#orientation
The sun wakes me right
in my face: impossible!
Is the earth tilted?
Jun 14, 2025
Jun 14, 2025 at 4:31 AM UTC
Can you make a friend— like a craft project?
I know, I hear this parental voice, “just be yourself.”
All of my classes this semester will be in one building, but I’m a control freak, I wanted to walk my schedule, go class to class, like I will on my first day. I have a locker too—this is so high school—but I wanted to find it, try the combination and plan what I’ll carry. I have questions too, like how’s the wi-fi, are there charging outlets, and where can I get coffee?
Orientation is Tuesday—but who can wait until Tuesday? Classes start Wednesday. I’d never sleep this weekend with so many questions. I’m already having dreams where I’m lost, late and embarrassed.
So there I was, this morning, dressed for class with my green messenger bag—doing it—schedule in hand. I went into a small auditorium with cushioned, crimson, theater seating—where my first class will be—and there’s this other girl, dressed for class, schedule in hand.
We were like twins, except she’s tall and black and I’m not. Right off she commanded me, handing me her phone, no preamble, no “How do you do,” to “Take my picture.”
Of course, I obeyed, I’m not from outer space. I burst 50 quick frames, as she slightly varied her pose and she did likewise for me.
Her name is Chella and she graduated from Yale last week too, with a ‘Bachelor of Science in Global Affairs.’ I think I saw her on campus once or twice but our paths had never directly crossed.
“But IS "Global Affairs" a science degree?” I asked skeptically.
“Probably not,” she answered, “but some of us can live with ambiguity.”
Her first direct, commanding phrase limns her personality perfectly.
Yeah, we hit it right off.
.
.
Songs for this:
Cruel To Be Kind by Letters to Cleo
Perfect Day by Povo
Are You Trying to Be Funny? by Everything But the Girl
May 24, 2025
May 24, 2025 at 10:24 PM UTC
But it's all just perspective! Isn't it?
Someone stood on their head
Has a different perception
Of up & down.
That's why there's things like gravity.
To remind you,
Even in an avalanche,
Direction is not subjective -
Orientation is.
That's why there's different states of matter.
To remind you,
Even in a vacuum,
Being is not subjective -
Change is.
May 5, 2025
May 5, 2025 at 4:21 PM UTC
In hot August I’ll make my departure,
the trembling freshman imposter,
to dance with unknown partners,
in our quests to join the rosters
of future scholars and doctors.
Like Columbus I’ll journey not knowing
exactly where I am going -
and like our brave-foolish captain I’m hoping
that the planned years of furious rowing,
will deliver me to where (I think) I am going.
Jul 13, 2021
Jul 13, 2021 at 7:08 AM UTC
You love to get the words out of me
The words I wouldn’t use, they sound *****
You love the way I look at you
I look into your eyes, and something sets free
You love the way I listen to you
I remember everything, Mr. Perfect doesn’t
We both love crushing
I crush on you
And you crush me
You call me your tomboy
And get so possessive
You say that you need me
And then act submissive
I adjust your dresses
Sometimes your shoe laces
When you keep me waiting
I say you are allowed
Don’t call me bro
Babe, what is the ground
We both love crushing
I crush on you
And you crush me
You say you love me
Every time you text
I say, “I love you”
You shoot hearts and rainbows back
You want to know about my crushes
If I ever loved a girl
You wink and dance with me
Say I’m the only one to make you twirl
We both love crushing
I crush on you
And you crush me
You love when I play gentleman
Opening the door
Letting you lead
Walking you back
Paying you heed
You gush about my skills
The way I move the swords
The way I calculate
The way I play with words
Close discussions and debates
And then we discuss
How Mr. Perfect and you are hanging
We both love crushing
I crush on you
And you crush me
We are best friends
And you want us to be, forever
You want to hang out
And go abroad together
I would stand by you
In all platonic capacities
Even when Mr. Perfect marries you
And claims you stupidly
We both love crushing
I crush on you
And you crush me
May 25, 2020
May 25, 2020 at 11:39 PM UTC
history prefers legends to men
it prefers nobility to brutality
it prefers soaring speeches to quiet deeds
it remembers the battle and forgets the blood
whatever history remembers of me if it remembers anything at all. i shall always think of myself as a man well,
just a MAN
Dec 8, 2019
Dec 8, 2019 at 1:40 PM UTC
I'm 12 and I've been reading for 352 days straight and I have no interest in the people around me and why should I?
I'm 14 in this one and my sheets have polka dots on them and my pillow is Avril Lavigne's face and I'm thinking about the girl at school with pink hair and slow penmanship.
When I'm 16 you are 15 and holding my hand and I'm asking about french homework and trying not to focus on the movement of your thumb around mine which is not friendship.
This time I'm 21 and your thick bones outline my thin and I like this small feeling.
