#notyourfault
“I’ll heal, I’m positive this time
But how will you?” I asked in despair
even after all these years.
He shrugged in uncertainty,
“I don’t know..
Maybe I’ll heal when you heal”.
A cloud of strength and hope surrounded me
My eyes welling up,
I hugged him tight.
His head against my chest,
he felt my heart racing
“Why are you stressed? Your heart is beating fast”
I on the other hand, was excited for once
as I’m on this journey of healing,
my last ray of hope I call it,
trying to pick up all the broken pieces,
scattered all around the corners and depths,
And transform into a beautiful painting
that I can draw the strength from,
and admire,
to tread forward
together with so many beautiful souls
who lost their way around,
but still breathing.
With bated breath I wait for that day..
And then when I heal,
both of us will heal, in and out.
Mar 13
Mar 13, 2026 at 7:09 AM UTC
Someday, you may lose your faith.
You may lose your way.
But, once you understand
it's not your fault if that happens,
you can find new things
to have faith in.
Nov 4, 2023
Nov 4, 2023 at 7:58 PM UTC
You may be lost. You may be alone.
But it's not your fault.
Even if you push people away.
I know, coming from someone on the outside looking in, it's easy to say "don't listen to them"
Or "take what they say with a grain of salt."
So I won't say that.
It doesn't help you feel better anyway.
What I will say is what I said before.
It's not your fault.
I don't know what happened, but if you isolated yourself, that was a reaction.
And there's no right or wrong way
to react to anything. But not all hope is lost.
When you react, you adapt.
It's not easy. In fact, it can be quite painful.
But you did it once. You can adapt again.
Apr 21, 2021
Apr 21, 2021 at 9:01 PM UTC
On the surface, love and hate
May seem black and white.
But that's not quite right.
They're feelings.
And feelings can change.
They're also like humans.
On the surface, people may seem
Scary or really nice.
But give them time,
And they may make you think twice.
First impressions are important.
But take them with a grain of salt.
And if you get fooled,
Just know it's not your fault.
Mar 6, 2021
Mar 6, 2021 at 7:46 PM UTC
It's not your fault if he doesn't say hi as you walk by.
It's not your fault if she doesn't seem to know you exist.
But it's not their fault either.
It's not your fault if you feel too much or nothing at all.
And if it gets bad, there's nothing wrong with curling up in a ball.
We all need an escape.
This is an important one.
It is NOT your fault if you get addicted to the drugs or the drink.
It's not your fault if you get so stressed, you can't eat, sleep, or think. It's not your fault
Because bad things, confusion, sadness, stress, loss, anger...it happens to everyone. It's not a choice.
Sep 19, 2020
Sep 19, 2020 at 11:02 PM UTC
I have a memory that kills me
Like shards of glass sliding through my atrium,
Undetectable until it has ripped an
Irreparable hole in my heart.
His arm is tightened around my neck,
Pressure behind,
Pulling me to him,
My fear thicker than the air I could not breathe.
And then it was over,
Over like the red and sweat of my face
As the oxygen rushed back in.
Therapist says it was not an accident.
In 30 seconds he had tested me.
I was controllable.
Pass or fail
Depends on who you ask.
Dec 6, 2019
Dec 6, 2019 at 2:50 AM UTC
I am not your **** toy
Not a plastic doll
Your fantasies
Don't get to come
True on my account
These aren't your fun bags
My *** is not to smack
My skin longs
For the touch of fingertips
But crawls at the thought
Bristle before, relax
Never knowing
What unwanted touch
Is coming next
Never knew to say no
Never knew wrong was wrong
Until it was all too late
Doctor in the barn
Damaged on the trail
Grabbed my wrist -- was I wrong?
Drank it all away
Faded into blackness
Forcing through the door
Older now
Learning once again
They only want one thing from you;
You're just a last resort
So feign for their attention
Gave as good as got
Dove right down that rabbit hole
Trying to drown it out
And still -- trapped, touched
Touche
But then again, and "No"
That famous word
So infamously hard to hear
Too ashamed to fight back
Give in
Then
Live in
FEAR
Let me say again
Because it bears repeating:
Give in, then
Live in fear
Bare --
Repeating
****
Say it with me now
Such an ugly word
How does it make you feel
Do you feel ashamed
Are you feeling scarred
Do you feel her fear
Or is it not so clear?
Do you feel
Powerful now
Or is it
All her fault
Such an ugly word
So, say it with me now
****
Found out what it means to me.
Aug 23, 2018
Aug 23, 2018 at 1:22 PM UTC
I release you from the compulsion, your feelings, not mine.
Jun 28, 2015
Jun 28, 2015 at 4:13 PM UTC