#dual
You can try to make us less soft, less open, less fiery…
But you are the ones who are frozen -
The ones who won’t make the diary,
When everything you claim to be right is distorted and stolen…
You can’t stop us from flying towards the light
and glowing green and golden…
So best just leave us be… you’re the wanderers of this gallery and we’re the centrepiece…
Having travelled many galaxies to see you differently,
You still look at us with one colouring, through one sheen -
But it’s time to evolve or flee…
Our wings shield your swords and shine a light but only for those who want to see -
And those who want to see have wings like me,
And we hold each other carefully…
When our eyes meet - catching our dual infinity…
Our endless vision reminding us that within our dual lucency, we belong to many cosmic entities…
Sep 11, 2025
Sep 11, 2025 at 6:20 AM UTC
She was loud but quiet .
She rebelled but yet repent.
She was snow yet fire.
She burned yet burnt.
She was one, yet two
Duality lived beneath her skin,
She was possessive, cruel
yet detached, aloof.
She prayed with eyes
She yearned in silence.
She screamed with tears
She dreamed of violence.
Her energy wasn’t radiant
It burned low, too quiet.
She loved the glow,
The beauty of ice.
Made bonds, not deep.
She preached,
Not presence ,But soul.
Not me, but Bond
Not me but bond...
---
Jul 9, 2025
Jul 9, 2025 at 12:27 AM UTC
~
*alone and an imposter,
deep in syndrome.
she absorbs the frost of seasonal ghosts
and hopeless feelings
of death and darkness.
she only shows one side of her every time.
she calls a random number
from a bar in the middle of the night,
seeking to confess
or find solace in the voice of a stranger.
but any stranger might just happen to be
a lie detector.
still she lays bare all the duplicity
and fragmentation of self:
prescription bottles with two different names,
elaborate façades in Los Angeles
and in New York,
so complicated she creates
something she calls the lie box.
inside her purse there's a collection
of file cards. "I tell so many lies," she says.
"I have to write them down and keep them
in a box so I can keep them straight."
alone she waits for either
sweet apricity or identikit:
each a memento of her faces.*
~
Feb 26, 2023
Feb 26, 2023 at 3:57 PM UTC
After researching about the pineal cyst
in my brain. I have finally have answers
to the identity crisis I was experiencing
over the last 15 years.
The pineal cyst was in fact responsible
for my gender confusion
same as the depo injection which caused me more
my issues to worsen and it was all
simply through hormone changes;
It would often increase Testosterone and this
created minor physical changes which made
more hair grow than usual on my legs
and sometimes the hair would even grow
on my chin my mum would have to
pluck them with tweezers as a teenager
I would often feel awkward and
embarrassed of my appearance.
It would also cause mental changes
in the brain and would alter the way I would behave
and led me into participating in more
masculine interests and activities
it would make me more more aggressive
and made my fiery tempers worst.
The hormone changes were so very quick
in the brain causing the confusion,
it even distorted the way I perceived my body image
and would always make me feel like an alien
that never felt comfortable in its own skin.
I never really felt I fit into any category;
there was times where I would talk, behave and dress
very feminine and then there were times
where I looked in the mirror
and the pretty dress I wore a day a go
didn't look or feel right
I would often have a change in clothing
a few days later nd wear more jeans and band t-shirts.
I even wore male clothing in town
so I could blend in and feel more safe
not be targeted sexually by men
who would often make funny and rude gestures
which made my skin crawl.
I fell in love more with wearing an more uniform / neutral
style of clothing like suits and trousers;
I did secretly like wearing my school uniform
as a teenager it would often make me feel more comfortable
I didn't ever feel male or female in puberty
just saw myself as Kim and sometimes
would even address myself more in a more third person
rather than an he or she the older I got
as I was often confused in the direction
I was taking and didn't know
what gender I really was I have learned
over the years to accept this is me
and it will never change.
I didn't think it would be even
possible in my life time to ever have a child
with my bad lifestyle and hormone problems
I was so happy when it did happen
and for a very good reason
it helped me to sort my life out for the better.
Being called mummy however felt alien
at first I have now fully
accepted this name and role for me
in Life and it no longer feels strange.
I will tell Sophie as she grows older when she's a teenager what I have been dealing with over the years
its best to be honest with your kids
and have no secrets.
I have always been honest with my other half
from the start of our relationship
and I want Sophie to grow up
being more open minded
and have some awareness
of gender and body image
she can then appreciate and find her own
identity in Life too.
