#coercion
love
shouldn’t ignore no
& rewrite your skin
without permission.
i was 14
& still learning
how to say
yes
to myself.
i didn’t know
how to say no
with a body
that wasn’t even
mine yet.
backseat.
backdoor.
back then.
i bled
& said nothing.
but now—
i speak.
i am not
what he did to me.
i am what i chose
after.
Apr 4, 2025
Apr 4, 2025 at 11:29 PM UTC
Your sickening words
Are a bitter ambrosia.
Your compliments insult
As piercing as a dagger.
You make me bleed
Divine drops of gold.
You made me holy
To **** my mortality.
I am not ready to die
And be cursed by life.
I am unwilling to serve
Under your command.
I was willing to once,
But now I have learned.
I was a foolish mortal soul
Who was tricked by a god.
Mar 7, 2025
Mar 7, 2025 at 8:19 PM UTC
you caused this fire
with a dimpled smile and a plane ticket
can’t suffocate a blaze with a match
petrol running down my legs
wanna watch me burn at the stake?
7,000 miles of wildfires called me by your name
like a moth drawn to a flame
we kissed on the light up floor
your fingers inside of me, it was divine to me
surrendering my soul to my god
left my lipstick scars all over you
i ate the apple from the softness of your hand
our garden of eden was no holy land
i let you knock at the door of my spine
no malice in my voice, come inside
but baby, you weren’t expecting
me to multiply
like a moth drawn to a flame
i bit your tongue in the break of day
wanted to taste your blood for a change
nothing like a little emotional
devastation to get me through it
yell it más, señor
til your vocal cords are ******
oath taken in sacred silence
tragedy and insanity and is
it all a game to you?
because you hid while i sought
yell it más, señor
yell it más
and when i told you of the flower blossoming within
you cried like a boy for his mother
you see, there’s no way we can keep it
not for your career
and the next day on the 405
my soul wrung empty inside
suffocating loneliness, all-consuming
75mph, nearly opened my door
told my therapist i wanted the asphalt to eat me alive
they took me to the madhouse
while you had a pint and a laugh miles from my hospital bed
they said
“she wants to end her life with a baby inside, oh, what a terrible state she’s in”
the doctor watched me as i cried
with cigarette breath and roaming hands
forced the wand inside of me
at the same time i jumped over the ledge
and did you know i laid in silence
while he whispered in my ear
“good girl, it’s a girl”, you see, oh?
can’t you feel the joy?
of creating something like God herself?
like vines sprouting from the soil?
but Oceania, so much panic, yeah
too far, didn’t wanna come near
my ash-strewn wreckage
like a moth drawn to a flame
blazing light, burned just right
i wanted you to suffocate my pain
pretended it didn’t exist for our
transpacific love games
i’ll be Marilyn and you be Errol
the actor who can’t survive any longer
and the one who devoured a woman whole
yell it más, señor
oh god i’m bleeding on the bathroom floor
so much sacrifice for paradise
but isn’t this what it’s for?
tragedy and insanity and
oh no, it’s all a game, i see
yell it más, señor
yell it más
aliel
enaj
Apr 25, 2022
Apr 25, 2022 at 8:08 AM UTC
skinny promise
new-moon curves, wide
soulless wet
****** & threat
******** the countdown
town’s painted blood
painted dead
plough-edge seams
pub-meal & drinks
(what is that?)
dead funny
cramp & red
stand up straight for ***** sake,
what’s your game?
cramp & red
cramp & red
spine on string -
my head hung from beams
cramp & red
hanged
mouth-smile
hanged
Feb 23, 2021
Feb 23, 2021 at 10:30 AM UTC
i saw that shift in your gaze
when you remembered
the last time
you became something
Wild, Hungry
whats in my mind, asked
with that eager
and far away look
in muddy water eyes
I sympathize, compromise
it's happened again
while the city lights
rippled the water
with their speed
you put your hands on me
and I doth not protest
when you say
i was the one that got away
so why am I back
so why am I afraid
to turn away or
say this ain't ok with me
why must I empathize
without boundaries
or fear an abrupt ending
to this uncomfortable moment
Dec 21, 2020
Dec 21, 2020 at 6:14 PM UTC
Billowed down onto natures bust
a face full of dirt
a mouth full of maggots
corpsing coercion onto frantic plates
slopping up the juicy details
derailing off the tracks
into a new train of nature,
saving only what comes of value
yet, you don't save yourselves.
Lucrative hands slithering softly by
ready to steal your life with just a touch
how much are you worth?
Unfortunately, nothing.
Aug 22, 2019
Aug 22, 2019 at 5:16 PM UTC
Not sure if you changed your number
Or ignored my texts
But you need to hear this
Remember that **** that happened my senior year?
When you decided that you'd stay alive if I stayed physically involved with you?
And continued to touch me even though I said no?
You better not have forgotten
Because I sure haven't
That is called coercion
Not only is it ****** assault
It is ****
Which makes you a ******
You made me feel so bad for stopping
For no longer letting you use me
That was victim blaming
You placed your supposed 'love' for me
Over my literal existence as a human being
You justified ****** me
By saying you loved me
And that doing it would keep you
From killing yourself
But you didn't realize how much
You were killing me
Just because you love someone
Does not mean they owe you anything
Whether they like you back
Or not
Whether they've hurt you
Or not
You do NOT get to assault people
Just because you think you deserve it
I'm not as mad as I used to be
And I'm only writing this
Because you need to hear it
You need to know you're a ******
So you don't do it ever again
I can't change what you did to me
But you can make sure it NEVER happens again
Feb 28, 2018
Feb 28, 2018 at 6:07 PM UTC
Desperate times like this call for a distraction.
