#mixedfeelings
Scorn thy wicked things
Thy wicked beings!
He is god, so I’m told,
But all I wait for is for him to grow old.
When my heart and his are no longer kin
When my heart is stone, and his grown cold.
How can I be my own being
Wicked and free,
If im the son of god
Bound to piety?
He is god, so I’m told,
Yet, how come I can't wait for him to be crucified?
I scorn thy wicked god!
Why must he be the ruler of me?
Did he choose this paternity?
Will he die alone?
If I scorn thy home,
If I scorn thy face,
If I scorn thy breath,
Am I scorning my own?
To be my own wicked being,
I cannot be your son!
My god tells me: you have no choices
A message from his god through him to me
I scorn thy wicked voices!
My father is my god,
But just a man?
I hate thee,
I loathe thee,
When will I be free?
When my god dies,
I may cry, I may sing!
Maybe I will be seen!
When my god dies
I will die too,
A part of me scorned
Another anew.
May 16
May 16, 2026 at 8:58 PM UTC
My heart aches
My soul wrenches
When I think of you
I hope the thought of you stays
I remember those days
You only had eyes for me
Soon forgotten
Soon remembered
Push and pull
Is what they see
But they don’t know
It’s you and me
You give
You take
But you never forget
The love I had
For you and me
Feb 6
Feb 6, 2026 at 11:08 PM UTC
I can't tell if you're the
Oxygen
Sustaining my life
Or maybe you're the
Carbon
Trying to take it
Aug 21, 2024
Aug 21, 2024 at 2:59 AM UTC
Im playing good girl now, but you tempt me so
Im better off in my life having told you no
It astounds me that I cant just seem to let go
Cause Im trying to be good, but Id rather shoot low
Entertaining any thought of you is low IQ
The idea of being entangled is too much to chew
But somehow I still get this feeling thats brand new
Its a rush, a flux, a one-off..god i think im gonna puke
Man, I'm trying to be good, but low looks fun to shoot
Its frustrating
And Im not containing
Myself all that well
Its delusional
Inexcusable
Trying not to dwell
May 7, 2023
May 7, 2023 at 4:39 PM UTC
Her: It beats my understanding why you'd want to meet this version of me, like this.
I want to meet her because I want a life with her
Talking to her keeps me warm
She says loving makes her weak but that doesn't make her helpless
She's a strong and easy person to love
Every bit a man wants in a woman
I've fallen for her even though she's afraid to try
Wants to be close but fears she'll lose me the moment she lets herself fall much deeper
Sometimes I hate her for it but she's only human
An innocent soul with an equally fragile heart
"I'll let you meet her when I don't feel like I need a return ticket" is what she says
I could tell she's ready but still in denial
Even when she tries to push me away,
I give her more reasons not to
To say it more plainly, I'm in love with her
That's why.
If there were a child to come
She'd learn to love like her mum
And patience
She's worth the wait.
Aug 24, 2022
Aug 24, 2022 at 5:19 AM UTC
My feelings for you are both bitter and sweet
I cannot decide if you're poison or a treat
Sometimes you bring me pure joy
other times you drop me like a toy
Some days I think we'll work out
other days my mind is filled with doubt
Monday you're my prince charming
but by Thursday you're more of a prince harming
Do I stay and hope that we have better days?
Or do I pack my bags and walk away?
Oh, how I wish I could understand you!
Only then would I have a general idea of what to do
Jul 17, 2020
Jul 17, 2020 at 6:56 PM UTC
Happy 21st birthday
I remember the date of yours every time
And I know it’s not today
Makes it kind of funny
Since you never remember mine
And it’s not today either, don’t worry
I dream about you every so often,
My beautiful birthday queen,
The beauty standard who I hold myself to,
Skinny but imperfect
In my dreams, I feel your hands on my neck
Sometimes a wedding veil or silken glove,
Strangulate me too
Choking me, you’re choking me, I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe around you living either
You throttle me with…. with… with…
Anyways, I hope nothing but the best for you,
You, insufferable ***** you,
I have never felt lonelier than when I stood beside you,
My high school bestie whom I love to bits and pieces,
But happy birthday
You deserve nothing but the best
From me and from everyone else
On this day you have to share with your sister
And a bazillion other people, too
You deserve Vanilla cakes
(Because I know you don’t like chocolate)
And silver rings and beautiful diamond things
(Silver because I know it looks better on you)
A kiss from your smoking hot boyfriend
(The one I’ll no doubt have a crush on *** laude)
And, of course, sincere congratulations from me
Your high school best friend
The girl you left behind
So that you could mack on boys
And had someone to pick up your slack
But in your absence, behind your back,
I became someone new
New and still a little – a lot – naïve
But someone wise enough to know better
Than to tell you **** you
On a glittery, twenty-first birthday card
P.S. I hope you like the flowers
And that your real card finds you well
And the fifty dollar note I left for you
In the envelope, an embrace, I never want to give you
Nov 7, 2019
Nov 7, 2019 at 4:06 PM UTC
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for you..
