#molestation
The TV hums, a vigil of static.
Its blue glow licks the sheets of my bed.
She is already here, and she says siéntate.
The room thickens, swallowing silence.
I close my eyes, recite my prayer,
but God does not come to take me away.
At seven, I thought He could take me away.
But He never saw past the static.
Never answered, no matter the prayer.
No angels gathered around the bed.
Only her voice, gentle, precise—
as if it was mine to refuse. Silence.
Somewhere, my mother believes in silence,
believes I am safe while she is away.
The house echoes—siéntate,
and I obey. The TV crackles, static
spitting nonsense, flickering across the bed.
The remote is in reach, but not my prayer.
I hold the words in my teeth—a prayer,
a plea I never speak into silence.
She smooths my hair, straightens the bed,
but the folds still hold what she took away.
The air stays dense with the static.
Her hands do not hesitate—no te muevas.
I do not move when she says siéntate.
Seven years old, I am not a prayer,
only a body sinking into static.
I have learned there is mercy in silence.
I have learned to go far, far away.
But I always wake up in the bed.
And the bed is always the bed.
The sheets whisper what she said—siéntate.
She is gone, but she is never away.
God never came; maybe I was the prayer.
Maybe the only answer is silence,
the weight of it, heavier than static.
The static stays. The bed does not forget.
No prayer unmakes what was done—siéntate.
Even in silence, I cannot get away.
Jan 30, 2025
Jan 30, 2025 at 11:54 PM UTC
Tasteless...
Jokes, I'd died for...
So whetted an appetite, for bests
And a single worst, shapes to form
Adage, with no history
Accept a joy, has you in mind
Sorry, but *** is no epistolary
When two is more, one is only kind...
Faces that ace the test
Marks and redoubt, to tell the tale
Sorry, but *** is for lessons
That eat rhymes, that know when to fail
Future misery:
What has a cough, fit for a king
But ate the queen's pie? luridity
Is a child with a thumb ******* a playing's aching?
*******
Red is our forte, similar finger's
With a reach, asking only doles
Is **** a friend, when reality linger's?
Mar 20, 2024
Mar 20, 2024 at 6:17 PM UTC
#
Insane, jealous wives..
controlling ones
They are everywhere
*or at least they are,
with the men she knows..*
So she comforts them
in their affliction,
in a cherub-like way--
these poor men,
with their insane,
controlling girlfriends and
wives--
crazy, jealous women
that refuse to allow their men
to talk to her
or be alone in a room, with her
It seems as though
the world is filled with
insane, controlling
jealous women--
at least, in the lives
of the men she knows,
there is.
#
Jul 18, 2021
Jul 18, 2021 at 1:21 PM UTC
To the person who's sexually attracted to children
but has never acted upon that attraction:
Thank you
it's not always easy doing the right thing
and I understand the stigmatization you face
in a society where advocating killing you is socially encouraged
for the forced productions in the privacy of your mind
usually stemming from traumatic childhood abuse
but don't let them stop you from getting help
for the misery and frustration associated with
constantly denying one's ****** urges
for the sake of others.
Nobody is born an angel or a demon
walking along we pick up horns or halos midstride
often confusing one for the other
often trading one for the other
often naming one for the other
until heavenly hellspawns
attack with horned halos.
To the person who perpetuates the stigma against those people
through edgy internet posts and comments
like it's some sort of controversial sentiment
that isolates those people until they crack
usually just so you can virtue signal militancy
so you can feel good about yourself through persecuting others:
**** you.
May 28, 2021
May 28, 2021 at 5:17 AM UTC
Mommy, nothing about the way you raised me was normal
It hurts me to think out of everyone you may have hurt me the worst
Because you allowed me to think it was normal
You put me in ****** situations at an extremely young age
Momma, I was four
This was before Dad died
He was on top of you and I was on top of him
If it didn’t happen then why do I remember the PJs i was wearing?
Why do I remember how sweaty he was and how the tv was going?
I remember it was late and my sister was sleeping in her room
Why should I have to explain this to you?
I know you remember
I always thought it was normal how you let me look and touch your body
I was six or seven, I was curious about what I was always exposed to
It made me uncomfortable that you would always talk about how you loved my *******
I told you this
I will most likely never tell
Because I am scared of the men you exposed me to
But I am more scared of you
I thought that you’d never hurt me
But nothing about the way I was raised was normal
Jan 12, 2021
Jan 12, 2021 at 2:41 PM UTC
I miss you mommy
I think about you a lot
About who you were
And what you were
To me
How kind and self-sacrificing you were
How hardworking
How strong
How beautiful and loving and warm and bright
Oh, how I miss you!
