#iamme
I am bisexual and to my mom that means I am "confused".
I am not confused! I am me.
To my older sister, me being bisexual means my girlfriend can't be labeled my girlfriend at family gatherings. My girlfriend has to be labeled as my "friend".
I am not confused! I am me.
To my older sister, her kids can't know that I am queer because it might "confuse" them. So now I am the black sheep of the family.
I am obsolete to my own niece and nephews. I am a secret to be kept.
I am written off by my own mother and older sister as some sort of great shame to the family.
I am out and proud yet to them I can't even be happy because to them I am "confused". I am not confused! I am me.
Aug 29, 2024
Aug 29, 2024 at 12:11 PM UTC
Here I am,
Just me
And the sun,
As it be
Shining on.
And finding me
On the beach,
Where we
Have come
To see
A little
Rhapsody,
That the breeze
And spray
Play on the beach.
I find me
Seeing the reach,
Of wide expanse
Where I am me
And the world is
As it should be.
Nov 19, 2020
Nov 19, 2020 at 1:26 AM UTC
Deep within
under the flesh of this vessel
beneath the sinew and muscle
bone and marrow
she stirs.
I can feel her
and I must coax her out with familiarity.
So into the depths I go
d
o
w
n
d
o
w
n
d
o
w
n
to find her
to find myself
oh daughter of smoke and nightmares.
Jan 18, 2020
Jan 18, 2020 at 12:35 PM UTC
Little screens often determine whole destinies
people, places, personal items
all graded together on virtual papers
no one ever passes or gets high marks
Faceless denizens of actual realities
unidentified, but still vocal
leaving words of anger in their wake
all over others journals of life
One person breathes in and out
walking, running, sleeping
eating, even laughing sometimes
looking at the sky and smiling to themselves
Nov 9, 2019
Nov 9, 2019 at 11:36 PM UTC
My therapist once told me that-" You are lucky, because you are aware of your problems. You know where you stand and what is troubling you. You also have the ability to explain what Haunted you last night and that is difficult. You also seem aware about what you want out of your life. Your idea of an end result maybe blurred but you are aware of it. "
I sometimes wonder that Most people do not even know what is killing them constantly but they are still living their life. Most people are unaware of their thoughts and what these thoughts mean to them . It takes them their whole life to realise that this is a problem they need to get rid of. It takes them their whole life to understand that this is creating an unhealthy pattern and they are falling prey to it with each passing day.
She also explained that-" The biggest problem you face is walking and acting on the path in between. You mess up in between and lose a sense of the beginning as well as the end. You mess up and panic and lose yourself."
It's so weird that we know that we will have to walk down a road to reach somewhere but our visions are so fainted and blurred that the answers to basic questions are far fetched.
We are often surrounded by several Questions like;
which road to walk upon?
What direction to choose on the road?
Whether to follow the busy road or the road less taken?
What is my destination?
Do I even want to walk right now or just relax and put myself back together?
Do I really want to walk upon this road?
Am I choosing a life I always wanted to live?
Am I ready to accept all the hardships that are coming my way?
Would I be content and satisfied after giving my all to something?
It's okay to not know the answer of each and every question that comes your way, it's okay to not be able to choose a direction for yourself and decide whether you will be content with it or not.
But it is always important to come in contact with your inner conscience and make yourself aware about you.
It is important to understand your problems and help yourself understand that you are required to eliminate them because they may **** you. Self acceptance is difficult but it is the best gift you give yourself.
Sep 4, 2019
Sep 4, 2019 at 12:23 PM UTC
I tiptoe across the floor,
I sway side to side.
I like to feel different textures, but some they make me cry.
I'm also a fussy eater, my beans can't touch my egg.
And god help you if you think I'm eating all that veg.
Bath time can be stressful,
I don't like water on my head.
It makes me feel weird and gives me a shear dread.
I know what's coming next,
The comb to my head.
I don't like the prickles, they feel just like the trickles.
The towel may be warm, but it irritates my skin.
The clothes are nice and bright but they just feel too tight.
My socks are never right,
My shoes rub off my skin.
The light flickers and the walls are caving in.
The music is thumping.
My head is pounding.
My mind is racing.
I feel agitated.
Panic has set in.
And my heart it is throbbing.
The humming of the oven,
The wish wash of the machine.
The dripping of the tap,
The whistle of the birds.
The bark of the dogs,
The cries of the baby.
The whispering of the walls.
I need my safe space.
I need to calm down.
I may self soothe as your touch could feel crude.
My emotions are overwhelming.
I can feel all the tears, it's like I'm drowning, so please stay near.
I try to do good, but I get frustrated.
No one sees my struggle, because I don't know how to say it.
I'm like a ticking bomb, ready to unleash thunder.
I scream, I roar, I hit, I kick.
I bite with all my might.
But I am in fright.
It's from the fight or flight.
But I am a gentle being,
Misunderstood it seems.
I might not like my toys,
But you bring me so much joy.
My eyes appear glazed and I may seem like I'm in a daze.
And though I might not say it, I love you in many ways.
May 29, 2019
May 29, 2019 at 6:57 AM UTC
I am afraid of letting go
And losing control
I am afraid of being happy
Of waking up wanting to start the day
Of accepting myself for who I am
Of losing the motivation for my art because I’m no longer so sad and alone
Of losing the bubble I created for writing since I have no one to turn to
no one to talk to
no one to belong to
I am afraid of being
I am afraid of the potential I possess
I don’t mean to sound arrogant or proud
Because I’m not
I am just me
Mikayla
I walk around the halls sheltered and afraid
Afraid of the people I see around me
Every one of these individuals has a hidden talent,
A secret,
A love, A vice,
And what do I have?
