#impulsive
You long for affection
The soft voice
Admiring your nothings
Thinking you are special
A master of attraction
Leaving no choice
A virtual hugging
Alluring, lethal
You cut
The victim gone...
Suffer!
Apr 26
Apr 26, 2026 at 4:18 AM UTC
Why can’t I stop?
Moving, clicking, pressing,
Picking, biting,
I need to, have to
Am I too much?
Too loud? To open?
Oh, I messed up,
Too impatient to talk
Too impatient
Why can’t I wait?
Tapping my leg, hand,
Pressing my chances
I need to think,
“Sure, I’ll do it”
I don’t want to,
Why didn’t I think?
Where has my energy gone?
Why am I restless?
I’m tired, pent up?
Too active, lethargic.
Nov 3, 2025
Nov 3, 2025 at 12:12 PM UTC
Mania feels good when it battles the sadness, gives me the strength to get off of this mattress
My hair gets a wash and my make up gets done, I can giggle and laugh and look forward to fun
What project to do? How can I change my room? Maybe I'll cut my hair or get a new tattoo
Shopping! That'll be fun, need some new outfits to wear in the sun, or even the moon
I'm feeling manic I won't be sleeping anytime soon
Wait now- slow down
I need to process
I need to feel these feelings, not go on a distracting side quest
But my thoughts are poems and my legs are restless
Maybe one distraction won't hurt, maybe it'll pull me out of this mess
May 15, 2025
May 15, 2025 at 4:11 PM UTC
Time has a fickle memory
Such oft it o’erlaps
Deja vu, of the lyric —
That Time itself — entraps.
Devours the page — engorged
‘Til you are paper-forged
Drowned — heady, in pretty epithet,
Losing Time you can’t afford.
You can’t unbind the shackles
For Time has lost the key –
Better to live a fleeting bliss
Than a prolonged misery.
Nov 24, 2024
Nov 24, 2024 at 6:01 AM UTC
I could feel your skin moving
while you were thrusting
Couldn’t see your eyes
They were open
Piercing holes through the walls
of my memory
I knew it was wrong,
the wrong place to be
We were both angry and lonely
and you’d been inside before,
me unwilling
And you got away.
Tragically bonded,
all I wanted from you
was familiar bad ***
It went by so fast
I thought I was dying
But you never crashed
until in the kitchen, crying
I could feel the glass break
like I was the aluminum
at the bottom of the sink
swallowing the whisky
And it burned the whole way down
as you jogged my memory
of your past use of force
I got away this time
lost in the night
as you were screaming
and begging for
familiar bad ***
Sep 14, 2024
Sep 14, 2024 at 10:43 PM UTC
I sit in stillness,
My soul scrapping at my skin trying to break through.
No matter the self care or the nourishment I feed my soul,
It still resides.
My flesh just a blanket for what lies within.
I sweat,
I eat,
I smoke,
But I will never be able to escape the forever sugar rush.
Nov 20, 2020
Nov 20, 2020 at 8:54 PM UTC
The reckless thoughts of youth:
Never shall I deny them to you.
Live life as you see prudent
But live it with me included.
May 12, 2020
May 12, 2020 at 8:54 PM UTC
A ocean,
an urge
A waterfall all ready to pour out.
But not a single drop trickles down.
It's all in
drowning
and swimming;
gasping
and breathing ;
emotional
and impulsive.
I am crying words,
but there are no tears.
Jul 24, 2019
Jul 24, 2019 at 9:14 AM UTC
Impulsivity, I am hopelessly in love with you.
Buy the shoes.
Ditch school.
Kiss her.
Drive 30 minutes
for french fries
Kiss him.
Buy 18 pet snails.
Eat the octopus tacos.
In acting class they told me
to follow my impulses.
At home they told me not to.
A blessing and a curse
might land me in a hearse
But I’m living
Today I wrote a letter to someone I love and I’m going to send it
Tomorrow I might stay home and cook pasta,
or maybe I’ll drive to Portland.
Pack only a few T-shirts and my terrifying
overabundance of freedom
Are you proud?
I’ve been told not to be so impulsive.
To think more rationally.
To weigh the consequences.
“You’ll regret it!”
But the greatest regret I’ve ever felt
is having not done anything
about something that is my everything.
I know I’m not an idiot.
I’ve told myself this for years and I’ll stick to it,
but there will never be a day
when my mind defeats my gut.
Sometimes it means I’m
irresponsible.
Unpredictable.
Messy.
Slutty.
“Who are you anyway?”
I have a secret
-I don’t know who I am
And if I’m lucky, I never will.
You, my impulsivity, are to blame and to thank for that.
Nov 10, 2018
Nov 10, 2018 at 1:36 PM UTC
You all think that I am doing okay,
All thanks to the smile on my face,
But it's been thirty years of this fake ****
You'd think by now you'd see through it,
But no, 3 decades and I can still put on a show,
Better than an actor, and I don't need all that blow,
I can get by on anything I can find,
And if I don't have anything to scavange on hand,
Well there's always the internet,
Because I will put my life on the line for a fix,
If I'm really in need, and it should scare you,
It should freak me out, but I'm calm here alone,
Don't tell me it'll get better,
That line doesn't get easier,
It doesn't age like fine wine,
Just rots like a coffin full of bones,
Instructing me to take my meds, like that will help?
