#catatonic
I wanted to show you my heart but it left my world tearing apart I don't even wonder why I feel unwell I don't wonder why exist in this world
May 20, 2025
May 20, 2025 at 4:05 PM UTC
i've been at rest since yesterday,
tending to my detriment.
rest assured, i'm festering
in liminal imprisonment;
discontent and reticent
yet again.
Aug 26, 2024
Aug 26, 2024 at 1:01 PM UTC
I have sterile hands and a fragile heart
Tired eyes and heavy limbs
Stony stare and limp lip
I couldn’t want you anymore
And now I’m stuck staring at my bathroom floor
I’m a slave to your magnetic charm
A ****** for your magic smile
All these years, I thought I had a monopoly on your attention...
But now you’re hugging her
And I’m catatonic
Feb 2, 2020
Feb 2, 2020 at 7:48 PM UTC
'The door’s locked
I’m flying off the handle
she fettered the grenade to my feet
My heart’s catatonic and lips paraplegic
I shut my eyes, turn back the clock
and escape my sins'
- Jack Frost
Jun 29, 2018
Jun 29, 2018 at 2:11 PM UTC
I Wish I could love myself
Or
See my own beauty that others apparently see
I wish I could feel my body’s worth and potential
I wish I could live to be the best me
To fill myself with nutrition and goodness
To have wild ambition and love free
To fight for my dreams and feel full and high on life
Why can’t I do this for me ?
Why do I poison myself with sugar and gin
Why don’t I get up and move
Almost brain dead, catatonic
old and to broken
Just a big disappointment to me
My own expectations have fallen and gone
My self respect doesn’t exist
I exhaust from self reproaching jokes and I don’t expect anything of me
(C) Ashley Kane Fb
Apr 3, 2018
Apr 3, 2018 at 7:53 PM UTC
I watch the dust particles,
floating in the glow of
The computer screen.
My eyes focus on one until it
Gets lost in the darkness.
Perhaps they land on my eyelashes.
"Do the work,"
I tell myself
"Just write down the stupid answers,
Just half-ass it like you always do."
My mind is in constant battle
With my body.
I know all the things I need to do,
Yet my body will not cooperate.
"Just do something!"
I tell myself this as I
Stare at nothing,
At air,
Like some insane
Catatonic person.
Jan 13, 2018
Jan 13, 2018 at 7:40 PM UTC
I've made being depressed a habit
As if ceasing this life would make me feel less tired
Pretend that I learned something new to appease this emptiness;
Stuffing filth in bloodied wounds does not heal them
Bandages will never fully heal closed scars
Dying will never help this uselessness
I can only stay here, in between alive and dead
The catatonic state that I'm so used to
Jul 2, 2016
Jul 2, 2016 at 3:44 AM UTC
*you are the sun, the moon, every single star.
you are the silent breath that dances with the trees.
you are the snowflakes in the winter,
and the flowers blooming in the summer.
you are both the devil and god
and i could not possibly think
of a more beautiful combination,
because you are catatonic.
you have the potential to explode
and destroy everyone in your path
but instead you internalize your combustion
so the only one who gets hurt is you.
you are the only one i would both live and die for,
but i wish you would learn to live for yourself.*
May 5, 2016
May 5, 2016 at 1:07 PM UTC
************
(Empty Gaze)
It was a journey, unwanted
you should've been with me, instead
i walked behind you
i sat beside you
not one bit did you care,
impenetrable, was your stare
i got dizzy from turning around
and ended in front of you, on the same ground.
your catatonic eyes, i sought
your disconnected gaze, i fought,
i waited, calmly
patiently,
stood there longer...your hand, i was scared to touch
you could've hopped, traipsed, dreamed too much
and i...could've been lost, in your world, on that old cold couch
our very own faded green couch....where, suddenly
unexpectedly
your eyes blinked and appeared startled
they seemed to have awakened
and challenged my stare
a frown surfaced
then a smile...brightened your face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
oh, the fear is so great
an empty gaze must never again take place!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you are now with me
next to me....the closest we can be
I feel the wind of your breath,
Your pulse, your heart beating
no more gaps, or spaces to keep us apart
our hands hold tight
bodies, softly pressed
as we now lay together...
you hug me tight, i know you feel much safer
i hug you back...tighter
i feel much, much better,
cause i'm now holding you...i've got you home,
we are both sheltered...in each other's warmth,
it matters not...we could lie, sit, or slouch,
the two of us...comfortably...in our own old couch.