Just me.
Mikayla DeAnn.
If I am not walking with a false bravado
Shining plastered smiles to hide my fear
I am invisible
I am shoved
Pushed
Tossed
Turned
Unrecognizable
Mikayla DeAnn Kay
I am afraid of letting go
If I let go, I am letting go of the control I possess,
My only vice
I am letting go of the years of “you’re not good enough”
The years of “you’re not pretty enough”
The years of “you’re not skinny enough”
The years of “you’re not worthy”
The years of “you do not belong”
Mikayla DeAnn
I want to shine
I want to smile
I want to make others happy without losing pieces of myself
I want to be confident in what I like
What I wear
What I desire
I want to feel whole
I want to be seen
I want to become… no
I am
Mikayla
Mar 2, 2018
Mar 2, 2018 at 4:40 PM UTC
I know, you want me to be perfect
But I don't what to be perfect
Do you want to know why
Because I am me
I am who I am
I am not perfect
I am not who you want me to be
Feb 14, 2018
Feb 14, 2018 at 11:03 PM UTC
Pretty, ugly, smart, stupid, **** loser, criminal, black, white, perfect, wrong, addict, outcast, normal, and freak.
What does it matter?
We use stereotypes to classify each other,
To separate ourselves into different groups.
I remember when I was young that I was never in dresses, skirts, or nail polish, and I didn't like pink.
I was treated as one of the guys, and that was how I liked it.
Then I got into school, where I was told I was wrong.
I was supposed to wear skirts, I was supposed to love dresses, and I was supposed to like pink.
I became a freak, an outcast because I didn't.
They categorized me,
I became nothing more than a title, as did everyone else who walked through the door.
We live life and whether we like it or not,
When we see someone we mentally sort them and tell them who they are supposed to be.
And heaven forbid they don't fit where they should.
Because if they don't they suddenly, become nothing more than jagged puzzle pieces,
So jagged that they don't fit anywhere and shouldn't be allowed to.
Yet here I am, proud to be jagged, and proud to be wrong,
Proud to stand out.
My mom does more than worship her man,
Is she wrong?
My uncle is a police officer,
Does he brutalize?
My Aunt likes wine,
Is she a drunk?
And I don't like pink,
Am I a freak?
We go through life being told how to live.
Follow the trends,
Have the prettiest friends.
Don't talk about the things that you've battled,
And don't let them see you're rattled.
You need to wear this and eat that,
And did you see her god she's so fat!
Be more like her,
And fall in love with him.
Because if you don't your chances are slim.
If you're not like them you don't matter,
Because we have been stamped with our peers' opinions.
We've been told time and time again to reshape ourselves.
Too bad that our time has passed to change the world,
But have no fear for we still have time to change ourselves.
Be pretty,
Wear pink,
Like this dress,
Follow this sport,
Wear these shoes,
Live here,
Shop there,
And-
But what if I don't want to?
I am who I am and I'm happy this way!
Isn't that enough for you?
No, it can't be, because I don't have the right to be just me.
I don't have the power to decide!
She'll say be taller,
I'll have to.
He'll say be smaller,
I'll have to.
They'll say be quieter,
I will have to.
I will say be louder,
And I can't.
Because I am a freak.
Because I don't like pink.
Dec 4, 2017
Dec 4, 2017 at 8:55 PM UTC
Finding yourself in life is an amazing feat. Not all people find themselves in their early twenties, most go to the grave without finding themselves. It is a disgusting reaction of hatred, jealousy, and arrogance that people show when you find yourself. To think that I am the happiest I can be and yet society continues to tell me what's wrong with me. What's wrong with me is YOU.
Apr 8, 2017
Apr 8, 2017 at 10:58 AM UTC
For the longest time I was on cloud nine.
I knew it had to be a dream
Nothing that good would ever happen to me.
But i was to afraid.
To afraid to wake up and feel the bitterness, that I knew would consume me.
The dream, It felt so real
As if everything would finally be perfect
As if I would finally be free.
But now I know that was very wrong of me.
How could a person like I ever feel anything but empty.
There's emptiness at the very pit of my soul it's what defines me,
It's what binds me,
It's what makes me me.
You may wonder why I'm telling you this,
honestly I don't know
Maybe it's just in hopes that I'm not crazy.
That I'm not alone.
One day you might feel like this,
And I just want you to see.
You don't have nobody.
You have me.
And I truly do think your amazing.
And as for my dream it completely shattered me.
I thought I finally knew who I was,
Or at least who I was supposed to be.
But it was just a dream.
As badly as I wanted it,
And thought it would complete me.
I was wrong.
So here I am searching for my new dream.
Still searching for me.
Jun 15, 2014
Jun 15, 2014 at 2:04 AM UTC
I see people looking at me when I’m not yelling at them.
I see people running away from me when I’m pelting stones at broken cars.
I’m walking alone with barking dogs.
I see crying kids when I smile at them.
I see hand prints all over my body for eating fruits.
I see my black eye in a mirror, all for just asking food.
I hear screaming horns, when I’m just crossing the road.
I hear shoutings, when I’m just trying to sleep in the park.
All that I do is what I do.
All that I take is what I never asked for.
I see no difference between you and me.
Is it because you are yourself, and I am me?
Dec 9, 2015
Dec 9, 2015 at 12:42 PM UTC