#hookup
A man named “WolfTopBerlin”
asks if I am submissive.
Sir.
I am emotionally exhausted.
Different category entirely.
His profile says:
“No drama.”
Which in gay language means:
contains historical amounts of drama.
Another man sends me a photo
so aggressively cropped
it looked classified.
Meanwhile I am just trying to experience intimacy
without developing a secondary personality.
Dating apps are extraordinary.
Thousands of men
looking for love, *** validation, distraction, healing, revenge,
or someone to split rent with.
Sometimes all at once.
One guy asks:
“What are you into?”
I almost answer:
consistent communication,
emotionally available masculinity,
slow mornings,
mutual care,
someone who notices when I’m pretending to be okay.
Instead I write:
“haha depends ;)”
Humanity continues to disappoint me creatively.
May 3
May 3, 2026 at 8:15 AM UTC
Sunset burns
in my eyes
like a piece of nostalgia
not yet extinguished
at the border
of steel and soil
shadows stretch long
become a silent giant
bearing the weight of all these years
standing still in the fissure
of time
at the street corner where
town meets countryside
I remember the sparkling beach
waves murmur in foam
lapping the shores of memory
on the other side
it's the roar of bulldozers
the arousal of city’s neon
sinking into a soft sofa
is what many dwellers here call life
two souls twist in the night
loneliness heavier than our skeletons
two unfamiliar thoughts pressed
in a momentarily illusion
breaths synced like a metronome
falling and rising
searching for any place to land
wind tapping the windowpane
bringing the paleness of dawn
behind us
who are numb to the passion
mountains stretch on
silent and strong
lifting a vast sky
beneath it all
is the weave of city and country
the tangle of dreams and reality
and the countless footsteps
of the faceless
setting out again, fading down the hall
in the morning
faint click of a door
sealing off the shape of
a little comfort.
Jun 10, 2025
Jun 10, 2025 at 8:13 AM UTC
Romance is dead.
it's throat laid open
love cascading down
murdered by progress
by the reduced
synaptic
span
on
constant
scroll
lips licking for the next
hit of one-click
copulation
choking on the slightest
glimmer of
.
.
.
.
.
.
waiting,
of elegant persistence and the
reward of enamored pursuit
IRL.
the beautiful cat and mouse of our ancestry
that wove such wonderful tales
into the bark of our trees,
replaced by all the clever wit
and subtle nuance of
peak cringe riz
swipe right
“send nudes”
“DTF”
Sep 25, 2024
Sep 25, 2024 at 6:32 PM UTC
t the game, the crowd was loud,
But all I saw was Claire in the crowd.
Green eyes and a redhead's flare,
She stood behind me, unaware.
Her plaid skirt teased, her smile was bold,
A promise of trouble yet to unfold.
No words exchanged, just a knowing glance,
I was hooked, caught in her trance.
Later that night, fate played its part,
A bump, a number slipped to start.
At the food court, she was waiting there,
A fantasy in red heels, beyond compare.
Her touch was playful, her eyes intense,
But the night’s promise made all else make sense.
Back to her dorm, in darkness we fell,
Her body a secret I couldn’t help but tell.
She came alive under my touch,
Four times she shivered, but it wasn’t too much.
Then she took control, her gaze a flame,
With skill that drove me past any shame.
Time stood still, or maybe it flew,
Until I gave in, everything she knew.
Pure ecstasy, she didn’t relent,
And I collapsed beside her, utterly spent.
Aug 12, 2024
Aug 12, 2024 at 10:05 PM UTC
|content warnings in notes|
I could choose the music,
but a stranger wanted more.
I lost my thoughts in melodies,
and I left my body stored
in the sunlit parking lot
with a man's lustful stare.
I left with him the music,
And kept what's mine to share.
Jun 23, 2024
Jun 23, 2024 at 3:55 AM UTC
with unencumbered pink flourish she strips knickers down and dress shruggled brisk over her head a flit of no patience for my timid bow she clocks my eyes senses are abled then blasted overwhelm with her **** light it radiates exposed armpits huff glowing mist her groin blazes at me stricken to match but my male has no luminosity and no athlete or brute *** form either she must have liked our bar dance or the alcohol defect or she might even have bin soft for the random humour i worded her wooded way she reflects and we are minded and shyly i lump off my boots scuffle my clothes to the ground and embrace for the pacts effect everything becomes animal our playful selves step in take sleeve over us makes us kinetic cadaverliers strobic and i’m all muzzle and snout oder out of control and slurring eyes and hooked hands grubbing foreign soft hummocks and we brandish the moon and charge on frantic stimulus it's all fleshed out in front of us this splay
May 18, 2024
May 18, 2024 at 11:43 AM UTC
I think I understand hookups and one-night stands now.
