#emotionalconflict
Dear you,
Hi it's me the idiot girl who fell in love with you.
As much as I don't like admitting this, I can no longer refuse to call it to the surface after 6 long years of mentally denying it.
I wish I hadn't; fallen in love with you that is.
I thought after what happened I could easily cut you out and try to forget, but I say this honestly now, that never really happened in my heart.
You don't have to worry though as much as my heart breaks and hurts I won't confess to you.
I will continue to play the role of "friend" and pick up my pieces after.
I will keep it locked inside me and one day, hopefully, I won't be the idiot girl anymore.
I will have let go and moved on.
But I'm not her now; as much as I would like.
Cause here I am still in love with you.
The memories I have of us are joyous but laced in pain.
When I delve into them it's like I willingly place my heart into the fire...... I can't help it.
Sometimes I wonder was any of it ever real?
You made me question my value.
Even to this day I shy away from intimacy and others that may try to get to know me.
And you know why?
Because it's your face I see, it's the way YOU make me feel that I feel.
They can't compare.
Then I wonder will I be like this forever?
Even when you lied to me, even when you began walking away, I still loved you, I still love you.
Sometimes it's hard to look at your face.
As we have begun to be friends again, I find myself holding back.
Reminding myself not to go back there again.
As much as I still love you, I know that it is just as much you still don't love me.
I have been asking God lately to help me when it comes to you.
I pray that He would change THE WAY I love you.
I have asked Him to help me see you as a brother, but He made me realize that first I must be willing to give up all the feelings I have for you now.
My grip is a lot stronger than I thought so it is going to take some time.
There are moments I physically remove myself from you so I can be firmly planted on the ground again.
Believe me when I say I am trying.
I don't want you to be constantly worried if I will like you again, although I have admitted to loving you this isn't what you have to watch out for.
This is a me thing.
This is a path I have to walk and funnily enough I have to walk it alone.
You can't fix it, you can't prevent it.
Only I can.
So I will continue to love you at a distance until my grip loosens and my love is able to change.
You don't need to worry, I've got this.
Continue being you and I will continue being me.
Eventually the knots will untangle and we will both be set free.
Sincerely,
The idiot girl in love with you.
Apr 12, 2016
Apr 12, 2016 at 9:02 PM UTC
Walk away now.
Turn back before you have gone to far.
To good for black widowed ways.
More than her preying mantis love.
She knows the monster that she is,
This is why she tells you to run.
Her greatest creation,
The masks for which she has spun.
Intricately woven threads of silky lies
intwined with bits of brokenness.
A warm summer breeze to mask the inferno within.
A sweet delicate smile to mask the bleeding tongue.
A flutter of her eyes to mask the cold dead stillness.
Run.
She gives you fair warning,
Run.
This is not what she wants for you
But she can not help who she is.
She would rather you in the arms of another lover
Then to remain with her where she will eat you alive.
Her darkness is contagious.
Her beauty only a facade from afar.
Get to close she will cut you
and allow the Black Death to seep in.
She doesn't want this, she doesn't
But she is to weak to stop
She is only strong enough to warn you
But you must chose to walk.
Turn around.
Run.
She cannot feel though she tries
Forget this girl and move on.
You are to good for her.
Need I tell it to your face?
You are to good for me.
(And he did)
Mar 17, 2014
Mar 17, 2014 at 9:46 PM UTC
Why doesn’t the heart
understand simple calculation?
Two plus two… is four.
Not fifteen.
Not sixteen.
Just a simple equation.
Still, it trusts
the harder solution,
chases the complicated answer
to a simple question,
and ends in frustration.
Yet… even then,
it chooses
what it already knows
is wrong.
Mar 28
Mar 28, 2026 at 9:02 AM UTC
There’s being full, a fool,
a fool in love— I can’t tell
which one I am to you; whole,
or just half-truth dressed in
something that feels true.
Obsessed— dream-fed, still
needing your kisses; glued
to skin on skin; something
that stitches, but is this love…
or repeated fixes?
Heart up front—yet I front
my heart; why race you,
just to play a part?
Love is blind— a blindfold gift
you never see; I hand you gold;
you hold it differently.
