#itgetsbetter
I do not miss depression.
It made every quiet thing echo—
like voices drifting through an empty hall.
I do not miss the emptiness,
that aching hunger I could never satisfy,
or the mornings that bled into nights
seemingly without meaning.
But sometimes,I miss the stillness of it.
The way nothing reached me.
At least not deep enough to hurt.
Before every feeling came rushing back
like a flood I forgot I could survive.
And I am happy now.
Truly.
Healing has let me breathe again.
But I’d be lying if I said
there isn’t still a small part of me
that misses how numbness
once felt like peace.
May 20
May 20, 2026 at 9:31 PM UTC
Little do you know
How I learned to cry without a sound
Little do you know
How I stopped expecting you around
Little do you know
I was breaking while you held your ground
Little do you know
I needed you that time
Beneath the strength I wore to make you proud
Was a child still screaming, not allowed
Some nights I survived things I’ll never speak aloud
Little do you know
I needed you that time
I stayed, I stayed
When your whole world crashed in waves
I stayed
When you were drowning in your pain
I stayed
Put myself last, again and again
But little did you see
No one ever stayed for me
Little do you know
I carried burdens not my own
Little do you know
I fought those battles all alone
Little do you know
The cracks ran deeper than they’d shown
Little do you know
I needed you that time
You call it distance, call it pride
But where were you when I was barely alive?
You ask for peace, for things to slide
Like nothing ever fractured my mind
I’ll heal, I’ll heal
But healing doesn’t mean it’s sealed
I’ll heal
It doesn’t make the past unreal
I’ll heal
And I won’t shrink to fit what you feel
Little do you know
Love isn’t silence when someone’s low
Little do you know
Forgiveness isn’t pretending it didn’t show
Little do you know
I was the first to show
And the last to receive
What I gave so freely
So little do you know
I don’t hate you — I’ve just grown
Little do you know
I found my strength alone
And I won’t beg to be seen anymore.
Feb 20
Feb 20, 2026 at 5:58 PM UTC
there was a little voice in my head
that grew and grew and grew
until the deafening roar blocked out everything else
it screamed to stay in my dorm
don't talk to anybody
no one will like you
so don't try
for a while I listened to the voice
I stayed inside
and I barely engaged in social situations
but I got tired of the deafening roar
it was holding me back
and I'm having none of that
I study in the library
I go to events
I talk to my peers
and I participate in class
that deafening roar slowly but surely
quieted down
I can still hear its faint voice
but no longer will I be held back
due to my anxieties
I want friends
and I want to be social
so friends I will have
and social I will be
Sep 17, 2025
Sep 17, 2025 at 9:00 AM UTC
Even the moon has to go through phases -
sometimes barely there,
sometimes shining full.
But no matter what,
it always comes back whole.
Jun 3, 2025
Jun 3, 2025 at 2:23 PM UTC
No it actually doesn’t get better
I really used to think it did
But my days now are darker than they were 10 years ago
When I tried to end my life
Once
Twice
Three times
And I still think about it
Just now I feel more selfish
Yeah I am loved
Good god I am so ******* loved
That’s why I can’t
But if I were to tell you that ******** about every day “being a blessing!!”
I’d be lying through my teeth
I hate it here
I hate me here
I hate here
I have everything that could make me happy
And I’m not
So no it actually doesn’t get better
And I still think about it
Just now I’m too tired.
May 20, 2025
May 20, 2025 at 4:54 PM UTC
take it day by day
there will be ups and downs
but soon enough there'll be more ups than downs
life gets better day by day
one day might be low and sad
you might contemplate death
then the next day it will be a joy to live
so excited to do things and see people
take it day by day
things will change
it will get better
you just have to make through each day
Mar 14, 2025
Mar 14, 2025 at 7:54 AM UTC
I always thought that I would be broken forever. I couldn't imagine a version of myself that wasn't sad, or lonely or constantly running... from something.
Today, I realized that I've made it.
It's a Friday night,
And I'm spending it alone.
But for once, I don't feel lonely.
I feel at peace.
I feel proud.
I made it out of that darkness.
And now,
I'm here,
Beautifully, unbroken.
-C.M.
Jun 11, 2021
Jun 11, 2021 at 7:56 PM UTC
Your sick incarceration
held against a shining will
‘til unmoored you walked
a light you couldn’t see,
that lifted others,
dimmed
each step seeming free
with inexorable gravity
drew to the woods
your last embrace
brought cold release
and all our griefs became
Apr 6, 2021
Apr 6, 2021 at 5:11 AM UTC
This isn't just pain,
This will make you go insane.
True heartbreak is deep within the soul,
You forget every life goal.
The pain is indescribable.
You are no longer reliable.
Every part of your being is destroyed
You just become a void.
But this isn't the end.
Open up and tell a close friend.
You are not alone,
Don't forget to reclaim your throne.
Oct 31, 2020
Oct 31, 2020 at 4:17 AM UTC
I can fix this.
