#instability
A tremor among flutters of the hand:
Excess vibration – it’s certain to involve a deeper rhythm –
Certain self images sent bent;
Light striking irregular glass.
Eyes contract, weight shifts, a
Break in conversation.
Caught in a moments maze
All obstacles avoided reconstruct,
All exits rearrange.
There are other signs:
Brood and singularity, thoughts
Perpendicular to sense,
Doubt challenging belief.
Perhaps another shuffling of the deck,
A steady murmur, a muttering,
A constant twang or certain slur of contradiction.
Mind insufficient, though desperate to respond:
“No more! No urge!”
No self-recrimination to excuse the selfish stupor….
But there is silence in good scotch –
As when reverberations peak,
Then separate the sound from voice
And thought from all compassion.
Oct 26, 2014
Oct 26, 2014 at 4:19 AM UTC
When you slip and slide
to either side
and there's nowhere else
for you to hide.
Then where you'll end up
to rest and supp
might be in a place
with a bitter cup.
So take care my friend
don't let this end
in such a way that
it drives you 'round the bend.
__________
Mar 11
Mar 11, 2026 at 9:21 AM UTC
I don’t know stability
My mind has been stressed
Since before I was a teen
I laugh at civility
I don’t know how my dad never got a DUI
The cold ***** in the front seat
Disguised as water
With two girls in a drive-by
I’ve lived in 30 different homes
My favorite is always the next one
My mom has borderline personality disorder
And I am the opposite of a hoarder
I say I want peace but I crave chaos
Please don’t tell me it’s from my childhood
I’m sick of being ashamed of my faults
I need a ******* seance
Nov 28, 2025
Nov 28, 2025 at 11:57 PM UTC
Maybe it's the thrill
of instability
that makes me hungry
for life,
hungry for you
Jul 22, 2025
Jul 22, 2025 at 5:40 AM UTC
Madam History sways, it swings, it plays,
It climbs so high,
Then downward strays!
Nothing stands still—it all goes on.
On steel so thin, we’ve stepped, the cornice.
At deadlock’s point, the tension grows—
To and fro,
Fro and to!
And all could end in one swift flow…
But the trumpet’s not yet blown!
There’s hope, my friend—it lies in Salvation!
It’s not so simple, dear, you’ll see.
The apocalypse’s ruination?
But not yet built is our redoubt!
Still History sways, it swings, it plays,
The skies won’t fall, they’ll hold their place.
The Beast still growls, it bites, it preys…
And builds its fiery stronghold’s base!
*redoubt – a defensive structure.
Мадам История
Мадам История качается.
Стремится вверх,
Несётся в низ!
Всё не стоит – всё продолжается.
На тонкий встали мы карниз.
У мёртвой точки напряжение –
Туда-сюда,
Сюда – туда!
И может всё в одно мгновение…
Но не трубит ещё Труба!
Надежда есть – она в спасение!
Не так всё просто, милый друг.
Апокалипсиса крушение?
Но не построен тот редут!
Ещё История качается
И небеса не упадут.
А Зверь рычит и огрызается…
И строит огненный оплот!
Mar 20, 2025
Mar 20, 2025 at 10:44 AM UTC
Pain within my every word
Mental instability
Never very kind or patient
Definitely not conducive to tranquility
Oh to be free all I long for
World exterminated of hate
Something I've dreamt about often
Life has refused to cooperate
Relaxation an overstayed houseguest
Won't take my subtle hints to leave
Some think I enjoy lazy demeanor
Desperately wish goals I could acheive
I'm not worthless degenerate
Just process events differently than most
A am a lost soul fighting depression
Inside haunted by a nameless ghost
With zero way to discover a road to bliss
Words I scribble my comfort when dark
Everything is a fleeting experience
Perception altered by every harmful remark
Is swallowing truth so hard
That it sticks in back of my throat?
If it is I'll forcefully choke it down
Weight why it's difficult to float
Nov 19, 2024
Nov 19, 2024 at 6:58 AM UTC
#
What is this.. that
Chooses to rise up
against the Mundane?
