#depresson
There is this weird balance of me needing it
because i get to share my work but at the same time its a need for attention
the views my work spreading
like I've wanted it to for so long
people actually understanding me
the praise god i love the praise
I yearn for the love and connection I gain
i cant get over it
it draws me in both ways
then i get stressed out
im not as good as i once thought.
Consider giving it all up,
but i know it's one of the only ways i feel better
better about things i cant get help with
May 3
May 3, 2026 at 10:04 PM UTC
What have things come too? Where has it all gone? The childhood it’s all gone, where did it go?
I tried to get it back but there’s nothing to remember, what do I recollect? I don’t remember anything from head to toe.
Why do I feel empty? What can I do to get my childhood memories back? Nothing. It’s all gone, it's faded to black, nothing is what I can recollect.
What did I do to deserve this? What has come of me, memories I can’t remember.
Why is it like this? What has happened for me to not remember? I’m so lost.
Jan 15, 2024
Jan 15, 2024 at 9:09 AM UTC
It doesnt fit
Theres an itch,
like a wrong suit and I'm pulling at the sleeves
To relieve the wrong ness,
Because it shouldn't hurt this much.
It shouldn't look like hand me downs and disaster,
like patches and a picked at lack-lustre lie
But it is, and I sit in it like the youngest.
Not my style, not my choice
Not my face or how I feel
This unrealness is someone else's.
The pattern is loud, proud of its garish
Flambouyance, as it shows off the ache
The geometric shape of my sharpness
Against the soft of sad
How it frames the sag around my shoulders.
If only I were older,
And time could take in the waist
Sew the hems and make
Me fit
Somehow this is my skin
How am I supposed to wear it?
Apr 16, 2021
Apr 16, 2021 at 11:10 AM UTC
i like to make lists
of things to buy
things get done
things i want to do
but why can't i think of
things to put on a list
entitled
things i love about myself
Mar 12, 2021
Mar 12, 2021 at 9:22 AM UTC
The past,
Something some people try to forget
And something some people revel in.
Everyone's is unique,
No past is exactly alike,
Mine is different than others.
I grew up too early,
And learned that emotions were obsolete.
They hindered more than helped,
The only thing they brought was more pain
I grew up,
Knowing the things I go through
Will shape me in the future.
I grew up,
Knowing I would always have to be strong,
So I can protect others,
From the horrors that I endured
I grew up,
Knowing the past will help shape my future
The past is the past,
And you can’t run away from it,
No matter what,
It will always come back to haunt you.
You have to deal with it,
And move on,
No matter how hard it seems,
The rollercoaster that is life,
Will always have its kinks,
But it will always end,
In either a terrifying way,
Or a satisfying way.
You pick the way you want it to end.
Jun 18, 2018
Jun 18, 2018 at 6:17 PM UTC
Why couldn’t I be the child my parents wanted?
Did God really want me to get picked on,
The **** beat out of me
By random people
******
Gay ****
Even if I haven’t consented
Dark alley ways
Salty tears
Life never seems to change
Why me?
The only question that haunts my mind
Pain surges again and again
What have I ever done to deserve this
God I pray yet nothing good has come
Barely able to walk, slipping into the house
I refuse to call it home
Blood pours as a knife clatters to the floor
The distance starts to fade
It goes black
Now I’m staring at the same thing
Four white walls
Clean white sheets
I’m waiting for the pain to just start again
However the question lingers
Why me?
Why is it me?
Apr 26, 2018
Apr 26, 2018 at 1:34 PM UTC
The fingers slowly play the piano -
The life that you have let be down
But the melody remains silent
It turned out one to be uneasy violent
In lonely nights you disappear
Losing sanity again in days
You’re chained in a shadow sphere
“You’re lost in dark” it says
The wasted time you no care
Living in a constant less
Seems to belong to nowhere
You ****** up I guess
No more music this piano makes
Nothing’s left but silence
The melodies no person plays
In your world of violence
Apr 4, 2016
Apr 4, 2016 at 12:21 PM UTC
I feel like I'm going down the road
With no destination
And I am leaving this place
That I once called home
I feel like I'm going down the road
An open highway
Without the lights of other cars to guide me
Far from this place I once called home
I feel like I'm going down the road
Stuck in the passenger side
At at the helm of this machine
A beautiful face
Her name is depression
And she's become the one I love
So take us where ever
Sometimes I wish she'd drive
Us off the road
So I can finally feel peace
Dec 19, 2015
Dec 19, 2015 at 8:31 PM UTC
I never believed in luck just simply cast my fate to the waters and forgot it's direction.
There's a dead promise in chasing others perception of yourself.
It breathes a summer nights existence no breeze of jasmines scent to relive .
I awoke today to see the bottle empty my hand sliced open a pool of dried blood a reminder this **** is so far from controlled I have become a monster the clock is ticking and my time is borrowed at best .
I don't ******* know how to put on the breaks it was never in my process of thought to begin with.
All my idols are corpses.
The brightest flame only burns for a spilt second before life extinguishes it and leaves it not even recognizable to it's former self.
I began my day as all the rest.
Why fear what you cannot avoid to begin with?
I cleaned up swept the glass and buried my thoughts within myself.
Ignoring the page was the worst crime of them all.
And I was guilty on all counts
Dec 12, 2015
Dec 12, 2015 at 6:59 AM UTC
Laying all alone
Wrapped in a blanket
A blanket is all
All alone
No one to hold me,
But my own two hands
They caress my naked skin
I shiver
And the lonlyness consumes every inch of my flesh
Contradictions fly through the air around me
Should I keep holding out?
What about the wreck of a life I've made for myself here?
Where do I go?
No one is here for me anymore
All alone
Abondond
Neglected
Abused
Thrown out into the gutters of life
Hated
Spat upon
Lost
Forsaken
Left all for dead
She has always been the love of my life
I've waited
I've held out
I've tried to do what's best for her
Yet I've fucken shattered inside
Nothing in me can hold it in anymore
Every last drop is gone
I think its time.I leave this hollow shell
Apr 29, 2015
Apr 29, 2015 at 7:37 PM UTC
I am ecstasy
you put me
in a trance as
I look at you
breathlessly
but I am in pain
because your
other girlfriend
looks at you the
same
Mar 12, 2015
Mar 12, 2015 at 8:08 PM UTC
My thoughts bleed onto paper, as if my heart was stabbed.
Gushing forth, no bandage can stop it,
A chasm is what is left of a beating heart.
Voiceless laying dead on the ground.
Nov 22, 2014
Nov 22, 2014 at 5:58 PM UTC
The thunder woke me the same way you broke my heart.
I sat up in bed, sweating, panic settling in
The same way it welcomed me graciously when I realized
I'd have to endure every single day
without less than a single spoken word
You won't even look at me.
I used to fight
for you, against you
against the constant urges to look you directly in your gold threaded eyes
and wonder why?
There was a day
where I fought for your heart
and won.
Nothing is the same.
Now it's all detachment and denial
from you, my thoughts, my anger
from the amber glow that follows me radiating red
a somewhat burning hell.
Every morning I see you go to your locker
That's when I can still hear the thunder.
Jul 17, 2014
Jul 17, 2014 at 12:54 AM UTC