#hostage
Just because you lost
Does not mean you gave up
Being held hostage by your own thoughts
Does not mean you surrendered
Coming undone and falling apart
Does not mean that you are then broken
Finding it hard to love yourself
Does not make you unworthy of love itself
©2024
Nov 22, 2024
Nov 22, 2024 at 4:56 PM UTC
I wish I knew what to say to you,
I wish I knew what to do.
I know it's foolish, I really do,
But I can't help, I keep crawling back to you.
The way you tried,
The way I ignored it.
The way you cared,
Annoyed, I avoided
Talking to you,
But now I regret that too.
I can't help but think about you.
Now my wishes would never come true,
For I gave the wrong impression to you.
And I tried to stop,
But my heart wouldn't let me through
The glass walls that keep me away from you.
My emotions
Always look at me,
Gossiping the toxic traits I try so hard to leave.
They come and go,
But I'm always hostage in the same cage,
Where jealousy keeps killing me and my days.
So please forgive me and my ways
Of telling you to talk to me while I'm lost in my own haze.
It means nothing if I don't listen, too,
But I can't find my words to come and talk to you.
I've done you wrong, and I know it's true
I just wish I could come back to you.
But instead, I keep on drowning,
Sinking in a bleeding wound,
Whispering to myself how much I love you...
Sep 28, 2024
Sep 28, 2024 at 4:42 AM UTC
A daily disturbance
In the cloud cover
Outside bespoken walls
It comes with knives
Walks with noise
To claim its hostage
Listen...
The snow is falling
One syllable at a time
Upon fields of defenseless flowers
The day after it started
No one waved goodbye
The caroling of bells
Is a music we fear
Standing paralyzed
We wait for a sign
In a time of risk
Because soon is slipping away
Oct 17, 2022
Oct 17, 2022 at 11:28 AM UTC
the ice filled
my esophagus
i couldn’t breathe
it froze my tongue
no words could exit
they touched
me with
their warm
wicked hands
memory fading
but tears rolling
down my cheeks
ever so softly
Jul 17, 2022
Jul 17, 2022 at 3:22 PM UTC
bittersweet butterflies
hold my heart hostage as
he's pulling me closer
and holding me tighter
for just a beat longer
May 3, 2021
May 3, 2021 at 5:13 AM UTC
a memory wrapped its cold, rough hands
around my throat, squeezing it tightly.
as I tried to walk away, the memory
stuck its foot out, blocking my path.
I could only muster a pitiful squeak
as I fell face first onto the ground,
and the memory fell on top of me,
effectively holding my body hostage.
its hands were still on my throat,
but it was invisible to everyone else.
they only saw me fall to the ground.
they asked me what was wrong,
but I did not have air that could
breathe life into the powerful words
that were begging to leave my mind.
a sheet of paper suddenly appeared
underneath my right palm,
and a pencil rolled my way.
I gripped the sturdy pencil with
every ounce of strength I still had,
steadying the paper with my wrist,
and I wrote the words I couldn't say
so they would stop begging to leave,
even as the memory gripped my throat.
as I kept writing, I noticed the memory
stopped feeling as heavy on my body.
it was getting ****** into the paper.
it resisted at first, but after a while,
the memory slowly let go of me
and relaxed into the pencil marks.
when I had no more words left,
I picked myself up off the ground,
placed the pencil above my ear,
took the paper, hugged it to my chest,
and walked away with a smile on my face.
Mar 24, 2021
Mar 24, 2021 at 12:39 AM UTC
The soul is something to nurture
To be touched with gentle hands
Will only blossom when cared for
By someone who understands
And your eyes feel like a dagger
Piercing through my skin
Puncturing vulnerable parts
Hidden deep within
Once full of serenity and strength
My body now lies hollow
An ocean of potential dried up
Empty pit where demons wallow
Drawing me in against my will
Like a fish caught on a line
Powerless to escape the hook
Captivity hard to define
Freedom drowned in a sea of regret
Pulled by the tide's direction
Swept up in the undertow
Waves crash and silence objection
Reasons remain a mystery
My heart caged without knowing why
Held hostage by past transgressions
Imprisoned by forces too great to defy
Nov 21, 2020
Nov 21, 2020 at 2:02 AM UTC
We're held
Hostage
In our own homes
In our own minds
And then we run
Thinking we're free
But that's just
A dream.