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough to make you stay..
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough..
I’m sorry for all the attitudes I gave you when something went wrong.
I’m sorry I get angry so fast.
I’m sorry that I get extremely jealous.
I’m sorry that I assumed without knowing the truth.
I was afraid that you’ll find someone better.
I was afraid that you might have someone else.
I was afraid of losing you so I let my anger and emotions ruin us..
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough..
Mar 12, 2019
Mar 12, 2019 at 1:44 AM UTC
When he talks, she hears you.
When he laughs, she pictures you.
When he holds her, she feels you.
When he hugs her, she smells you.
When he kisses her, she wishes it is you.
It's unfair and unjust.
She likes one, but she loves the other.
Seems like the people switched positions,
"The one" and "the friend".
Feb 9, 2019
Feb 9, 2019 at 12:20 AM UTC
If someone you use to like or even love,
turns into a cold person after ending things then that means
they had real feelings for you.
You meant a lot to them.
They had a soft spot for you.
And they trusted you.
They’re going to start pushing everyone away because of one person and that’s you.
You’re the reason why they don’t trust anyone anymore.
You’re the reason why they don’t want to love anymore.
Why is this person so cold now?
Why does this person keep pushing everyone away?
How much pain did you give?
What did you do?
Dec 19, 2018
Dec 19, 2018 at 9:17 AM UTC
I’m afraid to open up.
I’ve been hurt so many times,
on top of that, I’m afraid to be the only one to fall in love.
I apologize for being so cold towards anyone, I’m just afraid to open up.
I’m so afraid to fall in love again.
I’ve always been hurt every time I try, that’s why I think the results of every try will be the same.
So far each try has been the same.
Same results, same pain, same healing process and I’m still the same person as always.
No matter how hard I try, I’m convinced that everyone I open up to will only hurt me.
No one can tell me that I don’t know what love is. I have loved a couple of boys who has taught me all kinds of love and pain. I understand love more than anyone in my life.
As much as I want to open up and love someone, I am afraid.
Dec 17, 2018
Dec 17, 2018 at 1:16 PM UTC
Maybe if you let me in, I can heal you.
I want to help and be there for you.
I wish you didn't lead me on and gave me mixed emotions.
Maybe if you weren't so hurt I wouldn't be so worried.
I want to love you so much because of all the pain people give you.
I wish you didn't make me feel loved then leave me hanging.
Maybe if you told me that you didn't have the same feelings, I would've understood.
I want to tell everyone that you're an amazing person even though you think you're not.
I wish I can be with you.
Maybe we weren't meant to be.
I want you to be happy though.
I wish and pray for your happiness.
Dec 11, 2018
Dec 11, 2018 at 7:53 PM UTC
Goodbye my love,
My eyes were full of tears.
I couldn’t ask for you to stay,
Instead I thanked you
For making me feel happy.
Goodbye my love,
All I ever wanted was to love you in a way
No one has loved you in such a long time.
I tried loving you in every way.
Goodbye my love,
There were so much sadness in us.
I couldn’t help myself
But push you away.
Goodbye my love,
You were the one I opened up to.
You were the one I wanted to love.
After everyone turned me cold,
You melted my heart.
There’s nothing I can say or do
But
Thank you
And
Goodbye my love.
Dec 15, 2018
Dec 15, 2018 at 10:33 AM UTC
The clouds follow me every where.
No matter where and what the situation is.
The clouds are always with me.
When I’m in the dark,
there is no such thing as light
but just clouds.
Pouring rain with clouds.
These clouds would not stop following me.
They haunt me down every where I go.
In situations where I’m in such joy,
the clouds walk along with me.
I’m thankful for clouds
Because after the rain, there’s rainbows.
Even though there are rainbows, all I saw was rain and clouds.
Dec 13, 2018
Dec 13, 2018 at 7:51 PM UTC
A little of me died when you told the truth.
You never had real feelings for me.
You just wanted to play.
You just wanted me to entertain you.
You just wanted to look cool.
A little of me loved you when you told me sad things.
You never felt so loved in such a long time.
You just liked the feeling of someone loving you.
You just wanted to throw me around.
You just wanted to look cool.
A little of me opened up to you when you opened up to me.
You never meant anything.
