#kristie
cutting ties that bind - by Kristie
So I cut myself with a knife
just to see if I can still feel any thing in this pathetic life
But I feel nothing at all
as I watch my crimsom blood fall
I score my skin, deeper and deeper, push the knife in
nothing..... not even a sting...absolutely nothing
I fantically seek a virginal place I can carve, cut away my hate
self loathing, disgust, as I look at myself, what a ******* state
Waiting to faint, as my blood seeps and escapes
but as if mocking me, I have to wait
relief comes at a price, a deadly cost
and reminds me of all that i've lost
tired and sleepy, waiting for death to collect me
I've planned for no one to save me, finally be free
one last slice, just to ensure
deep across artery, my blood pumps no more
Sep 25, 2016
Sep 25, 2016 at 10:55 PM UTC
HIT ROCK BOTTOM
I SEE YOU NOW, AS NEVER BEFORE
I TASTE CONTEMPT, SWALLOW IT DOWN RAW
WANTING, NEEDING TO SETTLE THE SCORE
TIME WILL TELL, WHO REALLY IS ********
YOU THINK YOU’RE “ALL THAT”
YOUR ACTUALLY PERCEIVED AS A ****
A DICKHEAD'S DOORMAT
***** SWALLOW! IT WON'T MAKE YOU FAT!"
YOU PLACE YOUR BABIES IN DANGER
FOR A BRIEF DALLIANCE WITH A STRANGER
NOT UNIQUE BEHAVIOUR
YOU OFTEN TRADE FLATTERY FOR A ****** FAVOUR
EASILY LED, INTO NEXT MAN'S BED
***** ALIVE, MORALS DEAD
BELIEVING EVERY DRUNK WORD THAT IS SAID
WHILST PRETENDING NOT TO NOTICE RECURRING THOUGHTS IN YOUR MESSED UP HEAD
IF YOU CONTINUE
YOU'LL ALWAYS BE DICTATED TO
JUST ANOTHER RANDOM, EASY *****
LEFT FEELING LONELY, USED AND BLUE
IF YOU COULD TAKE A STEP AWAY
IF YOU ACTUALLY LISTENED TO WHAT YOUR CONSCIENCE HAS TO SAY
YOU'D BE SURPRISED AT THE WAY
YOUR NEON SIGN FLASHES - 'EASY PREY'
WAVE GOODBYE TO YOUR SONS, TWO LIVES TORN
JUST AS YOUR FIRST BORN
THE ONE YOU CLAIM TO MOURN,
TOO LATE NOW, APRON STRINGS FRAYED AND WORN
SAY GOODBYE TO TRUE LOVE
COS LABELS STICK FOR GOOD
YOU WANT TO BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE MISUNDERSTOOD
NO DEAR, YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER 'HO FROM THE HOOD'
I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU NOW, YOU’RE NOT TO BLAME
YOU HAVE BEEN MANIPULATED, USED FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S GAIN
SOUL BROKEN, SPIRIT BRUISED
CONSTANTLY IN EMOTIONAL PAIN
YOU HAVE NO DIRECTION IN LIFE
EXCEPT CAUSING DRAMA AND STRIFE
THE ONLY TOPIC OF CONVERSATION BETWEEN YOU & YOUR CREW
IS, WHO IS NEXT ON THE LIST, TO **** OVER & *****
YOU USE WHITE POWDER TO NUMB YOUR PAIN
WAKE THE NEXT DAY, HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME
OPEN A CAN, **** ANOTHER MAN, UPSET WHO YOU CAN
LIVING A LIE, YOUR LIFE IS A SHAM
YOU NEED A NEW PLAN - AS QUICK AS YOU CAN!
ARGUMENTATIVE, INSTIGATING THE NEXT ROW
I'M ASHAMED TO ADMIT THAT I EVEN KNOW YOU,
LET ALONE HOW
YOU MAKE MY SKIN CRAWL, I FEEL SICK NOW
YOUR LESSON, IS SIMPLY LONG OVER DUE
YOU HAVE NO SELF RESPECT LEFT AT ALL
IF WHAT I HAVE BEEN TOLD IS FOR REAL
YOU ATTEMPTED TO MAKE ME LOOK SMALL
LOOK YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR, HOW DOES IT FEEL?
