#obsessed
I used to hate school breaks
Even the weekends were unbearable
Because I missed you so badly
I'd crawl to that Monday
And smile wide when I saw you show
Cheerful for "Oh, no reason!"
During Christmas
Or the first full week of spring
I'd think of you
Maybe every ten minutes or so
Just waiting for that moment
Where I could stare into your back
Wishing you might one day stare, too
I like the breaks now
I hardly ever think of you
The world around me is able to glow
Finally without your presence
Apr 22
Apr 22, 2026 at 1:55 PM UTC
I have never sent them
These letters of goodbye
Drafts upon drafts
Various ways of saying farewell
Emotional and heartfelt
Anger and numbness
Paragraphs to simple words
They sit on my desk
They are saved on my phone
They are memorized by heart
Each signed with a teardrop
Written with a shaken hand
An author that has never
Decided how to say goodbye
But the fact that the pile grows
Weighing on my desk
So heavy on my heart
Unsent and unfinished
Shows that I still don't know
How to let you go
Feb 17
Feb 17, 2026 at 5:30 PM UTC
I’m not jealous.
I tell myself.
I just don’t like
the way you change
when he walks into the room.
Is he better than me?
You move your hair differently.
You laugh louder.
You become easier to touch
with your soul
than with hands.
And you say I’m exaggerating.
Have I always done that?
You say I always exaggerate —
but only
when the truth makes you uncomfortable.
I never told you not to talk to him.
I only said
men like him
don’t have pure intentions —
like I do.
You know I know you.
I know how you breathe
when you lie.
I know who you are
when you want to be seen.
I’m not jealous.
If I lose you,
it won’t be because I didn’t notice
that smile of yours.
It will be because
you wanted to be seen
by someone else.
And I was only decoration
in your destiny.
So don’t ask me
why I changed.
But I’m not jealous.
Feb 12
Feb 12, 2026 at 1:53 AM UTC
its very easy --
to get obsessed,
getting obsessed
...but with writing?
it can hurt.
because it becomes
your only way
to cope,
to stay sane --
to be okay.
and its hard to
open up to people
after writing for so long.
and having paper
be the only one
who truly understands.
its difficult to be
vulnerable and open
about your feelings
and opinions
when writing them
is all you know.
Aug 28, 2025
Aug 28, 2025 at 12:51 PM UTC
i dont know what to think of this one yet. im leanin towards scrapping the whole thing.
i feel so out of place
they forget my name
and why im there.
the thoughts they just race,
they wont stop.
why wont they stop?
there is a point that im trying to get across here. we all feel out of place. maybe with people youve known for multiple years or people youve known for a few seconds. it doesnt change the feeling of being left out and forgotten. im just not sure how to get my emotions across. its hard for me sometimes to fully describe how i feel when im like this, because im autistic. it doesnt stop me. it just frustrates me when my words feel emotionless and like a i cant do anything to make them just feel what i feel! it feels impossible sometimes. i have over 15 drafts on @mysterie. just random ideas. never finished. never edited. just raw and there. im leaning towards scrapping this, unless i get the motivation to try and make this full of emotion and also enough to get my point across.
its okay if i dont find the motivation. again, writing is never perfect. i dont have to finish writing this and fix it up. though it would help me to regulate and sort my head out a bit, i dont have to. its okay that writing is messy. its always messy.
Aug 24, 2025
Aug 24, 2025 at 10:34 PM UTC
part four of fixing this. i didn't realise how much it would take. i thought over this for awhile. i think it needs one more check but i removed a half of one stanza, then half of another and just changed it slightly. i think it adds more impact.
its very easy --
to get obsessed,
getting obsessed
...but with writing?
it can hurt.
because it becomes
your only way
to cope,
to stay sane --
to be okay.
and its hard to
open up to people
after writing for so long.
and having paper
be the only one
who truly understands.
its difficult to be
vulnerable and open
about your feelings
and opinions
when writing them
is all you know.
after re reading it for the fourth time i split a stanza in half and changed the wording. it feels like it needs more emotion. i think ill sleep on it.
