#msdstrong
In my head,
all I can hear is screaming.
It's the screams of her.
It's her classmates.
It's the screams of people being shot.
It's my classmates.
It's my teacher.
It's my teacher screaming to sacrifice themself for us.
It's screaming.
It's the scream of bullets hitting the glass.
It's the bullets hitting the walls.
It's my screaming.
It's all screaming
And the worst part is
I can't tell whose scream is who's anymore.
Apr 22, 2022
Apr 22, 2022 at 12:14 AM UTC
Hey. It's Charlotte. I miss you like crazy.
Every day I think about you. I finished writing that song we started. It hurt, a lot. We had huge plans, Carmen. Now you'll never get older. We thought we had time but yours ran out. I'm never going to forget you. You're at peace and I'm in pain. I'm growing up and you never got that chance. I was planning a surprise 17th birthday party with Julie for you. She held you as you died. I assume you were in shock but Julie didn't let go of you until the very end. She didn't want to let you go.
You sent me a birthday text that morning. 2:30am my time, 1pm yours. I saw it and went back to sleep. I didn't reply. Little did I know that you'd be gone an hour and a half later. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I like to think that you know how hard it was for me. It's as if I'm frozen in time. So many things remind me of you. I just can't believe you're gone.
What if I'd responded to that text. What if I'd called you and you were outside. What if you'd ditched 7th period. There are so many 'what ifs' but none of them can change what happened and that hurts me. As you know, I try to fix or help other people and their problems, but this one is permanent. This one cannot be fixed.
If only I had just a single moment with you again. Just to say goodbye. And to thank you for all the amazing memories we had together. But now you're gone. Forever.
I'm starting to cry, Carmen. You always knew what to say to cheer me up. Or anybody. You would always be there.
You had such big dreams to help people and to change the world. Now you'll never achieve them. Because you're dead. That's the first time I've called you 'dead' since you were gone. I didn't let myself say it.
I miss you so much. I never got the chance to say it, so here.
Goodbye, Carmen.
I love you.
Charlotte
May 26, 2020
May 26, 2020 at 8:57 PM UTC