#psych
Four walls. Same measurements each day,
I’ve learnt them in a careful way,
The corner where the paint thins out,
The mark that looks a bit like doubt.
The light comes on. It hums, then stays,
No difference made to nights or days,
Time isn’t kept by sun or sky,
But by when they pass, and when I lie.
I sit because there’s nothing else,
No forward plan, no versions, selves,
Just waiting without something due,
A task that asks me to stay through.
The door exists, but not for me,
It opens with a certainty,
For footsteps, charts, a glance, a note,
Then shuts again inside my throat.
I count the space from bed to wall,
Three steps, then turn, that’s nearly all,
A life reduced to paced-out ground,
No exit mapped, no edge, no sound.
Mar 26
Mar 26, 2026 at 12:22 PM UTC
The room sinks in like a closing jaw,
baring its teeth at the things I saw;
the air tastes thick, like dust and dread,
a quiet burial for the thoughts I’ve bled.
Nights here stretch with a strangled grin,
a taut black thread pulling tight on skin;
the light on the ceiling hums low and bleak,
like it’s mocking the words I do not speak.
My mind is a cellar stacked with bones -
old decisions rattling in undertones;
they shuffle and clatter in the gloom,
staking their claim on this padded tomb.
Shadows drip down the walls like tar,
slow, deliberate, never far;
they curl around me, thin and sly,
counting the breaths I barely get by.
I feel like a fault line waiting to break,
a silent tremor under a frozen lake;
one wrong thought and the surface cracks,
letting the cold crawl up my back.
Nov 21, 2025
Nov 21, 2025 at 12:40 PM UTC
When I die
No one will mourn
There will be a funeral
Many will attend
mourning someone
That died when I was 10
The gravestone will be mistaken
About who I am
The people will weep
And mourn for long
But not for me
For they have it wrong
They will mourn the girl in the casket
A shell of who I once was
No one will mourn me
That is no lie
When I die they will mourn the shell
of a girl i once was
But the little boy inside
who’s always wanted to come out
No one will mourn him
Ace will be forgotten
He will be erased.
May 12, 2025
May 12, 2025 at 11:25 AM UTC
I only knew you for a week
But it felt like years
We shared much in common
Especially our tears
It been 2 years
I wonder where you’ve gone
Did you get into theater school?
Or is that dream gone?
I remember giving you my book
Because you wanted to read
It left a impact on you
I remember the poems you taught me to write
So I’m here writing this one
The last words you said to me were
“Take care of the hive”
It was our inside joke
From that book of mine
Oh dear Cameron C.
I hope you’re ok
I think of you often
A little to much
I hope you’re okay
Sincerely your psych ward bf, Ace
May 12, 2025
May 12, 2025 at 11:21 AM UTC
That boy from Virginia
The one I once knew
We never met in person
But I wish that we had
You knew more about me
Then I knew myself
You’re 2 years older
God you’re almost 17
I remember when we first met
You were 13
You’ve ghosted me twice
But sometimes you return
I’m not sure you will this time
But I hope that you do
We wanted to live in Germany
With horses and cats
We talked about band
And how I wanted a cat
We’ve seen each other in our highs
As well as our lows
We grew up together
But now you’ve gone on
You’ve grown up more
And left me back
If you happen to see this
Please come reach out
Oh Kass from Virginia
I miss you
May 12, 2025
May 12, 2025 at 11:23 AM UTC
When you try to **** yourself
They lock you up
You’re a danger to yourself and others
“We’re here to help”
By helping they meant giving me medication
Till I am a zombie
No longer myself
But a shell of who I used to be
Why didn’t they notice all I needed was a hug
Not to be stuck
In these padded walls
“They are only here to help you”
But by helping they make me feel broken
I am not normal
I’ll never be normal
I am broken so bad
“Only we can fix you”
They says that they’ll fix me
But every time I feel
Less and less of whom I used to be
No worries in the world
Just dirt on our knees
But now we’re grown up
And there is no turning back to the way I used to be.