You just wanted to see me fall.
You just wanted me to be in the dark.
You just wanted to hurt me.
A little of me died when I confronted you.
You never wanted anything to do with me.
You just wanted me to overthink and cry.
You just wanted me to feel bad for you.
You just wanted to hurt me.
I should’ve listened to everyone.
I should’ve left before it got worse.
I shouldn’t have opened up.
I shouldn’t have loved you.
Dec 13, 2018
Dec 13, 2018 at 11:39 AM UTC
So there's this guy
I find peace in his vibes
I find true love for him even through my disguise
My several failed attempts to hid my love for him
Show me just how much I truly love him
He makes me feel like the sky's the limit
when I get down and limit myself to my surroundings
He has taken over my mind
24/7 my Thoughts and dreams are now filled with my 75 and 8
If only he could see my thought
If only he could read my mind
My 75 and 8 why are you so blind
We say were just "bestfriends"
He is my bestfriend
Maybe one day we can be more than "bestfriends"
but I do not know my fate
so I'll just sit and wait on my blind 75 and 8
Nov 26, 2017
Nov 26, 2017 at 12:16 AM UTC
To be embraced in the abyss's
empty-hearted hold
and flinch at the caress
of a foreign hand
is truly
and admittedly
a painfully pleasing hurt
You leave me in this kind of
horizontal existence
one where my fingers
dance atop my desk
and my conscious mind
is polluted with perfectionism
How to desire and despise
hate and hunger
for you
Please be mine
for the rest of the eternity
for I could never feel so apart
yet so together
with anyone else
Feb 4, 2018
Feb 4, 2018 at 9:48 PM UTC
So what's behind this door
What? Could there be more?
**** it lets see what's there
Every once in awhile I'll pull your hair
Out of the waters that you drown with no care
Hmm walking talking waiting for the next call
Leading us to the lair
Like we don't know at all
That there's a miscommunication
But we'll treat it like a simulation
We'll keep working in the dealings
Finding another reason to deal with the feelings
Sep 20, 2017
Sep 20, 2017 at 10:57 PM UTC
You make me hungry
...
Let me try again
...
We sat and watched
Walked and touched
Stood and kissed
I promise I do more than just sweat
Oh I wanted to apologize
For breaking your stuff
And
For being flakey
And
For the way the universe spun our destinies in an inexplicable, individual intersection rather than a permanent, parallel path.
AND I wanted to thank you
For all the funny videos
And
For being my crash course
And
For your thoughts, your consistent focus, your dependability in a GOD FORSAKEN world at the times I needed clarity and all I could see was the back of the lenses made to help me see farther
Tell me, does this sound like a goodbye?
Let's just be genuine like we always are
I dig you.
And
I don't want to be the one to bury you.
I know a good amount of your scars and I don't want my name on one of them.
Not one
So before we do this,
before we commit
to this perishable product and it's ever approaching expiration date.
Let's be genuine like we always are
Tell me it won't hurt. Tell me you can take it. Tell me... The truth?
Is that what I want?
I thought I wanted the truth. Now I only want it if it's not what I expect.
SO SURPRISE ME
is that what I'm trying to say?
Honey
Baby
I'm a sucker for surprises
I mean
Aren't we all?
Don't we all
Need a good shock to the system every now and then?
And that's all you've ever been to me
So you'll tell me what I want to hear and call it the truth, harboring ulterior motives.
And I'll buy into it and call it acceptable, thinking, "things have changed" "it's different now" "this can work"
You can make a man lie to himself so easily, you know that?
Resentment?
No
Frustration?
Not really
What is it?
You make me hungry
...
Let me try again
...
No
Not again
Jun 19, 2017
Jun 19, 2017 at 6:10 AM UTC
Letting go of a round shouldered man who wanted to change my signature means touching the slimy parts of my bloodstream ink jar heart.
It means peeling back the window shade to smash the glass pane eyeteeth of my youth.
And remembering the key to unhinge my jaw tension voice sans stones and lacking sweetness.
It means saying goodbye today and releasing my ribcage parakeet hands to catch my own thoughts.
I am through with placeholding promises and biting through backwoods in order to forget the pieces of strength that I love so much.
Jul 11, 2014
Jul 11, 2014 at 12:15 AM UTC
It's hard to imagine the sand
at the bottom of the glass hourglass quite yet
It's painful to look at myself as a timer, like I am just being used by the world.
But darling,
every time your chapped thin lips kiss mine,
it seems that my hourglass is shaken up rather brutally,
and i get another chance, just to run out
again
Apr 20, 2014
Apr 20, 2014 at 2:03 PM UTC