The key to moving on is to replace all that stood before
until there stands nothing that may cause you to unravel.
Moment by moment,
conversation by conversation,
I replace the replays,
I can't bear the thought
of another touching me, like I'm not yours.
I got another ring today, all big and loose.
It's funny how I picked this one,
it keeps slipping off my fingers like you did.
It's been two months since I last wore your ring.
I don't see a difference between them,
it feels the same on my thumb.
and that should be the end of it,
but oh well, I guess it isn't.
I walked to the grocery store, paused at an aisle,
took my time frowning over chocolate bars.
You used to get me Munch, and so I picked the Mars bar.
I don't skip meals now, (well, most days I don't)
and in place of our routine conversations,
I play a random show.
I drown noise with noise.
My days are decent.
I'm surrounded by mindless jibber jabber.
I participate.
I paste a bright smile.
“You look well now,” they say,
“Well, I am” I reply.
And I am fine. (I think I am?)
9/10 times I am.
Then in a random mundane moment,
memories of you resurface like a ring light and
in that single moment,
I let myself crumble.
“I don't want him back.
He's changed now.
So have you and so what?
If it's meant to be, it'll be.
He's the love of my life.
Well don't let him in,
when (not if) he comes back.
Do it from love, not for it.
You deserve happiness.
Both of you do.
You want love.
You are love.
The ocean doesn't look for its water,
Why will you look for what you have?
It is what it is.
and this too shall pass.”
So on and so forth my inner monologue goes on,
and I stare at my phone wondering if I can conjure you from my thoughts.
I am kinder now.
With myself, and everyone around.
I wish I were kinder to you, but I was just a child.
I know you're proud,
and I am of you too.
Do you think I can sculpt my favourite version of you?
Wait, no.
I already did that,
I loved all of you
and then everything fell apart.
My thoughts swirl and I let them play.
Incantations in my head
Obligatory 3 am, weary sighs, contempt and rage.
Oh, so much rage.
Where is the calming lull of sleep, when you need it to sedate your despair?
Resignation sets in, I play a familiar game.
I ask the universe and unbiasedly it delivers the same day.
"Universe, give me a sign, I'm really done this time.
Yellow flowers if he's coming back,
Dandelions if he's not.
Universe let me move on. This is the last time, "
In my version of He loves me, he loves me not
I break flowers, not petals.
I look for answers in colours and not action,
And then I saw a dozen Dandelions.
Jan 17, 2024
Jan 17, 2024 at 4:40 PM UTC
Your freckles are in all the wrong places,
There should be one on the back of your hand
And one on your knee, a little to the right
That you can see when you sit but not when you stand
He had one on his neck also, I used to trace every day
On the slope where throat turns to shoulder
Your freckles are wrong, its alright, that's okay
Lets put our clothes back on before we get colder
Sep 17, 2023
Sep 17, 2023 at 6:50 PM UTC
Its like I can't get your face
out of my head
its like you haunt me ,
it haunts me
how you violated me
in your bed
naked
without ever caring
to listen to my no's!!
While having to go about the next day,
like nothing else happened
that it had occurred yet again,
although this time
it had left its mark on my face
that I am still battling all these months later.
A reminder to myself
to not trust easily anymore!
To NEVER Allow Any "MAN" to ever disgrace me again,
to never allow anyone to ever take advantage of me,
and my kindness again!
To never allow myself to hookup with someone again!
To never ever doubt myself
And to always listen to myself!
So as I see your face in my mind
I curse at you,
and all of the pain that you have given me,
and all of its sorrow.
because it hurts so so deeply
and the fear carasses at my bones
Jun 19, 2023
Jun 19, 2023 at 6:35 PM UTC
laying in his arms, huddled up right beside his chest
next thing you know we're kissing, while he's touching my breast
grabbing onto my waist, his hand running down my back
he's playing with my hair, while whispering down my neck
sirens going off in my brain, telling me to run
"run as fast as you can, you are not the only one"
his touch was an indicator for me to leave, but i didn't know how
temporary affection is what held me back, so i thought "it's only for now"
his hand was like a vacuum, every touch ****** bits of my soul away
i knew deep down his desire for my body was the reason he wanted to stay
the more he said he "fell" for me, the more i became sweaty
sweaty with genuine anxiety, for the fact that all i felt was empty
i gave every reason i could to leave but he twisted each excuse in his own way
"it's just a phase of emptiness & numbness you're going through, please stay"
every opportunity i grasped onto to escape
just led to me having my mouth covered with tape
not even self sabotage could free me from his control
so i decided to permanently walk away, but in my heart remained a hole
i constantly asked myself why i stayed when i couldn't feel a connection
but i realized he gave me what daddy didn't: just some affection
Aug 16, 2021
Aug 16, 2021 at 2:39 AM UTC
I never read your letter.