TURN YOURSELF AROUND, BEFORE ITS TOO LATE
AND THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU, REPLACE IT WITH HATE
REPETITIVE CYCLE, ON THIN ICE YOU SKATE
YOU'LL BE DISOWNED, ALL ALONE, - STALEMATE
YOU ARE A ******* STATE, LOSING EVEN MORE WEIGHT - FATAL MISTAKE
ONCE MORE YOUR BABIES, FOR THEIR MUMMY, THEY PATIENTLY WAIT
HOPING THAT TODAY THERE IS FOOD ON THEIR PLATE
AND THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE TO SHARE, WITH DRUNKS OFF THE ESTATE
YOUR BABIES THEY NEED THEIR MUMMY
AND HEALTHY FOOD IN THEIR TUMMY
UNLIKELY COS THEIR DINNER MONEY ON ***** YOU SPENT
AND DRUNKEN ANGER & ANGST ON THEM, YOU WILL VENT
WHAT WILL IT TAKE?
FOR YOU TO SEE & ADMIT THE MISTAKE?
HOW LONG BEFORE YOU BREAK?
HOW LONG, TIL THE NEXT GREAT ESCAPE?
WHEN WILL YOU REALISE, THAT IT IS ALL ROTTEN?
WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND ADMIT, YOU'VE HIT ROCK BOTTOM
#low #rockbottom
Sep 23, 2016
Sep 23, 2016 at 2:11 PM UTC
Love causes confusion, written by Kristie Townsend (09.04.07)
6 July 2012 at 00:15
LOVE CAUSES CONFUSION..........
I CAN'T SLEEP TONIGHT, BECAUSE YOUR NOT HERE YOU HAVE A HOME,
A LIFE OF YOUR OWN WITHOUT STRONG ARMS TO PULL ME NEAR
I FEEL ABANDONED & AFRAID, CONSUMED BY FEAR
"I'LL RETURN SOON, HONEST"
THATS WHAT YOU SAID YOU'D DO
"TRUST AND BELIEVE IN ME, BABE"
AND I HALF-HEARTEDLY TRIED, HONEST, ITS TRUE!
MY SENSES STIR AND MY SOUL AWAKENS
EVERYTIME YOU WALK IN THE ROOM
MY DEFENCES ARE DOWN, MY FOUNDATIONS SHAKEN
AS I BEG YOU "PLEASE, COME TO ME SOON"
A PHYSICAL PAIN, THAT IS WHAT I FEEL
WHEN YOU ARE NO LONGER HERE
MY ADDICTION AND DEPENDANCY ARE REAL
"OUR LOVE" BEING JEPODISED BY "MY FEAR"
"OLD DESTRUCTIVE HABITS DIE HARD" SAY THE CONSTANT VOICES IN MY HEAD
THEY LEAVE MY EMOTIONS, MY HEART SCARRED & LONELINESS IS ALLEVIATED BY ANALYSING ALL THAT YOU SAID.
I TRUELY HAVE NEVER GIVEN MYSELF TO ANOTHER, AS I DO TO YOU SOUL MATES, BEST FRIENDS, LOVERS
I REALLY WANT TO SEE THIS THROUGH
I BELIEVE THAT YOU DESERVE BETTER,
I CAN NEVER BE ENOUGH FOR YOU
I WOULD WRITE YOU A "DEAR JOHN" LETTER
BUT I CANNOT, FOR IT SIMPLY WOULD NOT BE TRUE
I AM A FOUNTAIN OF SOPPY SENTIMENT
WHEN I THINK OF OR SEE YOU
PREVIOUSLY FULL OF RESENTMENT
NOW I'M FILLED WITH SELF DOUBT & WHO YOU MAY *****
I HOPE THAT YOU ARE A BIG BRAVE LION
COS I'M SCARED ENOUGH FOR TWO
I PRAY YOU'RE MADE OF STRONGER STUFF THAN I AM
FOR I FEEL WEAK, HELPLESS & ALL ASKEW
THE CONFLICTING SWIRL OF EMOTIONS
I HAVE DEEP WITHIN MY CORE
ARE MOST LIKELY TO CAUSE A COMMOTION
IF I SHOULD DARE TO DREAM OF MORE
I PRAY DAILY THAT WE STAY TOGETHER
IF NOT FOR A YEAR OR MORE
HOWEVER MY CYNICISM KNOWS BETTER
MY PREVIOUS EXPERIENCES PREDICT THE FINAL SCORE
I MEAN IT WHEN I TELL YOU THIS,
FOR WORDS ARE ALL THAT I HAVE,
YOU GET THE JIST?
I THINK THAT I'M FALLING IN LUST WITH YOU
AND NO I'M NOT TAKING THE ****
I THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU HAVE GIVEN ME
WHICH IS A LOT, MORE THAN I KNOW
I LOVE, HONOUR, RESPECT & CHERISH YOU
WELL AT LEAST UNTIL THE DAY YOU GO!
