#notreal
"ghosts are not real." she said and she sighed
"I sure did not become one when I died"
Jan 6
Jan 6, 2026 at 2:03 PM UTC
If I exist, then I must be real-
That's how it works,
But it's not how I feel.
I look in the mirror,
Glimpse at the reflection,
But I walk right through her-
We have no connection.
And how many words
Can I say, rambling on,
Before someone realizes
They carry no weight?
Wasting the air
From my tired lungs-
Words are just words
When no action comes.
But action proves nothing
If my words aren’t right;
I could move mountains
And still lose the fight.
I could fill every hole
That’s carved in the ground,
But none of it matters
If I do so without sound.
If I’m not weeping,
Or begging, or screaming,
I make them uneasy-
My silence unredeeming.
I speak so much
It makes my throat hurt.
Sick of myself,
Sick of this work.
And if I begged
This sickness to take me,
She’d just laugh-
And keep on berating.
I know I’ll get up,
I’ll just walk away.
It never lasts long.
It’s only a phase.
But when your villain
Is the girl in the mirror,
It’s hard to ignore
A fear drawn so clear.
Aug 1, 2025
Aug 1, 2025 at 4:47 PM UTC
it's hard for me to let you go,
you look like an angel
--a deviant against God,
beautiful and forbidden
--against impermanence
ever-lasting;
a taste of ambrosia
a touch of Midas; gold
--yet rarer than the birds
that seem to circle around
--your crown;
not of thorns,
but early morning dew
and the fruits you bear;
not of love,
but grief
--and indelible prints
pressed on your skin...
you make my heart beat,
for once it never moved,
until my shadow was seen.
it's hard for me to let you go.
Mar 25, 2025
Mar 25, 2025 at 9:22 AM UTC
Failing the stages of what once was realities,
Then decided to escape to Dreams,
Trying to give senses of scenes,
What if it turns into a nightmare with endless questions ‘n’ means,
Holding hands with yesterdays,
Falling in love with tomorrows,
Trips long gone in Milky Ways,
Shooting stars in far beyond galaxies,
Now you’re the star of tomorrow,
Tomorrow you’re the star of gone,
Living in fake until you reach the sun,
Nothing relieving in a loaded to shoot gun,
If dreams failed the meanings,
Our feelings gives it leadings,
To reach what’s called greetings,
Don’t worry of a temporary bleeding,
Now you know whats real,
Do you understand how it deal?
If stitches failed to heal,
Will be making you a skin of steel,
That happy ever after will,
Among those dreams to be fill,
You need to stand still,
Don’t wait for the far fars until,
Look at those flickers,
Beautiful but only in presence of liquors,
Hold your breath with all considers,
You now belong to the highest
worshippers.
Oct 30, 2024
Oct 30, 2024 at 7:01 AM UTC
In between these honks and horns
in between these flowers and thorns
I searched peace
I searched it in the sand
searched in the dirt;
and found nothing
except that empty hand .
Some say it's good to act ;
some say it's good to ignore.
I say it's good to watch ocean;
but from the shore .
Some live, to try;
Some try ,to live .
Let this life's river flow;
with no regrets to give
Here nobody understand the meaning
All we doing is just trying to hide the truth
living in world which is not real;
still calling it reality .
Oct 26, 2021
Oct 26, 2021 at 11:55 AM UTC
Distorted memories,
But all were just tragedies.
My mind was just full of fantasies,
That didn't happen all through these years.
Happiness that turned to tears;
Hope that turned to fears;
I wish I never woke up from this dream,
And just stayed there forever until it dims.
Jun 8, 2021
Jun 8, 2021 at 9:26 AM UTC
With you, I had no sight
I was left blind
When you whispered the words
"I love you"
The careless kisses you gave
left a scar on my lips
feeling only pain
when another kissed me
The gentle touch of your hand
left a burn on my face
to only flinch
when another strokes my face
But my love wasn't real
nor was yours
it was just easy to say "I love you"
Dec 14, 2020
Dec 14, 2020 at 12:58 AM UTC
Hiding how you feel isn't lying.
In fact, for some people,
It's a form of surviving.
It may not be the healthiest way to heal;
Ignoring the pain and feelings
To the point It's not real.
But do whatever it takes
To see tomorrow.
