#loveloss
Heavily debated deleting my account,
Even though it predates you,
It is forever tainted
with confessions of
love
for
you
Jun 19, 2025
Jun 19, 2025 at 8:20 PM UTC
the blinking of a cursor opens the doors to possibilities
creation of worlds and relationships
but for me it reminds me of what i do not have
'list the 10 people closest to you'
8 of the 10 are family
people close to me due to blood relation and law
the last two slots remain empty
filled only with the steady rhythmic beat of the cursor
in a world where screens connect us, mine reminds me of how disconnected i am
that i lack social relations outside of my family
and who am i to tell my family that i am lonely when i have them?
who am i to tell them that i crave for relationships that are not mandatory and are instead of our own free will?
Jan 19, 2021
Jan 19, 2021 at 9:42 PM UTC
Anything
I will take anything to get this feeling out of my chest
This headache out of my head
I can't take it.
I want it out
with blood
with a pill
with cancer in a stick.
Anything please
Just make me forget I exist.
I just wish
I loved life a little less.
Sep 23, 2019
Sep 23, 2019 at 10:42 PM UTC
As stormy feelings tears me deep
The last words you whispered tears I keep
God called you to his side
I don’t understand…This raging feeling I can’t hide
The promises of love shared
Now just scarred memories that I bare
Emotions flowing twisted and cold
I cry, no crave, your love your touch your soul
This empty feeling undying severed my heart
What happened to the notion we’ll never be apart
How do I live this life, how do I move on
I still need you, I still love you
Or are we just pawns
Broken hearts represents our stars
Your sweet lips on mine seems now so far
As a perfect union now broken apart
My love for you will never die…
I promise for you I eternally cry.
Aug 13, 2019
Aug 13, 2019 at 5:27 PM UTC
I’d do almost anything for you.
Almost anything.
Almost.
Not that...
I won’t leave my own flesh and blood.
Now I pay the price. We both do.
You’ve never stared into your own soul, young, innocent and wholly dependent on you.
I bet you hate me for it some days...
That makes two of us.
So be it.
Doesn’t make it any easier.
Aug 10, 2019
Aug 10, 2019 at 7:36 AM UTC
I’ve thought about you all day today,
This day is significant, it’s a special day
I made macaroni and cheese..it was my first time
To think I would have gained something more impactful than pasta
To think I’ve lost more than myself these last days
To think I could heal wounds with words and sincerity
I think I think too much.
With shaky hands I adjust the instrument of my addiction
Was it fact or fiction,
I breath in, in, in..
Eyes flutter as the waves of pleasure hits
This feeling probably is a better option than to slit my wrists
To twist my lips and take a sip
To sip my dreams and blow it into life,
You speak what you want into the universe and it’ll provide
You were my drug of choice, I know you’re no good for me
And thought I swear my lips will never touch you again
Here we are, I listen to voicemails hearing your sweet words caress my smoke
I am nothing more, honestly a joke. I claim I helped you when you were in darkness murk
Yet I am the one sloshing away, **** pathetic how I miss what this day means
Regretting everything, I hate this reality I chose for me
Your chemical abandons my brain and I hold my head in my hands
I cry, like a bottle of water splashing onto the floor
The bottle is empty and I am the same
It’s incredible how stupid I am, how I lost so much, and gave so little to the one I loved
I stare up from the bottom of the bottle occasionally, but lately I’m just drifting
Mar 12, 2019
Mar 12, 2019 at 8:25 PM UTC
In week one
I decided that
completely powerless
was the safest feeling
I had ever felt
In week two
gifted expensive whiskey
and mommy issues
told you all my secrets
In week three my skin
was healthier
for having known you
and nothing felt so dark
as before
In week four
I heard every song
sound
as if on
acid
In week five
you showed me
that he did not have
the cornerstone
on breaking my heart
I would not know that until
week seven
In week six
_space_
In week seven
typing…
In week eight I watched
the blood move down skin
which had not been opened
in better than two years
It was then
I knew
the shelter had become
the storm.
