And sometimes,
when The Hurting is not tangible enough
& I am not done letting Sorrow
pick at my bones
I will reread conversations from before
That Relationship fell apart
& scroll through old photos
from before the Third Attempt
& Sadness will cradle me
in the dead space between late night & early morning
where the What Ifs & the Could Haves
track me down
Mar 25, 2019
Mar 25, 2019 at 10:48 PM UTC
I guess I fell for you
because you made my heart jump
long after the Time of Death was pronounced.
You invaded my numbness
after I'd promised myself to apathy.
But a broken promise never was any good
for building a foundation
anyway.
Mar 25, 2019
Mar 25, 2019 at 10:42 PM UTC
these scenarios are stuck on loop in my head
my palm full of pills,
& The Orange Bottle of Liberation, now empty
as I fall asleep
The squealing of tires on tar as glass shatters
& I become one with the street
so many ways to stop being
what do you mean these thoughts aren't normal?
this is all my brain plays
on loop, on loop, on loop
Mar 25, 2019
Mar 25, 2019 at 10:38 PM UTC
every body
is addicted to something
& this body
seems to love
sadness
darkness
& pain -
this mind
unearths emotions
that cause
quite the commotion
to encourage a reaction
so intense
just to distract
from the silence
May 20, 2018
May 20, 2018 at 4:03 AM UTC
It was by intense calculation
and silent determination
that I planned to exit in peace.
Suicide could not be an accident
or result from lack of judgement;
spontaneous disasters never bring relief.
I searched and pondered a different strategy
each & every day.
You can't say I wasn't dedicated.
I was set on finding a miracle to end me - my way.
It seemed obvious & much too simple
to sleep my way to death,
but the glaring orange bottle enchanted me into captivity
& slowly stopped my breath.
People might talk about how I left & talk they may.
Their words mean nothing when all they had were excuses
to avoid seeing both me
and my pain.
May 19, 2018
May 19, 2018 at 2:38 AM UTC
our souls struggled
to share the spotlight,
but oh...
when our demons danced,
it made the very sky jealous;
we were stars brighter than any night had known before.
May 19, 2018
May 19, 2018 at 2:30 AM UTC
"Hold on."
"Try harder."
"Just a little longer to get through."
I understand you're trying to encourage and be kind,
but these words you're spouting at me
aren't anything new.
This "revelation" you've given me
tried to take root in my soul, as words do,
but they shriveled up dry
& the rejection left a nasty bruise.
For growth demands light & water & love,
but I've been long out of those,
so although your push to borrow tomorrow's happiness is tempting,
that's how people end up in debt, as the universe knows.
When we use things unearned
& take what's not ours with empty promises of repayment,
the heart shrivels under the weight of the endless torment
which is the Happiness Debt.
May 19, 2018
May 19, 2018 at 2:28 AM UTC
Maybe one person
can't change The World,
but you melted into my life
and the world (mine, at least)
was never the same.
Changed, by you.
Apr 26, 2018
Apr 26, 2018 at 4:11 AM UTC
And on the final day,
I watched the flames
lick up my words.
I set them all ablaze;
none of them
made you
stay.
Apr 22, 2018
Apr 22, 2018 at 1:12 PM UTC
I remind myself each morning that you're a want - not a need.
And each night I wander off to the stars with the realization that
I am everything without you
Apr 21, 2018
Apr 21, 2018 at 6:23 PM UTC