Sep 23, 2016
Sep 23, 2016 at 2:51 PM UTC
FOR MY FRIEND.........By kristie Townsend 31.10.09
31 October 2009 at 22:06
I have a friend
my love for her, has no end
through all of the good stuff, and some times that are bad
she proves to me, that she is the bestest friend that I ever had
through all the laughter, and and all the tears
through the passing of the seasons, and of the years
we share with each other all of our hopes, dreams and fears
United, together we confront adversity if it nears
Through thick and through thin
at times when we lose and the triumphs that we win
my friend has been my constant companion, she is strong at my side
She provides all of the tissues, to mop up the tears that I've cried
Petty squabbles and arguements are only a temporary divide
all feelings of anger and annoyance are quick to subside
this poem is for you, my way of saying THANKS
this poem is for my mate ...............................??? you fill in the blanks!!
Sep 25, 2016
Sep 25, 2016 at 4:46 PM UTC
Lacerate
Her pillow covering all of my face
Suffocation.
Her tears suffocating me.
They won’t let me breathe.
Her pillow covering all of my face.
The more she tries to pull me out the more I sink into a worse place.
How everything started to get so morose in some robust planet in space.
Where I always took my time to enjoy my one and only grace.
Her pillow covering all of my face.
So I can inhale all her tears from last night’s race.
So I can enjoy the silence of our heartbeats.
Pace.
Will it get better by any chance?
Or any change?
Will we be able to embrace?
To watch her shutting down my full-of-blood face in one glance.
The sacred geometry of chance.
To watch her draw in silver then lick her sorrow as it turns red.
When my veins eventually got the chance to meet their soul mates.
When I got the chance to finally appreciate.
Appreciate the ray that is running towards me screaming love when we both know it’s full of hate.
Never thought she’d be hiding from me the key to my fancy world’s gate.
Her pillow covering all of my face.
Inhaling her tears.
But I always enjoyed shutting her mouth while listening to her innocent screams.
Then with one glance she was able to read my mind.
She knew it.
Knew well.
That If I died today.
Lots of aliens would be at my funeral.
And she’d tell them about the joyful memories she shared with me.
You know what *****
Read it all over again.
Read it all over again with some serenity.
Read it with some dignity.
Sweaty rusty bed sheets covering her chopped body.
Fifty stitches all over her skin.
But her wide bright eyes will fix the whole picture and make it full of mildness and flaccidity.
Tranquility.
Then her screams again teasing my ears and starting up the electricity.
Running through my veins getting me thirsty craving for more intensity.
And if I could.
I’d replace my ink with her blood.
Because I needed my papers to bloom.
Turn it into a meadow on the shape of her eyes.
All of a sudden.
Woke up with nothing to look at other than the bathroom tiles.
Nausea, revulsion, disgust and repugnance.
With nothing to shorten the distance.
Until my eyes started screaming for more of my addictive substance.
One shot.
Got me into watching a huge fight between romance and brilliance.
Smudge my face with her blood and tears.
While all what were flashing before my eyes are the past four years.
Cutting my head open to enjoy the brainwash until something got me to calm down and bear.
A cup of our old cold drink.
Pouring it inside her lungs to drink it happily.
Then after I was done she smiled then spoke through my mind.
That gave me a new brain and a new key that I should’ve tried.
Went fine until I found the huge gate with no lock in it.
The bus stop that I wouldn’t want to leave.
Cause my tears won’t.
How will I do such a thing when I can get it all in one night even if I could hold it in for two months?
I’d blast myself to keep my veins full of that drug.
To keep my life full of that love.
To save me from her devil.
A construction of a maniac if you would have looked at it from a different aspect.
A sick puppy stabbed in the face with a flower.
A sign of loneliness strikes again.
But I forgot my shoes at the mountain while rethinking my future.
Dreams versus nightmares.
And the winner was her.
Orange and grey is all I can remember.
A beautiful abounded house.
I’d lick her fear within a second.
Eat her up then ***** all of my internal organs to build a wonderful cycle of admired calmness.
Black dress.
Warm cheeks.
Feeding the sad freak.
Hiding in the very first place that people will find love at.
Angel.
Everlasting one.
Holder.
Power.
The arbitrator behind all my happiness.
Dances for a while and then disappears again.
Light and awareness.
She’s the aliveness and energy controlling every apparent motion inside me and all motion in my mind’s motion and all mind is her mind.
