#gettingbetter
I like to soar through life
On the wings of a gull
Wind on my feathers
It takes a big toll
Then I met someone
Who creates her own sun
Lights up each room
And makes things more fun
Just fill in the blanks
With words like “you”
You and I
All sad and blue
Oct 7, 2025
Oct 7, 2025 at 11:48 PM UTC
i never thought id be
here
happier
recovered
healthier
there are still days when i
reconsider
become fearful
make mistakes
but i promised myself
id never go back
to then.
Nov 30, 2022
Nov 30, 2022 at 8:41 PM UTC
The night I hurt myself
No one knew
The room was full
But no one saw
I was right there
But also not there
No one knew
No one saw
More or less I bled in silence
In front of them
But in hiding
No one knew
No one saw
(Maybe no one really cared.)
Mar 1, 2021
Mar 1, 2021 at 9:47 AM UTC
You have done some things you are not proud of.
What'd happen If I told them?
What'd happen if they knew?
You were young, you were angry,
you were horrible, you were everything you hate now.
You hurted so many people
and disappeared.
Why did you do it?
Why would you take your pain
and put it on someone else?
It was not her fault she didn't love you.
It wasn't his fault. He couldn't know.
Yes, you were a mess,
but that's no excuse.
No, you can't change the past.
I don't even know If "I'm sorry" would be enough.
You couldn't love
cause you didn't know how to love yourself.
You thought hate
was your only weapon against the world.
Will she accept your apologies
or will she act is if she doesn't know you
the way that you did?
Will he forgive you
or forget
just like you?
You were full of poison and you killed many flowers
on your way here.
What are we gonna do, Jude?
I'll light a candle for us
and I'll try to be a better man.
It's all I can do
that'll bring a change.
Feb 27, 2021
Feb 27, 2021 at 1:06 AM UTC
Scrolling through the past
Is informational
It reminds us of who we once were
And who we've become
Rediscovering feelings
We had almost forgotten we had
And we'd shared them with the world
And we didn't do half bad
I thought I'd never escape her
Her iron grip leaving bruises where she held us
But we did
We made it
Life got a little better for it too
We aren't fixed
We are still sad
We still have depression
But it's not as bad as it was
She's gone from our lives
Our abuser
Tormenter
Stepmother
And she dares to call herself a fighter
May 22, 2020
May 22, 2020 at 1:23 AM UTC
If I'm going to die someday anyway
I guess I might as well stay
So I guess I'll stay
Ready to live another day
Start to dance and play
Live life to the fullest
Even though it hurts
So when I finally lay down to rest
I'll be proud of the life I lead
We're all going to die
Someday
Please don't rush it
Stay
Use what little time you have
To the fullest
Jun 22, 2019
Jun 22, 2019 at 5:45 AM UTC
this is what i've become
sleepless
time has no meaning for me anymore
not enough hours in the day
and it's all your fault
you started the chain reaction
i am lucky to have a night without dreams
i blame you for my scarred soul
that would flicker like a candle in a breeze
in the wake of another bad dream
nightmares
stemming from my broken heart
i am terrified to sleep
i want you to wake up crying like me
just to understand what you did to me
i'd like to see you do it
get your heart obliterated
eviscerated
but you've spread so many false feelings
i doubt that you have a heart to obliterate
that's all changing now
one single message
that's all it takes for me to smile
for the particles of my heart to solidify
and beat faster once more
that one single message
full of care, and true worry
for my sanity
for the darkening circles under my eyes
for me
i'm not so scared to sleep anymore
he rubs my knee while I snore
wakes me when i whimper or cry
his fingers drawing circles on my palm
make goosebumps explode over my skin
for once, i have pleasant dreams
hardly appropriate considering how
his kisses take me to another plane
those brown eyes make me weak
he's more than you could ever be
a gentleman
someone i can trust with my heart
and with my dreams
he's willing to wait for me
keep me safe
make me smile
i can't remember the last time I felt
anything
let alone comfort from a boy's hug
i could sleep right there
on his shoulder
without a single care
but then
the odd night comes around
i finally get to sleep at a time
that's considered reasonable
you creep back into my dreams
to rip my heart out all over again
except
this time, i imagine him there
warm arms circle my waist
cold hands hold mine
my dreams melt away as my eyes focus
the dark makes it hard but
white eyelashes flutter on his face
as he tugs me closer
and smiles to himself
when i curl into him and close my eyes.
Apr 20, 2019
Apr 20, 2019 at 5:45 PM UTC
There was a man masquerading as me,
But I caught him by the collar
And wrenched him out!
Apr 8, 2019
Apr 8, 2019 at 11:53 AM UTC
No wrongs to right, no lost love to mourn,
I must concoct an awful lot of falsified accounts.
But why should I neglect my life,
For self-burnt homes and hidden doubts?
Apr 8, 2019
Apr 8, 2019 at 11:22 AM UTC
I kept punishing myself for not being whole after four years
But I didn’t realize that if I never spoke about it
I was never going to get any where in my recovery
So I finally began the process to victory
It is one of the hardest things I have ever put myself through
I am grateful for each tear I am shedding
Because I know they get me one step closer to being new
For every panic attack and punishment I have done to myself
I apologize for not beginning my path to recovery sooner
I am a work in progress and I am getting better
Feb 20, 2019
Feb 20, 2019 at 8:55 AM UTC
Recently I have been dealing with doubts about what my life philosophy is.
Yeah,
Sure,
I love people- I want to spread kindness and love and support and one day actually help people
(Possibly save people's lives)
But then I think about how much I have changed over these years - specifically the last year and a half. I have become someone different than who I was coming out of high school and starting college.
