#husband - Hello Poetry

I wake in pain– not gentle, not small– but sharp like a whisper that wants me to fall. Two weeks too late, time dragging its feet, and his voice finds mine– “Isn’t it late?” “Maybe this time.... maybe you’re whole....” And I hold that hope like a crack in my soul. Four years waiting, four years undone, four years chasing what never comes. Empty arms, a silent plea, a ghost of a child that lives inside me. They told me love would make me right– that marriage could fix what I fight every night. So I wore the dress, soft, white, and still– just to belong, just to feel. But my heart was stolen long ago– by a name I still don’t let go. And foolish, foolish– what a sin– it still starts racing just thinking of him. Like a girl too young to know this game, to burn forever in the same old flame. I married a man I did not know, just to escape a softer woe. But silence grew where love should be, and his voice became a storm on me. Too loud, too sharp– I break, I bend– a fragile heart that cannot mend. Is it wrong to feel too deep? To want a love that doesn’t sleep? They blamed my body, called me wrong– said I’d failed for far too long. So I swallowed pills, bit my shame, let guilt and hunger sign my name. Until the truth cut through the lie– and still, somehow, I’m the reason why. Not enough woman, not enough fire, not enough worth to be desired. I gained my weight like quiet grief, twenty kilos of disbelief. He did not ask, he did not see– how heavy life had grown on me. Then like a ghost from years before, he knocked again on a broken door. And hope– that cruel, sweet thief– grew wild inside my disbelief. But he was never mine to keep, just another man who couldn’t leap. Loneliness– it has a taste, it makes you give, it makes you waste. I offered myself like a desperate prayer, just to be held, just to be there. And God– for a moment, I lived, in every touch he chose to give. But moments fade. They always do. And silence came where warmth once grew. Two weeks gone– no voice, no sign– just me unraveling line by line. That night, pain became my skin, sharp as guilt beneath my ribs. I didn’t want death– not truly, not whole– I just wanted quiet inside my soul. Years passed slow but nothing changed– a love half-dead, a life estranged. And still I stayed, still I lay beside a man I could not save. Not for love– but fear, or guilt, or all the fragile things we built. Then he returned– free, alone– yet never mine to call my own. And I confessed what I should hide– that only with him do I feel alive. He let it fall like dust, like air– but I was drowning in that stare. Now I am split– no path, no light, just two wrongs I call my life. Praying softly, breaking slow– to a God who does not show. If this is a test, I beg, I cry, I am too weak to even try. Take them both– or take this flame that burns for love without a name. Because even now.... after the fall.... I still wonder– if life grows in me at all.... Will it be love? Will it be pain? Or just my heart learning to break again.... Tell me, my love– tell me true– how does a heart survive loving you? ♡ lil-usagi

0

Apr 22

Apr 22, 2026 at 5:46 AM UTC

lil-usagi

Between Two Silence

I wake in pain– not gentle, not small– but sharp like a whisper that wants me to fall. Two weeks too late, time dragging its feet, and his voice finds mine– “Isn’t it late?” “Maybe this time.... maybe you’re whole....” And I hold that hope like a crack in my soul. Four years waiting, four years undone, four years chasing what never comes. Empty arms, a silent plea, a ghost of a child that lives inside me. They told me love would make me right– that marriage could fix what I fight every night. So I wore the dress, soft, white, and still– just to belong, just to feel. But my heart was stolen long ago– by a name I still don’t let go. And foolish, foolish– what a sin– it still starts racing just thinking of him. Like a girl too young to know this game, to burn forever in the same old flame. I married a man I did not know, just to escape a softer woe. But silence grew where love should be, and his voice became a storm on me. Too loud, too sharp– I break, I bend– a fragile heart that cannot mend. Is it wrong to feel too deep? To want a love that doesn’t sleep? They blamed my body, called me wrong– said I’d failed for far too long. So I swallowed pills, bit my shame, let guilt and hunger sign my name. Until the truth cut through the lie– and still, somehow, I’m the reason why. Not enough woman, not enough fire, not enough worth to be desired. I gained my weight like quiet grief, twenty kilos of disbelief. He did not ask, he did not see– how heavy life had grown on me. Then like a ghost from years before, he knocked again on a broken door. And hope– that cruel, sweet thief– grew wild inside my disbelief. But he was never mine to keep, just another man who couldn’t leap. Loneliness– it has a taste, it makes you give, it makes you waste. I offered myself like a desperate prayer, just to be held, just to be there. And God– for a moment, I lived, in every touch he chose to give. But moments fade. They always do. And silence came where warmth once grew. Two weeks gone– no voice, no sign– just me unraveling line by line. That night, pain became my skin, sharp as guilt beneath my ribs. I didn’t want death– not truly, not whole– I just wanted quiet inside my soul. Years passed slow but nothing changed– a love half-dead, a life estranged. And still I stayed, still I lay beside a man I could not save. Not for love– but fear, or guilt, or all the fragile things we built. Then he returned– free, alone– yet never mine to call my own. And I confessed what I should hide– that only with him do I feel alive. He let it fall like dust, like air– but I was drowning in that stare. Now I am split– no path, no light, just two wrongs I call my life. Praying softly, breaking slow– to a God who does not show. If this is a test, I beg, I cry, I am too weak to even try. Take them both– or take this flame that burns for love without a name. Because even now.... after the fall.... I still wonder– if life grows in me at all.... Will it be love? Will it be pain? Or just my heart learning to break again.... Tell me, my love– tell me true– how does a heart survive loving you? ♡ lil-usagi