I don't count the weeks anymore
It is winter now.
Nov 17, 2018
Nov 17, 2018 at 8:44 PM UTC
I know you're trying to forget
The lonely words we spoke
With no discussion of repercussions
Phrases that clung to our skin
That daring sin that dirtied our souls
Let me clear my throat
I don't know if it's that I regret it
But the memory still lingers
You told me that I was one of the people you wanted to meet the most
Touching lips, fingertips on more than just hips as we rocked the boat
We overwhelmed each other in more ways than one
And you got what you needed
We retreated to our own lives
Our own beds, simple friends
I asked you:
How you felt,
Where we stood,
And you decided to leave me
Feeling assure of your feelings
Now I bare these caring feelings
Alone
Oct 10, 2018
Oct 10, 2018 at 11:48 AM UTC
Heart breaking heart broke,
they say write another poem,
as if my emotions are only fodder,
for the father feeling solemn,
so in,
no lines,
contemplate everything,
including suicide,
If I died,
would I go to Heaven,
if a cat has 9 lives,
then does a a man have 7?
All questions,
with no answers to mention,
if the result is an insult,
then it matters not the intention,
an Honorable Mention,
here at this point in the poem,
to all those that told me to go in,
and write a poem about my heart being broke open,
broken,
open,
poems,
omens,
I guess then you must break open to let the light in,
let the light in,
this is an Amazing Adventure called life,
let’s make some memories before the grave takes our energy,
let’s celebrate our life and not wait for any lights,
life in the fast lane,
lost a few good men along the way,
and a few good women to but hey that’s the way it goes,
when you’re living life in the fast lane,
this is all so fckn cliche,
and I don’t know what else to say,
and she left me because I wasn’t strong enough,
to simply speak up and ask her to stay,
fck,
I kept my mouth shut,
then just watched as she walked away,
and now I’m in that type of pain that one can not simply escape,
I’m sorry I’m not sorry I’m late,
but I don’t have a very important date,
other than that one I have with Destiny,
where we meet at the entrance of those Pearly Gates,
great,
just another Heart Break Love Story,
jeez,
tell me something we haven’t heard already,
tired of hearing the sound of breaking hearts,
when I find myself on the Boulevard,
what has become of this empire,
how have we changed so little yet gone so far,
and what will be left of us when we’re done,
and where do we go when there’s no where left to run,
and what will be left of it when it’s done,
when our Empire breaks like a heart attack from being beat like a drum,
Heart breaking heart broke,
they say write another poem,
as if my emotions are only fodder,
for the father feeling solemn,
so in,
no lines,
contemplate everything,
including suicide,
If I died,
would I go to Heaven,
if a cat has 9 lives,
then does a a man have 7?
All questions,
with no answers to mention,
if the result is an insult,
then it matters not the intention,
an Honorable Mention,
here at this point in the poem,
to all those that told me to go in,
and write a poem about my heart being broke open,
broken,
open,
poems,
omens,
I guess then you must break open to let the light in…
∆ LaLux ∆
Instagram: @aaronlalux
Sep 21, 2018
Sep 21, 2018 at 1:12 PM UTC
You care for people who say they care for you. With your heart broken on your sleeve and a trail of tears left behind, I walk the earth, head down, crying. I ask why it's not fair, for people to be happy and you left broken. All I wanted was for you to see the broken side of me but all you saw was someone to fix you.
Aug 27, 2018
Aug 27, 2018 at 4:14 PM UTC
U live in denial
Instead of pressing refresh
U refuse to start over
Leaving behind all the cancerous mess
Instead u desperately wait
All night at the door
Knowing so well
She won't come through there no more
Tell me what will u gain
By living this way
Blinded by heart ache
U slip further away
Thinking now your the one
That must be put into blame
U can't seem to carry on
Everywhere that u go
U can't help but see her face
So u drown your sorrows
Every night after dark
Hurt from it all
You've lost who you are
Only to realize the answer wasn't there
Now your a mess & drunk
Completely lost in despair
But I know your helplessly trying
I see it within your eyes that constantly keep crying
Due to your heart aching pain
Broken down wondering how
It all ended this way
- Abraham Avalos
Aug 10, 2018
Aug 10, 2018 at 9:29 PM UTC
Journal entry #4
Ever since I started this dammned therapy, it's as if the flood gates have opened up within my heart.