I’m always so terrified
That I will fall from the sky
And my wings will snap
Helpless to medicine and hope
Icarus and I (fall from the sky)
We burn
Chasing sunlit warmth
Suspended by devices devised of self-preservation
Crumbling before our eyes
That we can’t hold together anymore
These devices are needless
Let go and hold on
Trust the fall
See how I fly.
Putting together a patchwork home
Watching the water carve out the stone
Getting much better at being alone
Because I’m not.
Not broken but not fixed yet.
And I know now that hurting is healing
And I see the world pass on below me
And I won’t fall
So I soar.
I have fallen before.
I am still
Despite of not because.
I will fall.
And I will fly.
Crash landing,
I kiss the Earth.
Sep 21, 2020
Sep 21, 2020 at 1:04 AM UTC
AFTEr
noon
is home, again
its bEEn a l o n g
day
of lunch breaks
traffic
swimmers
at
the beach and children
, singing school's over
bright pink clouds come ROLLIng
in, she hangs
her scarf upon the nail
and climbs the stairs. ..
(please sleep through
the night
)/middle daughter
of }perfe}ct
w
o
R
l
d s
Aug 27, 2020
Aug 27, 2020 at 8:55 PM UTC
this NIGHT
⠀⠀⠀ is d%issolvin.g⠀(in
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀to)(
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀ 1}
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀ 2} a harsh han⠀⠀d of v
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀i
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀g
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀o
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ r,
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 3}
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
]: radium⠀⠀b i r⠀ d⠀⠀⠀s
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
*****
⠀⠀⠀⠀the
⠀⠀⠀⠀water's
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ fresh coat of painted
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ night
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
a c/ross
⠀ the skin oF a ) kissless converSation
concerning
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀a
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ car failing
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀to
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ use a
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀turn signal
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ while changing⠀l a⠀n⠀ e⠀⠀s
Aug 27, 2020
Aug 27, 2020 at 5:26 PM UTC
⠀⠀⠀⠀ the is
⠀⠀⠀ void filled
⠀between⠀⠀⠀⠀ neatly
⠀⠀⠀ each with
⠀⠀ breath⠀⠀⠀⠀ each
⠀⠀⠀⠀ life⠀⠀ ⠀ ones
⠀⠀⠀takes⠀⠀⠀⠀ dreams,
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀love
Aug 27, 2020
Aug 27, 2020 at 1:52 PM UTC
rains
tenderly blot
out our attempts
to remember
the
torn edged⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀moments
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ as sunny days
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
when they were not
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ world,
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ quill up
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ our
⠀⠀⠀ ⠀sensibilities
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ muddled
⠀⠀⠀⠀ choking sunrises have
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ promise, too
Aug 27, 2020
Aug 27, 2020 at 9:11 AM UTC
(there are)
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ times
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ oh baby,
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ that you will wake up
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀a
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀n
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀d
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
want. to love the
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀w
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀o
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ r
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ l
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀d
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
and- some days everything is ****
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀i
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀know
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀...
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀well remember,
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀this and the
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀(most) black
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀night
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀will
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀end
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀w
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀h
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀e
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀n⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀you want it to
Aug 26, 2020
Aug 26, 2020 at 2:34 PM UTC
one cut
two cut
three cut
four
i watch the blood drip from my wrists to the floor
five cut
six cut
seven cut
eight
the blood flowing and rushing makes me feel faint
nine cut
ten cut
eleven cut
twelve
cut for a little then cry some more
thirteen cut
fourteen cut
fifteen cut
sixteen
the blood is starting to show through my jeans
seventeen cut
eighteen cut
nineteen cut
twenty
pain is the only thing i feel
fifty-nine
seventy-six
eighty-three
ninety-nine
i'm starting to lose track
one-hundred
i've finally decided to end it all and pick up the gun
Apr 24, 2020
Apr 24, 2020 at 11:51 AM UTC
Past
Imagine a trailer
The smell of **** fills the closed walls
A women most would call mom
Sits in a haze screaming at her reflection
She's here but she isn't
Her body is here
Her head isn’t
Noxious chemical odors
Burn the eyes
A young girl
Two older boys
Sit and watch
Looking at my brother
He looks at me
So young
Our older brother gone
Eyes blood red
Scratches cover his arms
Daddy didn’t like him very much
Daddy didn’t like any of us very much
But that’s okay. He's gone now
Blue lights are American
Blue lights took him
Blue lights are bad
brother whispers in the dark
But they made daddy gone
So they can’t be that bad
Looking at mommy
She’s quiet now
She’s my future
She is American
I look just like her
Can’t talk
So hungry
But shhh don’t whine
Or mommy will wakeup
She’s my future daddy said to me looking at mommy
Daddy didn’t like any of us very much
Were an American family
Mommy screams. Daddy’s mad
I'm mute. Twin brother is sad
Older brother is high
Blue lights are bad
These things I know
Replaying in my head
I am American
This is
My past.
My present.
My future.
Future
Years later I'm in elementary.
Birth mom didn’t want me.
She took my brothers
She left me
But that’s okay now
Because I’m better.