Yeah, it's pretty ******* "normal" for that to happen...but for me it was like an identity crisis. For me it was like the facets of how I understood my ego were falling apart and I was a caricature of who I once was.
But get this:
Since then I have found a happiness beyond what I thought was happiness. I have found some sort of reasoning to live beyond academic success and maintaining an image that is supposed to be perfect. I am learning that my flaws are making me beautiful. I am learning that sometimes I am not even that flawed. I am learning that I don't need to have all my **** together..
Because what is the point of living this life and learning new things everyday if I already did have all my **** together?
I battled with expanding my horizons and what I really wanted out of life. I dabbled with breaking straight edge and found some weird solace in psychedelics. I learned to be honest with myself. But that maybe I can be honest with other people too.
I found love at a different level that I can't convey to people - and I don't even ******* care if people understand.
I found an internal happiness that I want to radiate out but still get too afraid to do that because what if it all falls apart?
But maybe I can become a bit more confident.
Maybe I can bend my own twisted ideas and break a cycle I used to find myself into -
Because I am getting better.
So, if I were to explain my new life philosophy..
I would say:
It's ok to not be ok -
Things come,
And things pass -
Bad things don't last
And people can break through
From chains
Binding them,
Without shattering
Like glass -
But if in some way we break,
We can be repaired.
Because we aren't stalled
Or hopeless
And our past
Doesn't color
The future -
No,
A neon light
So bright,
Colors the future in hues.
Our reality is what we make of it now,
And how we can learn from it later.
So live, and learn.
And shine on,
You crazy diamond.
Jan 7, 2019
Jan 7, 2019 at 8:58 PM UTC
He beheld her within his brown eyes,
A goddess on Earth in front of him she lies,
Blonde hair dancing over his black pillow,
A silent promise he’d never, again, feel so low,
Blue eyes staring back with wholesome love,
Now seeing an angel he’d never believed of.
In each other’s arms they lay all that day,
And in that moment it all went away,
One thought rang around his mending mind,
‘her’,
He looked up and whispered ‘please be my lover’.
May 16, 2018
May 16, 2018 at 6:15 PM UTC
A year ago
I was an empty shell
Of the girl I used to be
Floating through life
With no ambitions
No hopes, no dreams.
Always looking down
Instead of at the world.
I was a wreck
With a messy heart
That couldn't be at ease.
Before I knew you,
I wasn't the happy
Bright person I am now
But you came into my life
Found me in the dark
As I was trying to climb
Out of the pit
That I had spiralled into
We slowly progressed
And I began to see the stars,
See the light in the dark again.
I made it a mission
To climb out of that pit
To feel the light - your warmth-
On my skin
Before I knew you,
I didn't know my worth
But now, I'm beginning to
Apr 2, 2018
Apr 2, 2018 at 10:34 PM UTC
On good days
I feel l i g h t e r ,
laugh LOUDER,
love
d
e
e
p
e
r
When these good days come, my hand stretches hastily towards this light that has become a stranger.
My heart yearns to become once again full of these radiant moments.
Sometimes, when life is feeling malicious, it will send a bundle of good days all right in a row.
Then it will yank them back without apology when the raging storm returns to reign again.
Those good days serve as glimpses of how things might be if I wasn't broken or if I could simply let the sunshine stay.
I wish I lived a life constructed entirely of glimpses.
Oct 2, 2017
Oct 2, 2017 at 8:06 PM UTC
Do you ever see a picture, and it brings back tons of memories?
You see yourself there again.
Like nothing ever changed.
You remember how you felt in that exact moment.
You remember how happy you were,
how many friends you had at the time.
Do you ever hear a song, and it takes you to a certain time in your life?
You listen cloesely.
You remember how lost you felt.
You remember the people that weren't there for you, but the song was.
You flashback to the nights you spent crying listening to the song.
Do you ever see somebody's name come up and the memories just flood in?
The good times, the laughs, the hugs, the talks, the friendship.
The bad times, the crying, the fighting, the ending of a friendship.
Do you ever get a text and think "wow I'm glad I have you"?
You think how much your life has changed.
How much better things are now.
How much they have helped you.
How happy you are they stepped in.
Looking back at all of the memories, the good and bad memories, definitely don't compare to the new memories being made.
Life is worth living.
Nov 25, 2016
Nov 25, 2016 at 11:27 PM UTC
you deserve to be happy
to be loved
to smile and laugh
you deserve every happy moment I have ever had
and that is a life time of happy moments
if I could I would take all my happy and bottle it
slip it into your tea when your not looking
just so I could see you smile
because you deserve to not be afraid of your dark
of what you might or might not do
because I love you
I want to help you
please let me
you deserve to get better
Apr 7, 2016
Apr 7, 2016 at 8:21 PM UTC
i should be asleep but instead I'm up
i have been painting and drawing
i am happy
that word sounds strange in my mouth
i havent spoken it in so long
things do get better
you just have to hold on
i wanted it all to stop
and i almost did
but now I'm happy
you can do it too
i know its hard
gods do i know
but i believe in you
and if you ever need somebody to talk to
and to listen to you
I'm here
so just hold on
Mar 2, 2016
Mar 2, 2016 at 3:34 AM UTC
I'll give you a butterfly and name it after me
I'll tell you not to hurt it its fragile and small
You have to wait to set it free
I know its hard but even if you fall
Don't **** the butterfly
I know it hurts
But don't be the one to make it die
So lesten to the words on paper with blood spurts
Love the butterfly like I love you
And you will get better
Because if you only knew
How much love I put in to this letter
Jan 21, 2016
Jan 21, 2016 at 5:16 PM UTC