Bittersweet; see-through ties/lies
I still maintain; past plays back,
redirects—and love just plays
again: oh, what a forgetful,
blind, ignorant cycle.
Mar 23
Mar 23, 2026 at 4:14 AM UTC
Last Message Received —
...lust isn’t a feeling I’d openly receive—
I sign for nothing that arrives skin-deep.
A grey smile worn; I feel so blue;
raw pink cheeks—but not love’s red,
more like a notification not yet read;
heat without heartbeat, warmth misled—
a silent reply that was never sent.
Paragraph lines assemble a face,
well-formatted pain in a presentable place;
pretty at a glance, but shift your view—
the margins hold wars I never wrote through.
I am dual-SIM soul—
two selves on call: one rings me out,
names every flaw, the other cuts the line
mid-fall, then goes offline when life gets raw.
Highs and lows—compressed to text,
life summarized in what comes next;
“YOLO”—they type,
Like that’s the truth… one life to live—
yet I live in two.
Mar 19
Mar 19, 2026 at 4:09 PM UTC
There are words I never speak, yet they echo in my mind,
Like whispers of a love unclaimed, a bond undefined.
She stands there, untethered, a dream I cannot chase,
Yet every thought of mine finds solace in her embrace.
I send her verses, the echoes of my soul,
She reads, she smiles, yet never takes the role.
She says she won't be mine, yet she never drifts away,
Like the moon that lights my night but never meets the day.
And I wonder—what am I to her? A fleeting thought, a gentle phase?
Am I the endless sky she gazes at, or the home where she stays?
Like Amrita’s heart torn between the vast and the known,
Am I the dream she admires or the shelter she calls home?
I wish she knew the weight of my silence, the storm in my chest,
The longing in my veins, the ache that never rests.
But love is cruel, it lets you feel but keeps you blind,
It makes you yearn for presence, yet leaves you behind.
Could I be both? The sky she soars in, the roof where she hides?
Could I be her wildest journey and her safest side?
Or am I just a whisper in the wind she lets pass?
A beautiful pause in a story never meant to last.
If only love required no words, no confessions, no plea,
If only hearts could hear what lips never set free.
But love, my love, is a tale of what never aligns,
Of longing without answer, of unsaid yet felt signs.
Mar 29, 2025
Mar 29, 2025 at 2:24 PM UTC
I lost someone who still breathes,
But the heart that once knew them is hollow,
A ghost in a space where dreams should be,
Stuck between what was and what could follow.
A version of me never came to be,
A story left half-written,
In the silence of what was never said,
A love that was forbidden.
How do you grieve when the ending's unclear?
When they’re still here, but gone all the same,
When your soul is waiting, but they disappear,
Leaving only ashes and a forgotten name.
I stand in ruins of what almost was,
A place of longing, without a sound,
And though I pretend I’ve moved on,
I’m still here, waiting to be found.
Mar 4, 2025
Mar 4, 2025 at 10:52 AM UTC
काश हम उनसे मिले नहीं होते,
तो ना सहना पड़ता ये दूरियों का ग़म।
हालांकि वो अलग बात है कि
हमारे चेहरे पर फिर ये मुस्कान के पल ना होते।
Jan 21, 2025
Jan 21, 2025 at 10:35 AM UTC
That line in the sand
Overlooking the warm and welcoming sea
I walked up to the line and stared at it intently
And in those moments a war was waged within me, my head and heart both taking opposing sides
Here I'll relay as much of that intense conversation, from beside the battle lines
Brain: we shall not cross that line! For who knows what could be waiting on the other side!
There could be crippling danger or possible injury! Diseases and financial ruin could lie across that line!
And my heart took those sentiments in kind, and then responded with the following reply
Heart: we must cross this line! Not knowing is part of the thrill! And you're right we could be hurt crossing over to the other side! But that's part of life so just chill! There could be Love and adventure, wealth both in money and in experience and enjoyment of our surroundings! We've starved in life for too long and it's time we move forward by boldly leaping and bounding!
I guess, like two face I'm in two minds about my situation
But I'd rather consider my options and move decisively than run blindly in like LEEEEROOOYYYYYY JEEEENNNNNKINNNNS
Aug 7, 2016
Aug 7, 2016 at 1:43 AM UTC