#hanahakidisease
i can no longer say i love you
without coughing up
a calyx of petals, darling;
a flower,
for every written poetry,
a flower,
for each metaphor for your eyes.
a flower,
for each pillow-talk,
for each time i looked for
your amber eyes in a crowd,
a flower,
for each sunset wish
and each love letter buried
at the end of every song, darling —
a flower, for each time
i say i love you
without trying to say your name —
a flower for each time
i listen
to pareidolias of your voice
mixed
with the pitter-patters of the rain.
just a flower, i thought.
but darling, my lungs are now a garden
of your favorite flowers;
they are now a garden
of all the times
i tried to unlove you
and all the times
i ever failed.
darling, they are now a garden
of all my i love you’s
and all the
i love you too’s
you won’t
ever
say.
Jun 22, 2019
Jun 22, 2019 at 10:43 PM UTC
I remember the moment this all started
I had fallen in love, but with whom I did not know who
The scratches in my throat, my lips parted
The first blue petal fell, and I knew
It was the curse of one-sided love, the Hanahaki disease
Then after a while, I found out it was him
But he was the one I could never please
I gave up knowing my untimely demise would be grim
Yet I didn’t blame him for my death to come
I couldn’t be angry at him for me falling in love
I was mad at myself for being so dumb
It wasn’t his fault that when I saw him my heart soared above
When I choked on the last black rose, his face was in my mind
Little did I know he loved me, I was just too blind.
Dec 31, 2017
Dec 31, 2017 at 6:43 PM UTC