#ifs
A protector,
a brother once but now it’s me.
He wanted not
to have to care for the boy.
Because of his own hidden hurt.
His own disconnect
from his little boy.
The hurting part wants Dad.
Is heartbroken.
Afraid for himself,
of himself,
and all alone.
Just wants
to be held.
Wants to feel safe.
Loved through the pain.
Seen.
Acknowledged.
Recognized.
Aug 29, 2024
Aug 29, 2024 at 8:20 PM UTC
You are the one that got away,
Something that lingers on my mind all day.
Regret, sadness, and sorrow are what I feel,
Whenever I think that you are not real.
What could I have been?
There are things that can not be seen.
Dreams that no matter how hard I try,
I can not seem to take off and fly.
If things were a little different,
And I was not indifferent,
Will I be what I could have been?
Or will it still be a familiar scene?
You are the one that got away,
But do I really need to stay here all day?
Acceptance and happiness are what I aspire to feel,
Whenever I think that you are not real.
Feb 23, 2021
Feb 23, 2021 at 6:25 AM UTC
I feel as if I will never write again.
I feel the doubt and fear,
paralyzing me until I don’t know what to say or hear.
They hate me, don’t they?
I fear their eyes,
their words,
their tears.
But I cannot speak.
I listen for the footsteps.
Where are they now?
Lighter footsteps slamming the door until I cannot hear them anymore.
Heavy footsteps have gone as well, the door is opened.
There they are.
I feel small,
so small
and little.
The word regression comes to mind.
They are coming closer, switch the tab, and hope that they are blind.
Questions are like landmines, and each one is smaller, still, no matter the size of the landmine, whether you try to confront or evade, they all are set to ****
I don’t know if I can do this, be anyone I want to be.
Will I be a starving artist and a disappointment to my family?
My name is Fear, I do not grow, I am small in every way.
My impact is big, my job so large, and yet small in stature is how I stay.
Am I Fear, or am I something hidden far below?
If I am Fear, then tell me please why does my power grow?
As soon as I speak I forget the words, the problems, and questions as well.
There are so many things I yearn to learn, so eager to tell.
Growing up is stupid, and you can’t disagree;
so many things have gotten harder with age for me.
Don’t go outside,
don’t say a word,
don’t stay on the path,
don’t be deterred.
Don’t sing,
don’t write,
don’t flirt,
don’t fight.
These are simple things to ask of you.
Don’t listen,
don’t hear,
don’t have courage,
don’t fear.
These are what you know, and simple things to do.
Impossible standards are easy, the simple tasks are hard.
Is it one voice now, or many?
Are you always on your guard?
Listen, See, Do, Be.
These are simple, don’t you see?
Doubt is here, or is it fear?
Or maybe someone new?
All of these thoughts are yours my dear, so what does that mean for you?
Nov 10, 2020
Nov 10, 2020 at 2:50 PM UTC
picked her up,
priority is on top,
fix those broken pieces,
gave all those sweet kisses,
showed her the whole world,
eased her anxiety and being lone,
made her feel loved,
prayed for her to God above,
stayed through ups and downs,
made her your queen and gave her
a crown,
but what if all those efforts are for naught?
what if Im still not enough?
May 5, 2020
May 5, 2020 at 6:59 AM UTC
If's and but's surround us in life
One step either way can change fate
A false move or a reaction to strife
Can make things go another way
One second too fast or too slow
Can shape what happens next
It's a crazy thing to undergo
These life decisions happen quick
'If I could go back' as the saying goes
'I would've done it differently then'
But in this life we'll never really know
The answers to what could have been
We can dwell on things from long ago
And wonder about what if's and when
But it will always still be the unknown
We still have to let the future begin
So make the decisions with no regrets
We must do so again and again
Don't forget that we are all blessed
That we are alive and it's a gift
© 2020 Michael Messinger(All rights reserved)
Jan 26, 2020
Jan 26, 2020 at 11:14 PM UTC
If only I have a nice voice,
I would sing my heart out;
My feelings into melodious words—-
I would sing for you, without a doubt.
If only my eyes could take pictures,
whenever I look in your way;
I would definitely take a lot——
Just seeing you makes my day.
If only you could hear my thoughts,
And the words that I left unsaid;
I think I’m gonna regret it for the rest of my life,
Until I am dead.