Oct 4, 2020
Oct 4, 2020 at 8:33 PM UTC
The door in the attic is peculiar
Sometimes I am lucky enough to find it cold
And I will stumble inside and fall
Far away from here
It's like a dream, a new life
You must look around and above you
And then you will see it
Above, up there, high, far away
There it was, I saw the hole
Through my fluttering eyelids it was always grey
But when I say so
Mother starts to weep uncontrollably
From here I can only sit and watch and ponder
Where it starts and where it ends
And if there is a castle of wonder
I'd like to see it one day
Even if I am old and empty
And I have lived forever
Even if I am all bones and dust and dead
But I'm still alive and my pulse is fascinating
I stand up and run, maybe if I run fast enough
I will start to fly
Yet all that comes of it is a dizzy heart and burning eyes
Sometimes, the Big Grey will ask me,
"What are you searching for?"
I don't know yet, I just want to see past the shadow
What is it like, where dreams are told,
Where dreams are sold?
On the days that she sits me down
And tells me what's real and what's not real
I wish I could give Mother a dream too
Because the lines on her face make her look so tired
And that's when they start fluttering again
Open. Close. Open. Close. Open. Close.
Open.
When will I know what dreams are like?
Oct 2, 2020
Oct 2, 2020 at 5:23 AM UTC
There are days when my emotions
are a small gear being turned
in my brain by a small man
with quick ideas and a sole
purpose to manufacture
he goes away when
rage comes to stay,
the only true connection to
my nervous system
the most familiar face
I finally spoke to it out loud
I never learned love
without pain or sacrifice
I picture the small man
going on vacations
these days I feel
and feel and feel
I am convinced this is the
true nature of how
my brains favorite number is 2
always loving both extremes
boys who are mean and
girls that just do not need me
as much
as men need me
to be sweet and fill their shoes
all shoulder and still
nothing to cry on
Aug 16, 2020
Aug 16, 2020 at 1:12 PM UTC
skipping stones across a still lake
each jump fills the calmness in temporary chaos
rippling then dissipating into nothing
as if it never happened.
Mar 7, 2020
Mar 7, 2020 at 9:36 AM UTC
It's okay you be silent,
You've done enough with my number violence,
It's okay ignore me,
Seems like I've been rude more than an enemy,
I take this sin,
But wait please never break our strings.
Jul 7, 2018
Jul 7, 2018 at 2:22 PM UTC
In the couple of days
I didn't know what to feel
I can't think any other ways
If all of this is real
Just ignore the emptiness I feel
Just going to tell myself this isn't real
My heart breaks because of you
Just gonna wait for you to say ''I love you''
Jul 1, 2018
Jul 1, 2018 at 1:29 PM UTC
Real
I saw a tiger in me
not real
Loving Father
not real
Attentive husband
not real
Just a man breathing
real
Apr 7, 2018
Apr 7, 2018 at 3:30 AM UTC
Easy to love
And easier to hate
Oh how things changed
From our first date
That cute little giggle
Once had the heart all a float
Now when it's chortled
Wanna rip out your throat
I once was " the biggest"
And always " the first"
Now my genitals have "shrinkage"
And I'm " the worst"
Thought you were a treasure
My good morning peach
Instead you are fool's gold
An emotional leach
With feminine hygiene
Of something washed up on a beach
I'd say I'll cherish our memories
But that would be lies
You're evil incarnate
The bowels of Satan
Wedged up in your thighs
Mar 1, 2018
Mar 1, 2018 at 9:06 AM UTC
The table sits alone in the dining room of our home
It hasn’t been touched in ages like my emotions by ur spit of lies
that u claim are the truths-
But the truths don’t fix up the cracked edges of the wood like they don’t fix up my thoughts of you.
The table I pass everytime I run to the room where it doesn’t matter if we stay together anymore because everything would be better if you weren’t here,
the same room where your lies tied in with my nonsense had ripped open the walls and the truth caved in once you were completely gone.
The call had described such a sweet serenity
the life of happiness I onced pictured the first time we held hands,
but the realness of your words wasn’t enough to make me drop to my knees and beg you to come back
No, the realness in your words had made me realize how much I hate that table and how much I hate the thought of you
Feb 15, 2018
Feb 15, 2018 at 6:42 PM UTC
Dear lover,
I know you'll never see this,
So I'm hoping it's okay,
to say these words out in the open
Because I can't say them to you.
