#groomed
You had no right
No right to come into my room at night
No right to put your hands up my shirt
No right to touch me
No right to groom a 7-year-old
People say I'm mature for my age
no ****
When you have to grow up that fast
When you thought to "toughen up."
before you're even 10
no ****
When you practically raised your little siblings
while having to work through everything at the same time
Work through growing up
while also trying to give a childhood you never had
Jan 27
Jan 27, 2026 at 10:53 PM UTC
love
shouldn’t ignore no
& rewrite your skin
without permission.
i was 14
& still learning
how to say
yes
to myself.
i didn’t know
how to say no
with a body
that wasn’t even
mine yet.
backseat.
backdoor.
back then.
i bled
& said nothing.
but now—
i speak.
i am not
what he did to me.
i am what i chose
after.
Apr 4, 2025
Apr 4, 2025 at 11:29 PM UTC
The waiting list has an opening
Here's to new hopes and beginnings.
Will therapy benefit me once again
or will I end up hurt in the end?
There is so much I need to fix
and so much to come to terms with.
I never noticed,
and because of me the one who was closest
no longer is.
Why did things have to turn out the way they did?
It's so cliche but I'd do anything to start over again.
There is nothing like having a friend
who you feel so connected with
But when I pick through my nostalgia
I'm left to wonder where the connection is
What do I really know about you?
What was true?
Where did things start to go bad?
The exchanging of passwords I think.
I think that's where it began.
After I saw the things you had said
My heart started to turn black.
It's normal to be mad and say things you don't mean when you don't think anyone's looking.
But you were so important to me back then
I will never forget the feeling I had.
I should have just told you back then that it hurt my feelings
Gotta love growing up with no boundaries
No choices when it came to yes or no
I got hit if I contemplated it
Came to write poems on the internet
And would be groomed by countless men
Think I was in love because of things they said
But I was eleven and they were gross
I played games with you and laughed
Then I'd cry to men I didn't know
In exchange for pictures that made me feel like an adult
Infatuation is a ***** for middle school kids
At least for this girl it was
I'd word ***** so much
Honestly I never stopped
Validation is a drug stronger than any other
I love to feel like I matter
Especially when I care about the person too
I think that's a huge key to why we were a we in my mind.
Whenever I was with you I was high
Until I wasn't, jealousy hit me hard
When I'd see you making plans with others
I always wondered why we couldn't call
Why it was awkward to play games after all
The time that passed between us
I think you knew way before I did
Just how toxic I was
Another guy and I broke up
My insecurities told me you thought I was a ****
A new relationship and I was gone
I don't think we spoke for months
This relationship is different
I think I'm actually in love
I debated infatuation since learning what it was
I wanted to talk to you about it
Eventually I did
I smothered you and hated when I couldn't
Months go by, I'm still word vomiting
You try to set boundaries
I still can't read the messages without crying
I didn't understand and chose to pretend instead
I ignored you and you distanced
It felt like you had passed away.
I try to say hi and it's so awkward
I wished I would die
You reach out and I feel so happy I could fly
I tell you everything I had been holding in
You disappear from my inbox and I cry
This is so toxic I'm in bed grieving a friend
Left to wonder why I do this
The counselor on the line says enmeshment
And I hate myself as I sob to a stranger about you for an hour.
Searching for therapists never made me feel like such a loser.
Wait list, wait list full, wait list
Months pass
You didn't wish me a happy birthday and for the first time in years I didn't tell you either.
I sent nothing.
I'm a bad friend.
New job, New accounts, New acquaintances
I still think of you but only cry on the drive home
Sun sets are pretty
I sit outside with my dog and look at the sky
I think she can feel my pain when she looks in my eyes
It rained for weeks and now the leaves are changing around me
I can live without you and you without me.
You reached out and I crumbled again
I told you about my 988 experience
Why do I do this
I have an episode
I'm the heaviest I have ever been.
But I'm off the therapy wait list.
Sep 29, 2023
Sep 29, 2023 at 9:28 PM UTC
Realizing the mayhem sprinkled into my past
has left such a sour taste with me
it's put my emotions on blast;
finally seeing what happened to me.
I'm beginning to feel better
after having picked out the reminders,
but the child in me is bitter
and wants to see them covered in spiders.
Nov 16, 2021
Nov 16, 2021 at 12:22 PM UTC
He was kind and sweet
He made the promises
That girls like me admired
I was naive and innocent
Was neglected from those in my life
Desperate for attention and praise
I believed and trusted him
Days went by and he changed
He started to manipulate me
Promises of fulfillness broken
Made me feel worthless
And like i had no worth
Soon i looked in the mirror
And only saw what he saw in me
I looked in the mirror and did not recognize
who i was anymore
Dec 15, 2020
Dec 15, 2020 at 11:20 PM UTC
The groomed dog lies
Clean upon my sofa,
Resting,
His reward.
Resisted he
The urge to flee
Or bite the handler
While the groomer
Plied over the sopping ****
Clipped the carpet-ripping nails,
Coiffed and primped him
Head to tail.
Waking,
He nuzzles me
With a brown-eyed stare,
Sidling close to my old brown chair.
This canine friend,
Just a dog in mien,
Communicates his needs,
Comforts me in loneliness,
Amuses me with dog-face grin,
Reads and responds
To the state that I'm in.
Feb 28, 2019
Feb 28, 2019 at 1:45 PM UTC