Why not just "status-quo"
the **** out of Life..
or better yet..
Build a self-centered- based
world of illusion..
or people of illusion..
or a partner, of illusion
.. or better yet,
an illusion-based, lover?
They say, *"Reality *****
I say,
(to that whole thought-process)
Hmmm; Ah, Ya-ya..
***I say.. **** this."***
#
Jul 23, 2023
Jul 23, 2023 at 4:01 PM UTC
No matter how
high we fly,
at some point, it seems,
you and I
must return to the ground.
But weep not,
upon love's reentry
what didn't burn off
in the atmosphere
is ours to keep.
Mar 13, 2020
Mar 13, 2020 at 4:31 PM UTC
Overwhelmed
my tears
eroded my
cave
further away
from the
sun
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 25, 2020 at 3:59 AM UTC
I am afraid I'll be sad forever
Nothing brings out a smile
When I am down I often forget
It is only for a while
I am scared I'll never be fixed
My broken heart will never mend
When it's aching it feels like
Pain might not ever come to an end
I fear my instability
Urges to make a deep incision
Temporary emotions pushing me
Towards a permanent decision
May 14, 2019
May 14, 2019 at 2:49 AM UTC
I've used up all my bandaids
And lost them all
My days compare
to a rollercoaster's rise and fall
Rather than the steady trail of a train
Where are all my bandages? I cant find them
I used them for my wounds
But they disappeared
The cuts burn
And the bruises bleed
I no longer care
I have no bandages and no bandaids
I can't complain
The wounds are self-inflicted
I relish the pain
It's alright
The wounds are a work of art
Emotional
Delusional
Dysfunctionally comfortable
But what good is a bandaid
To a broken soul
A painkiller
To a faulty heart
What good is a smile
To hidden tears?
Sep 1, 2017
Sep 1, 2017 at 2:03 AM UTC
You give me the good ol' blues
I took you for the happy feels but the happy feels done gone
I'm close to tears again
It's not you
I'm just broken
Maybe I shouldn't have done what I just did
I took two ibuprofens
And two codeine pills
Yes I was in pain
But not the kind you think
I was suffocating
And needed to wash them down
With an ice cold drink
But now I'm numbing
The pressure subsided
I am a little lightheaded
It's not what I wanted
**** I shouldn't have done that
There's a slight thumping in my right temple
Hey?! Arent you supposed to be a painkiller?
I took you for the happy feels
Where the happy feels at?
I'm still broken, nauseous, and sad
I took you for the happy feels
But baby you give me the blues
My fork shakes as I hand it to you
Honey dont leave me
I'm lost and confused
I took you for the happy feels
But you gave me the blues
Baby baby, im red yellow and blue
Im listening to sad songs, singing the blues
Baby dont let me cry
I'm hurting
I feel each beat of my heart, pumping
You were my happy pill
Now I'm just lost and confused
I took you for the happy feels
But all you made me was blue.
Aug 31, 2017
Aug 31, 2017 at 11:42 AM UTC
If there is not a solution, a transfusion, a deliverance
Then may Death’s sweet kiss deliver me from this.
I will not be alive trapped in my mind:
Hell is empty, they put the devils here
For me to unwind.
Mar 12, 2017
Mar 12, 2017 at 10:56 PM UTC
We spend our whole life
Trying to fit into a solid ground.
But perhaps we're like the ocean
And our waves
Cannot be tamed.
Feb 18, 2017
Feb 18, 2017 at 9:44 AM UTC
A house is built for shelter and care,
Created from the Earth to bring stability into a home.
It is unwavering and sure.
...
Or is it really?
Years later,
will this house still stand?
Change is like a house,
it's foundation will crumble,
and with it the walls,
and with it the roof.
Can a home really be stable,
Created on such a basis?
Each good home falls,
and with it a family.
They will leave,
They will die.
The house will become unrecognizable.
And with it, The foundation will crumble.