I will always be there for her
regardless of her choices I will teach her
to think carefully first before making
any important Life decisions that
you can never change again
At one point it felt weird being called
a man or woman;
I don't mind now being called by any of these pronouns
I will respond to being called either of them;
my main preference however would be
for people to simply if in doubt call me
by my first name Kim or Kimmy.
My way to deal with my identity
issues or (dual identity) as I call it
is not in fact to ever reject
or ignore these feelings;
this causes more depression
and alienation in the brain
to get the right moral
support in place.
Talking therapy really helps break the
identity barriers down so I don't feel alone
and to simply take notice of these feelings
and dress more how I'm feeling for the day
sometimes it might just enough
to satisfy these feelings / hormone changes;
One day I will feel comfortable with my identity
for now that's the way I will overcome this issue.
this might make me quirky and strange
to other people but I am just being me.
Feb 3, 2022
Feb 3, 2022 at 11:53 PM UTC
Waking up in valorous conduct/
aware of my impetuous commitments/
I long for awakenings when my eyes seem to be open/
Misinterpreting a reality I can’t untangle/
Trying to bring about the moments that brought me most happiness by force/
Valiant to go against my deepest rejections/
Alone in the moments we belong together in/
To think my art was stymied by your love/
Selfish me, couldn’t see it took a selfless “Sweet” to redeem our forever ever after/
(Interruptions from the tip of my ego)
(Getting the best of my fragility, I’m not tough)
In shambles after processing what once was, actually was/
Questioning the will my mental grip strength had during changes I never wanted to face/
Your love, like pummeling fists dodged my ignorance/
Careless and regretful, the silence is filled with what “was”/
Ashamed, but perhaps a benison in development.... through the pain/
Apr 19, 2020
Apr 19, 2020 at 8:13 AM UTC
Flax blades
Howling birds
The tears of strangled mountains
Flip a coin
The land of the long white cloud
A sun so bright
The shadows are buried
7 feet below
Alongside those whose eyes
Were convinced
The coin only flipped one side
Sep 4, 2019
Sep 4, 2019 at 5:53 PM UTC
I have come to accept
that a writer who
creates on paper
is not the same person
who walks on Earth
Mar 29, 2019
Mar 29, 2019 at 4:43 AM UTC
Wealth drips from the fingertips of the rich
They languish in the materialism of the good life
Living out heaven on earth
The rumble of an empty stomach echoes through an alley
***** and homeless, people crawl to their tents
living to starve another day
Flashing lights brighten their already made faces
As they step carefully out of the limousine
Greeting the crowd with a wave, they enter through double doors
Ready to make a dramatic entrance
They sneak a sandwich through their ratty sleeve
As they wander through the convenience store
Desiring the things they cannot purchase
Alarms ring in their arrest
Bubbling champagne fills them with giddiness
Socializing with the friends that stick around for the money
The wealth that you have
And that they want
Waiting for your release
From this empty, pitiful cell
They stare at the wall,
Marked with the days until release into a life worse than before
As they head home, you realize
Is this a life worth living?
With fake friendships
And worthless objects surrounding you
As they uncuff you, you realize
Is this a life worth living?
With poverty at every open door
And no future to look forward to?
They both rush to the brooklyn bridge
Poised for the rush of bone-chilling water to fill their lungs
But as they look out at the city
The bright lights spell out:
The system is broken
Oct 22, 2018
Oct 22, 2018 at 1:25 AM UTC
*
*
~
I trust yet I'm suspicious
I love yet I'm hateful
I laugh loud but I cry
I observe, I'm not blind
I try so hard by confidence
shakes
Try harder, esteem breaks
I stand strong with laughter
aimed
Locked deep, my ferno rage
I clam up
Guards up
Shields up
Inside, the shards of my bones
break
Laughter to me is a sword
with two faces
I see the argent lighthearted face,
but my eye is locked on its
shadowed edge
Malicious, cruel, sharp and swift
Sheathed ever so deep into my heart
I can hear the echoes more than feeling the pain
I pick so blindly at an open wound
My mind is a riot, a murked brew
of emotions
Time will heal the wounds,
but it's a scar I'll always remember
Anger screams
Sadness cries
Frustation seethes
A joke, am I?
The sun is dead
Blocked out by echoes
Ink
So disoriented
Heart pulses
I cannot think...
