#holdingon
I’m not a morning person,
yes, I enjoy eggs, bacon and golden toast,
the hiss of butter in a sizzling pan,
sunlight warming my skin through half open blinds
but even the promise of breakfast
cannot persuade my bones to not ache.
The alarm feels like an accusation
when it goes off
signaling a new dawn
that I am not prepared for.
I’m not a morning person,
yet I get up every morning and go through the same routines.
Exhausted, but I push anyway,
folding myself into schedules and expectations,
ticking boxes my hands know by memory.
Constantly stuck somewhere between obligation and survival,
Repeatedly asking myself if there is a point to all this?
I’m not a morning person,
but lately I’ve not felt like an afternoon or evening person either.
The hours blur like ink in water.
Noon passes without ceremony,
twilight settles without applause.
I drift between clocks,
untethered from the language of time,
a guest in every part of the day.
A guest in my own life.
I’m not a morning person and I’m tired.
Tired of pretending I am.
Tired of being tired.
I just want to sleep through the morning, noon and night,
to silence the alarms and the questions,
to rest without earning it,
to disappear beneath blankets of quiet
where time does not demand anything from me
and I have to do nothing but
BREATHE.
Yves,
2026.
Feb 11
Feb 11, 2026 at 5:18 PM UTC
"I don't blame you"
they said,
shame
in their shared room
"why not?"
you have all the reasons
to blame me
is what she could have said
"why not?"
is what she repeated,
shame
in their shared eyes
"you were a rock
in an avalanche.
you weren't the catalyst,
just a reaction"
"why not?
she begged,
regret
in their shared hands
she wanted to let go
they knew they couldn't
Feb 8
Feb 8, 2026 at 11:28 PM UTC
There is a space beside me
That has learned your shape.
It keeps it faithfully,
A chair that remembers the weight
Of someone who stood up,
And never quite left.
There is a silence in my chest
That knows the beat of your heart.
The knocking of a guest
On a door that remembers the feeling
Of someone who wanted in,
But never stepped inside.
There is a tenderness I keep
That feels like yours.
A feeling, silent and deep,
Like a photograph without a date,
Of someone standing close enough
To be missed forever.
Feb 3
Feb 3, 2026 at 2:37 PM UTC
Its crazy how I cry and
you save me
And I broke you
took the smiles of your face
The one you had so close
Just like on Saturday
Even after you saved me
And i always said love you maybe
Its crazy so many times
i walked away
but you always waited
and stayed when i broke again
so i can't push you
down even if you have to watch
me drown you stay
and save not others
day saves yours
cause you saved mine
from far away
and when i leave
i will remember you
like my favorite shirts sleeve
the truth is there was no maybe
and there was love
that is certain i just had to close the curtain
And yes its said
But its better
than you burning
Because I didn't learn it
To walk away to save your day
And yes, it may hurt today
But as time goes on
Hurt goes away
You're like a rose
Your heart makes me
love in my bones
So, i loan you my thoughts
Even when i leave i may feel like getting shot but
You will stand up and walk again because
our memories
never end the hugs
the late night chats
might walk away but the memories
will always stay
So if one day i don't
stop to hug when i walk away
just know i have loved you
every day to the heaven
above i love you so much
From the words to the touch
That linger just enough
and the hugs that
I feel from far away
love that last through
every break ever crying day
Jan 30
Jan 30, 2026 at 12:00 PM UTC
Why must I be within your heart
This hurts as I wanted to leave,
When with eternity you grow,
And every fare declines way.
This could mean I shall stay,
But for whom,
Just for you.
Jul 9, 2025
Jul 9, 2025 at 5:36 PM UTC
You'd think I'd learned my lesson,
So many years ago,
To never add anything new,
I've never let anything go.
Jun 17, 2025
Jun 17, 2025 at 6:33 PM UTC
I wish I lacked empathy.
I don’t want to feel.
I don’t want to see signs.
I don’t want to be real.
One minute, I’m fine—
then my soul explodes in my chest.
I wish I didn’t see that.
But I did. And now, no rest.
I wish I could shrug,
say “that’s not my concern,”
but every flicker of pain
Causes my stomach to hurt.
I notice the silence,
the shift in your tone—
there's nothing in your voice
It's all I think about alone.
This is why I'm standoffish and stick to just me
There's no ache in loneliness
At least not the kind that stings
Maybe I'll make friends but that feels like betrayal
These self imposed rules- a safe fortress failure
I wish I didn’t feel
At least not to this extent
My day was going so good
But I ruined it again
Jun 11, 2025
Jun 11, 2025 at 3:21 PM UTC
I will lose all that I am,
I will lose all that I desire
Because that's what runners do
They run after they start the fire
And maybe I am walking now
But that doesn't change the past
I set the house on fire and
I can't expect you standing there when I walk back
But still I'll pace around the wreckage-
Searching for glimpses of you
And all I'll find is smoke and fire- you loved me, I punished you
Jun 9, 2025
Jun 9, 2025 at 5:19 AM UTC
Do I reach out and plead my case?