Feb 19, 2016
Feb 19, 2016 at 12:42 PM UTC
*Rain pattered on all roofs
And Cattle clattered their hoofs
The locals gathered in groups
Cocking guns ready to shoot
Thinking that probably the brutes
Had once again returned to loot*
Aug 17, 2015
Aug 17, 2015 at 7:58 AM UTC
1.
Nothing is stable:
not moods,
not relationships,
not circumstances.
It is better this way -
when things are bad
do not say “it gets better,”
which may or may not be true.
Say it gets different.
2.
People are not always
going to be there for you
when you want them to be,
they will be busy or sick or asleep or indifferent.
Words do not equate to action.
Words can just be fillers.
“Love” does not always mean good,
“Love” does not always mean support,
“Love” can be in name only.
Love is something
entirely different.
You deserve Love.
3.
“Don’t ask, don’t receive,”
is the way it is.
You must always make an effort
to initiate friendships.
Even so, don’t expect them to last.
Know also
that it is not your fault if/when they fail.
Nothing lasts forever -
this is okay.
People who Know
will sometimes ask how they can help.
If you don’t tell them
they won’t do anything,
won’t offer suggestions,
will probably offer other things instead:
apologies, anger, their own guilt.
If you cannot explain well enough,
be prepared for no change,
no aid,
nothing.
They are not mind readers,
after all.
For some people
explanations won't help,
will not make them
understand.
Let these people go.
4.
If you state a boundary,
and it cannot,
will not,
be honored or remembered,
grit your teeth through it.
Know that it will be okay soon enough,
but always remember
your triggers are still real.
5.
If you engage with acquaintances,
you must find the balance
between Distrust and Hope.
Not too much hope -
that would be naïve,
set you up for a hard[er] fall.
Not too much distrust –
that would make you
Bitter,
Unpalatable.
You must play nice
with everyone,
walk on eggshells
if you must,
but even then
know you will never please everyone and
prepare for the worst.
6.
You will never be prepared enough.
7.
You will learn
what is necessary
and unnecessary
in your life,
how to make do
on very little.
This is a blessing and a curse,
this is the way it is now,
but it does not always have to be this way.
You are allowed
to have wants and needs
standards and expectations,
even if it feels Wrong.
If they cannot handle you,
you do not have to keep them
in your life.
Having very few friends
is not Bad or Wrong or Abnormal.
You can do without
most people.
8.
You do not have to
empty every word of meaning.
Being empty
is a way to stay alive,
but it does not have to be this way.
9.
Your intuition is valid.
Do what feels right,
do not spend time regretting.
10.
You are not weak
like your mother says.
**** your mother,
**** mombrain,
**** every single person
who has hurt you and put you down.
You have survived
23 years of heartaches and breaks,
exquisite forms of torture.
You are strong.
Jun 12, 2015
Jun 12, 2015 at 12:34 AM UTC
**The ups and downs of a swing
Mirrors the mad ride of my befuddled heart
In one end, my face stretches to a jester's grin
In another my sadness leaps like a gray cloud
It's as if someone is playing, puppeteering my failing will
Pushing the limits of reason from my slipping mind
I seek for the answers
But only questions welcome me
Self-awareness has left, landing on a different plane
I am now in an island
Nowhere to walk on
Save for the abysmal, unclear waters
Of the inscrutable, irretrievable person
I once was**
May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015 at 11:50 AM UTC
Instability exposed
The grief I'd suffered
To the shambling wrecks
Like whimsical china.
Mar 10, 2015
Mar 10, 2015 at 5:40 PM UTC
The mental imbalance I live in
Tears me apart; I despise how
My actions speak volumes louder
Than my heart, than my soul.
I can never feel whole—not
With the dizzying ache of
Memories to regret and never treasure
Buried so deep in the mud
They turn to stone, forever
A lump of solid sin in the
***** of my earthy throat.
I feel the emotions colliding within,
Crashing, flaming, shrapnel arrows
To my pride, my integrity:
Conscienceless, dull.
Any day will death take me
Empty-eyed and still,
War having razed the skull.
Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 2:08 AM UTC