May 12, 2025
May 12, 2025 at 11:20 AM UTC
It's never quite alone.
As loose as Colo in Washington Zoo.
Upfront and deceitful in all its trials.
Like suffocating on air on a Saturday night.
Loud but quiet.
Hidden but seen.
As soft as an egg freshly boiled.
Like Tara to Sally,
quite but not so.
But side to side it’s like my thumb to yours.
Like Titus to George.
Like twins for sure.
All inclusive but with one rule:
DON’T GET BETTER.
-SleeplessJ
Apr 10, 2023
Apr 10, 2023 at 12:15 PM UTC
Another visit to
Med Psych;
the withdrawals are
horrendous.
I’m emaciated and malnourished.
With the exception of
one meal every few
days, I’ve dined on ***** and
wine for my sustenance.
I check out a lap top from
the patient library, and
try to get the poems organized on
my flash drive.
Concentration is elusive.
The psych doctor decides
to have me committed.
She’s concerned about my
worsening health and depression.
I guess I can’t
blame her, but what
bird likes a cage?
I try to talk her
out of it,
but she’s resolute.
The next day, just
as the deputy is
serving me the
committal papers, I have
a seizure—a bad one.
My lips turn blue.
I **** myself.
The doctors pump me full
of Ativan. Everything is a
blur for the next
week.
Slowly, softly,
my mind comes back.
I get a room-mate;
turns out he’s an
artist, a fantastic
abstract painter,
his name’s Chris.
Chris gets the activity
director to bring
him some paints and
other art supplies.
He goes to work;
stabbing the paper
with his brush—
makes it bleed with
color. He’s a young
drunk;
a madman and a
genius.
I have my notebook and
my sword.
I pound out the word, the line,
my highway through this
silly society.
Chris and I talked
long into the autumn
night, locked in a
cerebral prison.
The room we were in
was more like a Greenwich Village
beat pad than it was a
hospital room.
Mar 6, 2023
Mar 6, 2023 at 5:57 AM UTC
When cruelty tends to be necessity
Man conspires with insanity
Dec 2, 2021
Dec 2, 2021 at 5:47 PM UTC
Feeling the body split itself apart at the seams
and dissipate into single atoms
like tiny pixels on a screen
Only to come back to it
Having been in the middle of a task
But caught between surreal reality
and the phantom sensation of turning to sand
Someone asks a question
I smile
self-patronizing
"Sorry
I forgot what I was doing."
Dec 1, 2021
Dec 1, 2021 at 3:13 PM UTC
I remember the hospitals where
we'd float through the vapid halls
sitting on the floor laughing
leaning against uncomfortable walls
I'd play cards with angels
I would try to catch their tears
they couldn't see their halos
too surrounded by their fears
I wanted them to understand
the ways in which they glowed
how their smiles stopped the world from spinning
the same smiles that they loathed
we all floated through the unit
talking and joking about suicide
to make sense of all the pain,
the death, the voids we had inside
god, I would give anything to take
their numbness and aching away
to hear their laughter, let them know it matters
so inconceivably much that they stay
what hurts me most is how I love them
how I miss them, and need them alive
but I grieve my angels already
I think of their attempts
the ones they barely survived
I'm so heavily distressed
by the mountains guilt has given me
telling me I didn't help, that
I never found a remedy
if I could be your comfort
or your safe place for a while
I'd do all I can to see and to hear you,
maybe even make you smile
I know I'm sad, I'm small, I'm dumb
I'm a ghost who might annoy
I know that there isn't much I can do
as a suicidal boy
but know if I could, if it was in my power
I would fill the void in you
I'd take your trauma, your scars,
your razors, dead stars
the black, the red, and the blue
you're my friend, you're my angel
I wish I could make you see
how infinity you are loved
cherished by the planet, by the universe,
by me
I understand that you're scared, and tired of living
I was in that ambulance too
but maybe we could try existing . .
together?
