting stabbed in the back doesn't make you cry
That person who understands how much time you need
Like they're skilled in the art of growing roses
That person who always made me smile
Is now leaving me for longer than a little while
I had a bad day
You know that day when **** just happens
You were already a floor people walked on
Your heart was already a court people played on
And now you're the grass that bulls excrete on
The universe decides to not only break your heart and take the tape away
But they also remind you of every single reason it was so fun to break you
It reminded you of how much value society will give you
And by now I realized its not a lot
When you find out you're the **** amongst the flowers
You're the thorn amongst the roses
And you're the slave to a system of an imaginery hierarchy
The hierarchy that says you'll never be accepted
Yeah, I had a pretty bad day today
May 9, 2018
May 9, 2018 at 12:49 PM UTC
Realizing I'm not where I belong, just where I am.
Realizing I lost my love for myself and I can't pour from an empty cup.
Realizing I'm on my way, but not there yet.
Realizing that breaking someone else, won't build me.
Realizing that caring, isn't always easy, nor will it repair anything.
Realizing that eventually these rains will stop and these winds will cease.
May 6, 2018
May 6, 2018 at 10:36 PM UTC
i know the devil
isn’t the one to lead us all into Hell
because there’s no chance
he’s that good
at hiding behind crystal blue eyes.
if you told me seven months ago
that those blue eyes
would lead me here,
i would’ve thrown my head and laughed.
yet
here i am.
and there you are.
in your hand,
my heart.
i’d never thought
i’d be one to beg,
but then again i never thought
i could be this foolish.
my words ricochet off the walls
each with as much power as a bullet
yet they never seem to hit you,
and only come back to hurt me.
as you look me straight in the eyes,
clouded over from..something..
a glance at your hand
leaves me grasping at my chest.
the pain seems to only intensify
until i look down
and see
that my heart is resting in my own hand..
and i’m crushing it myself.
because this entire time,
i’ve been staring in a mirror,
imagining you there,
all the things we could have been
and should have done.
but in the end,
you disappeared and lied,
and i had to realize
that in all of this,
i’m only hurting myself.
Mar 8, 2018
Mar 8, 2018 at 11:26 PM UTC
I was assembled 33 years ago
From a piece of genetic code
My firmware was updated incrementally
The errors didn’t happen accidentally
And the glitches carried
Hidden features, secretly;
Surprisingly,
You’d come across a stowaway
A smuggled possibility for change
Deviation from the norms
With incalculable vector
Even if you have direction
There’s no way to know the destination
My main mistakes were
Having lust for knowledge and
The infinite supply of patience
While my time was running out of sand
Oct 6, 2017
Oct 6, 2017 at 9:40 PM UTC
To fight for love, I skim through thoughts
How did things go so wrong?
I remember timid methods to problem-solve.
Learning this took too long
When I was easy, I remember lies I bought.
I'd be anything just to belong
Mrs.Guided by things mama forgot.
Guided by lyrics in a song
Mrs.Understood for the TRUTH I sought.
I remember smoking truth from a ****
Oct 20, 2016
Oct 20, 2016 at 6:08 AM UTC
I used to always want to be a back-up plan. A person people could fall back on. Meaning, people can ignore me for a year, but the moment something happens they now want to be my friend. I'm not like that anymore. I'm not a net, or a back-up plan. I'm either in your life or I'm not. Make up your mind, because I'm fine either way.
I have come to realize in my life that I don't have a problem letting people go. I have a friend who was best friends with a group of people for three years and they suddenly decided they don't want to be friends with her anymore. It's been months and she's still angry about it. Who knows if she'll ever get over it. With me it's opposite. You don't wanna be my friend anymore? Fine, go have a happy life, I'll be here living mine.
Apr 6, 2015
Apr 6, 2015 at 10:52 AM UTC
When we were inches away
And my heart was beating out my chest
I realized that being over you
And knowing that you're over me
Are two entirely different things
Mar 10, 2015
Mar 10, 2015 at 12:29 AM UTC
I know what you are doing
After all you told me so..
accidentally
you told me without realizing
You advised my cousin to stay in her mess until she found her strength
You feel like this, us, is a mess, and well I guess I feel the same.
I thought that I needed you because ..
I just felt like I do.. did
but I don't need you
I mean
I did ..I do
I love you,
But why does your love come with all this BS
Cheating, lying, fussing, fighting, crying..
You have no empathy for me
You hurt me and expect me to not complain
I know what you're doing
You are waiting on the right time
devising your plan to Leave
But the door is available for you now
You do not have to plot and scheme on a better way to hurt me,
You can leave in the morning
you can just leave in the morning. ..
Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 11:45 PM UTC
"The ocean, the shore, and the grass
The difference between them three"
Can one see where I am?
Here laying in the grass,
Following up to what appears
To be whatever it appears to be
I can’t tell what I need
So content without
But so colorful when you look out
The shore
Like therapy that leaves its mark
I need to be washed
The remains of the abyss
Sink me in
The agony of the hot sun
Wearing me out till I become none
I need to go
Where the tides say no
The ease of the lake
My past feels fake
Will I ever respawn
*** now I’m forever gone
Jun 23, 2014
Jun 23, 2014 at 12:30 AM UTC
When you're surrounded by hundreds of people but no one notices you. No one chooses to hear you. Everyone except from him. Him with the goofy big smile from one ear to another. He sees what no one else sees. You. He sees when you look alone surrounded by people. He sees you when you have that distant look in your eyes, like you aren't present. But when you're with him everything changes. You're there, you're not alone.
You're in love.
May 13, 2014
May 13, 2014 at 3:48 PM UTC