#deathofafriend
Everywhere I seem to go it always feel like you're there,
The despair you once had has now been passed on,
And now that you're gone,
It's harder for me to move on,
I wish I can say it was never like this before,
But you had always been at war,
And I used to always ignore,
I wish I was able to know,
When you started to feel low,
Woe was you,
And all I did was leave you alone,
Maybe if I walked in your shoes I would understand why you did it,
But for now I'll have to admit that I let you down,
You started to drown,
And I wasn't around,
You called me to stop you from breaking down,
Only to hear a voice mail saying I couldn’t reach the phone,
I left you alone with your own thoughts,
Which made you sought for paradise,
And you tried to compromise with drugs,
Hard drugs made you numb to the emptiness you felt in your heart,
You were falling apart,
And you started to realize this was the final chapter of your life,
All you did was dream of the afterlife,
And how wonderful it would be to stop this pain,
You asked the lord to explain why you were feeling like this,
And when you didn't hear an answer it dropped you further into the dark abyss,
You needed answers,
And I wish I could've gave them to you,
You decided to call again to tell me your goodbyes,
But I told you I was too busy to talk,
So you walked down the stairs,
Went to the kitchen and picked up a chair,
Stood on top of it with a rope around your neck,
And you stood there to think for a sec,
This was the first time you ever felt so high,
And you decided to stay there for there for the rest of your life,
Your parents walked in horror,
To realize their son had ended his story,
And now I write these words to describe my allegory,
All you needed was someone to show you that you weren’t alone,
Now I sit here and mourn for the memories we had,
It's sad to say that you live in my memories and not beside me,
I hope you are able to read this,
So you can know that I miss your presence,
I hope you found the heaven you were searching for,
And I hope you can save me a seat when it’s my time to go,
But until then I’ll live my life for the both of us.
May 12, 2017
May 12, 2017 at 1:01 AM UTC
My heart is bleeding again
It will never mend
It will never heal
Into my sleep you steal
Giving dreams of you
How our friendship grew
Waking up to reality
Sorrow is a guarantee
I open my eyes
Sun doesn't sympathize
Winds don't care
Everywhere I look you're there
Life now so mundane
Heart bleeding once again
©Pauline Russell
Apr 1, 2017
Apr 1, 2017 at 1:56 PM UTC
I sit and wail
As memories of you swell
Threating to bring down the wall
As I remember your final fall
You fell right through my out stretched arms
I could not save you from your demons harm
I could not bring you back to me
Now your memories is all I have to see
I was so angry you left me here all alone
This cut is deep, right to the bone
A wound that will never heal, never become just a scar
As you now dwell amongst the stars
Now I find, I turn my eyes to the midnight sky
The tears rolling quickly and quietly as I cry
I'm searching for something left by you
A shooting star, a comet, a clue
Just to let me know your okay, that you made it through
That would make it worth our final good bye
Maybe then my tears would subside
Maybe then they would turn to silent sighs
But the pain will always be with me that is true
For my dearest friend, I will forever miss you
Till we meet again on the other side
There's one thing that will never die
It is constant, it will always be the same
My love for you will always remain
Sep 30, 2016
Sep 30, 2016 at 11:20 AM UTC
Tidal waves of memories hit my minds shore
You where my heart, you where my core
Now I'm lost, I'm adrift on this emotional sea
Because you are no longer here beside me
I can't seem to navigate it any more
Wishing with my might, it could be as it was before
Before you was called to a different plain
Nothing, no nothing remains the same
Your departure was way to sudden
The ground around me is now flooding
My tears won't stop, even when they don't show
Belive me inside they still flow
The sun no longer shines so bright
The moon hides it's face in the night
The stars refuse to twinkle
Wishing in time I could find that wrinkle
That I could ride back to you
Back before your spirit flew
Back before I knew this pain
Back before this ice cold rain
Back before the wave of your death ****** me under
Before my life was ripped apart and plundered
Tidal waves of memories hit my minds shore
Thing's will never be as they where before
Your presence will be no more
Your existence is but a vapor
A puff of smoke, that is gone to fast
Now only shadows of your memories are cast
Only seen by your loved ones eyes
As the tears start to rise
I will never forget that cold day in August
But this before was promised
Forever you will remain in my heart
Forever you will remain in my thoughts
Forever I will love you my soul united friend
Forever beyond this end
For we will meet again
When time bends
Sep 4, 2016
Sep 4, 2016 at 5:01 AM UTC
I want to lie down with you
I want to die too
I don't want to fight in this world without you by my side
I'll I can do is cry
I try to hold the agony within
So no one else can see, so it won't offend
So they won't worry, so they don't know
Just how badly with you I want to go