Aug 24, 2025
Aug 24, 2025 at 10:27 PM UTC
i made some word changes, added some in as well. i am thinking or removing a stanza though.
its very easy --
to get obsessed,
maybe you're obsessed with a show,
or maybe a musician.
but getting obsessed
...with writing?
it can hurt.
because it becomes
your only way
to cope,
to stay sane --
to be okay.
and its hard to
open up to people
after writing for so long,
and having paper
be the only one
who truly understands.
its hard to be honest,
and vulnerable
about your feelings
and opinions
when writing them
and softly
stashing them into draws --
maybe books,
under your mattress,
is all
you
know.
i think i like the outcome so far, but im not too sure still. it feels all over the place..
Aug 24, 2025
Aug 24, 2025 at 10:27 PM UTC
im not quite sure where i was actually headed with this one. im feeling like changing this is going to be an adventure through emotions and what was happening when i wrote this. i dont know if ill end up rewriting the whole thing.
i think i wrote this because i felt like the only way for me to express myself was through writing and i felt like i was becoming obsessed. i mean, its basically all i think about. words running through my mind at an inhumane speed. its silly really. i believe it was late when i wrote this, so dont take it to heart to much.
its easy to get obsessed,
maybe you're obsessed with a show,
or a musician.
but getting obsessed with writing?
it can hurt.
becomes it becomes your only way
to cope.
to stay sane.
to be okay.
and its hard to
open up to people
after writing for so long,
and having paper
be the one
who understands.
its hard to be truthful
about your feelings
and opinions
when writing them
and softly
stashing them into draws --
maybe books,
under your mattress,
is all you know.
i think its okay, but needs some work, my feelings might have been too strong to add more breaks so it flows better. that might be the first thing i do to see if its any better like that.
Aug 24, 2025
Aug 24, 2025 at 8:55 PM UTC
do you exist?
in this realm,
in this time,
in this small blip of moments,
and if so,
how do i capture you?
hold you in my hands.
in my heart.
how do i seek you out?
when you’re nothing of our kind.
neither here nor there.
you’re simply smoke and mirrors.
nowhere, yet everywhere.
you’ve got no flesh and bones,
simply god made and grown.
you’ve got no fear, just quest,
a longing to roam.
are you even real?
or just an ache that I conceal?
if you are just fiction,
how do I conjure you
and keep you with conviction?
you’d be locked into my mind.
giving me endless daydreams,
yet consuming all my time.
then maybe i’d be lost
in your never ending shimmer.
my life and light would fade
in comparison
to a low flicker dimmer.
i would waste my decades decaying.
simple, stupid, and waiting.
i would turn down every suitor.
yet I would be an angry, seething,
lovelorn refuter
and if i can’t have you,
or sift my hands to grasp,
what will be the purpose?
and what heart of mine will last?
Jul 22, 2025
Jul 22, 2025 at 9:35 PM UTC
Niña, me tienes a tu llamao'
A tu orden, como perro adiestrao'
Día si y noche también
Como ave cantora del alba y él búho que trasnocha
Niña, que dicha es seguirte de cerquita
Estrellita, luna o sol, te regalo el cielo entero
Como me gusta cuando tu me miras
Esos ojitos que me dejan tonto, tanto me encantan
Niña, bombón envuelto en seda
Prontito deja quitarte el listón
May 30, 2025
May 30, 2025 at 11:34 PM UTC
Spools on the coat
A stray hair like spun gold
On the sun
Worn-out makeup
Fresh cinnamon bun
And a coffee cup
On the run
You’re stuck in my throat
I’d travel abroad
Not to see your face
But you course through my veins
And a picture of you
Is supplied to my brain
Any time I seem to forget
You persist
Like a poisonous thorn
In every breath
That I try to release
You’re always reborn
In my messy hair
In my puffy face
In my bitten nails
In the coffee stain
In my scattered day -
In every grain of it
You remain
In the morning fog
In the evening haze
In the cluttered desk
And the endless maze
Of my daily tasks
And the city’s pace
You live
May 9, 2025
May 9, 2025 at 12:54 AM UTC
I was there all the time, while you were gone
One day you were there, the next day, gone
Everything was going good
So I never understood what went wrong
I never understood what I did so wrong
Because one day you were there
And the next day; bright, and early, gone
I never understood how another girl
Became your "number one"
Things started to turn south
When I noticed you were gone more
You'd make sure you were always quiet
When you managed to make your way home
And came through the door
Quiet as can be, so you didn't wake me up
Because you didn't want me to know
That you were actually out after work
With some girl who had a baby
Which made you look like a creep
How could you hit me below the belt, so deep?
