#deadname
juliet means youthful but you made me grow up so fast
mei means beautiful but you always made me feel so ugly
ren means love but that's the thing you never had for me
yet i love you
i do
and i hate it
May 17
May 17, 2026 at 7:11 PM UTC
i kind of miss you.
is that strange?
it's not like i'd bring you back to life
right?
Jan 2
Jan 2, 2026 at 4:52 PM UTC
dear j.
you and i both
we know it's for the best
yet i'll miss you
and i don't know why
x r.
Dec 11, 2025
Dec 11, 2025 at 3:29 AM UTC
dear jules.
i never hated you
though i always felt i was supposed to
i never hated you
much, anyways.
love
ren
Dec 11, 2025
Dec 11, 2025 at 1:16 AM UTC
a deadname is not just a name
it is a person that you want to forget
that person lived the most tragic life
and that person died the most tragic death
“deadname, deadname!!”
the people all shout
but that persons gone, finding their own way about
instead, they were replaced by another
with a more comfortable smiling face
who will follow their own lead
and can be who they want to be
my deadname does not represent ME.
Dec 5, 2024
Dec 5, 2024 at 1:02 PM UTC
The name is not quite dead
Sometimes it still falls from my own lips
But one day soon
Things will change
I'll send out the bullet
Then the name can lay
Within the tomb
Feb 20, 2024
Feb 20, 2024 at 11:36 PM UTC
These words I write are the tomb for the name I was once called
These words I write are the grave in which I bury her
These words I write are where ma'am, and her will lay to rest
These words I write are where I **** her once and for all
THIS IS WHERE MAGGIE LAYS TO NEVER BE WOKEN
Dec 7, 2021
Dec 7, 2021 at 5:41 PM UTC
No matter how many times I'm called beautiful
or pretty, of gorgeous, or any other comment,
I will always cry when I hear the name
You try to call me adoringly...
It is dead.
I bury it here
In the words.
I write its tombstone.
May 3, 2021
May 3, 2021 at 10:52 AM UTC
Oh, {deadname},
You're my beautiful daughter.
I know you're only lying.
You'll never, ever be a boy
No matter how long you keep trying.
Give up on transitioning.
Your mind has been poisoned.
The media has consumed you-
All the lies eating their way in.
Finally, you are my precious baby girl.
You're very smart, and you know that.
Don't think you're a boy- you're not.
You should put on your smiling mask
Until you're not sick anymore,
-Your loving mother
May 3, 2021
May 3, 2021 at 10:19 AM UTC
dear quinn,
goodbyes are hard
but staying will be harder
just let go
it's okay
love,
atlas
Jul 5, 2020
Jul 5, 2020 at 9:39 PM UTC
My old name is dead to me.
That's why they call it a deadname.
The person who had that name breathes no more.
She was killed by my own hands.
She was named for both of her grandmothers,
some sort of sentiment to come from a careless mistake.
Maybe this is what made it so easy for me to **** her
because her name was a throw-away.
Her middle name came from the title of a movie
that her parents had once liked.
But the movie is old and bland, and the plot has no meaning.
So her names are futile attempts at trying to right a wrong,
trying to make up for something that can never be fixed.
I killed her.
I wanted her dead so badly,
so I killed her.
My name is Casey.
I am not heartless, though.
She wanted me to be Casey.
Although I killed her, she still means something to me.
I had to **** her in order to move on.
She knew that.
So I am Casey for her.
Casey.
It means spear.
A weapon.
Fitting for a murderer.
Apr 14, 2020
Apr 14, 2020 at 1:46 PM UTC
dear quinn,
it's okay
to tell people
how to make
you feel
okay.
they'll call you
by the right name
and the right pronouns.
and if they don't,
they will have lost
a part
of what it is
to be
human.
and that isn't
your fault.
love,
quinn
Feb 18, 2020
Feb 18, 2020 at 11:13 PM UTC
Dear {Deadname,}
Hi, it's me again. I just... I needed to write. I feel like I'm losing you, if I ever had you. You feel like a stranger to me, like somebody I used to know. It's like you're here, but you've dissapeared. Maybe that's because I am, in fact, losing you. Maybe that's because you're losing yourself in this place. Or, we're not losing anything. I don't know, And I want to figure it out but I don't know how to do that. I want to get to know you. I thought I did, but recently the world's been changing a lot, you know? We're all a little lost, and I know I need you here. You're mine, I know that, that's more than I could ever ask for already, but still.. It just doesn't feel right, and I wanna make it right. I don't know how, but maybe you can help me out. I'm sorry. I really am. For not knowing how to love you, or for not knowing how to help you. I wanna be there for you, but I feel like I'm failing. As a person, a brother, a boyfriend, a son. I'm falling, but maybe you can help me up?
