#habitual
This habitual
Hypocritical ritual
Keeps me cynical
The biggest battle's internal
A raging war roaring eternal
To vile for an example
Dying inside is literal
Allowing the visual
To be topically minimal
Though the condition is critical
A pitiful cry for help comes out in a trickle
Subliminal and lyrical
The unusual becomes typical
With the refusal of a label
There's no removal of the painful
Every attempt has been futile
Life is miserable
When love is conditional
©2024
Sep 23, 2024
Sep 23, 2024 at 5:57 PM UTC
Every now and then,
I'm hit with raw, overwhelming emotions
Doesn't matter when,
Feelings brought in are habitual Trojans
That's just how it's been,
Recklessly driving these knee-jerk reactions
And here I am, once again,
Arriving on the scene of irrational explosions
No one but me noticin',
I'm left to bleed out anytime my heart opens
Dark thoughts start creepin' in,
The next door to close might be the stage curtains
©2024
Jul 18, 2024
Jul 18, 2024 at 12:22 PM UTC
You can not break
What's already been broken
You can not recall
What's never been spoken
You can not run
When the spirits been stolen
Is there no hope left
To put any hope in?
©2024
Jun 26, 2024
Jun 26, 2024 at 3:46 PM UTC
I've always been the kid in the hall
Outside the office door of some metaphorical "principal"
Donning a dunce cap, back to the wall
Anticipation spikes in general
This time it's special
When waiting for the next hypothetical, often hypocritical, shoe to fall I make it a double
Dribble and drop the ball
Taking on the challenge of life was a bad call
The order's too tall, don't try it y'all
What I've been given to work with is abysmal
Can't rely on it being factual at all
A criminally out of date owners manual
A For Dummies series appealing to a low level criminal
Vaguely creating, and/or aiding, this failure ritual
Oh the unmitigated gall
Scheduling my burial service to take place before the funeral
Fuucking brutal
I hate it and it seems the feelings mutual
The line stepping is habitual
The backward motion is perpetual
Not sure any of this is avoidable
But, what do I know...
...everything and nothing is impossibly possible
©2023
Dec 20, 2023
Dec 20, 2023 at 3:00 PM UTC
habitual ritual, the pleasure principle
hedonistic addiction to fulfill every vision
lots of thoughts but none are groundbreaking
trying to slip you underneath my tongue without hearts breaking
want to hear my name spill out of your mouth without chasing
you around, love it when you are around
you let my inner beast come out
habitual ritual seeking you out
Sep 5, 2021
Sep 5, 2021 at 3:05 PM UTC
_I succumbed
To the habitual sound of obstructed truths;
Deceiving and deceived therein,
Abolished of conscience;
My penitence seeded with disavowal,
Your disbelief my credo._
May 16, 2020
May 16, 2020 at 8:13 PM UTC
She is loved. She is stubborn
Mad at that part of the world
That loves her
For loving her
Without asking first
She never asked for this
Though the space between her lines
Already did
Those words
Those traitors
How dare I
Understand with
my heart
She needs to need
She wants the thirst
The hunger, the craving
The needing, the yearning,
The lack at its worst
She wants
none of the learning;
Only the burning
That gives her the thrill
The stinging,
The near-numb
Throbbing
In every flutter
Between every pulse
Through every string
Giving her is
Taking from her
Would it work in reverse?
***
She is loved.
Stubbornly denying it.
Fearing her happiness.
Banishing the ones who care.
Because her happiness
Potentially could mean
Not having things
to write about
It equals change
And breaking out the zone
Of torturous comfort
***
I’m afraid of what she seeks
And how she sees those burning curls
And what she does with sparks
And why she fosters embers
I’m scared the most
Of her using flames divine
To burn herself inside
A dark obsession
That swallows every light
***
I’m afraid she seeks love
So she could hurt herself with it
She uses it
As a means to an end
The end being the feeling
Of being hurt
So the ashes of that
Would be her ink
Fuelling her pyre
Of
“behold the beauty of suffering”
Jul 13, 2017
Jul 13, 2017 at 11:49 AM UTC
Distress calls are a Venus flytrap
Don’t come flying to the rescue
Or your wings will be
Its 4 o’clock snack
Can’t seem to shut its flap
Ever hungry for more
Always empty at the core
Traveler beware;
Heed not that mayday;
Move on and pay no care!
Jul 12, 2017
Jul 12, 2017 at 5:02 AM UTC
Addictions are hard to dispel,
Some are evil and some are not.
Sometimes you learn how to lie,
And you're soon a habitual liar.
It is not damaging for yourself,
It damages those around you.
Sometimes you learn how to love,
And you're then a habitual lover.
It is damaging for yourself only,
If you don't know how to move on.
Sometimes you fail to make any sense,
And you're not gonna like living ever.
I am a habitual lover,
I loved a habitual liar.
Apr 1, 2017
Apr 1, 2017 at 10:27 AM UTC
*Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like
And who I would be
If I dug out a grave six foot deep
And buried my bad habits there underneath
Once the freedom of topsoil was beneath my feet
Above that habitual grave who then would I be?*
Mar 8, 2017
Mar 8, 2017 at 10:30 PM UTC
The more I use it
The more I hate myself
The more I hate myself
The more I use it
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 6:31 AM UTC