#exboyfriend
My every waking thought,
is scorched by the ghost of her existence
The permanent place that she's effortlessly kept,
while I spent months hoping to float in his orbit.
It is not loathing that I feel towards her;
It is worse.
It is obsession.
An obsession with the turning mechanics of her brain,
An obsession with how she occupied his mind delicately,
While I am left scavenging for simple afterthoughts.
His insults settle like vitriol on my skin,
acid leaking from my eyes in the dead of night,
I am haunted by the quiet cruelty of his wicked thoughts,
wondering if he always seemed to measure my entity against hers.
A mere duplicate.
That is the only reason he reached for me,
While I foolishly conjured up the hope
That he saw me for me.
3d ago
May 30, 2026 at 10:53 PM UTC
How does one feel okay to discard me instinctively,
While I am left burning with the smoke that has consumed my very being?
The bellowing beast howling through the ashes,
Relentlessly telling me I was not enough.
The ink bleeding onto these pages
Is the post-mortem of how innate my solicitude was toward you.
The salt streams running down my flushed cheeks
Are proof that I would have sat with you through the bloodiest trenches.
Even though my anguish will never ricochet back to drown you,
Even though she is a blinding shooting star lighting your sky—
Is it plausible that I was still profoundly important to you?
That is the cruel, fickle trap of closure.
We are left to swirl the unanswered questions in our artistry.
She possesses a striking consciousness,
But did my devotion require the mere footnotes of your life?
She is granted the grace to be a phantom in your life,
But why was my soul the one condemned to bear your invective?
2d ago
May 31, 2026 at 10:10 PM UTC
I hate the way you make me feel
Like I am carrying 400lbs of extra weight
On my body
I hate hiw oppressive you turned
I hate the fact that you're birthday
Stole alot from me
And I cannot replace what was stolen
From me
I hate you for what you did
To make me have to lie to others about you
I hate the fact that your old school
I am angry for the simple fact that you are still here
When you shouldn't be even around me
All this aggression
All this hate and anger
Is baggage for me
And you don't know what you have don't yet...
Your lies lead me to lie
And I ******* hate that
Feb 5, 2025
Feb 5, 2025 at 1:25 PM UTC
I had to this
Or it would have been
My freedom at stake
As you are so controlling
You won’t even let me
Have any friends
To this I say
(U)p yours and
Good bye as I
Find you more toxic then
Sarin gas!
The pictures of you
Gaslighting me
You taking everything that isn’t my skin
I hope there is a place for you in the hell fire
Might I suggest not being in another relationship
Again!
*******
Feb 3, 2025
Feb 3, 2025 at 6:09 PM UTC
Lord knows I knew this day would come
Thinking it wouldn’t would make me dumb
What’s left behind is just mere crumbs
And I sit here feeling fully numb
Burned words written on paper
Getting rid of your name on my skin with a scraper
I’m still waiting for these feeling to taper
Can it be you think of me as often as I think of you?
Please tell me what it is I need to do
Because I want to be free of us too
Wedding dresses and white linens
I need to remind myself that this isn’t fiction
But I’m tired of using the proper diction under these conditions
Tuxedos and ties
You’re going to look so handsome I won’t lie
As she walks down the aisle to you
and all your friends and families are in the pews
I’ll be the farthest thing from your mind, I know that’s true
Center pieces and best man speeches
I can’t forget how sweet you were at times, sweeter than peaches
I can’t forget the flames of the summer fires, or how our friends helped you change your flat tire.
I can’t forget how at night when we’d finally retire you’d hold me tighter and tighter.
I can’t forget what it was like to feel chosen by you and maybe my memories are skewed but I swear at one time you loved me too
My heart is broken you’re taking this next step together, I really can’t lie
And I knew it from the moment I saw you with her that she was the real love of your life
And baby that cut me like a knife
Knowing… she’s going to be your wife
You once spoke of being my husband
And darling I got accustomed
To the idea of living forever with you
I got accustomed to the idea you’d help me make the bed in the house we own too
I got accustomed to the idea of your hand being a cooling compress on my forehead as we welcomed a child into this world, I bet their eyes would’ve been blue.
