#insanitypoems
I am not here. I hear them talk, but
their words do not reach me. I hear myself talking like
a theatre actor learning a play's lines. I am
faraway, beyond the light and into delightful days, where the
highway does not bring me home, but where I do belong. That
place is a faraway land, full of fairies and leprechauns and
knights in shining armour... they don't need to know
that I exist. It is a land where I will go beyond my
body, beyond reason. Because my tensed body gives me reason.
I can feel every muscle in my body full of that faraway land
energy, and every blood vessel in it is full of the dream of
having it devouring my imagination. I feel blind. I am not
able to see, nor hear the voices in my throat. But they are
there, so close to my heart that I could breathe them
through the lungs and spit them back to where they belong,
back into my heart. I am not here. I feel myself, but beyond
their reach. They will never touch me, as I have put them
there, where they belong - in a shadowed corner of my ear.
There they will not be able to hear the sound of the fairies
wings, nor the laughter of the leprechauns. They will never
be able to smell the tar on the back of my knights. But so
be it. Let them smell fresh rain on hot concrete and hear
the cracking of elders bones. As this is who they are and
who I am.
Apr 2, 2017
Apr 2, 2017 at 2:59 AM UTC
his beady eyes track me down from across the motel parking lot,
making a perfect triangle between
me, you, and the car that stands as the only means of escape
the motel is humid, dumpy
it is clear a young lady from suburbia Georgia does not belong in these neck of the woods
he knows that.
on me like moths to a flame,
but more viciously
an aggressive beast in the early hours of dusk
(this is where I see the primitive side of men- the man attacks, while I am still deciding to fight or flight)
I can choose to keep walking, disregard his uncivil pursuits
but I was Orpheus in the fire pits of Hades' fortress
this only provoked him more
licking his lips, he was on me
...
..
.
Mom?
Mom can you hear me?
Mom I don't know where I am and
and it's so cold
I can't feel my legs, I don't know what's between them anymore
I'm bruised, I'm bleeding
No, I don't know where I am
it's all
dark
and we're moving
The stars don't shine here, it is all rough and concrete slums
I can't find our northern light to find home
no, there is no batman sign projected in the sky to assure me I will be located soon
Mom, the night is endless
If I am not in this realm anymore, you know who took me out of it
I can only hope you can find my empty shell that once held my spirit and energy
i'm by the grasses,
I spoke to the night owls through the screams that startled them
but they were not too upset, I would only feed them later on
my fingers are holding onto the grass like a tiny blade of green can support my 119 pound body
i'm in a shallow area, I just want it to be morning
Mom, I wish I was a kid again
because mom, look at who I am now?
who the **** have I become?
my face swollen, chopped into bits, the literal, physical definition of scatter brained
and i'm sorry you had to read about it in next week's paper
you couldn't catch me in time- tag i'm it
but the line was cut short,
phone connection dropped
and now i'm gone.
Feb 21, 2017
Feb 21, 2017 at 9:15 PM UTC
and it scares me because
the glow in her eyes and
melodious rhythm
in her words give me the impression
that she enjoys talking
about these things.
And it's not
one of those mindful zen
practicing acceptance
attitude of gratitude type of
scenes where she loves it out
of herself and heals all
the heavy scars she wears.
It's like she revels in her misery--
I just don't get it man!
Maybe I'm doing some
wacko projection thing
or that I'm reading too much
into it all. I mean,
I am a bookworm. But,
There's just something about
the way, the feeling or
the tone that vibrates through
my soul like a friggin' red light Spider Sense
that gives me the creepers.
She'd say that she's simply
stating facts and, while that
may be true,
I just can't help but hear
*some callous time ******* black-hole train crash rejoicing;*
like a perverted hymn
to misfortune and gloom.
I don't know man, maybe
those are just the tunes my mom enjoys playing.
Could be that's just not my
style, or how I approach
something like that.
I try not to judge, but
some **** is just doesn't sit
well with me, you know?
I can't help that.
Apr 30, 2016
Apr 30, 2016 at 9:21 AM UTC
in the smell of cigarettes and coffee,
you find comfort,
and the space to avoid all things that may bound you or your toughwithaleatherjacket ****** front
toxic fumes on your lips,
rise above layers of black eyeliner fake lashes
above your false vitality,
lantern eyes fading, no longer able to find anything but inevitable fatality
dark, amidst despondence and incertitude,
masking our insecurity with smoke and cheep attitudes
take that tab of acid
get ready for the trip
down
down
down
tonight
ill find a new lover to
**** me till im gone
pride too lost to recover
roll me up and smoke me
at least before dawn
waking up to a body i dont knoe
you'd think i'd know better
than to love a starving artist
a shape shifter
a person so sick in the head
no hope
im not talking about the beggar in my bed
Dec 9, 2015
Dec 9, 2015 at 11:53 PM UTC
What is between Dawn and Dusk?
What is the difference between hate and lust?
Why does the sun burn so bright?
Why do I question internal might?
Who is it I to decide my fate?
Who is it that confirms me late?
Where is the promise land?
Where can I grasp the creators hand?
When will my broken heart mend?
When will this pain end?
Jun 22, 2015
Jun 22, 2015 at 9:01 PM UTC
Is god punishing me? A string of twisted truths.