~
*
*
Oct 16, 2018
Oct 16, 2018 at 12:47 PM UTC
how much
of your life
has been decided
for you?
co-constructed
by the passing faces
on sidewalks
all life travelers
traversing dual rivers
what is
and
what shouldn't be
how often
do you enter
forbidden
territory?
Sep 10, 2018
Sep 10, 2018 at 10:11 PM UTC
It's like you see beyond the glimmer in my eyes
It's like you're able to look right through my faulty smile
It's like you see right past the parts of a different time
It's like you gaze into the depths and see two of a kind
It's like I seem to be to you as clear as the sky
Whenever you can't see a ******* cloud on the horizon, why?
You see the good intentions and you see the wicked ways
The water on the surface and the Devils own blaze!
I'm the master of my fate, I am not the beast in me!
I will not succumb, not be numb, to your ******* greed!
I will stay afloat, in the tides of misery!
I will make my way, and you will not **** me!
The jester we are one, the good and bad combined!
We live to entertain, but it's myself that I provide!
Laughing in despair, head lowered in pride
A contradictory conflict, and you see it in my eyes...
It's like you see beyond, the glimmer in my eyes
It's like you're able to look right through my faulty smile
It's like you see right past the mask behind which we will hide
It's like you gaze into the depths and see our dead divide...
Aug 20, 2018
Aug 20, 2018 at 12:46 AM UTC
The enemy is the opposite,
but they operate the
same.
Aug 10, 2018
Aug 10, 2018 at 6:51 AM UTC
The rose's hope is a dewdrop
that entices and destroys
Aug 1, 2018
Aug 1, 2018 at 6:28 PM UTC
How I want two things
To stand out and stay hidden
To let passion speak
Jul 7, 2018
Jul 7, 2018 at 12:55 PM UTC
In moments of my life
I lie, I do admit.
I try and guard my heart
with my rancor and my wit.
In moments of my life
I gave a piece of myself, for nothing in turn.
There's always another woman
for who a man's heart will yearn.
In moments of my life
I doubt I will have a one and all;
one who understands me
when I cut and when I crawl.
In moments of my life
I try and run from my fate.
Yet as I've found, with growing dread,
I'm already too late.
May 8, 2018
May 8, 2018 at 8:57 AM UTC
Though I know what it is I still choose to hide within it
A paradox to entertain
enveloped by change
Though I know what it is I still remain
Thoughts wander invariably
The labyrinth of quest
Is it the nature of desire that truly drives the ego?
Why then, do we fear it?
Though it brings everything into question I still thrive on discovery
These chemicals mix and bring about the same result
An expression of where the soul plays
It's perfect because it is and nothing is perfect too
Though an ego can be trouble, it's the catalyst for more
A secret God is the only God that will remain true
Harsh voodoo playing on the tongue
All to acknowledge ye be the bird that sung
Or the sword that swung
Or the bell that rung
Though it carries vanity, it also brings a melody
I see the spiral
I see the light
I hear the halo's birth song every single night
And I praise its glory in every way
I love you, dear shadow
You are not an enemy
In truth I know I am the one that beckons the
And though it plays a part, it always meet an end
In silver lines and diamond hills
A students will, a master's skill
A lovers passion, a sage's blessing
Collect the lightning
breathe the fire
Inherit the earth and waters
grow them higher
See the planes
Accept insane
Forgive the method of those in pain
Though the struggle urges to fall back, I adhere and then move forward
Integrate
Purify
Consecrate
Activate
Let it roll
Ride in faith
Spirit tides calm the ocean
The music was heard and the dance began
Onward into the infinite wonder
Nov 7, 2017
Nov 7, 2017 at 1:00 PM UTC
I drew a halo
over your head
to show
the world that side
and keep
the demons for me
Sep 7, 2017
Sep 7, 2017 at 8:20 AM UTC
Trapped in a cavernous haze
A blazing inferno which burns on for days
Relentless, eternal
Incendiary waves
And you stand no chance of escape
Death by Stoning!