But the more I think about you
The more I realize
Just how fragile
You truly were
How your kindness
And self-sacrificing nature
Was the result of abusive parents
Who constantly molested your body and mind,
Spewing lies of you
Being meaningless and unlovable
As they rubbed their sins and selves upon you
Oh, how you wanted to be loved and needed!
How you used hardwork
To gain the fraudulent love and care
Of rotten people,
Who used you to fill their pockets
And laze around on the back of your efforts.
Oh, how they hurt you!
How your strength
Was throwing up walls
To keep them out,
So they could never penetrate
Deep enough into your heart
To ever hurt you again.
Oh, how you feared they would!
And how your
Beauty,
Love,
Warmth and
Brightness
Was who you truly were
And who you promised yourself to be.
For me
My brother
And my dad
For friends and strangers
My cousins, aunts and uncles
And my horrible grandparents
For all of us
Because it made you feel
Loved and needed
And you were
You were so very
Loved and needed
I hope you knew that you were
I miss you mommy
Jan 8, 2021
Jan 8, 2021 at 11:49 AM UTC
You tried to touch me,
and I said no.
You still tried and I pushed you away
asking…. no, telling you to leave me alone.
But still, you grabbed me,
like an object that belonged to you.
And when I still said no,
you acted like that was your cue
to grab me again
and do what you do.
You were my best friend
and now I ******* hate you!
I still blame myself for what you did to me.
How is that fair?
It’s been 4 years and I think about it daily.
While you don’t even care.
You ruined high school for me.
I had to see you every day in band.
But I still blame myself,
for not putting you on the stand.
Nov 12, 2020
Nov 12, 2020 at 6:03 PM UTC
I used to want him to love me
So I'd pretend that he was my dad
Now I know that his kind of love was wrong
He was very evil, very bad
Sep 15, 2020
Sep 15, 2020 at 11:12 PM UTC
Do you even know what it’s like for someone to rob you of your trust?
Do you know what it’s like to not understand why this is happening to you?
Do you know what it is like to feel responsible for what’s happened to you?
Do you know what it’s like to be scared to say anything?
Do you know what it’s like to feel nasty and no matter the showers you take you still feel unclean?
Do you know what it’s like to feel uncomfortable around anyone.
Do you know how it feels to lose sleep over something that hurt you?
Do you know what it feels like to never forget?
Do you know what it feels like to be paranoid everywhere you go?
Do you know what it feels like to see them walk around like all is well?
Do you know what it feels like to talk about it but still feel heavy?
Do you know what it feels like to be told it’s your fault?
Do you know what it feels like to want to rewrite that chapter but have no eraser?
Do you know what it feels like to have your innocence taken and not given?
If you don’t know......ALLOW US TO BE ANGRY BECAUSE IT IS OUR TRUTH. OUR BURDEN. OUR LIFE.
Jun 2, 2020
Jun 2, 2020 at 3:44 PM UTC
My friend puking out her Christmas dinner like a little girl trying to scrub off that uncle’s touch who tells her she is his favorite kid.
For her dad fat shames her every day.
My friend’s parents sending her to therapy because they don’t get how she can like a boy as well as a girl. Or rather don’t try to, because calling it phase is so much easier than explaining to the neighbors how that is who their daughter is. They are oblivious to what it is like to live in a home where you are treated like a victim of your existence.
My friend needs help, a little attention and someone to talk to.
His family is ashamed, how they could have done better for him, how they’re responsible for the things inside his head and I still don’t know what depression does to him, his family doesn’t like to talk about it.
They’d rather consider him possessed because anything is better than people knowing that he needs therapy and love and care. “Their son can’t be suffering from mental illness, they’re a happy family.”
My friend tells me she’s turning into her mother, and her mother let me tell you, she’s fabulous and fierce for she has been through things harsher than a lover who never says,'I love you’ but wants you to be their ***** little secret and you love them a little too much to deny. My friend, she had an anxiety attack last night for she can’t go out with her guy friends, neither talk to a classmate for too long because her boyfriend might start slut-shaming her. I disapprove and tell her she is not turning into her mother but when I sit in their living room, and aunty brings me snacks while talking to me about life within these faint green walls of the house and what did I eat for breakfast. I ask her to go out sometimes because there are so many things out there that she’d be experiencing and creating, friendship, weather, languages, people, art, emotions. And smell some sunlight in the lush greens fields. She says she’s not allowed to, like a kid calling its mother, "Ma". Her husband loves his *** And her helplessly hazardous heart, too drained to take ‘harlot’ for a word from an alcohol-soaked throat.
The same walls that once adored their wedding photographs now question their love.
