#queerlove
On perfect nights,
my room is bathed in incandescent hues.
It reminds me of white-vaulted ceilings
and
soft worship music
The air tastes stale,
Your incense clouds my brain,
While white noise fades away.
The hills and valleys of your body are my altar
and I fall to my knees to pray
I can't tell the difference between
your mumbled sweet nothings,
and
Hail Marys
tumbling from a sinner's lips.
Nov 25, 2024
Nov 25, 2024 at 3:29 PM UTC
Press my ear to your chest,
listen to my favorite song.
In this space we can be,
While knowing this tender act is unholy.
I'll kneel at the altar tomorrow.
Scrub the remnant of your touch from my skin once I leave.
You're a blight on my soul that I can't purge.
God.
My God.
Why hath you forsaken me?
Nov 25, 2024
Nov 25, 2024 at 3:21 PM UTC
Shapes shifting through the sheets
of paper, in my dreams
soft pillow seams, we move like a gentle
firey breeze -
your shape consumes me.
I have never seen volcanoes, yet my
thoughts erupt in shapes.
What is it to desire a shape ?
A venetian spell of curved brushes to cheeks,
dreaming of the days and weeks I could
lay, still, yet volcanic, staring opposite your face, in embrace and tracing your skin with my finger.
Like a brush stroke,
my muse
what is it to loose the memory of a body?
Every trace and touch
each mahogany blush
within the rush of lust,
a cosmic trust between body to body
and mind, to the Hearts’ justice.
A sketch,
first love.
I cloak and glove the painting of you
moving through new shapes away from
view, yet sometimes with solemn and blue, sly Fate washes water-coloured visions and crimson hues through my mind and i’m reminded of each line, curve and shape.
Oh desire ! What a profound honour
to know a body beyond shape.
Aug 31, 2023
Aug 31, 2023 at 6:16 AM UTC
our love bloomed
the wind drifted us apart
was this my story from the start
the man who saved me from the well
the only man who ever helped
set me free, unearthed me
but my freedom is riddled with flashbacks
of my hands gripping your back
my perpetual prince, your absence weighs heavy
my perpetual prince, keep me second guessing
Jul 14, 2022
Jul 14, 2022 at 12:48 PM UTC
i'm prone to doubt
so i kept a list
of each and every moment
that my heart (mind)
asked me if i loved them
until the entries were too numerous to deny
and all that was left
was yearning
and an answer i could trace
in real time
Jun 16, 2020
Jun 16, 2020 at 3:05 AM UTC
I feel like in all of our processing conversations
The ones we enter into with our expectations
Of coming out with definitive positions
You finish with the condition:
Yes. But don’t fall in love with me.
If I told you how many times folks have told me that lately
I told you my mantra after they said they wouldn’t date me
Maybe you would find the levity of folks breaking up with themselves for me
And saying “don’t fall in love with me.”
How long until I’ve gone in and through the all of the tumult
The stumble that humbles the pride that had been built from the rubble
And I begin the mumble of “don’t.”
When all I want is to break into a million universe pieces of dust in your hands,
but instead I’ll pretend. And before this all ends
I’ll be the one to take the hope
and break the spark
And exhale thinly through the dark
Please—don’t...
...fall in love with me
Dec 21, 2019
Dec 21, 2019 at 11:06 PM UTC
That nameless spark
The one that starts in your diaphragm
you think it’s your breath,
but it gets stuck
Chest—hot
Breath—ragged
Heart—taiko beat
But you turned away...
“Didn’t want to start something”
You said
“Smart for you, sad for me”
I said
...Incompatible, I rationalized
What to do now?
Did we dodge a bullet?
Would your woundedness have moved
Through me and left a mark?
Your hesitation has.
“Everyone is complicated”
You told me after you kissed my neck
Do I stay soft?
Stay open?
I didn’t know when you said “everyone”
you meant yourself
Aug 14, 2019
Aug 14, 2019 at 11:59 PM UTC
My heart is open and getting softer to
This unruly, textured, tender, layered existence
This isn’t new though
It’s always been a giant beating thing.
It beat for acceptance and praise and approval
As if those things were Love
As if those things sustained anything besides veneers
When my heart beat for anybody but myself
Kids, partners, parents, friends, strangers
It beat so loudly that it drowned out
The sounds of its own losses
This time and space forced me to be so
Unraveled
So broken open
That the only beating my heart did at first felt traitorous
Slowly, slowly when I had no reason to protect myself
No reason to deny my small self anything
Because there was nothing left to grasp for...
My heart turned to itself
Jul 11, 2019
Jul 11, 2019 at 8:40 PM UTC
The things we built were on a rickety scaffold
stretched as high and fast as our love
when we got to the top I wanted to cling to you
and look in your eyes
and tell you that I was scared.
I’m scared.
And your eyes are gone.
The scaffold has tumbled
and the pieces are shiny
and sharp
and broken
Jun 30, 2019
Jun 30, 2019 at 10:29 AM UTC
If I share with you what was going on for me,
Hope, the thing with feathers,
springs up in my chest
I know there is no room for it
despair is my alternate companion
Both are always present and vying for attention,
they both want to be fed
I am doing the work within myself to soothe the spaces
where each companion wants to land
to take space where it doesn’t fit
I cannot let hope touch down and root
So it rockets around in my fear
causing collateral physical damage
as I try to eradicate it with logic and self cruelty
I cannot let despair sink into my soul
So it is ever present in the air around me,
condensing with thoughts that drip
from the ceiling and leave stalactites,
sharp and threatening to fall and pierce
May 31, 2019
May 31, 2019 at 6:40 PM UTC
I find myself flooded, panting like I’m in labor
Birthing the tears and blood and anguish of loss
Trying to find air that doesn’t feel like it’s suffocating
Every breath feels like I’ve missed a step
And that hitch catches in my chest
The rest between the in-breath and the out stretches on
And lifetimes long I can see the futures
we could be dancing and breathing in together
The way my heart keeps beating is traitorous,
To burn and cut and shatter with each pulse
and yet keep beating for the next one
I exhale the air leaves my body in a weak stream
and a strangled whimper
May 31, 2019
May 31, 2019 at 11:25 AM UTC
You find patterns
in everything
and I am just beginning to notice this about you.
You watch documentaries,
and tell me all about them.
One was about
a nanny turned photographer
capturing strangers
mid-conversation-
I like your summaries
better than the stories themselves.
Someday, you, too
will take great photographs
and the world will know your name
before you're deceased.
I'm sure of it.
We walked through a field of glowing grass,
and you tried to touch each blade.
It began to rain,
I wiped a stray droplet onto your nose
and kissed your eyelids.
You laughed at me,
tried to annoy me,
hold my hand in different ways,
push me
off the sidewalk-
I stepped in dog ****
but you insisted
it was human...
I listened to you spin your story
and was reminded of how lovely
it is to peer inside your mind-
My glasses broke tonight
and yet I haven't seen this clearly
in what feels like forever.
I'll tell you "let's do this,"
this time, without any liquor
if it means I'll prove my devotion
to you
and this time
we have together.
I don't care what you call me,
or who knows I exist,
as long as you keep kissing me
with as much electricity
as I felt when I first met you.
Apr 26, 2016
Apr 26, 2016 at 2:06 AM UTC
I can't get enough
You are becoming the air I breathe
The water I drink
The food I eat
My sustainment
But you'll be gone soon
I'll suffocate
Die of thirst
Starve
My oblivion.
Sep 11, 2014
Sep 11, 2014 at 1:32 AM UTC