#exitential
A single tear flow
as my ink leaves some
pretense of what
might be my legacy.
I want to rest
a long sleep
The long night
of stillness,
where winter
as come and time
has no end
and becomes
a usless analogy,
a measure of
the human psyche
I am dying
each day, minute
and second of my life
From the very first
second that I was
thrown onto this
Drifting piece of rock
Only that,
I don't want to wait,
a death bestowed
upon me by any human
or divine intervention
unbiased,
unprejudiced,
a fair chance at death
I am tired, shallow and fearful.
empty, lonely, repulsive, forgotten
and unloved
unworthy to leave
any tracks of who I am
Some think of me
as a poet, a nightingale
of dreams, a counselor
a friend
who always has
inspired words
of beauty and sentiments
and emotions.
I am no such thing.
I am a child,
jailed in a body
of a man, frightened
of my own thoughts.
I am a victim of life,
a useless piece of flesh,
so ugly and inadequate,
who can't see a reason
to genuinely smile,
who talks alone,
who walks, restless throughout
sleepless nights and is not
really wanted
I'm a repulsive piece
of meat, put together
by mistake on an assembly line.
I just want my beauty sleep
the endless kind for those
who have been neglected
and have left of them
no memories.
I am one step closer.
Oh Creator if you are really there
give me strenght to make the terrifying leap into the unknown
and let me rest.
To those I've loved
as companions
on this journey
I ask to be placed
under the shade
of a coconut tree,
so as I may give
food to the hunger
of those whom have
allowed me to pass
and my ashes will
make good feed
for the birds,
the bees
and the sons and daughters of man.
So there I said it, I write it and put it out in the world to see, so at least one person will know
I am waiting for the end to come.
Apr 13, 2019
Apr 13, 2019 at 1:03 PM UTC