Buried in Smoke and Rock
Never Knowing
Where it all went wrong
Dwelling in a hellish abyss
Looking for the way you came in
But you're lost as your cause
And time gives no pause
To those barricaded within
Death by Stoning
Apocalyptic Revelation
All is Burning
Succumb to Smoke Inhalation
When the world is on fire
And the flames are only growing higher
Then try to ride the dragons thunder
And let it drag you under
Dying an ethereal death
Laughing at the chaos
And mayhem you left
Taking that final breath
Say Goodbye to suffering
with one final step
Death by Stoning
Apocalyptic Revelation
All is Burning
Succumb to Smoke Inhalation
Apr 1, 2017
Apr 1, 2017 at 5:43 AM UTC
I cried for no apparent reason
I sobbed and teared my way out
Silently without any reason
I wailed hollowly as I silently shout
I laughed for not a single thing in mind
Smiling at everything in bliss
I stared wide eyed like in treasures we find
But deep in me something is amiss
The hollow feeling of something which is not there
The slight tingling of my numb soul
The feverish and endless hunger I bear
The empty shell drained from a gaping hole
I am born to be as one destined
To feel agony and joy
I have virtue yet I sinned
In deep eternity the lord's broken envoy
Of deep hatred and much love
The fear and bravery both halves
Like the flying crow and dove
I am a Yin and Yang created by the One Above.
Dec 26, 2016
Dec 26, 2016 at 3:34 AM UTC
You know me better than I, better than I know myself; you know me like I want to, like I was my own world's father. A famous goddess, parishioners won't say her name, I wrote letters to her personally, but was never brave enough to greet face to face. There's a type of prose, only intimate partners dare to go, where adjectives take verbs in rounds, and lovers sing each other songs. I've you and you have me, I'm captured by you so lovely, there's nothing I wouldn't do, good or bad, I'd ****** for you- a great vegan harvest, all of everything for my love the goddess.
In a world worshiped by false idols,
Where musicians and actors are modern day deities and neon signs flourese divine promises in magazines and the televangelist newscasters inject the masses with fear and false promises.
Opiated zombies take to the streets and go about their lives sleeping with eyes wide open at screens that have more meaning than their banal lives. But I woke-up long ago looking at the photo of your limitless azure eyes through a photograph. Long before I met you, I knew that one day our paths would cross and we would drive through the desert, deserted towns listening to Townes van Zandt and other musicians that most have only heard of through top 40 covers of their soulful songs.
The cacophony of coyotes, pumas, rattlesnakes and rabbits darting to and fro, in front of our headlights as quartz crystals reflect the full moon light, and Joshua Trees dance beneath the stars while we talk about Morrison, Harrison, Hendrix and the impact they have had on our lives. While most are drunk or dreaming, we are living the ultimate dream. I cannot wake-up to a world without you there-
Beside me and a space pig curled up asleep on the backseat as we trek across the Milky Way.
I smell the fires, their noisome stench fills my nose with the harsh turpentine and piceous smoke, but in the night we cannot see the trees. This fire could be right off our balcony. It could just be a neighbor's barbecue. How can people enjoy eating burnt and coal-battered meat? Your Uncle's neighbor apparently enjoys street meat. He killed a tick-covered deer, while he rode his scooter over the pass at night, and lied, he said he hunted it with his bare hands. Why must men and women and people lie, as if their stories capture more attention if they don't share what actually happened.
Dear you, I love you so. More and more with each passing day, I just hope one day we'll both leave this place, and share our final breaths in the same Earthen place. I promise you I'll share my final resting place so long as it's in a grave. I worry you'll want someone to spread your ashes, on a ski run in Aspen. Can we pretend small creatures live inside our walls, and rule a kingdom somewhere on our second floor, where Fraggles scramble to complete construction, on a network of tunnels.
I told you I would re-propose to you every day, I love you more than words can say. It's unquantifiable, just look beneath my eyelids. There's a man who used to share the hash he smoked, in a cove, somewhere in Venice, where the locals met us.
I'd drink and quaff your humanness, the pulchritude I cannot resist. The splendor you exude in all the passions you choose to do.
Hey you, if you find me here. Let me know if I'm still alive. I've made a wish to live, and be the father of your kids. We sing and laugh and sway, we eat apples and honey and pray, to an invisible god that could disperse all our flaws. And this moon, the one that has shone itself on empty roads, ignites the stars and stares at us shattering this cold. You were made in the image of life, I've been incommunicado but connected your dots. I wish I could color you by numbers, and count the hours we've slumbered.
There's cold-weather dripping from my nose. Where howling wolves and coyotes go. Where elk canter and mule deer pass, and a small boy moose named Bullwinkle waits for his mother to come back. Here is where the spotted marten eats from a rotting corpse, maybe it's a small naked shrew, it's map lines strewn across this town, where tourists think they know us, but they don't know my goddess.