And all my thoughts and actions are licensed by her.
Empowered out of me and returned to her.
She’s the correct consciousness of my mind.
Everything I see.
Hear.
Do or know is enabled out of me.
It is my mind and my being in use.
To end up falling from the furthest planet into the lowest ground.
To end up where I can never be found.
With her pillow covering all of my face.
Sep 23, 2016
Sep 23, 2016 at 1:57 PM UTC
ITS ALL DONE NOW - BY KRISTIE T -12TH APRIL 2007
6 July 2012 at 01:04
ITS ALL DONE NOW, OUR LOVE IS GONE
BITTER SWEET, INTERNALISED PAIN FOR TOO LONG
TO ME IT FELT RIGHT, TO YOU IT FELT WRONG
ITS ALL DONE NOW, ITS ALL GONE
FEAR, PANIC, PARANOIA WON OUT
NO NEED FOR US TO SCREAM OR SHOUT
FOR YOU WALKED, NO, RAN OUT
BEFORE YOU REALLY KNEW WHAT I WAS ABOUT
ITS ALL DONE NOW
OH AND HOW, FOR LOVE, YOU DID NOT ALLOW
AND WE BOTH FELL FOUL
TO OUR FEARS FROM THE PAST, NOT WHAT IS HERE AND NOW
ITS ALL DONE NOW, NO MORE TEARS, NO MORE CRYING
YOU'VE GIVEN UP ON ME, GIVEN UP ON TRYING
I ASK, HAVE YOU ALSO GIVEN UP ON SMILING?
YOU'LL NEVER SEE, THAT DEEP INSIDE OF ME I'M DYING
AVERT YOUR EYES, NO MORE QUESTIONS, PLEASE STOP PRYING.
ITS ALL DONE NOW AND I FEEL WEAK
MY FIERY SOUL UNCHARACTERISTICALLY SUBSERIVANT AND MEEK
FOR IT WANTS TO GIVE MY WOUNDED HEART THE FREEDOM TO SEEK
TRUTH & LOVE, ALTHOUGH RIGHT NOW, THE PROSPECTS SEEM BLEAK
ITS ALL DONE NOW, NO RAW EMOTION LEFT TO SHARE
I'LL KEEP IT LOCKED INSIDE, SEEMINGLY NOT HAVING A CARE
BUT LATE AT NIGHT, I AM HAUNTED, TAUNTED & YOU ARE WHERE?!
I ANALYSE, BLAME, FULL OF REGRET & CONTINUALLY ASK -"DID I PLAY FAIR?"
ITS ALL DONE NOW, THAT WAS THE FINAL FAREWELL
MY VERY CORE, MY ALL, MY HEART BEING TORTURED IN HELL
I SHALL TAKE TIME TO HEAL, FEEL, RETREAT INTO CRABBY SHELL
WHEN, IN TIMES YET TO COME, & I BUMP INTO YOU, MY EYES HIDE MY PAIN WELL
FOR ITS A HUGE AND BLATENT LIE THAT I'M TRYING TO SELL
PRETENDING I'VE RECOVERED, MOVED ON, FROM THAT SPELL OF WHICH I ONCE FELL
ITS ALL DONE NOW
AND TIME IS A GREAT HEALER, OR THATS WHAT SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME
I WISH I COULD TRAVEL INTO THE FUTURE AND FIND MYSELF HAPPY AND FREE
BUT AT THIS MOMENT OF WRITING, I''M STILL WISHING YOU WERE HERE WITH ME
I WISH YOU COULD SEE
JUST HOW GREAT LIFE COULD BE
IF ONLY YOU COULD HAVE BELIEVED AND TRUSTED IN ME
MY LOVE WOULD HAVE SET YOUR SOUL FREE
BUT SADLY YOU DID NOT ALLOW
AND SO I HAVE TO REPEAT OUT LOUD
THATS IT, ITS ALL DONE NOW
YOU ARE ONCE MORE JUST A NAMELESS FACE IN A CROWD
ITS ALL DONE NOW
SHOUT IT OUT LOUD
KRISTIE BE PROUD
YOU CAN TURN THIS AROUND
ON DAY HE'LL SEE JUST WHAT HE HAD FOUND
WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN HIS, IF ONLY HIS HEART HAD ALLOWED
ITS GONE -ITS ALL DONE NOW
LET GO - LEARN & GROW -FOR YOU KNOW
ITS ALL DONE - ALL GONE
Sep 23, 2016
Sep 23, 2016 at 1:53 PM UTC