My friend’s girlfriend telling him she loves him but they can’t be together because she’s doesn’t want to be seen with him in the streets. But she seeks his warmth in the winter and leaves right before spring. He loses a little bit of himself every time she does that. He blames himself for what love does to him.
The woman who wears a heavy heart to the bed, finds it difficult to put herself to sleep, holds her dog for a little too long. Whose husband refuses to try therapy.
For I can't margin in metaphors, the agony within the wives who haven't been touched for years.
And the woman who feels a little less human after every night her husband forces himself on her. Because she's, his wife. His. Possession not prized but objectified.
The wife whose husband refuses to wear a ****** she gulps down pain every morning with the pills.
Families of these women, who were taught to think that is how the society functions and who are unwilling to unlearn.
My friend’s brother asking her to stop wearing that short skirt around guests. There's a hole in her heart every time she remembers the traces his hands left on that infertile body of the kid that looked just like her. He pretends like it never happened.
May 31, 2020
May 31, 2020 at 10:07 PM UTC
She came from a small suburban town,
Her conservative parents shaped her background.
Her dreams were withered down to a trickle,
She had to be married off as per the societal shackles.
One fine day when her age was “right”,
Her parents shipped her off with man they considered a knight.
It was the beginning of a lifelong nightmare,
Every night a pair of patriarchal cuffs she was made to wear.
And thus with each passing night,
She was subjected to his vicious smite.
Her cries for help were paused
As marital **** was never stated in laws.
I welcome you behind these closed doors.
I have no other skeletons buried in my wardrobe.
May 31, 2020
May 31, 2020 at 3:01 PM UTC
Sixteenth of September,
six days after my sister was born
was the first time I remember it happening.
Body in my bed, I knew that was strange—
I had always slept alone—
but I didn’t know if it was wrong.
In school the next day
I looked around at all the girls,
I wanted to ask if this was normal.
I was twelve and I could not be sure
my body belonged to me.
I read horror stories,
compared myself to them and said,
you have faced a fraction of the full range.
I said, you were complicit,
he never told you to be silent.
I am seventeen still reading
article after article and I think:
my father is not evil,
my father does not deserve to be behind bars—
who will feed my family?—
but I think I would feel safer if he was.
I think about one night
when he asked, “ does it feel good”
and I felt myself disintegrate.
I am not sure he heard what I heard:
does it feel good when I am making your body,
in which you will stand
for the rest of your life, unlivable?
Does it feel good when I am desecrating it,
when I make it unholy ground?
At the trial of our sins I will ask
God what my body is, and He will say
“it is a trust” and I will point to you and say
“then he has broken it.”
May 25, 2020
May 25, 2020 at 4:35 PM UTC
Little girl runs screaming to mother
about her encounter
with the ribbon man
Teenage girl believes herself
free to be a trampoline
offering all sorts a rugged bounce
Newly installed queen
rules over her anathema and sacrilege
with shiny neurotic scepter
Powerless to discern
shelter from serpent
Incapable of entering
into the kingdom of love
Apr 30, 2020
Apr 30, 2020 at 8:46 AM UTC
Mother knows
Stranger in my bedroom
Please don't touch me
"Oh but I already have"
Mommy don't leave me
It hurts
Don't want to be touched there
"You mean like this?"
No stop
I cry
He will be back
Face smothered
Can't breathe
Please don't **** me
Be thankful
No one else could love you
Look at you pathetic mess
Please not again
Face in pillow
Hand on my throat
Knife near by
Heart pounding
Mouth dry
Tears streaming
I said no
Please stop
Don't hurt me
Hard thrusts
Body bleeding
I cant sleep
Apr 5, 2020
Apr 5, 2020 at 2:56 PM UTC
I am Home. The smell of baked goods and candles. The laughter around a bonfire and large family get-togethers. Drama lingers from past heartbreak and trouble. Dead silent in the dawn, and slowly gets louder until the next dusk. Light. The light of people and pets.
I am Trauma. The sting of pain and worthlessness. The thought of maybe it’s not worth it anymore. The abuse. The pain. The lingering sting of tears, hands on my throat, fingers digging into skin. The ****** abuse just gave inspiration to grow from.
I am Love. I fall in love quickly and deeply. The love I got from my mother, my grandparents, and friends. This showed me how to fall in love from nothingness to every single thing about a person. Love must not be perished or put out. Love teaches me how to grow every day.
I am knowledgeable. I am the books upon the dresser of my room. I learn from others and myself. I show others how to learn to become strong. I’ve learned not to drown myself in guilt from books upon books of other people's troubles. I may be knowledgeable but I’m not the epitome of knowledge.