Hey love, I'll never leave you alone. I'll never go to bed before you arrive home. I try and try not to yell, or even raise my voice above the evenings sounds. Do you hear the moose stepping on the frost-laden grass? It must have been starving for it to come this far. I'm learning now I know more about nothing, which I prefer to knowing something.
My hands won't put on the show, I told you I thought I knew. I prefer to be going down, so long as you'll always be around. I could count ten seconds until I realize my sentence. Poor birds fall out of the trees, there wings must have been freezing. I wait for you and I wait for your words. Your heart is made from all the things, I've only recently realized I've seen. Together, forever more. I take my hat off and hold open the door, I kiss your neck and eyelids and enjoy our shared silence. Keep me and never go away, you're worth more than the sky may lead, or the oceans breathe. I won't step, I won't speak, or breathe. Dear goddess, you're the only one I need. I need no one but you. I only need to know that you need me too. And one hour our shadows will meld together, while we wait outside freezing as we wait for summer.
But each season holds its own magic,
A seasonal zeitgeist where we create our own traditions that supersede the Hallmark holidays that our oligarchies have created to lead people astray from the cohesive love and communal celebrations that our predecessors revered.
Yet each moment is a cause for celebration for you are a part of my life. I cannot wait to call you my wife.
From the moment I awake and feel your warm morning breath on my chest,
I breathe in the perfume of you and kiss you gently on the forehead as you hug me closer and face nuzzle me more deeply.
Each day, more perfect than the last.
I fight sleep because life with you is more splendorous than the culmination of all of my dreams. A symphony and an endless sonnet, fairy tales cannot come close to telling the story of our love.
You show my fingers where to go on the electric guitar strings of the mahogany fretboard of the guitar you gave me for my birthday.
My hands are slowly learning how to the play the notes and lyrics that I conjure in my mind. I cannot wait to play the songs that you inspire my soul to play. We shall sing together - a melodic harmony of a quixotic ambrosia that accompanies the vibrations of my guitar strings filtered through guitar pedals and amplified in warm undertones by the Fender tube amp.
Your bass line keeps pace with the heartbeat of the song as our voices go on
Singing the songs of our adventures
As leather wearing vegans and expedition smokers.
We smoke Marlboro Red Labels to pay homage to our Americana heritage,
As we drive the Prince of Darkness to foreign lands in search of crystalline moments to write, paint, create and sing about the dream we live everyday.
The dream I live with you my dear
,is the one I never want to awake from.
Oct 8, 2016
Oct 8, 2016 at 10:44 PM UTC
Inside
We see differently
Talk differently
Feel differently
Inside
We keep our secrets
We bury our past
And dig it back up
Inside
We hope for the best
We hope to feel rest
To be at peace's loving caress
Inside
Just inside we are
What we are
And we are not
Sep 11, 2016
Sep 11, 2016 at 2:55 PM UTC
Dreamt about assassination last night,
Twitchy eyeballs popped up beneath shut lids;
Rousing ghosts in gloomy valley of fright,
Once scrubbed off from the pages of past deeds...
Fettered to outbreak of wrathful revenge,
Whence vengeance kept puking ardent outrage
Thirsting for repercussion to avenge,
Blood spilled from rampage, bleeding to damage.
Disheartened by night's elusive moonbeam,
Dream took flight from cowl and cloak of unreal;
Leaving lackluster existence to dim,
Amongst baleful shadows looming to ****
Fear retraced erased footprints for some clue,
But fate paid his due as nightmare came true...
~~~*******~~~
Triumphant, this apocalyptic grin;
Baptized in sheer ecstatic debauchery,
That veiled these lips once kissed by cryptic sin;
But haunted by horrors of lechery....
This lovelorn reprisal was created,
By dreadful days her heart's framework, he razed
Amongst ashes of anguish most hated,
Leaving behind stinging stained sheets, unfazed...
Used and tossed away left her horrific,
She rose from death, a stunning femme fatale;
Whom he left to rot, felling terrific,
But by her blade, he crawled through hell's portal...
Now, turned ammunition most criticized;
An assassin, who should be ostracized.
May 18, 2016
May 18, 2016 at 5:26 AM UTC
Is there a genuine,
Me ....
Under all these masks ????.....
Mar 18, 2016
Mar 18, 2016 at 8:52 AM UTC