Jan 29, 2019
Jan 29, 2019 at 9:12 AM UTC
If I lose my memory
Tell me
About the love I lost before that
When I lose my memory
Remind me that I always loved your smile
When edges dog ear
Crease
And
Crumple
Slowly wearing down
Remind me what snow smells like
Remind me that I gave my all
To watch it blow away
I want you to tell me that I opened a door during a game
And you were behind it
Granted you were trying to stab me
How romantic
Show me
That sometimes our all isn't enough
And that people can't change
And that's alright
Because some pain isn't eternal
That some of these scars will fade
It just takes time
Tell me because I don't remember
That when the hands of time fall off of my clock
And the pendulum stops swinging
Your laugh picks those hands up
And slowly starts making them tick again
And your smile starts swinging my pendulum heart back and forth again
Remind me
When I'm a little bit older
And If I lose my memory
That you'll be there on the floor with me
Head to head
Cupping my trembling hands
Tucking that loose strand behind my ear
That you'll be there
To help me remember
That I loved you
Show me how to love you again
When I lose my memory
Remember
I've loved you from the second I met you
I didn't know
But it was there
Just remember for me
I love you
Sep 14, 2018
Sep 14, 2018 at 7:18 PM UTC
#
*if you are the ocean
then I am the mist
that kisses the morning
the way I’d want
to be kissed
if you are the ocean
then anchors aweigh
we'll sail through the evening
and on to the light
the daystar is dawning
we'll keep to the right
like Peter and Wendy
to Neverlands' door
we'll sail on forever
and touch every shore
if you are the ocean,
come wash me away
to some misty morning
and there we will play
if you are the ocean,
then sing me a song
of sailors and treasures
and places long gone
if you are the ocean
come wash me away
to a place, together we’ll
forever stay...*
#
Sep 14, 2018
Sep 14, 2018 at 6:05 AM UTC
What I feel for you
is uncomplicated.
I love you.
No buts.
No ifs.
No reasons.
Sep 5, 2018
Sep 5, 2018 at 9:51 AM UTC
How do I communicate when lyrics
Were what I wrote best
But everything I write is not good enough
For this situation and the pressure of the anticipation
Like will she understand what I mean?
Will this be enough to make her realize and see?
But nothing that's coming out is worthy of this
That why it's being torn up
There's not enough soul, enough heart
And I can't break these boundaries anymore
Maybe I should just give up on it all
But your hurting so bad
And it's affecting me
And when you're mentally blank and don't know what to say
I'm afraid of hurting you even more than you already are
Try to type another text then I delete it again
Because you're just not talking to me
But can't you see that I know your hurting tonight
And all this emotion is killing me inside.
Aug 21, 2018
Aug 21, 2018 at 5:01 AM UTC
If only
If only this photograph's could tell tales
Tales of how happy we were
If only I wasn't blindsided
To the illusion that I was broken
If only my eyes could show you
The love I had always felt
Whenever I saw you..
If only I truly knew
The beautiful soul I had around me
I wouldn't be writing this
But instead a love poem
Craving all of you
If only I had a time machine
To go back in time
To say the words I truly wanted to say
If only...
If only I pulled you closer
And held you tight in my arms all day
If only I could say
I didn't ***** up big time
But I did.... Big time.
Jan 26, 2018
Jan 26, 2018 at 4:44 PM UTC
What if we are like the branches of a tree, devoid of leaves as winter takes its first few victims? Will we ever grow past the frozen areas entagled in our viens? Nothing in our path ever seems to thaw out completely. This thing we dare call a we...suppose it's truly just a motion of hope, stuck in perpetual winter. There is no warmth, no means of escape. It's a challenge to foresee a future that isn't fixated on the "what ifs" of winter, when logical answers are only contained in Spring.
Spring was always my favorite season. Seemingly answering all of the unspoken questions that crowded my sanity. Maybe it was the soothing feel of dew mingling across the lawn that settled the nerves of my ever running imagination. Or the simple knowledge that Spring allowed growth after the deadliest of times. Spring was for cuddling up & gliding hands. There's something peculiar about a season of comfort & familiarity, trailing a season of doubt & bitter coldness. As if Spring was the solidarity force welding my pieces together once again. Unlike Winter, Spring allowed me to leave on a whim. Caressing my mind so that it could discern my desire to visit summer.