Every day we talk,
always from wake to sleep.
with each day that comes by
the connection I feel is deep.
I know what we talked about,
everything we discussed.
This was only casual,
but I want to take it back.
I'm so scared of relationships,
I'm so scared to trust.
I know that you're the same as me,
but I want us to make it work.
I know I can't say this to you,
because once i do, we're gone.
I'll pen this letter to an end,
But let me just say this.
J'ai des sentiments pour toi ma douce
Now let the casual roll on.
Aug 21, 2017
Aug 21, 2017 at 4:27 AM UTC
Airplanes take you away from the Sun and show you the beauty of the dark.
It helps blow away all your fears and shows you the city of delusion where everything is possible but nothing is real.
Don't trust me without taking a look for yourself and yes you do not have to speak of the beauty you see some things are better not said but shown with the depths of your soul. Poem by Shelby Kathleen Nightingale
Jun 3, 2017
Jun 3, 2017 at 2:24 PM UTC
*Monsters,
they don't have
reflections.
They sense rejection
and think they're not worth
it.
worth love,
so they get rid of.
themselves.
Their personality,
morality turned upside down.
Originality is,
gone.
So think.
No reflection,
no connection.
Are you a monster too?*
Sep 2, 2016
Sep 2, 2016 at 5:40 AM UTC
open stare
barred teeth glare
absolutely no hair
eating a pear
and running for mayor
Jul 9, 2016
Jul 9, 2016 at 10:15 PM UTC
Hm.
I wonder.
What world do I live in?
None of this can be real.
None of this can be real.
None of this can be real.
NONE OF THIS CAN BE REAL.
Do you realize how insane we are all going?
Feb 13, 2016
Feb 13, 2016 at 10:47 PM UTC
real; the unscabbed scars on my knuckles and arms remind
me of rough trees and the grimy surface of soil stomped
on, you compare them to wildflowers but i know that this is
only because you are the type of person to enter a restaurant
with a sign that reads caution and order something anyway,
simply because you are too nice and hate to think of businesses
shutting down and of people failing, maybe this is why
you love me, i still have not figured it out yet
real; walking into school makes me feel like a deflated balloon
and everyone that says hello to me is blowing me up
again with methane i am slowly becoming too big to be tied
down with a ribbon called responsibility and fear,
the anxiety that enters my mind when i am forced to stand in
front of strangers with judgemental eyes and fake smiles
becomes mind numbingly painful and it makes me question
whether or not i am still alive. i still have not figured out
why i am yet.
real; your smile lights up the lights on the lamposts by the
train station where we met it transforms phantoms into people
paper planes into reality and nightmares into dreams
your touch leaves nothing but good intentions and blissful hope
and it leaves my cold unbeating heart yearning for warmth. i
still have not figured out if i like it or not.
not real; you love me. you kiss my wrist because you care
about me not what i went through. you love talking to me, you
wonder about how stars could ever die because you
think i am a walking sun. you keep your promises and tell me that
you care every night. i'm a good person. i have aspirations.
those pills on my bedside are not mine. the mirror is shaking.
i never meant to hurt myself. i'm sorry for all the things i've done.
i have potential to be better. i am beautiful.
*not real not real not ******* real*
(h.l.)
Dec 2, 2015
Dec 2, 2015 at 7:09 PM UTC
I love to think about you all the time.
You and I doing things we shouldn't be.
We're such rebels in my head you know?
Always acting wild and free.
People diss us and shake their heads,
While we walk on past.
Once we get away from them all,
Oh my.
People would be scared of our passion for each other.
Sometimes you bruise me,
But not on purpose.
It's just 'cuz we're having so much fun.
Being so wild and ****
But then,
You act like you don't remember me.
And go on forever without seeing me.
What's sad is that I wake up everyday,
Always with you on my mind.
A daydream about you.
And I'm never in your daydreams once.
Because.... well,
You don't even know I exist.
Oct 31, 2015
Oct 31, 2015 at 10:14 AM UTC
Sitting at the table with these people who claim they're my family
We're not complete right now there are people who're missing
I don't want to be near any of you so please leave me
You all have hurt me so many times in fact too many
Anxiety is real if you don't know that then you can't know me,
So stop pretending and let me carry on my plan of not existing.
Aug 4, 2015
Aug 4, 2015 at 8:06 PM UTC