I can’t bring myself
to confront the sting of
budding,
simmering
Regret.
I can’t bear to
part the veil which shields
my failures from my
body,
from my lips
and legs
to listless
hours
spent
avoiding variables;
violent
vestiges
I ignore to keep
my weary eyes
above water.
See, reality wrinkles
its nose at the fantasies my insanity
can concoct
when I’ve yet to find a reason
to chase you away.
When the tethers of my grip
have yet to give way to anxiety, leaving me to wonder
if I feel too happy,
look too good,
want far more than what
my karma will allow.
I never read your letter, as I’ve been
consumed with playing
dress-up, draped in finery and fixtures
fit to outshine all the glow of
unshed tears
under pulsing
neon
light.
I'll coax it open it yesterday, but never tonight.
Nov 26, 2020
Nov 26, 2020 at 4:58 PM UTC
Oh, it's been such a tough day, I'd-
******* **** for a cigarette,
Pathetic, upset, frayed and failing,
Falling apart with blood to let,
I'd like to get some rest now,
Without whiskey on my breath,
I'm more of a ***** scumbag,
And I'm begging to be left,
Again I lay awake,
Oh, redemption, I pray,
Or one more drunken hookup,
Whatever comes my way.
Sep 22, 2020
Sep 22, 2020 at 9:30 PM UTC
Your eyes bleed mystery
So, I fell for you
Your hair, fake, like yourself
So, I fell for you
Your voice is an earthquake
So, I fell for you
Your hands touched everyone
So, I fell for you
I know you’re bad for me
So, I fell for you.
Apr 21, 2020
Apr 21, 2020 at 4:06 PM UTC
Hey babe,
Just lift up your shirt, show me your gown.
Do it with a smile, please never frown.
I don't care for your looks, I want your lust
Even if I'm the hard one to trust.
I want your *** I want your appeal,
but trust me darling your face isn't my feel.
I need your body, I need to caress,
So do please lift it up that beautiful chest.
In my eyes you're pretty, you're just so gorgeous
However who you are isn't in my focus.
I just want you, and I know you want me too.
But a relationship, baby? No can do.
You're mine, one and only,
But baby don't fret if you get lonely.
Just hit me up on that cell phone of yours
And I assure I'll make my way over to **** you of course.
I don't want your story, I don't want to know your day,
Just let into your pants so I can feel happy hurray!
Another big score into the books, and all it took was complimenting your looks.
Please don't cry baby, it wasn't all a game.
After all, you knew what this was..
Just a hookup, okay?
Feb 23, 2020
Feb 23, 2020 at 10:41 PM UTC
I don’t know how to say
But I gotta be honest about the other day
Last night I had a hook up,
and I know I’ve been seeing you for a month now
So it’s probably about time you leave
It’s not a lie, it’s not you it’s me
Look I like you, but I got needs
And they hadn’t been getting met recently
Honestly, didn’t mean to be a mickey
Throw it all away cause I’m sickening
Disgust myself I need a new awakening
Cause I’m fake, and lie all the time
It’s the same thing every single night
I **** it all up every single time
Why?
But then again
We are just friends
Sep 14, 2019
Sep 14, 2019 at 2:06 PM UTC
in your dark room
on your fish pillow
i dwell on your touch
i feel it everywhere
being quiet so no one hears
we weren't supposed to be
doing what we were
you didn't leave any trace
but i wish you had
what was i to you?
you don't even realize
i never learn
and to make it worse
i’d do it again
you say you don’t remember
and it hurts
because i won’t ever forget
i guess that’s what i get
what made you choose me?
i wanna know but
i can't bring myself to ask
when i see you next
i don't know how i'll feel
would you do it again?
Apr 25, 2019
Apr 25, 2019 at 2:25 AM UTC
[High You Are (Branchez Remix) by What So Not & Branchez playing in the background]
We were both naked that night
sitting comfortably on a hotel bed
As we smoked a bowl together
from your fancy ****
the high hit us both
with waves of desire
Lust in our *****
Love in our hearts
Liberation in our souls
You grabbed my face
and started making out with me
with such passionate aggression
the moment being intensely beautiful
the night being so dangerously young
"Let's make this night last forever." you said to me
"We'll be young forever." you said
with a deep breath of passion following your kiss
with tears in my eyes I said "We will."
with the same expression you said "Perfect."