I’ve loved you for so long and what I fear is
that I’ll continuously bring you up year after year. I fear that every time I drink a beer I’ll feel like curling up into a sphere because the taste on my tongue makes me want you near, but honey that’s impossible to do because we aren’t even peers.
I‘ve often wondered what it would take for me to forget how we’d dance with me on your feet or how many nights we spent together in the summer heat. I’ve often wondered just how much you loved me and if you ever forgot what we did in your backseat.
Does she kiss your cigarette burns?
are there parts of my body or heart for which you still yearn? I think you’ve learned to keep the thought of me and our ashes in an urn, and I know I need to accept it’s no longer my turn.
The thought of you is like a drug
I’m drinking up memories of you like beer in a frosted mug
All I can think of is our last hug
And how we swayed along with the sound of the party and how I felt electric like a fully charged battery pulled from a plug
How can I get over this addiction?
The sorrow I feel and all this conviction,
They say all I need are some restrictions.
But how can I forget the way you flashed a smile at me and I’d just spill, how can I forget the way you said “this is my girl” the night you took that pill and we stayed up all night for the thrill.
How can I forget the way you’d say my name or call me your pastry
You said it was because I was so sweet,
just one kind word from you would make me shaky and now these memories leave me feeling achy.
I wish so much that it would be me, that one day you’d get on one knee and tell all the other girls to leave you be. I thought I was the one that held your heart’s key, but now I know it was never me.
I thought we’d raise children together, I thought we could withstand any stormy weather. But since you’re without me, you’ve been doing so much better. I’d like to think you reminisce when you pull on your sweater, the one I walked in the rain to buy, don’t you remember?
A part of me feels like just laying here and accepting my fate, that your name will forever be tattooed on my tongue and that I’ll never be able to see straight. A part of me feels like accepting my eyes will forever scan the crowds of people walking downtown trying to find your face.
Forgetting your first love shouldn’t take eight years, it shouldn’t take all these tears, and it shouldn’t make my heart feel like it’s being stabbed with a spear. These are the reasons I’ve felt like our love can’t just disappear. It gone somewhere, where I’m not sure, that part is unclear.
Maybe our love has stayed in the woods, and in the sunsets. Maybe our love is in the pool of regrets, or maybe just maybe it’s in its own maisonette. Furnished with all the memories of your once favorite and special brunette.
Maybe our soul tie was never torn, maybe there are parts of you that still mourn the times I made you feel warm. Maybe there are parts of me you absolutely abhor. And yet I feel like I’ll forever be waiting for you by the back door.
I’m praying once you say “I do” I’ll finally be rid of you and I’ll see just how much I grew. I’ll slip on my dancing shoes and sway to the truth of how I was one of the lucky few. I won’t message you out of the blue, I know you and her are together like paper and glue and she’ll be the one to give you your morning brew.
I won’t be the one who washes your clothes, I won’t be the one to comfort you when you’re feeling low. I won’t even be the one to hear you say hello, you’ll forever ***** my heart like a thorn on a rose.
Now that you are affianced there’s no room for me in this newly made alliance. I’m sure as wedding presents you’ll get many a kitchen appliance. You were good at math and I science, it’s been years since I’ve felt the vapors of our dalliance.
You, my love, are filling the role of a spouse, and yet I still remember the feeling of you taking off my blouse. When we met it felt like my first time stepping into a greenhouse, leaves of green and flowers so vibrant, everything so peaceful and silent. You were special like purple violets.
I can’t believe I have to let you go. It’s been so **** long and although my body and heart are screaming no, I must say goodbye to you this I know. You’re the river that flowed and it’s been years since you’ve run cold.