But tiny agonizing whimpers escape between my lips
I don't know how much longer I can man this woeful ship
There is a hurricane in my ocean
Turbulent thoughts plunder my emotions
I can feel the sinking
I can not stop the thinking
(I should of left and followed you that same date)
(if I leave this earth now, can I catch you, or am I to late)
All I can do now is sing my woeful cry
Cuss at that unseen entity in the sky
My insides tied up in the tightest knots
Minds in a spin and so are my thoughts
Send me a message, send me a sign
Let me in one of my note books find
Where you once wrote "love you ***
Should I pick up, or put down the gun
Your death was a shock unplanned
Does that mean I have to stay here and stand
Does that mean I can't intentionally follow
That I'll have to stay in this lonely abyss and wallow
You use to guide me back
When my world got to black
I was always there for you also
Now your death I must swallow
I'm feeling mighty hollow
I don't want to face an empty tomorrow
I know you're telling me to stay
But you was my light that lit my darkness and turned it gray
Now you went on without me, your so far away
My world now an ominous black
Weight of the world on my back
I want to lay it all down
Walk out into the woods and never be found
Aug 24, 2016
Aug 24, 2016 at 12:47 PM UTC
Crying tears of sorrow
Scared of what awaits me tomorrow
Crying tears of pain
Life will never ever be the same
Crying tears of sadness
Can't wrap my mind around this madness
Crying tears of anguish
You now speak the Angels language
Crying tears of the alone
Your death cut me to the bone
Crying tears of black
By my side I'll never have you back
Crying tears nonstop, Neverending
There is no way time can do it's mending
I'll meet you soon dear friend, even if it takes years
For I'll drown in the river of my own tears
Aug 24, 2016
Aug 24, 2016 at 10:36 AM UTC
Father Time is pushing me along
But I don't want to go on
For every step that I take
Every tick the clock makes
Takes the memories farther away
I fear for the day
When time does it's shading
To my memories it will do it's raiding
I don't want to forget your smell, or how your arms felt, when you hugged me tight
I don't want to forget your voice, when you consoled me in the middle of the night
I don't want to forget your face, or those beautiful blue eyes
I don't want to forget all you said that was wise
I'll hold on to those memories tight
As I stay here in this life and fight
But I know they will slip through my hand
Like the hourglass's sand
I know from experience time will take it's toll
The pictures and memories of you away from me will start to roll
But the pain of you being gone
Will stay with me my whole life long
It seems the only thing time does not take is the love and the sorrow
THAT,.... it let's linger on way into all of the tomorrow's
Aug 22, 2016
Aug 22, 2016 at 1:58 PM UTC
No kind of drug can help me escape this brutality
That is now my horrifying reality
There is no place I can hide or run
When life becomes the nightmare I want to wake from
My whole world has crumbled
Now desperately lost within the rubble
So thankful we always took the time to say "I love you"
Because before that branded day was through
The winds of change..... They blew
I found you, but you where already gone
Now I must learn how to say so long
You sprouted your wings and flew away
You left me here all alone to stay
I'm still in this earthly hell
This sorrowful anguish I can not quell
For how will I NOW ever vanquish the sorrow
For you are no longer in my tomorrows
How will I ever disburse the pain
That swells up my brain
For you took with you my love, my heart
Without those how do I even start
These tears that gush down my face are not for you dear friend
Nor are the wails of anguish that to the skys I send
For I know you are in a better place
I know your in a better space
Be it with your loved ones, or in the veils darkness kept
It is for me these tears are wept
You took not only my reason to sing, *** you where my song
Without you, how am I gonna stay strong
When everyday is at lest a week long
When I need you, there will be no loving arms
My life is now my nightmare, it's so ******* WRONG
Aug 19, 2016
Aug 19, 2016 at 10:15 PM UTC
The echoes of my footsteps are so far away
I will never know if they will ever be found
Like stars awakening one by one
Or watching light moving east to west
The fear of mortality will never make a sound
I saw tears draped as dew on a green meadow
Glistening memories of the past upon your soul
Like candles burning a hole in the night
Or the sun making red the ocean blue
We will try to make our broken hearts whole
Nov 3, 2015
Nov 3, 2015 at 8:30 AM UTC
What is important to us is no longer to you
A story without an ending is what we hope for
But to those looking for another page
The loss of your love was why we wanted more
Were you looking for something
Or is it what you have now found within?
The shock of you is the reason
And the loss of you is where we begin
Something we always knew will always be
You are now the one we will miss
When you weren’t around we felt it
And that is why it was you we could never resist
You are human and that is now our story
To be admired for being more than us
And to know what it is like to be gone
Is why we ask God if it is his will that we can trust
May 31, 2015
May 31, 2015 at 10:43 PM UTC