Jan 17, 2018
Jan 17, 2018 at 8:21 AM UTC
It is a sad twist of faith
To be here in this place
Looking at pieces
That belonged to you
A weird feeling
as the moon is full
On the same day you had
made the walk down the road
~Feeling the energy makes me want to cry~
As I think,
"What if I had been here on that day"
...Many weeks ago
Admiring the hard work
With what you had built with your time
I would of said
What my heart truly thinks
What an amazing job
You did
Instead, letting time slip away
And I am here
staring at the scatter pieces
you had left to no one
Filling myself up with the mistakes
I should of changed
to had helped you
Dec 4, 2017
Dec 4, 2017 at 9:31 AM UTC
Where would I be,
had I decided my fate earlier?
Changing timelines,
feeling sadder,
or maybe not at all;
would my life be nothing
like it is now,
gunking up my flow,
like a wounded baby's crawl?
Would I even be myself?
(Or was I ever really?)
Could I remember how to feel?
(Other than just dreary?)
Should I even bother caring?
(When it calls to me so clearly?)
Well,
they say fate determines all,
others claim free will,
but have they considered
compromising skills?
Because I know I caused my path,
and I made it pre-determined,
as without my desires,
my future isn't certain.
So to question what my past
may have had to offer
is to question my own
mind, self, and author.
Jun 4, 2016
Jun 4, 2016 at 12:56 AM UTC
If there is none that makes up our souls
then why does a little bit of you make me considerably whole
If there is none that bridges our hearts
then why does yours beat together with mine from the start
And if there is none that needs to be heard or said
then why does each word revive a spot in us that has long been dead
Nov 27, 2015
Nov 27, 2015 at 6:29 AM UTC
all i can feel is regret
realized how much i wasted you back then
i just want to forget
everything but i'm not sure if i can
too late for that young love
but too fast for you to move on
i feel sorry for you
for not giving you the chance to have me
for not letting you love me the way you want it to be
for tearing you apart
and for breaking your heart
just found myself reading
back to our small talks
back when you were still feeling something
for me but you just suddenly walked
away, i remember your promise
that you will not have anyone until we graduate
but there really are things that matter
okay, you don't make it anyway
too late for confessions
too early for fear of rejection
i feel sorry for everything
for not giving it a try
for not saying to you what i have to
before things were ******* up
but it's too late now
now, i'm the one who's tearing apart
and breaking my own heart
it takes everything in me
to have some courage to speak to you
but you're not giving interest anymore
think my efforts are wasted
so i better know where to stand
and just accpet things the way it should be
but it hurts that i still care even if
you're not doing the same thing
Jun 23, 2015
Jun 23, 2015 at 3:36 AM UTC
But if you want to leave, then go
'cause I won't beg for you to stay
Because if you love me, you will
May 24, 2015
May 24, 2015 at 5:18 PM UTC
She is alone.
She is sad.
She hates her life.
She doesn't know what to do about it.
Her eyes are like falls every night.
She just wants to leave this world.
After a week, she disappeared without saying a word.
He liked her.
He cares for her, but he is coward.
He didn't tell her what he feels.
He is just contented staring at her.
It is too late for both of them.
There are now so many "what if's" to his life.
If only he had the guts to talk to her,
to say what he really feels,
maybe,
he saved her
maybe,
she is still in this world.
Oct 2, 2014
Oct 2, 2014 at 7:59 AM UTC
They don't know
I smile knowing this but inside I burn in despair
Conflicted, I find myself staring at my shadow
I wish they knew
I wish they didn't
Its the "what comes after" that causes me to hide inside my fragile skin
Its the "what if" that has my heart throbbing
For now the lights will be off and when you come looking for answers, I won't be home
Sep 17, 2014
Sep 17, 2014 at 9:39 PM UTC
What if they always truly loved me?
I should have doubted them less.
What if I am wronged on false claims?
I should have the courage to speak for myself.
What if God doesn't forgive easily?
I should have avoided sinful acts.
What if I don't live until tomorrow?
I should have no regrets.
-Zainab Attari
May 23, 2014
May 23, 2014 at 2:21 PM UTC