You went and wandered the streets
Looking for someone else to satisfy
You and your petty selfish needs
You were playing house with someone else
Giving someone else the attention I was supposed to get
Not even caring to ask how I even felt
You hit me in the face one, slapped rather
That was a one time thing, not a big deal or matter
Because you hit me in front of my mother
And she told you point blank
"If you're going to hit my daughter;
You need to take a breath and really think"
And then I chimed in with;
"It's okay because if he ever tries or does it again;
I'll go to jail for breaking his **** hand."
The audacity this fool think he had
Cheated on me because I can't have kids
And he apparently wanted to be a dad
All you had to do was say something to me
That's something I would have come to understand
But instead you became unfaithful and left me sad
I really had feelings for you because I became obsessed
Starting going to work with you
And sitting in your vehicle for 8-12 hours like I was possessed
You drove me so crazy I didn't know what else to do
Then one day it all became clear
I wasn't needed anymore here
So I left, and never looked back.
Stephanie A. Ludwig
04/25/2025
Apr 25, 2025
Apr 25, 2025 at 5:33 PM UTC
No matter where I turn, you pull me in
A black hole wrapped in flawless skin.
Your face, a scripture I must recite,
Carved in the dark of my sleepless nights.
My heart is a beast with claws of need,
Thrashing, ravenous, starved for your lead.
When you're near, I cease to be,
A breath held tight, a wound set free.
When you are gone, you are never gone.
You stain the air, you stretch the dawn.
I see you lurking in glass and steam,
Flickering, shifting, slipping between.
I know your steps, your fleeting trace,
The ghosts you leave in empty space.
You do not see me, but I see you,
Devotion stitched in every view.
Call it hunger, call it fate,
A madness I do not wish to escape.
You are the altar, the prayer, the key
And I am the shadow that will not leave.
Apr 1, 2025
Apr 1, 2025 at 1:49 AM UTC
His eyes
Ugh his eyes
Those eyes have the hypnotic nature
that makes me want to listen every everything he says
making me his pawn in his own game.
Be his *** slave done,
be his ***** done,
be his plaything it also gets done.
Those alluring siren eyes calling to get destroyed,
well I would gladly be destroyed by those beautiful eyes.
He hypnotizes with his siren eyes calling
like Aphrodite herself in the male version.
Who am I not to drown in those eyes.
Take me to you and make me your forever-trapped soul.
And here comes his voice
Calling to get captured into bliss
A bliss to ears indeed
Let me drown in your honey
I wish to be yours wholly
Here comes the siren with honey voice and hypnotic eyes.
Oct 26, 2024
Oct 26, 2024 at 12:35 PM UTC
one thing that will always
be left
unsaid,
You will always be
on my mind.
the names you called me.
they will be long forgotten.
your stares.
will be forever lost.
I can manage
the whole world
with the tip of my finger,
yet you control me over one touch.
everyone can easily
drool at the sight of me,
if I let them.
yet I can drown
at your stare.
so how?
how does the peasant rule
over such a knee-dropping
queen?
Sep 16, 2024
Sep 16, 2024 at 7:33 PM UTC
You will always be to me,
Surrounded by a dark, black, flowing sea –
Its waves and textures enticing me.
For I, a sailor so obsessed,
My fascination with your ocean in unrest,
Has me completely possessed.
In a beauty so limitless,
From its roots to its depths.
