#onanism
There once was a Volton from Venus
Who played all day long with his squenus:
When they said, "Get a job
You lascivious slob!"
He gave 'em a piece of his genus.
Feb 23
Feb 23, 2026 at 6:58 PM UTC
There once was a man from Toledo
Who went to the beach in a Speedo:
He swam on his back,
And, enjoying a whack,
The ****** let loose his torpedo.
Dec 2, 2025
Dec 2, 2025 at 4:01 PM UTC
There once was a meth-head named Seth
Who banged a whole 8ball of ****
And proceeded to beat off,
And beat all his meat off,
And beat off to meth-headed death.
Mar 8, 2025
Mar 8, 2025 at 12:29 AM UTC
Laura. She tempts me much to self-abuse,
The sin of which is true love's evil twin.
I regularly sin by giving in,
Making a sock of fresh banana juice.
I struggle to resist, but what's the use
When future me will certainly begin
To tug himself (much to his own chagrin)
Thinking about her headlights and caboose?
The walnuts swell upon the walnut tree.
The sap is running—slimy walnut sap.
Her apples call my name. They're teasing me.
The hardwood grows with vigor in my lap.
I burn to plant my seed deep in her V,
The garden of her earth, then take a nap.
Jul 7, 2025
Jul 7, 2025 at 11:20 PM UTC
There once was from Mount Disappointment
A fella who lubed with some ointment
A patch of dry skin
Till he sinned a gross sin
And missed an important appointment.
Apr 12, 2025
Apr 12, 2025 at 5:15 PM UTC
Bato sa balat,
Hayaan **** lumapat ang ‘yong kahinaan sa mahinahong baldosa
Payagang lamig ay yumanig sa bawat panig ng iyong katawan
Mula sa kalamlaman ng iyong talampakan hanggang umabot sa–
Pagitan ng iyong mga hita, paakyat sa kalamnan, patungo sa dibdib
Hanggang maramdaman nginig na dala ng iyong pag-iisa.
Ipagpaliban mo muna ang mundo
Ilaw sa paningin,
Hayaan **** angkinin ka ng daang-daang mukhang nasasalamin sa bawat tisa
Tignan ang iyong mga nakikita, ikaw ngayon ay nakakahon sa bato–
At mga multo na iisa lang ang mga mukha’t hinaing
Payagang ika’y ariin ng kanilang mga nanlilisik na titig,
Huminga ng malalim at iyong sabihing
Ginusto mo ang linggatong na ‘to
Mata sa dutsa,
Tumingala hanggang kadahilanan ay magunita
Ang iyong katwiran kung bakit pinili mo ang kapangahasan
Hamakin ang sarili’t magnilay-nilay sa nagbabadyang kasalanan
‘Di hamak naman na mas ikakasaya mo ang pait–
Ng paglalapastangan sa sarili nang ilang makamundong saglit
Pagbigayang mabasa ang sarili
Silakbo sa kawalan,
Ipikit ang mga mata’t pakiramdaman ang daloy ng tubig sa’yong balat
Ipaanod sa agos ang haplos ng pighati’t pagtitimpi
Sa mahigpit na bisig ng isang mapanghusgang mundo
Tikman ang hagod ng malamig na pelus sa iyong mga labi
Sumidhi sana ang pagdanak ng init ng pagnanasa sa bawat bena
Mahalin mo ang iyong pagkatao
Makipagtalik sa sarili,
Ibigin **** maibigan ang pagiging makamundo’t makasalanan
Ibaling ang pansin sa pagpapalabas ng himutok
Muling sabihin na hindi makasarili ang pagnanasa sa sarili’t
Ulit-ulitin ang pagbaluktot ng diwa’t isipan hanggang ito’y tumatak,
Hanggang sa mabulalas mo ang iyong mga suliranin
At matapos ang lahat ng iyon hindi mo maiiwasan–
Pagkamuhi sa sarili.
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 1:20 PM UTC
.
Lady Roxy keeps her lover private,
hidden in a box under the bed.
The only conclusion one can arrive at,
she prefers something that buzzes instead.
Lady Roxy doesn't bother with dating,
just an occasional change of battery.
No reason to hang around waiting,
for compliments and blushing flattery.
Lady Roxy's lover does as she bids,
deftly wielded as a weapon of pleasure.
With no exchange of ****** fluids,
'tis truly her most joyous treasure.
© Pagan Paul (10/10/17)
Oct 11, 2017
Oct 11, 2017 at 10:22 AM UTC