I’ll work on forgetting you, and how for my seventeenth birthday you bought me flowers that were orange and blue. I’ll work on forgetting all the times you made me feel good, I’ll work on forgetting sitting on your lap and how tall you stood. I’ll work on forgetting associating you with the smell of burnt firewood. And I’ll work on forgetting how much I loved you in my late childhood.
Apr 11, 2023
Apr 11, 2023 at 5:06 PM UTC
mail gets delivered everyday
do you ever expect a letter from me asking you to meet me halfway?
packages getting delivered under the windowsill
accidentally spilling coffee on the water bill
I have my book of stamps and personalized stationary too
just give me a pen and tell me what address am I sending this letter to?
pictures and videos
your recorded laugh echoes
seeing these old photos of you in your youth
feels like waiting in line at a tollbooth
visiting the past comes at a price
it costs a pretty penny and tends to be unwise
these pictures and letters will never make it to your mailbox
just like when you see me you'll always move over to the other side of the sidewalk
finding these captured moments of the past
makes me want to climb in my car and drive fast
you seemed happy then and even happier now
it doesn't seem like I've brought you too down
eight years ago today you gave me ten digits to dial
I thought our six hundred and thirty six days spent together was beautiful like mosaic tile
you were the first, that I cannot change
but even if I could, there's nothing I would rearrange
you still move me in ways i cannot explain
even after all these years there are so many feelings that still remain
some bad and some good
just wondering
do you still wear the sweatshirt I got you,
the one with the hood?
I'm sure I am forgotten about
everything about me in your mind, completely wiped out
which is fine
just at least have a glimmer of when your heart was mine
mail coming on the seventh day is a nice concept
except
no matter where you are, wherever the trees sway
the mail never comes on Sunday
Jun 9, 2022
Jun 9, 2022 at 1:11 PM UTC
the face of a man whose children I almost had
he bought me a teal house that needed some work- but it wasn't that bad
spending hours in a stream finding every last crawdad
laying on my back in a field on a summer night feeling glad
these are the things that make me mad
a man who's loyal to no land
what things are in the drawer of your nightstand?
shouldn't I know first hand?
this feels like I'm sinking in quick sand
the announcement of someone new loving you didn't tear me apart
it's you sleeping with your brother's wife that did me in, sweetheart
who did you outsmart?
whose lives are kept in the dark?
locked and confined to the four corners of a house
you turn the lights off and take off her blouse
broken vows
what happened to the man who couldn't even hurt a mouse?
when you look in the mirror what do you see?
blue eyes as deep and vast as the sea?
a face full of deceit?
grabbing all the things you gave me, wishing I kept the receipt
bury your self respect in concrete
let your face burn scarlet when they ask
"so how did you two meet?"
black eyed susan vines
when and where did you both cross the line?
what you've done feels like swallowing turpentine
but it's all fine
good luck trying to untangle yourselves in these web of lies.
Apr 8, 2022
Apr 8, 2022 at 4:32 PM UTC
what a journey today was
it was as if everything i envisioned became a reality
sitting in the passenger seat, watching your ****** expressions as you spoke
reminiscent of the times our lips would interlock
reminiscent of when my gaze would be fixated on that smile of yours
it must be illegal, to even think of such a thought
because you were the one who hurt me most
yet today, speaking as if we were best friends felt so comfortable
it felt as if time never passed
speaking of our distant memories of when we were together
as if it was some form of amusement only we could understand
the fact i'm even writing about you feels illegal
but i can't help but think about how it felt looking in your eyes today
the same pair of eyes i once used to think belonged to the man i loved
i was freshly fifteen at the time, but my heart felt so attached to you
and the fact that i'm an ice cold stone now, who can't feel anything, surprises me more
or so i think
Dec 9, 2021
Dec 9, 2021 at 12:44 AM UTC
You used to lie right next to me
So close
But now you’re far and gone
I used to think our souls were tied
So tight
But now I think they’re torn
Sep 27, 2021
Sep 27, 2021 at 6:05 AM UTC
I did not treat you the greatest,
But you did not treat me right too.