All the memories of you I kept hidden are now breaking through. Destroying all the walls I hand built to keep you out.
These memories come in waves.
Some are brief.
Some are long.
Some are just glimpses of your handsome face.
But out of all of them, one in particular stands out.
We had rented movies.
All the movies you chose were action packed.
But I chose a romantic movie.
I don't remember the name, but I do remember the ending.
It made me cry, it was a beautiful ending about love everlasting.
And I remember looking over at you expecting you to laugh at me, but you too were crying.
I remember how we both instantly laughed.
It was then In that very moment,
(At the time)
That I thought we were sharing the same feelings.
That we were crying because we could relate to how much these two people loved each other, because we loved each other just as much.
I'll never forget how you pulled me in close hugged me, and kissed me and then said I love you so much.
And most of all, I'll never forget how we both wiped each others tears and said,
**** this movie."
Lol
Mar 26, 2018
Mar 26, 2018 at 6:36 PM UTC
The ground you walked on made me feel proud to walk in the same direction, now I find myself looking backwards to see if you’re still walking behind me. You had sprained your ankle and you still walked miles to be with me, stayed with me, held me and told me that even when I looked like complete **** (which I did- you would say) you could still paint the sky with the color of my eyes. You brushed my hair behind my ears and told me that this life wasn't made for you. I wish I didn't read your obituary once a month. I will never forget that night, being held and shown a glimpse of love from someone that claimed he would never know how.
Mar 14, 2018
Mar 14, 2018 at 8:13 AM UTC
I never knew what real loss felt like....
Until I lost you.
Feb 24, 2018
Feb 24, 2018 at 4:23 AM UTC
I’m not sorry
That I loved you with everything I had
That I gave you every inch of my soul
That I loved you more than I knew could exist
That I made love to you one last time
Despite everything that had happened
I’m not sorry
That I wasn’t stronger after we lost the baby
That I fell apart when everything had come together
That I cracked and revealed all the ways we were broken
That I could not be the rock for us
Even though you couldn’t either
I’m not sorry
That I was myself
That I would not walk on eggshells
That I would not be disrespected
That I had and opinion and a voice
Even though it made you leave
I am sorry for the pieces of me you could not love
I am sorry we ended when we said forever
I am sorry that we never got our family
I am sorry I let you down in any way that I did
I am sorry that love turned out to be conditional.
Even though I never thought it was.
Oct 6, 2017
Oct 6, 2017 at 8:57 PM UTC
The last chance has passed and she has left me lost and alone.
The driver sped through the light that he failed to see
through his high powered beer goggles.
The rest of the world runs on the same,
No one the wiser, no one to feel my pain.
I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.
I’m out of tears, no more grief, the time has passed.
Tonight I am slipping away without my anchor to
Tether me to this world.
It is time to end the suffering, stop the waiting.
I cannot accept that there will ever be another
As I fall to pieces; the lord caves his jigsaw into me.
Jun 3, 2017
Jun 3, 2017 at 11:48 PM UTC
I want to say that loving You was like falling,
But that would be a lie.
I want to say that loving You was like losing my breath,
But that would be a lie too.
I will say that loving You was like stumbling,
Completely unsure if I would be caught.
I will say that loving You was like suffocating,
I couldn't seem to breathe at all.
I won't say that I regret loving you,
But I won't say that I'd try again.
Loving You
Oct 30, 2016
Oct 30, 2016 at 2:12 AM UTC
By Arcassin Burnham
Black tar in my heart but you came and took it out
Of my consciousness letting the love that I have for
You go unmissed in this life,
In this world I transitioned to a boy that has no
Original value to a man that has a heart and knows
Where to start if we ever talked,
You think - I'm not - aware,......