When it hasn't done **** in the past,
Isn't gonna score you points when I'm looking down the barrel,
Of a gun of my own making,
And yes, I'll still be faking,
That 10 watt smile tomorrow when I see you,
Cause that's just what I ******* do,
Oh, please don't be mad when you find out it's all a lie,
Because honestly you should've been able to find,
The cracks in my mask, they're bigger than China,
And the nightmares in there will seep out and find ya,
After I've had a bottle of wine or tequila or two,
I'll let you know every bad deed I've ever let them do,
Don't tell me it'll get better,
That line doesn't get easier,
It doesn't age like fine wine,
Just rots like a coffin full of bones.
Feb 1, 2019
Feb 1, 2019 at 11:17 PM UTC
I’m a hopeless romantic
And for that reason,
I ignore the warnings in my head
The ones that say that i’m
Just repeating history.
You see,
Most people burn themselves
And learn to move further away
from the flames.
I, however, burn myself
Mumble some profanity
And continue to feed the fire.
Jan 31, 2019
Jan 31, 2019 at 8:23 PM UTC
I'm a little impulsive
And guess what...
I
don't
give
a
f***.
Jan 31, 2019
Jan 31, 2019 at 5:15 PM UTC
Like wings on the thumb;
If you pay attention, they flutter in your chest
Like waves on the lips;
Tumultuous, pummeling, magnetizing,
Still.
And then words, not a covenant, but a confirmation
of intentions
Like the nuzzle of a rabbit, push
1 2 3
And part for breath to move through
Jan 20, 2019
Jan 20, 2019 at 9:26 PM UTC
I feel it coming
The rush of recklessness
The active adrenaline
As it surges through my body
I may fall
But I will rise
And continue on
Only one life to live
May it be my last
As I run past
Towards the setting sun
Youth is like a day
Early brightness
That dies out like a star
Nov 24, 2018
Nov 24, 2018 at 3:48 PM UTC
Everything begins with I,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
These two words go together, my
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
They make me say or not be able to,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
They usually come in a pair, the two,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
I know that they will go away,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
But some days they just flood my brain,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
Nov 20, 2018
Nov 20, 2018 at 3:23 PM UTC
I’d rather be used than to be left alone.
I’ll let them fulfill their desires,
Sense all of their sensations,
While I put on an act.
Every man will touch me in different ways,
But no one will make me feel the same.
Since my emotions are long gone,
Maybe this is the only way I will feel again.
I remind myself how sacred my body is,
Yet I let people walk all over it like
The trails in the parks.
It gives them joy and comfort,
But over time I will be the one
To decay and I will need to be replaced.
It’s hard to walk on the trails in the winter
Since it gets cold and dark so quickly.
People won’t want to stay very long.
But don’t worry, they’ll be coming back
Soon enough when everything starts
To blossom in the spring time.
n.n
Oct 22, 2018
Oct 22, 2018 at 12:46 PM UTC
my mouth is full of burning candles
and hot wax seeps from between my teeth.
my tongue knows nothing but rage and fire
and i don’t know whether to swallow this flame
and choke on the smoke until the heat burns holes in my throat,
or to spit it out
and watch everything around me burn down.
— impulse control
Aug 23, 2018
Aug 23, 2018 at 2:26 PM UTC
This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
So live darling. Live reckless and brazen. Don’t you dare hide how you feel & never try to meet the set standards. Don’t think, just do. Forget how it’s ‘supposed’ to go, and all that could go wrong. Disregard all the illogical cause and effects Society determines. Ignore the 99% likely outcome and go after that 1% with everything you’ve got, kid. ‘Cause if something or someone makes you happy or gives you a sorta feeling you can’t explain, even if it’s just for a little while- ignore all the ‘advice’ & the whole doing the ‘right’ thing, and hold on to it till your lungs give out, regardless of what form you get it in. Here’s the truth darling; life’s too short for norms and logic. Too short to hide your feelings and god knows, way too short to spend even a second unhappy & restrained due to fear and the abstract ideas that things are meant to go a certain way. So if you love someone, scream it at the top of your lungs, and if you feel like crying, collapse and shatter. Live impulsively because there’s nothing purer than the desires of the heart.
-c.j.m
Jul 18, 2018
Jul 18, 2018 at 9:01 PM UTC
i do not speak like a poet.
my words are clumsy and callous
and i often trip over my own tongue.
there is no beauty to my words
or thought to my form,
and my voice does not fall soft and slow
like honey song, drizzled sweetly into willing ears.
rather it is raspy and quick-tongued,
laced with mispronounced words and oddly said accents.
my sentences race ragged and jumpy,
with capricious contours and half-finished phrases,
and i often lose my train of thought.
impulsive and unrefined,
i do not speak like a poet.
— but on paper i am a different person
Jul 16, 2018
Jul 16, 2018 at 1:31 AM UTC
An ocean;
an urge
A waterfall all ready to pour out
But not a single drop trickles down.
It’s all in
drowning
and
swimming;
gasping
and
breathing;
emotional
and
impulsive.
I am crying words,
for there are no tears.
Feb 20, 2018
Feb 20, 2018 at 3:59 AM UTC
There were nightmares about you and then there were dreams that made me cry with joy.
You had the most perfect smile.
You had the most perfect net to catch me in.
There were memories flooding my brain every night and then there was the moment I thought I could swim to the top of them only to drown.
You were making it hard to breathe.
You were making it hard to let you go.
I wanted so badly to run to the other side of the country and demand that you hashed things out with me.
I wanted to use a couple plays from your book of tricks but I knew that my plays would be flawed and we would lose the game.
My friends told me I was too angry to start discussing things right now.
My friends told me I was too impulsive and maybe they were right.
But, baby, love makes you do crazy things.
And, baby, I am crazy about you.
Feb 9, 2018
Feb 9, 2018 at 3:14 PM UTC