Forever yours
Sincerely, Me
Nov 8, 2019
Nov 8, 2019 at 5:27 AM UTC
Dear {Deadname},
It's been a while, I'm sorry. I don't know if you want me to write to you, or if you want me to just talk. Maybe you don't even want that, I don't know. Maybe you just want me to show you how much I love you physically. (I don't mind any of that.) It's okay. Take your time to figure it out. Love's a weird thing. So is writing to you. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but it's different now you're mine. The world changed, in a good way, but even good changes are different. I know that I want to love you. I just don't quite now how to love you yet, but I'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. Maybe it's kissing you every day, maybe it's writing a letter every night. Maybe it's both, or none at all. Love is not 'a thing.' It's different every single time. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. You have needs, things you want. So do I. I don't think I know you that well, and that's alright. (I hope...) I wanna get to know you. In every way. I don't know how. I don't know what the meaning of this letter is, but maybe that's the meaning.
Forever yours
Sincerely, Me
Nov 7, 2019
Nov 7, 2019 at 5:40 AM UTC
So my brain thought of another stupid thing; "You don't deserve to hurt this way. You don't deserve to hurt at all. So please, let me in. I will help protect you from yourself. You've been there so many times, I don't want you to fall." And it's true. I don't know if I will be able to fix you with poetry and stupid nursery rhymes, but I will try. I don't think I'll be able to fix you at all. Maybe I am, who knows? I'll always try. Will you just let me in? Not only in your mind, not only in your words, but in your heart? I want to help you with every bit that I can. And, I get that's not enough. My words will never be enough. But, I will try. So please give me the chance to? That would be enough. Whatever horrible things it are that you're feeling, I will try to understand them. To understand them, and to help you get them away. Because you don't deserve to feel bad. You don't and you never did. And I get that my words will never be good enough to live up to your expectations, but please, please. Will you give me a chance? I love you, I really do. So let me help you, let me in. It doesn't have to be soon, it doesn't have to go fast. But remember that whenever you need me, I'll be there waiting. Waiting with all my words. To make you feelbetter, even in the slightest way.
Oct 7, 2019
Oct 7, 2019 at 2:52 PM UTC
Hey. Here's another letter kinda thing. Been writing these a lot lately. In my mind, never on paper. I don't really know how to explain what I feel anymore. It's like, I have this sense of feeling? Like I know that they're here, but I just can't seem to find them? Like I can see someone else in front of me, while knowing that they are a person with feelings and thoughs, but not being able to recognise them. Not being able to see the person standing there. Like I can see all of it, but not knowing that it's there. It kinda scares me, in a way. Like I see myself, but not me. Like I see something I was, that people still see as me. I don't know anymore. I've been trying to get my feelings out, and I still am, I just don't succeed often. This is seemingly the only way to get out whatever I'm thinking or feeling. Which is a lot, but also nothing at the same time. I feel lost, so incredibly lost. The world's passing me by and I'm behind a ******* window trying to reach it, but I can't. I never did. I just taught people how to communicate with me through that stupid barrier. It never went away. But if people don't come close to you they won't notice that, so it's fine I guess. And then you came in and smashed the entire thing with a ******* hammer. I wasn't used to opening up to people, especially not people who understand. But, I'm glad I did, and glad that you are here to listen. I don't open up to people much. Been botteling these emotions since 2006, so it's hard to open the bottle now. But I'm trying, and I can't thank you enough for being there with me. Thank you, so much. I love you, bye.