Or
Let
It
Go...
Jun 6, 2025
Jun 6, 2025 at 10:34 PM UTC
Time goes by slower
When I'm Desperate
To know what you're doing
Jun 6, 2025
Jun 6, 2025 at 6:33 PM UTC
If you hate me maybe
I'll stop wishing the stars
will guide us together again
So maybe I should just let you
think what you need to,
even if it means
killing us in
the end
I selfishly don't want you
to hate me, not even a little
bit, I can't expect you to wait it
out while I figure out my ****
Why couldn't you have
just been meaner?
Why did I give
in to my
head?
May 15, 2025
May 15, 2025 at 9:42 PM UTC
Ill pack up your things,
Toss them in the yard,
Your clothes and my rings,
I'll throw them so ******* far
You don't have to worry,
They'll be back in their places tomorrow,
I'll make you breakfast I'm sorry,
I know better than to act on my sorrow
The comings days will be fine,
A few weeks of apologetic bliss,
I know you'll keep crossing my boundary line,
But **** I crave your venomous kiss
May 2, 2025
May 2, 2025 at 10:39 AM UTC
Im sobbing these tears, but I'm crying to who?
It's this same stupid story playing out in my room
I never fall first, but I will always love harder
No picket fences, I'm a karmic debt paying daughter
Now the greater question is are you the lesson,
Or is it me?
Apr 23, 2025
Apr 23, 2025 at 7:51 PM UTC
We slipped into the other
steadying ourselves
we balanced our hearts
till we fell into love
Jul 5, 2024
Jul 5, 2024 at 11:41 PM UTC
I’m building a bridge
from my heart to yours
crossing over troubled water
my shore to your shores
one end to another
we’re stringing the sun
with the moon to the other
till the whole worlds been strung
so if our hearts ever dangle
and if you ever hope to jump
come hang on with your life
and I’ll hold you up
Feb 11, 2024
Feb 11, 2024 at 7:39 AM UTC
The pain stings deeper than ever before
I'm not sure what I've done in this life or a past life to get dealt this hand
The winds howl, as the storm surges on inside of me
I just want to burry myself then keep on digging
Because maybe the darkness or silence will accept me
Maybe I cant fight anymore
Forgetting what it was I was even fighting for
Because I loved,
Oh my God did I love
Without boundaries or false pretence
With pure acceptance and irrefutable forgiveness
The love was pure
The pain that drives into me, will send me to madness
I want to be missed like I miss you Because by God do I miss you
Where is my silver lining
Mar 17, 2021
Mar 17, 2021 at 6:07 PM UTC
Sometimes holding on
Does more damage
Than letting go.
Nov 4, 2020
Nov 4, 2020 at 9:17 AM UTC
Sometimes, Love is the pause
between holding on
and letting go
Oct 24, 2020
Oct 24, 2020 at 9:45 AM UTC
I’ve planted flowers,
magic,
and lust in you.
So please don’t leave,
for I am afraid I’d lose myself to you too.
Oct 18, 2020
Oct 18, 2020 at 9:24 AM UTC
Iron in the stone bleeds a colour
against grey enamel,
bone bedrock
See ticks and tocks writ on lined faces,
craning to read flickered futures
where rock-solid certainties
and metal connectivities clash
in janky dissonance
Grasping the surety of a copper coin
in a clenched fist,
the shape as sure as love and rage,
when opened, shows
the sleight of hand and thought
sold to us all
Aug 7, 2020
Aug 7, 2020 at 3:48 AM UTC
the pain must be
becoming more and more
unbearable each day,
and we have to continue
walking away from each other
when all we ever wanted
was to run
towards each other's arms.
so how about
we do this, my love?
how about we go on
with our day,
pretend we're going
to see each other
the very next day,
and face things
with excitement today?
how about we go on
with our breakfast, lunch,
dinner, and snacks in between,
and pretend we're going
to dine together tomorrow?
how about we sleep tonight
without crying our eyes out
to the memories of us
and pretend that tomorrow,
when the sun rises from the east,
we'll wake up
to see ourselves
next to each other?
how about we repeat
being hopeful every day,
looking forward
for the tomorrow
that holds you and I
in one page,
until we can
no longer remember
what we are ridiculously
holding onto
and we're just truly happy
with our lives
without each other?
May 25, 2020
May 25, 2020 at 4:51 AM UTC