And since we heartbreakingly departed,
In other men, I am searching for you.
You were my first real love,
I adored you so incredibly much.
But now you forever hate me,
And I've forgotten your touch.
We will never again meet,
Our love is in the past.
Though, there was a time when
We thought it would surely last.
After you left me broken,
On Valentine's Day,
I fell into a dangerous spiral.
And lost myself along the way.
I have seen eight since our love fell,
In roughly three hundred days.
And in that time frame,
I thought I had parted ways.
But it seems you still cross my mind,
And I will sometimes check up on you.
I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes
I miss the old love we'd once had too.
But might I add as well; listen to my voice.
In every situation, I was always his last choice.
People that had bullied me, he cared for more.
To this boy, standing up for me was a chore.
He cared more for himself than for me,
He cared about his image, so much more.
And when he told me he never loved me,
I fell down, heart in agony, tears on the floor.
He tried leaving, I didn't want him to go.
And so, I tried hurting myself in front of him,
All as a means of telling him no.
It worked, he stayed a little as he did care,
Although it was not in the way I wanted;
And with you, I will now share.
Valentine's Day, he said he never loved me,
After nine months, he expressed the kind of love.
It was not the love I had; the unconditional kind.
And it was not the other either, from up above.
It was the sort of love that had him blind.
What I'm saying is that he felt nothing but lust.
His feelings for me had faded away;
And that is why I ended it that day.
I told him, if you walk out the door, we are done.
Oh my, you should have seen him run.
And left alone, I screamed.
You would have thought I'd been stabbed!
To my chest, my hand held and grabbed.
My heart was exploding, love flying away.
I screamed out, but I wouldn't see him today.
Or ever again.
And now I keep trying to find you,
Somehow, in other men.
Feb 28, 2021
Feb 28, 2021 at 10:34 AM UTC
I cut my roots I don’t know where I began
Suffering for you again and again
Compromising with my captor
When will I end this chapter
How do you escape a fate that you create
One day I’ll leave this place
Feb 7, 2021
Feb 7, 2021 at 10:23 PM UTC
Hndi siya si Perpekto at lalong hindi siya si Mr. Right
Si X-MEN siya, na dati'y lumapit
Ngunit umalis ng dahil sa relasyong nakasakit.
English Translation:
EX (Ex Boyfriend)
He is not Perfect and especially he is not Mr. Right
He is X-MEN (ex-boyfriend), who used to approach
But left because of the hurtful relationship.
Nov 19, 2020
Nov 19, 2020 at 2:25 AM UTC
Dear ex-boyfriend,
I'm sorry you had to go.
It wasn't fair, but I understand.
Your happiness was just as important to me
as my own.
Dear ex-boyfriend,
I hope you're doing well.
Never will I wish ill upon you,
no matter how much I wish I hate you.
Dear ex-boyfriend,
I'm crying on the floor.
My sadness is a black hole trying to **** me into myself.
I miss you.
Dear ex-boyfriend,
I'm wearing the makeup that you hated.
**** you.
I do what I want.
Dear ex-boyfriend,
You gave me hope that you would come back to me.
Don't.
Dear ex-boyfriend,
I realized that I never needed you to love me.
I realized that I was right here to do it for you.
Dear ex-boyfriend,
I look back fondly on our time together.
I will always love you.
But you left, and please never look back.
Dear ex-boyfriend,
One day you'll find a girl better than me.
I hope she makes you happy.
Sep 11, 2020
Sep 11, 2020 at 12:24 PM UTC
I heard the news
Maybe he meant for me to see
Slipped out in a 3-person text thread
Funny it was only news to me
Aug 2, 2020
Aug 2, 2020 at 7:46 PM UTC
I dated a boy this year who was more difficult to understand than any girl I’ve ever dated. He always wanted to be with me, which isn’t a bad thing, I guess, unless you’re in school, and you’re trying to focus, and he’s starting to become controlling and clingy.