there's still so many things left to do
Nov 19, 2021
Nov 19, 2021 at 5:05 PM UTC
I drown
Intoxicated
Inside my sea
Crushing waves
Tsunami triggered
Withered morning
Dec 19, 2020
Dec 19, 2020 at 12:19 PM UTC
A girl not born but made with trauma
Her story so bizarre, it seems like a drama
But it's not
Her childhood, so terrible it was
None could face that amount of loss
The girl's mother was in her grave
Died at the hands of her father who treated the girl as a slave
He beat her delicate face every day
But no words ever came out of her mouth
For there was nothing she could say
Once she decided to throw herself into the river
So she could drown and leave this life forever
But a voice inside told her no
The voice wasn't hers
But it was calming and slow
Days after, she discovered more voices
One different from the other
But they all told her one thing-
Things would get better
One day, her father beat her again,
But the voice from the river now came out
That voice became a person and began to shout
The girl, proud of her voice
Took some clothes and a horse, and ran away
Because she would go anywhere but stay
She did not know where she was going to go
But she wanted to get away from that vile man she called father
She didn't care cause wherever she would be
Her voices would always be with her.
-Grisha. S
Nov 29, 2020
Nov 29, 2020 at 4:50 PM UTC
We all have a shadow side
I’ve seen yours
Now have a look at mine
Opposite of my persona‘s fear
I’m not afraid of being weird
We are all perfect beyond our pride
Made of sub atomic light
Still
How can one integrate
A stability lackImg wealth?
A fear the shadow
Cannot support the self
Who can embrace
Love without a wall
I’m already on the ground
So I’m not afraid to fall
Do you believe that you are above
Looking down from your love
Well that’s a projection
Of your greatest fear
So take the focus off
The broken mirror
........
Aug 30, 2020
Aug 30, 2020 at 12:16 PM UTC
Into this world world will come,
A few,
Very precious souls.
Who will not fit
Into your cookie cutter molds.
Yet,
To your ideals,
You try to make them hold.
And never realize,
They may be,
The purest form of gold
Jul 27, 2020
Jul 27, 2020 at 10:04 PM UTC
I remember the supervised showers
The crushed ice
The cries at night
The feeling of losing control
The idea that earbuds with the right twist and ties could make me die
The sewn on pillowcases
The weapon in scissors, mirrors, handles, sheets, bedposts, bags, shampoo, straps, glass, pens
The misdemeanor
The boy who’s anorexia was his slow suicide
The girl with two siblings that killed themselves
How everyone wanted to **** themself
The 7-year-old that only cried
The lime green hallways that haunt my mind
Dec 9, 2019
Dec 9, 2019 at 4:57 AM UTC
As the night grows darker,
Deeper go into the abyss I.
Circling thoughts of past
Threads of the future unknown
Fused with the time of present
Deeper go into the abyss I.
My eyes sees the journey through,
Oh how my body it grows.
Gliding over the blankness I go,
The soul reaching out to cosmos.
Scatters my body to particles infinite,
As I cover the distance in the dark of night.
Chasing the dark with the speed of light,
Deeper go into the abyss I.
Oct 31, 2019
Oct 31, 2019 at 12:34 PM UTC
The beautiful girl with the raven hair.
A sleeve of pain she doesn’t remember.
A past of stolen innocence and growing up too fast.
A life of raising her sisters but losing her daughter, because money doesn’t grow on trees and 22 weeks was all the time she could get.
A heart of gold but a facade of steel, too scared to let anyone back in.
A soul that rages of fire, power, and more grit than anyone I’ve met.
A future that my heart wishes for her more than she will ever know.
She will get everything she desires.
Her sobriety will be the medal around her neck.
Her life will be the trophy she won back.
And her beautiful children will be the emblem of strength that let them be born.
Dec 7, 2018
Dec 7, 2018 at 9:44 PM UTC
some days
i miss the psych ward
being away
from society
left with only
my demons
not being able
to be hurt by
anyone there
i wish
i could find
that comfortability
out in the real world
instead of hiding away
in these locked away rooms
Nov 15, 2018
Nov 15, 2018 at 1:53 AM UTC