A feeling of numbness with sharp bursts of pain, intertwined with goosebumps, a cold sinking feeling.
How does one determine something forgotten in the past as a history, when feelings are still vividly aware and controlling the same enslaved mind for years upon years.
Is there any escape?
Jun 19, 2015
Jun 19, 2015 at 2:36 PM UTC
There is no remedy
This will be the end of me
My worst enemy
Trapped in my head
Everything said
Only to myself
A danger to everyone's health
Repeat
Replay
All night
All day
My insanity
Has no remedy
It will be the end of me
My worst enemy
Jun 10, 2015
Jun 10, 2015 at 11:48 PM UTC
I used to grieve for the passing of youth,
and long for the endless procession
of yesterday’s promise,
while the soul mourned its sad song
of grievous wrongs.
the shattered landscape of twisted dreams and wasted want,the demise of desperate affection and the birth of regret–the hollow home of hate and horror.
I used to tilt my face to the moon, its lambent light lost in chemical corruption and unshed tears
. Eyes blind to the monster in my midst
I used to sleep the sleep of the dead, and awaken with deadly need, soul broken, my only consolation
the comfortable dread of the ******
I used to sleep.
And dream the dreams of hell and wish that angels really dwelt in the land of immortality…
May 17, 2015
May 17, 2015 at 5:44 PM UTC
You say you're not worth it all
You say you're not worth caring for
Help me see what you see, would it be diamonds or debris?
If I were to live inside your bones, would I be strong or broken? Thoughtful or carefree?
Help me see what you see, because to me, there is only beauty.
Your mind is a time bomb, getting ready to blow. The seconds are ticking, you don't think anyone knows. The things once said to you are all coming back, the urge is getting stronger and your thoughts are becoming black. Just listen to me as I say with no doubt, that you can win this, stop thinking and let it out. Don't listen to the demons, they never let you vent. Thats only because they know what you can prevent.
You say you're good at nothing
You say you can't see yourself old
But what's the point of living when you put your life on hold?
Try to see what I see, you'll experience a whole new world,
Where your eyes are like stars and your smile gives a whirl
Its not a fantasy so believe me that when I say your perfection is the reality
But Your mind is a time bomb, getting ready to blow. The seconds are ticking, you don't think anyone knows. The things once said to you are all coming back, the urge is getting stronger and your thoughts are becoming black. Just listen to me as I say with no doubt, that you can win this, stop thinking and let it out. Don't listen to the demons, they never let you vent. Thats only because they know what you can prevent.
I don't understand when you say how you hate what you see
Because only the rich are the ones who find ugly in beauty
I know the past has left you scars but this is life and you are who you are
You have to accept all of yourself
otherwise there won't be happy times with anyone else
Only you are holding yourself back
Reopen your eyes and wipe it clear,
And give your life one hell of an attack
Because I see only diamonds, no debris. Your bones are strong and thoughtful, not care free. Let me show you what I see because all I see is only beauty.
Never give up, I know the past has left you scars, but this is life and you are who you are
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 2:34 PM UTC
There's blood on the bathtub floor again
My parents would be ashamed
It's the voices who call the shots
But my mind is always blamed
Some days I think that I might win
But then I find myself, at it again
With a hard grip and a faking smile
I close my eyes while my thoughts go wild
Tell me when the sunrise turned to darkness
Tell me when my smile started to fade
When did my eyes become so lifeless
Why do I wish to get away?
The silence is deafening
They're whispering my name
To forget one problem, is to add another pain
Mother, father, aren't you proud of me?
I made my own art, can't you see?
With the lovely redness as I bleed,
I slit my throat with sanity.
They say they want me six feet under
And sometimes I want it as well
But after all my sins, oh, I'll just end up in hell
Tell me when the sunrise turned to darkness
Tell me when my smile started to fade
When did my eyes become so lifeless
Why do I wish to get away?
The silence is deafening
They're whispering my name
To forget one problem, is to add another pain
My breathing is shallow, the walls are too thin
Inside I'm screaming, I think they might win
My vision is blurry, my heart rate is slow
No therapy can help me, I think I'm letting go
To forget one problem, is to add another pain
To forget one problem, is to add another pain
But nobody said it would end up this way
now the bathroom tile is stained,
I think I'm going insane. The lights are dimming as I watch the colors fade
But darling don't write your goodbyes
And don't count your scars
You don't have to follow what's written in the stars
Don't fall to the ground, don't let the ship sink
You might not see it now
But you're stronger than you think.
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 8:04 AM UTC
Nothing is stable
I'm just waiting for everything to collapse around me
Or maybe morph into something unknown because
nothing feels real right now and
I'm not sure I believe in existence anymore
It's probably just an illusion and we've all
been playing into the hands of a higher
power's experiment.
We are the guinea pigs of life and I refuse to be a mere
scientific "what if".
Now everything shatters, I've broken the curse
of the glass house.
Tell big brother he's now an only child and I've killed his flies who just so happened to
fancy perching on my walls.
I've uncovered your veil of secrecy
And I intend to expose your lies.
Goodbye im off to a place composed of
realacy for ground and infinity for skies.
Don't forget the perpetual hope for humans that is found so very seldom here.
Oh, what a place.
Jun 5, 2014
Jun 5, 2014 at 10:56 AM UTC