...you don't have to say a thing, your beauty say a lot
with the features in my mind,
don't you give me that frown and those eyes
Not surprised to be broken down,
Down,
I know that you've been searching since he left,
so you saw my soul,.....
But you don't have to say a thing......
I love holding hands with you,
a wealth-*that I *- can share with you,
You don't have to say a thing , your beauty says a lot
With the features,
I know- that you've - been waiting,
for love to come sweep you off your feet
pretty baby,
the cold- will se-parate us,
in a state of loss of the love that we had for each other,....
But you don't have to say a thing,...
I love holding hands with you.
Aug 17, 2016
Aug 17, 2016 at 12:37 PM UTC
There’s something wrong with me
I’m broken somewhere inside.
And, I know it won’t be easily fixed
I know because I tried.
I’m all messed up and in pain
And nothing is going right.
I keep on trying to get better
But it’s an uphill fight.
I’m hurting and I want to cry.
I’m depressed and I know why.
I want things to change right now
But, I can’t fix it. I don’t know how.
I keep wishing it was tomorrow
And my heart didn’t hurt so much
For the feel of you in my arms
And the healing of your loving touch.
I’ve healed all I will ever heal
From drowning in my own tears.
But there is something wrong with me
Since you are no longer here.
I’m hurting and I want to cry.
I’m depressed and I know why.
I want things to change right now
But, I can’t fix it. I don’t know how.
There’s something wrong with me
I’m broken somewhere inside.
And, I know it won’t be easily fixed
I know because I tried.
I’m all messed up and in pain
And nothing is going right.
I keep on trying to get better
But it’s an uphill fight.
May 9, 2016
May 9, 2016 at 2:29 AM UTC
You and i indulge in a love
So strong no death can violate
And yet
Dusk comes and goes
Along with pieces of our blissful bond
We fell into an abyss of friendship
And gradually got lost in it
Our promises are nolonger as intriguing as the promises of a courtesan
Conversations have become nothing but fleeting pleasantries...
Just like a *** addict drunk on viagra,i am desperate....
To ignite our dying flame
I can not lose you
Jan 12, 2016
Jan 12, 2016 at 6:35 AM UTC
The night is worn thin from this viewpoint. the river
dances still; down the hill, under the rumbling bridge
cluttered with people separate in their own cyclical worlds &
the city glimmers with two thousand diamond fake stars just
beyond the dark tree line. we are watching this world happen
from far away.
We are spectators in a world who has long since
forgotten us.
i say i want to change the world & you say it’s
something good in me. You don’t know what i’m thinking & i
can see it in your eyes when you turn away. Words aren’t as
strong with you.
you want something more from me, something i have never
been able to fully give before. in particular dreams i see
myself exposed. you are the surgeon & i am your patient. your
scalpel cuts through thin skin, inch by inch, careful &
precise. blank sterile walls.
the smell of death & life as
well; it’s contradictory.
my blood too is thin & you wipe it
away with your sleeve. searching for my heart. peeling back
flesh. broken bones & absent heart; i’ve pushed it deep inside.
you say you want more but i wasn’t prepared for this.
brixtonbell.com
Jul 27, 2015
Jul 27, 2015 at 3:01 PM UTC
This is difficult to think.
This is difficult to write.
But I've been lying awake,
pondering this thought at night.
To say I never loved before you-
just doesn't feel right.
Because I am the one
who loves all of life.
I am the one who loves despite-
one's tendency to fight
being loved, or to return love
with only spite
I have accepted myself,
and all things in their respective rights.
What plagues me is more complex;
I am trying to give it light.
I was in love with you,
but I'm vexed by this new found sight.
I would never ever risk
complications in the form of fight.
Never not give him my best,
even if I'm showing my selfish side.
And I never loved you
quite like I love him,
I just don't know,
is that alright?
Nov 14, 2014
Nov 14, 2014 at 4:01 PM UTC