I drown in it fearless –
Apr 9, 2021
Apr 9, 2021 at 2:02 PM UTC
oh, **** i'm so full of love it's spilling out of me
like bullet wounds, like i've been court martialed,
like i'm the pinpoint of a broken sheet of glass,
the part from which everything else shatters;
of course i'm the centre of the universe,
who else would be? who else could love this way,
fierce and terrible and hating? who else other than me
could break the universe for another chance at hello
or at two thousand and nineteen?
which isn't to say i'm manic. which isn't to say
that i don't cry in the shower and scream in the car.
i do. but when i do, i'm the main event;
nobody booked tickets to see anybody but me here.
don't kid yourself, world. don't make me laugh.
don't act like everything is okay when i'm breaking the baby-bird bones
of my fingers every time someone else talks.
me, the human stress ball.
me, twenty stories tall and universe-filled with love,
nothing else can even come close. i'm ******* godzilla,
i'm interplanetary, i'm that giant ******* marshmallow man
from ghostbusters getting shot at by the heroes.
maybe there's just too much of me to love the way i need
to be loved; completely, obsessively, like an illness.
oh, god, i want to be loved like i'm sick.
not just another hospital bed but the whole **** ward
all for me. all eyes on me. nobody looking anywhere but me
and *oh, please, i'm fine, really,
i don't need all this attention.*
like i'm daring the world to divert it away.
a birthday list of gifts:
- a fifth of whiskey
- a gun with one bullet
- the attention that people get from the crowd below before they jump off a building
i don't think i'm asking for too much here.
i feel like i'm one of those unlucky ******** born on christmas day
who get half the presents for twice the occasion.
how cruel must god be to birth me anywhere but eden,
into a world where other people exist,
where we have jobs and say hello to store cashiers and divide up our attention like slices of mandarin.
so where's this revolution i ordered?
where are the people making me important?
i need a cause to lead and a muzzle for my heart,
and i'll burn on and out,
not like a star, but like the end of the ******* universe itself.
and here i am, acting like i matter
when i really only want to matter to you.
i don't care how you want me to revolve
as long as i'm a lone moon. as long as the tides
are all mine; see, it's a lot more complex
than me playing easy villain or anti hero. it's not
been about me this entire time.
but i can't write poems about any other subject.
Dec 23, 2020
Dec 23, 2020 at 8:13 PM UTC
At this point, I'm surprised I manage to wake up,
when every night is plagued with dreams of you,
caressing my fragile body, and then plunging into it like it doesn't mean two ***** to you.
Every night it's the same dream, and I wake up smelling of sweat,
but it's not the same as yours, an aroma that haunts me even in my sleep.
See, when a man like me desires,
he desires with more than just his heart and mind.
He desires with his nose, his lips, his hands and his tongue,
his eyes, his ears, and with the tips of his toes.
Not unlike the fantastic houses we used to build between periods.
Not unlike the make-believe we used to play during recess.
So, my friend, let's make-believe one last time:
I'll pretend to be a woman,
and you'll pretend to be in love,
and I'll finally find myself in your warm embrace.
Dec 10, 2020
Dec 10, 2020 at 5:10 PM UTC
I´m obsessed with you,
Obsessed with the toxicity
Obsessed with you leaving me
Obsessed with the unknown
I´m obsessed with the dreams about you
The scenario´s i´m creating in my head
Obsessed with the urge to talk to you
Obsessed with the desire to see you.
I´m into you and I always wanted you,
You cutting me off, made me even want you more,
And I´m obsessed with all of you.
I´m obsessed with your dominance,
I´m obsessed with how you know what you want,
I´m obsessed with the way you flirt,
The way you have your life put together.
Will this obsession ever be over?
It´s a question for me
And a uknown mystery for you...
Nov 28, 2020
Nov 28, 2020 at 10:03 AM UTC
Just know that my heart wants what it wants
Just know from the start I want what I want
Just know that so far I get what I want
Just know that your heart won’t slip from my arms
I know that your eyes they cry and they cry
I know that you hide beneath a disguise
I know what’s inside your baby blue eyes
I know you’ll be alright and you’ll always be mine
Nov 12, 2020
Nov 12, 2020 at 9:15 PM UTC
If he leaves you
Let him go
Because when you fight for him,
It’s not a fight for love
It’s a fight for your own obsession
Love is being happy together,
Not possessing each other happiness.
Sep 6, 2020
Sep 6, 2020 at 3:54 PM UTC
So much love within
Fingertips glide over my skin
Hands on my sides
While meeting my insides
Entire body shivers
With the way you deliver
Eyes roll back again
Over the way you have me bend
One night is never enough with you
I want an entire lifetime, or two
Sep 6, 2020
Sep 6, 2020 at 2:56 PM UTC