A hostage
I lost it,
And I don't know
How to fix it.
I just want to
Go to
Sleep
And never wake up.
Mar 27, 2020
Mar 27, 2020 at 1:13 PM UTC
Twisting and turning
the stems are snapping
My mind can't take this wait
---
Burning and simmering
the petals make a tea
I don't want to drink your poison anymore
---
Listening
---
Waiting
---
Why won't someone save me?
I'm alone in this world
tied to a chair
---
no one is ever here.
Mar 13, 2020
Mar 13, 2020 at 6:19 AM UTC
Thoughts racing, thinking of escaping
Am I trapped? Have I been confined to live in this place of regret?
This is all my fault, placed here through my actions, never to feel again the grace of satisfaction
Death appears to be the only light, it feels like there’s no reasons left to fight
A hostage to my own mentality, an everlasting insanity
There is no breaking free the chains of subconscious slavery
Consumed by the thoughts in my head, nothing makes sense but the voices want me dead
Constricted by the walls of my mind, telling me to leave this all behind.
Oh how I crave such a shallow grave; bring me to my final resting place
Death holds a constant grip on me
My head forever held in shame, forget my face, forget my name
Disintegrate all feelings once felt, pandemonium is where i’m left to dwelt
Beating hearts never felt so cold, living within this hell all alone
Ceasing to exist is all I’ve ever known
Calloused, broken, bruised and bleeding
My inner compass has lost its true north, always contemplating back and forth
Standing on the fringes of existence, pushed from the edge of my subsistence
A hostage to my own mentality, an everlasting insanity
There is no breaking free the chains of subconscious slavery
Unworthy to call this body a home; this prison of mere flesh and bone
I have become darkness incarnate, a true form of the blackest abyss
Deliver me from dissolution, no absolution from my own retribution
This mortal vessel has run it’s course, completely depleting my vital life force
Nothing can save me from myself, my own worst enemy, my soul forgotten like an unread book on the shelf
A hostage to my own mentality, an everlasting insanity
There is no breaking free the chains of subconscious slavery
With every notion of devotion I beg and plead to thee, please release me from this grim reality
Feb 18, 2020
Feb 18, 2020 at 8:20 PM UTC
The ransom note came this morning
And you were listed twice
First as the abductee
Then as the abductor
I'm not even going to ask
How it was that you captured yourself
I just want to know
What's going to happen once
You have the money
Do you free or ****
The hostage?
Dec 18, 2019
Dec 18, 2019 at 11:03 PM UTC
Anxiety you used me.
You held me as a prisoner in my head.
You held me hostage.
You made me treat my friends awful so I’ve got nobody now.
You dragged me around making me feel worthless.
You made my life a living hell and I assumed that if pretended everything was fine for long enough then maybe....just maybe I would begin to believe it.
But It’s getting to the point where I don't even like what I see in the mirror.
All I see is a ghost staring back at me with empty eyes.
All I see is the hurt in my smile.
All I see is the mess I am.
I am a problem that can’t be fixed.
I am what’s wrong.
And I will always be what's wrong...
Nov 28, 2019
Nov 28, 2019 at 4:40 PM UTC
big bright green spider
on my drivers-side window-
you held me hostage
Oct 29, 2019
Oct 29, 2019 at 10:51 PM UTC
Remembering the way
you pulled me close to your heart in the promises
of never breaking me
staying here, dancing in my mind
in public
in the dark
making the tensity in my body, release
telling me you love me, keeping yourself hostage
in my body,
i listen deeply.
i am home to you.