You pushed me down onto the bed
Got on top and continued to French kiss me
Rubbing your ***** and moaning into my ear
I'm licking and ******* your *******
as you take my **** and insert it
into your gorgeous *****
you started off riding me slow
asking me "How do you like it?"
"Faster, baby." I said
"Be careful what you wish for lol" you said in a ***** **** little whisper
As you ****** the tears right out of my eyes
"I want to pleasure you." you said
"I want to make you feel so ******* good." you said
"It's okay to cry baby." you said
"I know it feels good." you said
**** right" I said gasping for breath while laughing at the same time
You laughing with me as you briefly collapsed on top of me
You got back up and started kissing me again
[Unforgettable by French Montana & Swae Lee starts playing.]
"Harder, baby" I said
"Lol I never thought you were daring enough to want to *** down mother nature's throat!" you said as you kissed my lips repeatedly in succession
"Don't underestimate me lol"
"Actually scratch that because as long as I'm under you
I don't even give a **** because the scent of you clouds my brain with such blissful emotion and euphoria."
"That's what you're supposed to feel silly." you said
"Now close that pretty mouth of yours and let me love you." you said
"The night is still young."
"Let us be."
'Let this be."
Jan 12, 2019
Jan 12, 2019 at 2:11 AM UTC
The metro station caged the slumbering metropolis
From this dingy mid-March town fridged in January wind
A ******** clad explorer marches in mellow strides
All the way to you
To back the lover's whisper spoken by static selfies
With fleshy whiffs, a borrowed jacket and a gawky face
Blind to but maybe fiddly pepples on the ground.
Down at a backstreet diner, its locked out doorstep,
A hygge cover made for two,
Humming low is the city's nocturnal remains' dubstep
Coming from an illuminating exit,
Luring the busy hands and buckled excitement, whereto ----
Whereto the vacant main street glides them
With the at ease traffic,
Down loops of everextending branches
I followed you
To the roundabout between
two surrounding glassware towers
Where gleaming sparks ***** on each other's windows
Divining themselves by lighting up pavements, entrance signs
and glooming heavens.
Corridors, lawned with clutters from refurbishments,
Lead to glassrooms of suspended business meetings,
And that cozy cavern,
Where you flump into a swivel chair.
Your inhibited expression unwinds
As my curious caress explores
The damp torso slumping deeper into the pliable seat.
And a devoted twitch of ecstasy, blossom unexpectedly
On your face,
Which already shied itself away from its audience,
Doubtlessly, for way too many times ----
A candid sight I could only cache from you,
Because I intend to see it again, your effortless reaction.
The sarcoma-like lump left uncut at the bottom,
Wrinkled like wind waves in a Ukiyo-e drawing.
I scoop the saline ripple, so you can taste it beforehand.
Our bodies started gravitating
onto each other or all over the place.
And lips, they startlingly perched,
out of wills, like magnets
For the very first time.
I've been feeling patient.
And I love taking my time with you
Nov 29, 2018
Nov 29, 2018 at 1:13 AM UTC
And just like that you were gone.
No photos of the way your touch electrocuted me.
No video of the charge between your lips and my neck.
No archive of the fullness of you inside me.
No remnants of these moments beside the fragments of burnt film strips in my head.
And the vague words we share.
I don’t know you but I want you. Again.
Nov 28, 2018
Nov 28, 2018 at 3:01 AM UTC
8am
We wake up
I’m encased between your pillowy arms
Your curly hair caresses my cheek
Your breath tickles my neck
Your nose, so cold, slightly shocking me every other breath.
I don’t know you
Yet so much comfort came with you
So much...
Dare I say that four letter word.
Just. So much.
When can I see you again?
Nov 24, 2018
Nov 24, 2018 at 4:36 PM UTC
She undresses like an orange peel.
It's her lace on the rug and
she is so dizzy from kissing him.
Oct 4, 2018
Oct 4, 2018 at 6:22 AM UTC
as i
was kissing
another person’s lip,
i remember you
— the way
i kiss him
is still the same
with how we do it
until he said,
“no, wait. stop.
i don’t like this.”
that’s when
i realized,
i wasn’t kissing him.
i was kissing
our memories
back together.
Sep 5, 2018
Sep 5, 2018 at 7:36 PM UTC
Balcony perch,
Romeo's known role reversed,
Juliet below in harmonious search,
What's a name really worth?
Jul 31, 2018
Jul 31, 2018 at 10:20 PM UTC