It doesn't matter to me
where you had been
I'm begging......praying
no more empty gazes would occur
to part us............once more.
Sally
Copyright 2014
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
Apr 27, 2016
Apr 27, 2016 at 6:31 AM UTC
Never again,
will my lucky numbers be:
17, 23, 19, 21...
My stomach turns,
when I turn the volume to 27.
... So I lower it to 16.
3 letters that scare me,
5 weeks for a life to decay.
One deer smiling
the other solemn,
eyes glazed over.
I am within the stars.
Orion, but without his belt.
I count the stars,
one, two, three, four----
A bug buzzes in my ear...
And I come down falling,
like a shooting start.
But it's not a beautiful sight.
And the bug,
The bug had to of stung me----
Because it hurts.
My eyes are closed...
But I have to ***
I must make my legs leave.
Fast.
GO.
NOW!
AS FAST AS YOU CAN...
... just run?
I'm here...
The bug bite stings,
I want to sleep.
To dream,
A dream better than this!
But flash backs from the stars
Plague my mind-----.
I didn't dream...
I didn't dream a dream
better than this...
The bite is gone,
but it left a mark.
A mark the size of
a 7 to 8 year sentence.
And I used to love riding my bike.
But now...
I can't stand the sound it makes.
The seat.
The handle bars.
How at any moment,
The peddle could make you crash...
SCRAPPED, CRASHED, BURNED.
I'm safe...
'Not safe yet', Police say.
I hear chatter over their radios.
Why can't I tune everything out?
... Why lie,
But the truth was never any better.
And my eyes,
Why are they so dull and grey?
I could have sworn,
they were bright blue,
Like the sky...
But there's no color left.
3 letters that scared me...
3 letters that took away,
the color in my eyes...
Sep 2, 2015
Sep 2, 2015 at 11:47 AM UTC
She drew an s shape on my foot with a stick
I lay there, paralysed with fear,
thinking was this the subtle beginning
of a programme of torture.
Her white coat and stethoscope
glinting in the strip lighting.
She asked me if I knew where i was.
I lay there, frozen with fear,
not able to open my mouth.
I could read letters on her name badge
I read it as Dr Helliday
So that's where i was
I thought, that confirms it
along with her snake charming smile.
She tried to get me to drink
But I lay there stiff with fear,
not wanting to open my mouth
in case it was poison.
She placed a wet sponge on my lips
my eyes widening in terror.
Can you see how many fingers I'm holding up?
She said gently
I lay there tensed up with fear.
I thought it must be a trap
I couldn't open my mouth
and fall in.
I was seeing things around me
that pinned me to the bed with fear.
Patients pouring blood out of windows.
shadows of nurses in nooses.
I screamed inwardly.
But could not open my mouth
for fear had clamped it shut
Jul 30, 2014
Jul 30, 2014 at 7:41 PM UTC
Led by delusion in blinders,
Stilled by shackles on my hands and silenced with a ball gag.
This life is lived locked on the wrong side of the bullet proof glass.
Half truths are the only truth.
Every coin, every story, has only one side.
The path before, and for miles behind me, is filled with glass and burning coals.
My mind is free, but what point does it serve?
My auto biography is a lie, redacted by the masters of the universe.
This is my world.
This catatonic existence is self made.
Jun 1, 2014
Jun 1, 2014 at 3:19 PM UTC