I’m not sorry
That I loved you with everything I had
That I gave you every inch of my soul
That I loved you more than I knew could exist
That I made love to you one last time
Despite everything that had happened
I’m not sorry
That I wasn’t stronger after we lost the baby
That I fell apart when everything had come together
That I cracked and revealed all the ways we were broken
That I could not be the rock for us
Even though you couldn’t either
I’m not sorry
That I was myself
That I would not walk on eggshells
That I would not be disrespected
That I had and opinion and a voice
Even though it made you leave
I am sorry for the pieces of me you could not love
I am sorry we ended when we said forever
I am sorry that we never got our family
I am sorry I let you down in any way that I did
I am sorry that love turned out to be conditional.
Even though I never thought it was.
Oct 6, 2017
Oct 6, 2017 at 8:57 PM UTC
Clouds of Ash
soot
cinders
smoother our lungs, and choke our souls
My blaze, once contained
loving
warm
Erupted into something wild,
Something burning completely out of control.
Ive seared every inch of you to blisters
to bleeding
to exhaustion.
I took, unwaveringly so, to feed my flames,
to feed their insatiable destruction.
My love and passion, once demonstrated, turned
to madness
to deafening
to draining
Fire took ever inch of us.
I watch now helplessly as the Ash disintegrates
taking to the wind
dissolving in the air
The Earth, our foundation now lies scorched
seared
and baren.
I desperately pray for rain, or a mighty Phoenix
ANYTHING to regenerate the beauty
the growth.
I desperately pray, for a second chance
from you.
Jul 25, 2016
Jul 25, 2016 at 5:56 PM UTC
I built my own cage,
I’m the designer of
my own prison
I twisted the metal till my hands bled
working every wire into a bar
I fastened every bolt and every *****
meticulously trapping myself there
I marked you as my salvation
and the truth is you were only a
figment of my imagination
I controlled this place
you were not my executioner
and I’m free to leave
so free
but i can’t
if you asked me to stay
I would be dammed to say no
one cadence
one word
one syllable
stay.
thats all the effort you’d ever have to put in
tell me that magic phrase
Ill lock this door behind me
forever.
Nov 17, 2015
Nov 17, 2015 at 3:22 AM UTC
Bitterness beseeches every
GROTESQUE
Inch of me
Thoughts of your light enveloping
my existence in a
condemnation
of
sabotaging
dreams.
I am the dark queen, and you,
you are my ghost.
Haunting me perilously.
The destruction of my kingdom is welcomed.
Dismantle
Decimate
Destroy.
Poison me with ANY
Affliction.
I welcome the cardinal sins of my evocations.
Blasphemy of my soul
Awakened and stripped
Of us, leaving me
Welcoming the blackness.
Dec 3, 2014
Dec 3, 2014 at 11:11 PM UTC
The words echo in my mind
read a hundred times
Over and over
every parallel burdens me.
I was once captivated by your words,
the uniqueness in your voice
somberly I feel the despair in pressing
every
word
to my lips
I foolishly thought my self a rose,
but only a daisy
in a field
I am.
Cherishing moments of repetition,
Deliberately restated without hesitation.
Aug 15, 2014
Aug 15, 2014 at 2:42 AM UTC
I’m cancer, can’t you realize this?
Toxic and out of control.
You don’t need me, you’ll need chemotherapy.
Why don’t you run?
You need to run.
Those innocent glassy eyes
Staring in my direction with anticipation.
Why me?
I’m ugly on the inside.
Black with decay, and broken dishes.
I’m despicable and disastrous.
You have nothing to gain from me
But everything to lose.
I will sink my teeth into your heart
only to heal my own
leaving you brittle and broken.
Why won’t you head my warning?
I’m a giant caution sign, but here you sit.
You must want to be abused and dismantled.
Do you think you will enjoy this brand of torture?
Do you think there is something deeper?
Theres not.
I’m cancer.
I’m hate.
I’m full of black decay.
I’m ugly when you crack me open.
That’s all I’ll ever be.
Mar 29, 2014
Mar 29, 2014 at 8:16 PM UTC
I've felt guilt
and I've felt shame.
Never together but
both the same.
Blankly stare with
hope from Sane,
trapped in this prison
bundled in blame.
I've felt guilt
and I've felt shame,
both together and
never the same.
Mar 7, 2014
Mar 7, 2014 at 6:13 PM UTC
Maybe I'll date him.
That guy who looks like
you.
Maybe when he laughs he'll get
those dimples just like
yours.
Maybe I'll get lucky and
he'll smell just like
you.
Maybe the way he will look at
me will be the same as
you.
Maybe even the cigarettes he smokes
will be the exact same as
yours.
Maybe I'll get lucky and
get to date another
you.
His eyes are different than yours though.
They're not brown like yours.
His hair doesn't fall just right like yours
either.
But maybe he'll be enough like you.
Maybe when I close my eyes I can pretend its you
again.
They'll all just be place holders for you anyway...
Maybe... I should just go to another Starbucks.
Mar 6, 2014
Mar 6, 2014 at 6:46 PM UTC
Spinning in circles
Breathing your scent
Warmed by your love.
You mean everything. Everything.
I will love you through anything. Anything.
My soul is yours and the canter of our union rises
We belong to each other
a thousands times over. Forever.
You please me, in everything.
I love you.
We are not the mistakes we’ve made.
We are the love we give each other.
We are not the problems that we face.
We are stronger together.
Feb 10, 2014
Feb 10, 2014 at 5:01 AM UTC
I try to be logical
I try to feel normal
I do everything I can to stop
but as the insanity takes hold I feel myself
spiraling
spiraling
into oblivion
Where I once met you
You were a salvation
but now I lay here
comatose on our floor
Once bathed in love
Once cemented by commitment
breaks
spins
down
Barely breathing I wait
forever I'll wait
The cold runs through me, the beating slows to a stop.
Stagnate.
Ill do anything for you
But move from this position
this. position.
Im here. Here until the end.
I couldn’t move if I tried. No one exists but you!
broken.
feeble.
I love you.
No one can move me, but you.
Feb 10, 2014
Feb 10, 2014 at 4:50 AM UTC