Oct 8, 2019
Oct 8, 2019 at 10:20 PM UTC
You still hold my heart
around your neck.
Chained like you own it.
I,m empty without it,
I never wanted you to go.
its like if you didn't
want me.
But though I want to love again.
I feel nothing, because you still
have my heart noosed around your neck.
Beating close to you, but you just squeeze it.
And I feel pain where there is nothing
to feel.
Jul 16, 2019
Jul 16, 2019 at 6:29 PM UTC
You say
I'm a living river
Quenching your needs
showing you the road
Melted bronze
mending your cracks
filling your shallows
I'm a burning flame
guiding you home
reviving your soul
I say
I'm a dying ocean
poisoned with your delusions
murdered by your conceptions
Shattered Jade
crushed under your repression
ground by your avidity
I'm a dying star
drained by your vanities
****** into your darkness
I say
Break this illusion.
Set us free.
Jun 20, 2019
Jun 20, 2019 at 10:28 PM UTC
Were you a victim?
Were you held captive?
What was the ransom?
How deep was our bond?
Were you in chains?
Forced to be bound to me?
Or is that the way
You want to be seen?
Jun 10, 2019
Jun 10, 2019 at 1:04 AM UTC
i can finally breathe again,
no longer does my love for you
restrict the breath fighting to escape my lungs
like a killer's hands
to his victim's neck
Mar 23, 2019
Mar 23, 2019 at 1:02 PM UTC
_If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it._
Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.
_Reason 11, Hostage._
Surprisingly.
It's really not like me to be so mean,
You're all I wanted.
Nature changes,
You left my mind.
And someone else entered it.
I don't know what feels true.
But this feels right,
So stay a sec.
Yea you feel right,
So stay a sec.
And let me crawl inside your veins.
I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.
Hold and hidden,
By my own hostage.
Kiss me until I can't speak.
Let me listen to your voice.
And let me drown in your words.
Want to be the one,
To speak her name as mine.
Changing sentences into the same.
Hold and hidden,
By my own hostage.
Mar 19, 2019
Mar 19, 2019 at 7:04 AM UTC
"Thought I found a way, a way out, but you never go away...
So, I guess I gotta stay.
Isn't it lovely, all alone, heart made of glass, my mind of stone, tear me to pieces, skin and bone."
"Somethings on my mind, Need to get out my headspace..."
Tear me to pieces, rip me apart, kiss me slow, hold me down, and touch me low.
Feel the flow. Gradually pulling you towards me.
Holding you close. Take me out of my head space.
I don't know what feels true.
Let me crawl inside your veins.
Hide you away, lock you up in my treasure chest.
Keep you, you're mine.
Take my wall down, let's do the unthinkable, I think I'm ready...
I learnt to lose, can't afford to anymore.
Mar 10, 2019
Mar 10, 2019 at 3:34 PM UTC
Caged inside of my ribs
She is the inner child in me
Holds my heart as hostage
In return, for her to be free
How do I satisfy her
A wild child, is she
True freedom and happiness
Cannot be given entirely
As she rattles my heart
Against my ribs so violently
Causing my chest to ache
Reminding me indefinitely
I have neglected her for too long
I pay the price regretfully
For as long as I am alive
She is trapped within me
Jan 26, 2019
Jan 26, 2019 at 8:41 PM UTC
i've been held hostage
in a home
that is overflowing
with a silent
yet deafening rage
Dec 28, 2018
Dec 28, 2018 at 5:02 PM UTC
I was taken hostage
By my own mind
Till I lost it
Use to be blood In my veins
Now my heart pumps Pain
My Soul was a source of peace
Now it's a lost piece of me
Each breath gets heavier
It's an increasing burden
Without any barrier
I am handcuffed to myself
Lost the key
Now, I'm no where
And If you do care
Remember me
I may return someday
Maybee.
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 1:03 PM UTC