I am the Sun. Everyone around me is like a planet in my solar system. Nobody can be the sun except myself. If I were to burn out, I would hurt others and end the solar system. Therefore, I am the sun of my own solar system.
I am Pain. I am Suffering. I am Happy. I am Young. I am Wild. I AM MYSELF. I AM A SURVIVOR.
Feb 7, 2020
Feb 7, 2020 at 12:37 PM UTC
family friends since we were small
tracing grout in linoleum floors
I watched your dad pull those tapes out
he drew his weapon you drew yores
I can't be mad I say to this day
generations cursed
my first boyfriend shook his head
"I thought I was your first?"
there was a lump in my throat
and I thought back to that game
little frog ran over by the cars
you taught me how to skip through lanes
first friend that I ever had
I still think that you knew better
simply "child's innocence"
crayon written apology letter
floral pattern sheets
I was a flower at full bloom
until you flung me on that bed
I wilted in that room
you told me sometimes that it hurts
but it'll be super quick
that I cannot say anything
people will think I'm sick
It all goes black soon after that
red stain, metal taste, a puncture
Did the right thing after the fact
though frozen like a sculpture
you went on and on again
and never really paid
those girls carried it with them
through 1st and 2nd grade
and now I am a grown up
with something in me hollow
a little froggy in my throat that I still cant seem to swallow
I told myself I'd get better
through hell or through high water
but then felt you pluck more petals
when I heard you had a daughter
Apr 25, 2019
Apr 25, 2019 at 2:11 PM UTC
If they don’t believe you
they don’t deserve to
be apart of your story.
You shouldn’t have to explain
yourself.
Jan 30, 2019
Jan 30, 2019 at 8:21 PM UTC
The flowered bed sheets of the motel where we lay
he showed no mercy on the Atlantic coast
used me again and kissed me.
I only remembered the oceans roll
and the visions of a unshaved beard,
the feeling of dread when he locked the door and unzipped his jeans.
Sandcastle fell over
and the sharks swam away
watching the walkway from the motel bedroom,
waiting for him to come back an let me out.
This is a ****** of a child's innocence and he held it over the seas the shadow of my life changes into bone
until my ****** becomes a whole other being,
so powerful it gave me an STD at the age of 11.
Thoughts are doubled in my head and the dark air has no name.
I call out for who may be there but nobody answers, only the step-step-stepping of my uncle coming in the motel for more.
Jan 28, 2019
Jan 28, 2019 at 5:25 PM UTC
I clench my eyes with angst,
My heart thumped out of my chest
I still recall you attempting to warm your hands
But when your hand grasped my mouth
Your hand remained cold as ice
As you try to explain if I do this thing I am nice
I know it doesn't matter so I just lay
I pray
And pray you will possibly just leave
But I hold this every time, you never leave
You strip my childhood the same time
as you strip my clothes.
Yet I still feel every part of you.
Do you ever truly feel remorseful?
Cause sincerely at this point I'm just enraged
Enraged you got to go live and find love
I'm stuck as I perceive it's not in store for me, love
Who can love a soul so defeated I ask
Who can love me picking up my broken shards off the floor I ask
Who wants to help me get off the floor you put me on
You shoved me farther and farther down
Each experience, a different person brings me farther down
I now appear to be so down low
I grew to become the floor
For souls to rest on and forget when they no longer feel low
They come to me and destroy me though I am not as low you
I will never be as low as you
I refuse to let myself
While I am on the ground I see you under me,
tugging on me attempting to drag me deeper
but I refuse to be as low as you
I will never stoop down to wherever you are
Because you don't label me
You are merely a tiny portion of me
Not all of me just merely a blink in my timeline
Jan 27, 2019
Jan 27, 2019 at 10:10 AM UTC
I was young. A girl of just 13 when my life was taken away from me.
He was a leader to me and someone I trusted deeply. But when doors were closed and rooms were dark, he was a demon.
He took little pieces of me away. My sanity, my trust, my everything.
No one knew what he was doing but neither did I. I was young and naive. Always trusting someone.
All I could do was feel trapped as he touched my innocent tiny body. Touched all the parts that he shouldn't have. Parts that were mine and mine only.
I felt trapped and suffocated over the months it accured. I felt more and more disturbed and felt like this wasn't right.
My mother told me to say out loud if things like this happened.
But I couldn't.
I would disappoint her. So I lashed out at him. It was sudden anger and trapping myself in my room for him to stay away. Countless knifes littered my room if he ever forced himself on me.
That little girl disappeared with his hands.
And to this day he is still in the family. The demon I am forced to consider my father.
No one knows.
Not that I would ever tell them.
Dec 15, 2018
Dec 15, 2018 at 3:18 AM UTC