#livingwithdepression
Everything is small today
Closed in
And choking.
Walls are built
From judging gazes
And doors
Are fumbled to lock
Through fear.
My fear
The only certainty I
Own today
It is the spaces of my mind
Is the beat in my chest
The twist in my gut
And all the dust that settles
On the stuff
I no longer think I love.
I cant look at them
Happier in their times of health
I feel like a ***** among them
Stranger bent and twisted
They wonder why i visited
At all
If i cannot stand to smile.
What is that
My lips are downturned hurt
And muscles ache
With the strain
Of keeping it together
If i should loosen my hold
Just for one toothy lie,
The i should fly apart
Around the sadness
Then who would clean up
That mess?
Mar 27, 2020
Mar 27, 2020 at 4:56 AM UTC
I'm made of my negatives
I am made of my fears
and doubts
and weaknesses.
I am completed by my depression
and finally i think,
it's ok.
Because in reality we're all a little sad on the inside,
We're all a little bitter,
We're all a little broken.
and I've finally learned to live with it.
I am not me without my negatives.
Aug 15, 2018
Aug 15, 2018 at 9:16 PM UTC
my pain was never easy
it never made beautiful couplets on a page.
instead my pain was danger,
it left me breathless and scared.
corners of my life lurked with shadows,
shadows of past experiences.
I prayed about it,
talked to a psychiatrist about it,
said a few chants about it
But my pain always knew how to enter
and take as it pleased.
my pain was never an aesthetic,
instead - it was me lying in blood stained sheets on a cold morning,
laying there while everyone continued their lives exploring.
my pain left me in bed,
with death tattooed down my left vein.
when sadness didn’t seem enough anymore,
my pain would ask for more.
it always demanded more,
& more is what i gave.
Apr 28, 2016
Apr 28, 2016 at 8:59 AM UTC