I'm in school
Were American
All the kids talk
I can only say
The first three letters
In the alphabet
My voice hurts
Everyone is kind
So much different
Than what iv always known
Adults are American
Adults are patient
They aren’t gonna hurt me
Still, I hide when they yell
When a hand raises I flinch
But it's okay now
Because I'm better
I have a family now
We are an American family
Mom doesn’t hate me
Daddy holds my hand
Teachers speak kindly
I don’t know what they say
I don’t understand their words
But it's okay now
Because I'm better
I'm American
Years later and here I am
I'm in high school
I understand the words
Well at least most of them
Friends surround me
I'm happy now
I'm better now
My baby brothers
Are my light
My younger sisters
Are my path
My friends
Make me smile
I look at my mom
Her long blond hair
She’s happy
Daddy loves her
I don’t look like her
Her blood isn’t in my blood
But my future looks like her
With a home and children
Happiness and a partner
I won’t be like my birth mom
I can do better
I can be better
I will have a better future
Birth mom and dad might
Have given me a bad past
But my mom and dad
Have given me what
Most don’t have a
Better future.
My past is bad
My present is better.
My future will be good.
Apr 17, 2020
Apr 17, 2020 at 10:09 AM UTC
To all the kids with hell inside their head,
This one is for you
I know what you are feeling right now,
The worst place for anxiety is the doctor's office,
Right?
You are scared they will weigh you
They might see the result of the empty
Paranoia tells you they will judge you for your number on the scale
Depression says you won’t have to do it again,
It says you’ll be gone by next year
You know the doctor might look at your wrists
And if they do…
You will get help
You can have someone be paid to care about you
Having hell inside your head hurts
No matter what they say it doesn't shut up
You can yell
But not over the noise
You can fly
But not over the memories
You can die
But then you come back into the real world
Feb 26, 2020
Feb 26, 2020 at 12:01 PM UTC
When I was 7, I bit my arm.
When I was 11, I pulled my hair and punched myself in the head.
When I was 13, I choked myself and dug my nails into my arms and legs.
When I was 15, I cut myself.
When I was 16, I burnt myself with a cigarette.
When I was 18, I destroyed myself with drugs.
Now I'm 21 trying so **** hard to love myself.
To leave behind the self destructive past.
To let go of all the regret and self loathing.
Its been getting easier, too.
Please don't give up.
May 31, 2019
May 31, 2019 at 9:11 AM UTC
I unfold my limbs like
honey
morning drips slowly
saccharine and robin’s egg blue
lazily
I wait for the sun to hit
my eyes
oh I pray
this warmth never leaves
this heat curled up inside
my spine
I pray
this light never leaves
this feeling of
Spring
on the horizon
Apr 25, 2019
Apr 25, 2019 at 8:10 PM UTC
Hey stranger,
You look sort of weathered
A simple smile can make your world better
But I wait .
I’ll try
I’ve put something together
Crying eyes and no replies will soon seem tethered
And that claddagh means nothing
Trust me I know
I got my own tunes that are running
She cries again
And I lost my head
Can’t wait till you tell me
This has to come to an end.
I’ll pretend it’s all good
And act all together
I’m just alone and I needed a friend
Once a day I can just see you again
Oct 3, 2018
Oct 3, 2018 at 2:45 PM UTC
Deep inside my heart there sleeps a being that I have come to hate.
Through the back alleys of my mind it creeps; constantly feeding a hunger it cannot sate.
Hopes and dreams, longings and fantasies, these are what it has come to take.
When it has had enough of these, no longer this smile can I fake.
Anger, pain, suffering and strife churning up in the wake of it's passing.
These feelings I've suppressed all my life.
All those disappointments suddenly amassing; but hope springs eternal some would say.
Even though my memories hold more dark that light, making my mind rest on a foundation of clay.
That torturous being I still fight.
Grudgingly do I give ground.
Knowing that though I may lose I cannot back down.
Hoping that what was once lost may yet still be found.
Doubts and fears surging up until I feel I must drown.
Silently do I find myself praying.
Knowing that all my defenses must be lowered.
Though sanity be stretched beyond the point of fraying.
My inner demon's eyes still seem to glower, burning into my heart with unholy intensity.
And through my haze of pain and anger my eyes catch a glimmer of light.
Suddenly the demon loses some of it's ferocious tenacity.
The answer seems clear.
What was once thought lost can only be found through love.
Jun 12, 2018
Jun 12, 2018 at 11:38 AM UTC
Surrounded by my past I try to see
Visions of deceit overwhelm me
In my mind's eye I search for the truth
Hauntings of beauty seek to fool me
How I long to break free
I try to cling to the truth
Elusive and ethereal though it is
Desperately do I fight to hold on
But the rending of my heart drowns me
Suffocating in hearts blood
Wishing I could take it all back
But I am held by a chain maid of time
Gasping I try to breathe in hope
Even harder to obtain than truth
Still though I struggle to retake my life
My own memories played false
I question the very foundation of my soul
Wondering how I came to this
Clarity comes from a long denied truth
Terror fills me as I come face to face with the eyes of the specter
It gazing back into my horror filled eyes
I see the man I once knew as myself
Jun 12, 2018
Jun 12, 2018 at 10:47 AM UTC