#novacane
we bloomed then died soon after
I just needed someone to spoon, a catcher
as I was falling for another who found their lover
which was not me and you were my only sensible option
to numb my pain like nova cane
it was Leo season and I was vain
knew it was never going to truly work but in the present, I stayed
now you tell me you got a special someone
and I got the same
divisive silence as you realize I was playing game
I want to paint myself in cool hues and tell you how I am the victim
but while you were all in I was just skinny dipping
having fun under the sheets living my Piscean vision
Sep 16, 2021
Sep 16, 2021 at 8:06 PM UTC
Depressed, suicidal, numb,
repeat and smile
because you believed in polyamory.
About a week ago,
she said she loved me.
About a week ago,
she had him coming.
My girl with the black lace choker.
Bang Bang--
No holster.
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 6:17 AM UTC
I'm a pack rat--
the reason I keep you in my hand
gathering lint and sand.
Some familiar decay,
hoping I can let go one day.
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 6:10 AM UTC
When I wake up with you
I can't seem to down my food
'cause I know I'm living a lie.
I may be stupid,
only 'cause you make me feel alive.
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 6:18 AM UTC
When we were out,
you'd graze your nails on my back,
rubbing my thigh--
Sometimes a little too high.
I miss this too much,
which is why I'm too high.
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 6:04 AM UTC
It was really a
Lazer Tag survival love story.
Two kids in a 4 year summer--
She just shot me in the end.
Bang Bang
Never understood if it was intentional,
if her gun went out of her control,
if she was sorry afterwards.
I doubt she understood either.
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 6:01 AM UTC
First my fingers go numb and I can't feel my lips
So I drink your presence like I drink cheap tequila
Rough at first
But after a couple sips, smooth as water
You touch me but my body is without sensation
Something different is pumping through my veins
And Novacane blocks any feeling
From the pain that comes as you cut me open
My blood drains but I don't sense it
Ignorance is bliss, they used to tell me
That is until you're facedown in a pillow
With the life escaping one strained breath at a time
My teeth clench and my knees lock
I can't help it but tomorrow I'll feel it
If tomorrow comes
Songs about feeling high in love
I don't want that
What happens when you're too high
To notice the person in front of you
Is the one pushing your face down
The Devil Incarnate?
Naiveté suits you, Honey
And so does misery
Dec 2, 2016
Dec 2, 2016 at 2:36 PM UTC
Dreaming out my subconcious
because I miss the idea of us.
You were up high in my apartment tree,
swinging side to side in a wooden seat.
I called out your name
but you didn't hear me--
Kept smiling at what you couldn't see.
At another slumber sleep,
I drove my car to your Murrieta home.
Had a hundred friends in the back seat
which meant I wasn't alone.
I knew I had the means of a GPS
which meant I didn't have to guess.
Had my memory when I knew you best.
*******
I swear I knew my way there.
So why was I lost in some deja vu despair?
Could no longer find my way
to your home in the middle of the day.
At another slumber feat,
we walked hand in hand on the fashion island.
You pushed me away in a tone
replying to some big question with a No.
And as you walked away from me
in front of the crowd to see,
I ran around the island
weeping like a street drunkard.
Sirens appeared to me--
offering sympathy at my dismay
but I kept sulking in a haze.
I dream out my subconcious
because I miss the idea of us.
Bang Bang
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 6:42 AM UTC
I can't think straight
(Or crooked or sideways).
I'm too ******* tired to invent some new distraction
(You're no good at party tricks)
And too scared to figure out what the hell I want.
The water's filling up your lungs—
A kiss could make it all better,
But I'm too busy blowing bubbles
And skipping rocks across the surface.
Despite it all, you stand and wait
When I fall behind on our afternoon walk
And offer me your arm when the trail gets steep.
You're oxygen, but I'm reaching for novacane,
Trying so hard to be indifferent to the spark in your eyes and the part of your lips,
Though I know **** well it's no use.
I am a moth to a flame—
When it burns too bright, It consumes me.
So I'll turn away before it starts,
Blind myself to every truth except the one I live inside:
If I can't love you, I can't love anybody.
Sep 9, 2015
Sep 9, 2015 at 7:18 PM UTC
After all the keys of *******
conversations of heartbreak,
swigs of liquor mundane,
and kisses from Maryjane
I swear I can drive home.
Numb, thinking of Love--
Snapchat your toys when we hang.
Won't reply to my love when you see my name.
Everytime you come back to visit
by the Murrieta cold mist,
you hold my hand and kiss my lips
like you're sick of it.
You told me you still got it for me.
But Girl, why do you dance when I cry?
Been around the beds at the UC
so give me meaning to why I still try.
I'm begging Honeychild,
****** of my eyes.
Dangerous with your lies--
****** to the real stuff,
Couldn't understand my love.
I'm begging Honeychild,
Show my you still got it for me.
I'm out in South County
driving under Orion's belt.
Call you when my drunk heart is for sell again.
"Please, please drive home" you told me,
Suicidal tendencies control me.
No more drugs,
no more driving like the street has me sprung.
But of the bumps that clumped my vision,
and drugs that sunk my conscious,
you were the worse
saying Novacane was yours.
A sad song, why can't you see I'm the one
feeling numb
on the ice cold lawn,
while you're filming ****
with no red light on.
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 6:30 AM UTC
Girl, you're in the city
and so the day is a little pretty.
My drug use today
is my thoughts of you
'cause I feel so good
reminiscing about the old views--
When we were blind for each other.
Two mutts in love for the summer.
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 6:07 AM UTC
On the other side of the world--
Mountains of land, crowds of trees,
happy people and courtesy,
beautiful women and new memory.
When I pull on my sleeve
and remember that scars in your name,
I remember that things weren't fair--
How you hung me out to dry.
So therefore I claim it's not love
what I feel for thee,
but I kind of human gravity
that I have no control over.
My rusted magnet
across the blue planet.
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 6:35 AM UTC
I was closest to the stars on the plane,
feeling interstellar and so small.
And there you appeared again in my head.
No matter the places I've been
or the happiness that was touched upon me,
I still wished my best friend
and the love of my life
was there to embrace it all with me.
This world will swallow us--
Spit us out, make us feel small with all its beauty.
The way I see it,
I might as well go through it with you--
With my lost gem,
with my love doll,
making my soul bend
above it all.
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 6:38 AM UTC