Oct 8, 2019
Oct 8, 2019 at 2:52 PM UTC
Hey. Our philosophy teacher gave us an assignment about something with luck and hapiness, so I'm writing to you again. (Not that there's a difference) I love you. You make me one of the happiest people in the world. And, I'm really glad that you are in my life. I really hope you feel the same thing. You make my heart skip a few beats whenever I see one of your texts popping up on my screen. You manage to make me smile at any hour of the day. You light up the world when it's too dark for me to see. You make me so happy. In a that no one else does. You make me smile in such a manner that people sometimes ask what the cause is of this 'happening.' You're just, everything? You're beautiful, by the way. I'm gonna tell you until you believe me. Because you really are beautiful. People always say that you look better when you laugh, but you don't even need to smile. Not that I don't want you to smile- You smiling is one of the best things in the world to me. I don't really know how to explain.
I'm wondering why I keep writing everything down. We don't live in the 17th century anymore. Ah well, not that it matters.
Sometimes I'm also wondering if you think about me a lot. If you ever do to be honest. But mostly, what you think in those cases. It's not really a bother, but it pops up in my mind at times. When I say this, I think that you must also know that I think about you a lot. Whenever I see a poem (Which I do, a lot) that reminds me of you or something, I get a little distracted from whatever I was doing. But, in a good way. I think. Can it ever be bad to think about someone a lot? It probably just shows how much you care, which I also do, a lot. I do really care about you. You're an amazing human being and I love you. It always surprises me how fast I can fill a page whenever I write something for, or about you. Well, it's not really 'surprising' me. More like 'reminder of how much I'm in love with you.' Welp. It's a good thing though, probably. I mean, I'm just writing stuff. It's not like I'm bothering anyone. (I hope?) And it just keeps getting better. You make my life a little better every day. So, thank you. Really. I'm so happy you're here. (You're adorable by the way) And hopefully, it will stay like this for a little while.
Sincerely, Me
Sep 27, 2019
Sep 27, 2019 at 12:41 PM UTC
Hey. It's me, again. Probably not such a surprise, is it? I wrote you a whole lot of these letters. About all 9 of them ended up in the trash. Partly because they just 'weren't right,' but the biggest part was because I was too self-concious to give it to you. So, yeah, I'm in love with you. You may, or may not know. I really understand it if you chose to ignore that part. And, I like you, okay? Not only as in 'in-love,' but as a friend too. You were there when I needed someone, and I'm really glad that you were, cheesy as it sounds. It's kinda messed up to be honest. (I'm kinda messed up too) And, I feel like a creep again. What about this idea; You read this letter, You ignore it, I drown in sadness like I usually do (probably) and I never talk to you again. My feelings will hopefully dissapear and you can live a happy life with your friends and family without me. Sometimes I really wish I could do that. God knows I'm way to helpless for it. I'm sorry, this has really turned into one big mess. I tried to write it with my _own_ mind, but that just keeps wandering off. I'm not sure what to say anymore. Sorry man. Uh, there's a little "poem" on the back for you. I still have to write it, but, you can see.
Sincerely, Me
Sep 17, 2019
Sep 17, 2019 at 1:59 PM UTC
Hey. Guess you'll know it's me by now. I don't really know where to start. Again, I wrote you a ton of these kind of letters. They all ended up in the trash too.
You know, It kinda suprises me. You said that you read the line "I'm in love with you." from the last poem I sent you, thirty times. but, In the letter I wrote you, I said it too. I really thought you'd noticed. I really thought you already knew. Not that it matters a lot anymore now. In a good way though.
I really don't understand the stuff you do to me. remember the first day of school, when we hugged in the middle of the hallway? Lucky me, you walked away for a sec. I was shaking, it surprised me you didn't see. How? I don't know. Or when you told me; "I would date you." And my brain just, stopped. I literally couldn't think anymore. It really felt like a dream, and it still does. I dreamt about you last night, I vaguely remember. It was kind of a nightmare, but before it got scary I woke up. But seriously, when I think about you I just, I don't know man. Shit's confusing. But yeah, I really am head-over-heels in love with you. And, I don't know what's gonna happen next, but I know it'll be a good thing.
Sincerely, me.
Sep 23, 2019
Sep 23, 2019 at 1:38 PM UTC