It started slow, with hugs every time I would walk to my other classes, and that was sweet. Then it grew to ten hugs in half an hour of seeing each other. And maybe it’s because I’m gay and didn’t realize it yet but he just got on my nerves all of the time.
When we had only been dating for a few weeks, he said
“I love you”
And I told him I didn’t love him back. I said it was too early and we were young and I was still figuring things out. He said
“I guess I’ll just have to keep saying it until you get used to it and say it back”
I couldn’t seem to explain to him how angry that sentence made me, or how toxic it sounded, and he continued to tell me, at least five times a day
“I love you”
I had not told my first girlfriend that I loved her, ever. I hadn’t told my second girlfriend until we’d been together for three months. I guess I should have told him then that we had to break up, that it wasn’t working. Instead, I gave in, I said
“I love you”
back to him. And that made him happy, but it made my insides coil every time I thought about him. Still, I did not break up with him. I thought I needed him for some reason. Because as much as I hated it, he did tell me he loved me, and I hadn’t heard that in a long time.
So when he began to say things like
“My girl”
Or
“She’s mine”
Or calling me
“Babe” unironically,
I let it go. I thought it’s just a show of love. When I did tell him not to call me babe, he called me that the next day. He never seemed to remember when I told him things like that.
But he did tell me he loved me, however cheap those words were. I didn’t think about the fact he’d probably said that to his other eight girlfriends before me too.
The day I broke up with him, I told him I was still trying to figure out my sexuality. He replied,
“Fine, it’s not that big of a change anyway, from pan to gay, we'll just rewrite that in the books”
And that was when I knew that I was doing a good thing in breaking up with him. Because that relationship was not healthy, and I wasn’t happy.
He and I are still friends I guess, but not really. We don’t talk anymore, and I think that was always a problem we’d had.
Apr 13, 2020
Apr 13, 2020 at 5:14 AM UTC
your letters, written to coax an empty heart.
an illusion written with dying lead,
begging to fade away.
it is still beautiful, marching in formation
on the loose leaf paper towards the end.
your signature,
which stands to be the only thing left true.
I keep it,
a reminder how lies are beautiful
in your handwriting.
Mar 24, 2020
Mar 24, 2020 at 6:34 PM UTC
Can you remember when you were here?
I haven’t experienced any worse
I maybe should feel relieved
But I have never believed
That being free from your
Would mean emptiness
Mar 12, 2020
Mar 12, 2020 at 7:14 AM UTC
i cannot feel my legs
and my poems stay unread.
it takes two hours to loose myself
and a lifetime to find her again.
i look for her in dark bookstore hallways
fingers across the shelves,
picking up pieces of other people,
trying to reclaim the ones i gave away to you.
i shouldve known you wouldnt have remembered.
i shouldve known you would let me hang up.
we end our phone calls without i love you's,
yet you always say goodbye.
Jan 6, 2020
Jan 6, 2020 at 10:59 PM UTC
Adding honey to my tea and grabbing a stirrer, I see you out of the corner of my eye, baseball cap on, nose buried deep in a book.
Walking on these downtown streets today I thought to myself “I’m happy, and I’m happy without him”
See, the pain of our love crashing and burning doesn’t matter until I see you.
My stomach drops, my veins seize up, I’m stopped dead in my tracks.
I wish I could’ve said hello, I wish I could’ve asked “reading something interesting?”
But this is our reality, pretending we’re strangers and forcing the nights we spent under the moon out, out, out of our heads.
I don’t think I could look you in the eyes, I think it would immediately tug my heart down to my feet
The idea of us being friends is bittersweet like lemon drops, but no one talks about the bitter aftertaste.
I wish you well, I wish you happiness, and I hope you enjoy your cup of coffee with your read.
Aug 26, 2019
Aug 26, 2019 at 6:01 PM UTC