Jan 24, 2019
Jan 24, 2019 at 2:08 PM UTC
And I know one day,
I'll look into her eyes and say,
"I love you"
With body language, with touch,
When the way she laughs becomes too much.
Fingertips like felt rolling over
Stitched feelings of brokenness,
Diamond eyes catch the unraveling
Of confusion into wholesomeness,
I'm mended, I'm alive, and goddamit
I'm swollen with #pride
Jun 18, 2018
Jun 18, 2018 at 4:32 AM UTC
I hate being maternal
I hate being fearful
I hate being traumatised
I hate being quiet.
I hate my attraction to men
Because it makes me fearful
That I’ll have kids
And they’ll be neglected, empty and loveless.
I hate being anxious
I hate losing control
I hate my upbringing.
If it weren’t for the confusion
And the belting and the yelling
I wouldn’t be scared.
I hate my attraction to men
Because it made me fearful
I was told that they’re rapists
And they’d take advantage of me.
I hate being weak
I hate being gendered
I hate looking and feeling small.
I wish I was only attracted to women
Because I’d be less fearful
I wouldn’t worry about having kids.
I hate feeling inadequate
I hate feeling like a machine
I hate feeling weak.
I wish conversion therapy worked
Because I hate being attracted
To any man who might hurt me
Or force me to have kids
Or force me to be his slave
Or refuse to accept who I am.
I hate being viewed as a woman
I hate when I try to express affection
Women laugh at it, and men take it the wrong way.
I hate being invalidated
As a non-binary person
Who doesn’t want to cause anyone pain.
I hate ****** attraction towards men
Because if it weren’t for self-control
I’d dig my own grave
And possibly that of unwarranted children.
I hate being an unhappy child
Because if I was raised lovingly
I wouldn’t be anxious
I wouldn’t be cursing my sexuality
For including men
Because I wouldn’t be scared
Of having kids
Cos I’d know I would raise them
The happy way I was raised.
If I was raised lovingly,
I know I’d raise kids that way too
And they wouldn’t suffer
They wouldn’t blame me
And the cycle of raising kids lovingly
Would be passed on throughout generations.
Tell me I’m exaggerating
But my dad swore
He wouldn’t raise me
The way his father raised him.
But I was terrorized
By his beltings
Just like the ones
His father gave him.
So I hope you understand
Why I hate part of my sexuality
And why for the good of others
I don’t want kids.
I want to stop this cycle
Of fear, pain and suffering
Even if it ends me.
Even if no-one remembers me.
It’s good for my conscience
To say this right here and now
I hate being scared
And I’d hate for anyone
To be afraid of me.
11th October 2017
Oct 11, 2017
Oct 11, 2017 at 6:11 AM UTC
There's an unseen connection
You don't see but I feel
My retina has your reflection
It's a blind yet funny deal
I see you when no one's there
Even with people around
Without touch I get the flair
Chasing me as a hound
I won't ask for anything
But just to see your face
A smile from you is something
That serves more than an embrace
I am an ace with desires
With no urge to play rounds
No butterflies, there's fire
My true love, in you, I found.
Mar 18, 2017
Mar 18, 2017 at 12:32 AM UTC
Lesbian, bisexual, transgender, gay
What are they all only labels anyway?
Nowt of individuals do labels say,
Truth be told all they do is get in the way!
What is it with this need to put labels on?
What we really need is to see the person!
To judge others only by labels given
Is stupidity, hard to be forgiven.
So it is with gender, race, colour or creed;
And all other labels we just do not need.
Feb 23, 2016
Feb 23, 2016 at 5:29 AM UTC
Have you lately realized
How much self absorbed
Heterosexual amorphous
Hominem ad narcissists
*Love their oneorientation
Love their self esteem pen
Love their uncanny purse
Love their rightful rituals*
They abide to admiration
*They wear polite persona
They share unrelentlessly
They know salt and peppa*
Immortal talent n'crowd
Inspiring dear friend days
Interrupting pink panther
Integrity by wild abandon.
Jan 20, 2016
Jan 20, 2016 at 10:17 AM UTC
We're pushed away and stepped over
When we're not being scoffed at and ridiculed
We wonder where our strength comes from
How we get up over and over and over again
Trans or Gay, or sometimes both
We all get treated the same
Hurt by words that get thrown at us
So often that only tears remain
But strong we are, those that are left
Too many gone, from pain and distrust
We take a breath, wipe off the spit
And keep fighting to live another day
The world cries for unity, for rights and equality
But somehow we always seem to lose
The rights and equality seemed destined for us
Given to those the majority choose to see
We sink in our hearts, hold on to each others hands
Dreary of the battle, left empty from the fight
Trans and Gay, stand arm in arm
Ready for tomorrow, hoping for an end to the fight.
by Lj Mark, 2015
Apr 27, 2015
Apr 27, 2015 at 9:10 PM UTC