Feeling wanted and craving some attention.
There's always a price to pay without an education, in the art of seclusion.
Laying on the couch as he gazed upon me.
Taking in the sight, to his delight
he found me charming.
He told me, "I'm a fighter. I'm a queen."
That he found me particularly fascinating.
"We're not so different you and me,
Which makes you superior when compared to anything."
I was stuck between the sheets. Plunging forward.
Falling further. Wondering why his smile made me feel so sickening.
I'd be crying as he took me in his arms.
Made me believe he truly meant no harm.
He held me tightly and he muttered,
"If you get any older maybe we could move past heavy petting.
You can't gain experience without experimenting. "
He told me, "I was pretty
And around pretty things don't mind if I get a little touchy feely.
Younger girls fall so very easy. Just don't gain any unwanted feelings,
without them I can still make you feel amazing."
Once again I was stuck between the sheets. Plunging forward.
Falling further. Unknowingly risking everything.
I felt like nothing when compared to anything.
He'd pull me closer as I started shaking.
Assured me that'd he'd never hurt me and there was no need to be afraid.
He made me feel uncomfortable rather than amazing.
Turns out his words meant nothing.
Still sitting frightened in his lap.
My need for comfort had enticed him so much one day when he just snapped.
And me feeling guilty for doing so, I Innocently asked,
Craving comfort and security, how was I supposed to know?
I'm sorry, that really wasn't my intention.
He started smirking as he said,
"You really like attention.
Your teasing doesn't pay the bill.
One day you won't be able to shut me out.
And those doors won't stop me from getting in.
Is that so difficult to comprehend?", he threatened.
I was a token of your humor.
I was your stupid little fool.
I was nothing but your prisoner.
I meant absolutely nothing at all to you.
I was stuck within your sheets.
Unable to move forward.
There was nowhere else to fall.
As I was screaming silently, you made me realize
the meaning of nothing meant me.
If I had known all along, that I was backed against the wall,
I would have never wrote this poem.
And I would have fought harder than just screaming, that this feels wrong I think we should stop.
Jun 8, 2017
Jun 8, 2017 at 9:46 AM UTC
No, I wasn't drinking
Yes, I was dressed "provocatively"
No, I didn't come on to him
I didn't say he could touch me
No, I wasn't giving him "bedroom eyes"
No, I didn't lead him on
Yes, I shared a cab with him
No, I didn't say he could put his hands on me
Yes, I was naive
No, I didn't say I wanted to put my hand or my head in his lap
No, I didn't ask the taxi driver to help me
No, I didn't refuse to let him put his fingers in me
No, I didn't tell him I wanted to go home then
Yes, I let him take me to his apartment
Yes, I let him take my clothes off
Yes, I let him inside me
No, he didn't use a ******
Yes, I took a morning after pill
Yes, I regret it
But he didn't ask,
so I didn't say no
Apr 13, 2016
Apr 13, 2016 at 7:45 AM UTC
is it you – too?
the scratch of skin
blood under nails,
fighting the phantoms
and scratched back in couplets
through flesh onto bone
words inside, words out
is it you, love?
who has me choking on verse
spat with toothpaste and blood
tucked into an unwatched glass
and drunk
until birdsong flows
Oct 9, 2015
Oct 9, 2015 at 7:50 PM UTC
I rub my skin raw because of the way your desire scarred its way across my unwilling flesh. You were selfish, you are selfish. You are greed in a human body, and I am paying for it. Triggered by another man the same as you, who put his hands around my neck and seemed confused by the concept of a woman not wanting him. Who quickly decided he didn't care either way, and that I could get him off "willingly" by my own method or be forced in ways I would not survive. There is no such thing as yes when no is taken from you, when you have a choice between two evils and you choose the one you think you can live through. When silence answers questions and "I don't want to do this" is ignored because his **** means more than the choices of the person he's trying to force himself on. That is no man, that is a monster dressed as a high school student pretending consent can be forced. Because you made me decide between you ****** me unprotected or getting you off with something else, and I chose the one I thought I could live with, that wouldn't result in an unwanted life growing inside an unwilling body, a body that wasn't willing at conception and who would probably make the choice to end its budding inside of her before having her rapists child. Because you triggered memories of coercion with your threats, because you made it happen again and afterwards had the ******* nerve to get me some ******* grape juice and hand it to me ******* ******* pouting because I "looked like I hated every minute of that" and you "didn't even get to **** so it wasn't even worth it." Because coercing me into ****** activities under threat of unprotected **** apparently wasn't worth it because you didn't get to **** me, because me telling you no and saying I didn't want to until you got so fed up you wrapped your hands around my neck and squeezed annoyed you. Because you put your **** over my free will, over me as a human being. And I get to suffer because of it. You made me a survivor twice over and you smile at me in the hallways like you're somehow still my friend.
Jan 24, 2015
Jan 24, 2015 at 6:37 PM UTC
i don't fear the god above
i'm frightened of his hands on earth
thousand of fingers
knitting chains
imprisoning
these blooming peonies
in the garden of hell
*
i'll chop your fingers off
by watering
Mar 19, 2014
Mar 19, 2014 at 9:36 AM UTC